There is Candy at the end of this post. But first there is Trouble.

On Saturday I smelled trouble. In our house I often smell trouble rather than hear it, because trouble is preternaturally quiet; in fact, the absence of the usual level of screaming is a good sign in itself that trouble is on the hoof.

I figured out the nature of Saturday’s trouble well before I entered the twins’ bedroom. A visual inspection confirmed the worst: they’d located a long-forgotten economy-sized tube of petroleum-based diaper rash salve, which they’d managed to squeeze and smear over various parts of the room and themselves. Two baby-shampoos of the girl-child’s hair failed to put a dent in the gunk, which is why I’ve been shampooing her long tresses in the backyard three times a day with Dawn dishwashing liquid while she stands there naked. Her hair is extremely well-conditioned right now. I am assuming the room will eventually absorb all the salve I couldn’t remove.

The twins are almost four, and they are Trouble. The boy-child of the pair (let’s call him Buckethead, which is, in fact, what we call him, among other things) generally confines his trouble to more limited collateral damage, content to hurl Barney videocassettes into the empty fireplace until they break, or toss his used cereal bowl into our farmhouse sink for the satisfying sound of crockery shattering.

The girl-child (let’s call her Hecate) is more of a visionary. She prefers her trouble Installation-Style – the sort of Trouble that takes creativity, planning, and effort to execute, and leaves a lasting impression, like Christo and his miles of fabric. She was the force behind the Sharpie Fiasco, Water Damage On The Ceiling (I and II), and the Toothpaste Debacle. She hears the siren call of Trouble and answers, which is why visitors to our house can’t lay their hands easily on staples like pens, liquid soap, scissors, tape, and (for awhile) toilet paper.

Their two greatest Trouble Achievements are easily recollected – indeed, I will probably never forget them. The first was the nap-time installation of Poopfest (they were still in diapers,) the horrifying details of which I will leave to your imagination. The second was another nap-time installation I will call Rash-Salve I, which involved an industrial-size tub of Balmex, a jumbo bottle of baby powder, and every reachable surface in their room and on their persons. I was so stunned by the sheer magnitude of the mess that I beat a hasty retreat and called my sister-in-law to talk me down before I Went Back In. That marked the official end of naptime.

I have two older girls, who at the twins’ age were the sort of friendly, compliant children who allowed me to sneer at folks whose kids were pitching tantrums in Wal-Mart or being escorted around on leashes, which I viewed as borderline child abuse. The Twins and their Trouble have given me the gift of a complete re-evaluation of my assumptions about parenting, along with a higher degree of tolerance for chaos, plans gone awry, and human foibles. It has taken me almost 40 years to relinquish my control-freak persona and accept the bumper-sticker truism that Shit Happens, in my house on a daily basis.

So I am crossing the days off on my calendar until the twins start pre-school in the fall. I have carefully selected a nurturing, stimulating environment staffed by seasoned educators who’ve seen enough rough road to be prepared for Hecate and Buckethead. These women have eyes in the backs of their heads, and the perimeter seems secure, which is more than I can say for our house. In fact, Shit is Happening right now. In the time it’s taken me to write this the twins have dumped all their books on the floor, scribbled on the wall with a contraband crayon (probably smuggled illicitly in a Pull-Up) and tugged all the potty wipes out of the container, just for grins. They are outside, rearranging the landscaping, and I suppose I will get a cup of coffee and go join them.

Now, the Candy:

Dorissima Goldmund – tonka beans, vanilla, iris root, rose, powdery carnation, benzoin, sandalwood, soft musk, balsam notes, Peru balsam, allspice. Ina, I am really trying with this one. I know, everyone is wild for this, and I went back and re-read your post and Marlen’s review on Now Smell This, and all I am thinking is, skin chemistry? It is difficult to believe this is what you and Marlen are raving about as a comfort scent and/or infatuating. I think it’s the combination of iris and tonka (or maybe just the benzoin?) doing something very mercurochrome-ish on me. It is medicinal to the point of smelling like an antibacterial agent, and nothing else. How sad is that?

Divine by Divine. This one is breaking my heart. Notes: peach, coriander, gardenia, Indian tuberose, May rose, oak moss, musk, vanilla, spice. Not a timid fragrance, with the gardenia/tuberose sillage ranking somewhere between Fracas and Carnal Flower. The peach is there but not overt, and there’s a wicked sashay of animalic skank running around naked in the middle, although it gets dressed and leaves during the drydown. With those top notes you’d think it would be insanely cloying, but that oakmoss base holds it together. Ina, I Kneel At Your Feet. Logic says this white-floral bomb should fall outside my general parameters of adoration, but adore it I must. You know what I want to layer this with? DK Wenge. Or Montale Jasmin Full. Do you think my arm would run off, looking for a more exciting life? Only complaint: on a scale of 1 to 10 in the Fragrance Olympics, the first five minutes of this are a perfect 10. But then it amps itself down to maybe an 8.5 and I’m disappointed. Which seems so unfair and churlish of me, given the opening; I really need to try this in an atomizer, in cooler weather.

Parfumerie Generale Ilang Ivohibe — Pierre, mon ami, my French is pretty much nonexistent. I am perpetually mixing up words like eau and au. But this is far, far worse. I have to study the label like it’s Sanskrit. But I forgive you and give you, mwah! mwah! the cheeky French kiss, because your fragrances are so unlike anything else I have ever smelled. No, I do not love them all. But I do love Ilang Ivohibe, in spite of its name. Madagascan ylang-ylang, Californian orange and Egyptian jasmine. Here, let me post the translation from www.ausliebezumduft.de: “Parfumerie of generals - Ilang Ivohibe EDT is a florale smell creation with a Zitrusakkord. Romantically, feminine and exotically fruchtig. White blooms form the heart note and with a vanilla note on the basis are softly fitted with springs.â€? I’m not so sure about the exotic fruchtig, getting mostly zitrusakkord and the strange green clang of ylang, sans the fitted springs. I think the reviews have been meh on this, but I am smitten – it’s not anywhere as sweet as you’d think, given the notes – much greener and denser, and a little peculiar, in a very good PG way.

PG Grand Siecle – this is a classic cologne, and there is nothing unconventional about it, so if that holds no appeal, don’t bother. For those of us who love classic cologne, however – from 4711 to Guerlain du Coq – another option is always welcome. Lovely as it is, for the money (I assume it’s priced the same as the rest of the PG line) I’d pick something else. So far, what I’d pick would probably be Iris Taizo, Ilang, or …

PG Hyperessence Matale. Citrus, jasmine, black Matale tea, cedar leaves, musk, pepper. Everyone else loved the Harmatan Noir, which smells like sweet, soapy hell on me. This, on the other hand, is a glorious woody tea – with the faint smoky-tarry note I love so much in lapsang. The really cool part is that it pings back and forth between that somewhat peppery, very fine-smelling lapsang and something like Dior Cologne Blanche holding a chainsaw. The Matale refers to tea rather than metal, but I’m sorry, I smell what I smell – it has a sharp edge that reminds me in the best possible way of that compelling wet-metal-fence note in En Passant. I get essentially no jasmine, which is fine, because the rest of it is so captivating.

A note here: Having smelled most of the second chapter of PG fragrances, I am joining Patty’s Impressed as All Hell club regarding the Parfumerie Generale line. Even the ones I don’t like are very interesting. In my own personal, eccentric mental filing system I have placed them somewhere between L’Artisan and Serge Lutens. They are richer, more complex, and stronger than L’Artisan (and I mean no disrespect to L’Artisan, which contains some of my favorite scents.) They are not quite so dense as, and less challenging than, Serge Lutens (and I mean no disrespect to SL, either.) To me they combine L’Artisan’s overall accessibility with Serge Lutens’ excellent lasting power, and that is no small feat.

image: Hecate in her favorite hat. Look at her. Isn’t she adorable? Cute as a button! Do you know what she is thinking? She is thinking, tonight I’m going to get up at 3:47 a.m., turn on the overhead light and wake my brother up by singing the ABC song really LOUD until mommy staggers down the hall and tells me to knock it off…

I have this post all ready to go, but — okay, has anyone noticed the nose-picking dude on the right frame area of our blog? The Decant City ad? I keep trying to decide if it’s some sort of elaborate practical joke. If the senior-level management of this highly regarded blog weren’t in the Outer Banks right now, doing Jell-O shots off her husband’s belly and blowing off her emails, I’d consult her. Check it out — you can buy a decant of Chupa Chups. And a whole ton of other bizarre stuff. What do you think? Real? Or some sort of post-ironic joke I’m too dumb to get? Check out the description of Delirivm — I mean, that has to be a joke, right? Right? No, seriously, what do you think? Also that image is starting to freak me out a little, along with the yellow snow quote.

Anyway, the mantle of Trashy Friday has fallen on me, and I don’t watch TV. Well, I watch a little. I’m pretty up to date on all the episodes of Bob the Builder and Higglytown Heroes. And I can offer you a link to the excellent Boohbah interactive — make them dance! They change colors! You can play weird, pointless games with them … hey, do you think this show’s creators spent a little too much time going to raves?

… but I digress. You know how you’re googling around, looking for that particular picture of Kevin Federline that gives you those delicious heebie-jeebies, and you click through some blog you’ve never seen before, and then you click on a link to another blog, and then you’re reading something really funny and/or weird, and you can’t even remember how you got there?

No?

Well, first there’s that picture of K-Fed. Here it is.

I have to google it periodically and look at it, for no good reason, really, other than my own freaky amusement. (And now you’re looking at it! Hah hah! Eyeworm! You’re infected!) I mean … what is that? Is it the braids? The shades? The overall Skeeve Factor that’s probably burning a hole in your retinas right now? I just Cannot. Get. Enough. Of that picture. I want to give Britney a hug and say, hon, look at you — you’re, what, 22?! You can pop that new baby out and get your cute figure back in nothing flat! So do yourself a big ol’ favor and Call Your Lawyers. Don’t worry, you and Pimp Daddy can work something out, just get out the checkbook. I bet he already has a number in mind. Just, please, for the love of all that’s good and holy, change the locks and stop having sex with that loser! That K-Fed photo is like looking at a train wreck.

Or Jerusalem crickets. Lord, I love those crickets! They look like big-eyed, bald-headed, hand-sized flesh-eating alien babies, only uglier! I remember the day Number One Daughter, still a toddler, brought me one of those babies cradled in the plastic shovel, straight from her sandbox, and showed it to me proudly — look, mommy, one of Satan’s Minions! Of course, I was still heavy into my cool-Santa-Fe-earth-mommy phase, so I said something like, wow! That’s really interesting! Meanwhile I’m thinking, oh … my … God — getthatthingawaaaaaaaaayyyyfrommerightNOW! I dropped Satan’s baby into a baggie (it was dead) and took it to the local ag extension office, where they ID’d it for me. The locals called them Children of the Earth (in Spanish), which sounds so much more mellifluous than what I was calling them…

But I digress. Again. Here’s a link to a post about tearing up those credit card applications that I’m going to share it with you. I guess I found it particularly interesting because we get, like, five of these a day – enough so that all three girls have toy wallets full of those fake Platinum Cards. After I read this we went out and bought a shredder.

Anyway, happy Friday! Remember, don’t touch the crickets! They bite! Oh, the winner of L’Artisan is Carol; I’ll grab your email address from the dashboard and contact you for your address, since Patty’s out of town…

 

 I’m not really writing this on vacation, I’m writing this before I leave.  Did I fool you? 

This is one of those vacations with a bunch of other friends. We rented a huge mansion-type house with six or seven bedrooms, a swimming pool, game room, and 100 yards from the ocean.  Since we did this the first time a few years back, it has become our summer vacation staple.  Nothing is better than spending seven days with sun/water/friends/booze, not necessarily in that order.  I highly recommend it.

While I was packing for vacation and picking out my scents to take with, I wondered, if I were granted two perfumes in the whole world that I could protect forever and make sure it was always available, never subject to discontinuation, which two would it be?  What I decided is it wouldn’t necessarily be my two favorite perfumes, but two that I thought should always be in this world to sniff.

Do I have an answer yet? No, I don’t, but I’m going to contemplate that on the beach with a rum punch in my hand and a good book, and I’ll have an answer when I come back. Which two perfumes do you think should always be in this world and never discontinued?

For those of you who’ve been following along, recently (in a fit of madness) I constructed for Marina of Perfume-Smellin’ Things three samples of her potential Holy Grail fragrance, with varying degrees of success. Marina has since invited me to propose my own Holy Grail, for her construction. While I do not have the poetry of Marina or Katie, I am going to take her up on her offer.

Today’s post is devoted to her assignment, followed by a dip into the Candy box and a giveaway.

What I am looking for is something I will call The Golden Pearl. Mitsouko is a pearl to me – it is luminous, it is haunting. But it is a baroque pearl – it is not something I wear easily, or often, as much as I love it. Guerlain’s Plus Que Jamais is a different pearl – ladylike on me, but not anywhere near enough of whatever it is I’m looking for. The two scents that probably come closest in terms of golden luminosity are Hermes’ 24, Faubourg and Jil Sander No. 4. But Faubourg, a supremely elegant scent, lacks the comfort and warmth I am looking for. Jil Sander I am completely in love with but, while it has the comfort and warmth, it is missing the depth and resonance of The Golden Pearl. My recent discovery, Houbigant Apercu, is perfect on its own, but it is too much itself, and not enough me, to be the Golden Pearl.

I have a little bottle of Frankincense essential oil. I am not a big layer-er of fragrances, but occasionally I try dabbing on a drop or two of that oil with one of my florientals, looking for that incense-y base. I am looking for a warm incense, that resinous quality, rather than, say, the cold austerity of Armani’s Bois d’Encens. But all I wind up with is X plus the frankincense, which is always too much. In winter I wear Diptyque’s profoundly strange and incense-y L’Eau Trois, which has the warmth I am looking for, but none of the floral aspect. I have also layered Ines de la Fressange’s signature fragrance with Passage d’Enfer with some success. But it is too sweet and summery and delicate to be The Golden Pearl.

So. I guess I am looking for a rotund floriental with a stronger, more interesting base? Incense. Some skank, possibly. Perhaps leather. Perhaps (I quake writing this) even some amber, which in large doses nauseates me the way big blasts of vanilla make me queasy, but I see amber in a small dose as perhaps complementing the resinous quality of incense.

I am not looking for a gourmand note. No coffee, chocolate, vanilla (please, no vanilla!) And I would like it to be wearable – on the Fragrance Challenge index, if Mitsouko is a 10, and Jil Sander No. 4 is a 5, then I’m looking for a 7. I want it to be alluring but not so strange. Dark, but not so fickle. Rich, but not cloying.

Okay, Marina. That’s the best I can do. Let me know if you have any questions.

Moving on to the Candy:

Yatagan by Caron: notes are Lavender, Wormwood, Petitgrain, Artemisia, Geranium, Pine Needles, Vetiver, Patchouli, Leather, Castoreum, Styrax (basenotes.net) Bloglifting directly from Colombina the Terrible’s excellent review: “Named after a Turkish saber with a curved blade, Yatagan smells of grass, moss, earth, leather and hot, hungry, cruel bodies.� Ha! I, March the Maleficent, decree: “Bring me my whip and cower before me, sultry peasant boys! Tonight we ride for the far hills, where the drinking of fermented beverages and carousing will commence!� Shortly after putting this on I ran upstairs and pounced on the Big Cheese. What you do after smelling it is your lookout, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Colombina, how can I repay you for this one?

… where was I? Oh, yeah. Candy. How about … this one? Paestum Rose by Eau d’Italie. I am not a lover of rose soliflores, preferring that they share the stage with some other note, like Rosine’s sea-salt Ecume. Here, cribbing from Aedes: “The silky petals of rose are touched with the sweetness of myrrh and the resinous warmth of black pepper, while the transparent floral nuances of osmanthus and peony contrast with the sensual darkness of cedar and wenge woods…â€? I can’t see how I’m going to top that, so I’ll just add that on me it’s a dark rose, spicy rather than sweet (the pepper, probably), balanced beautifully by the warm, resinous smell of myrrh and wenge. The drydown is particularly lovely. If you love rose scents, you should try this. If you don’t love rose scents, you should try this. Here’s another review over on Aromascope, after which you may be making an unsniffed purchase.

YSL Nu – created by Tom Ford, 2001. Clearly I had better get my act together and smell every thing Basenotes lists under YSL, because I keep falling for their more obscure gems like Yvresse, Vice Versa and now this. Notes: bergamot, white orchid, black pepper, incense, woody notes, spicy notes, vetiver (basenotes.net) It’s gorgeous – the sharp, sweet ping of the orchid in the opening, followed by the perfect balance of woods, spice and incense, with the floral playing a very minor role after 10 minutes – a man could wear this easily. All you incense addicts – smell this.

Today’s sample giveaway: L’Artisan! They’re reproducing in a dark corner of the candy box. No, I don’t know which fragrances, but they’re L’Artisan, so there’s not a dud in the bunch. If you want some new, carded samples, leave a comment below saying so and I’ll do a drawing.

A note on the painting: Gustav Klimt’s sublime Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer, the center of a long legal fight between the Austrian government and her heirs, from whom the painting had been stolen by the Nazis. The heirs won the court battle, and the painting was sold in June for $183 million, the highest recorded price ever paid for a painting. It was bought by cosmetics king Robert Lauder, and if we’re very, very lucky, it will hang in Lauder’s Neue Galerie in Manhattan. image: abc.net

Makeup counters can be scary places.  Full of products without visible price tags.  Lots of colors, each one in matte, gloss, shine. You look at your face and don’t know where to start, what looks good.

Tentatively you approach one of the immacutely made-up ladies behind the counter to get advice and help.  She asks you if you have a minute for her to do your face. You look at your watch, think what the hell, and say yes.  Before you know it, she has you sat down in a chair and is working her magic on your face, asking you some questions. You protest a couple of the colors because you know they don’t look good on you, but she forges ahead.  15 minutes later, she beams smugly, says you look just gorgeous, gives you a mirror and says, “What do you think?”

You look like Bozo the Hooker. 

 

 

 

Not wanting to hurt her feelings, you buy a few of the recommended products, take them home, trying to assure yourself that you can apply them better so it will be okay… really.  Off you go one morning with your new foundation, look in the rearview mirror on your way to work (the only good testing place for eyebrow pluckage prowess and foundation matching) and see the need to call in a helicoptor rescue squad to save your face from visible foundation line.  You promptly throw the whole kit and kaboodle in your drawer when you get home and never wear them again. I’ve been there many times. Years ago, I used to be shy and got bossed around by salespeople. It’s not certain when that changed, but over the last two decades, I’ve become known as ”The Bitch.”  My friends and family ask me to make phone calls for them to obstinate businesses who aren’t playing fair with them. The key phrase in dealing with difficult people is “Listen, this is what I need you to do.” Use that whenever that salesperson is getting pushy with you, it is a big ole Stop Sign and reverses the pushing process. Needless to say, my experiences at the makeup counters are all positive now because I do not put up with crap products being pushed on me. It’s my money, I worked hard for it, and I’m willing to part with large chunks of it for the right thing, but I won’t spend a dime on something that won’t work for me. One well-placed scowl at the SA when she is pushing product, followed by a gracious smile when she reverses course and asks you what you’re thinking might work, usually does the trick.  Never be afraid to just walk away. It’s hard to do the first time, but gets easier with practice.  The makeup Counter is not a place where you want to practice seeing through a glass darkly.

 

 How do you become a Product Girl at the makeup counter?  I’m going to do a series of makeup tips in different areas to help those who are a little skeered by those ladies behind the counter so you can get what you want or at least know what to ask for.   

 How do you become a Product Girl at the makeup counter?  I’m going to do a series of makeup tips in different areas to help those who are a little skeered by those ladies behind the counter so you can get what you want or at least know what to ask for.   

We’ll start with the Rules for Buying Foundation:

• Don’t try and save money here. You can get the cheap eyeshadows and eyeliners and other things, but foundation is the one thing that needs to be right, if you’re going to bother wearing it.  The difference in quality between a $10 foundation and a $45 foundation is huge, and $35 is just not a big deal in the big scheme of things.  I have heard the claim they are the same, and, I’m sorry, but I’ve slapped on the Cover Girl and then put on my favorite obscenely expensive foundation, and there is no comparison — one looks cheap and tacky on me (not saying people with great skin can’t pull off any foundation, but they probably are young or really don’t need foundation to begin with so anything looks good), and the other makes my aging skin glow.  There are some great foundations out there, my favorite is the Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk foundation. You can never go wrong with this one, it sticks to you and comes in great shades that melt into your face and give a pretty glow to any skin. Cle de peau and Chanel make great foundations too. There are other good ones in several lines, these are just the ones I am most familiar with, having tried probably 50 foundations over the last ten years and settled on  the GA as the best I’ve tried.
• Use a foundation brush (Giorgio Armani has a great one, as does Prescriptives).  There is a big difference in how your foundation looks with the proper application. Get two brushes and wash them after each use. Tip — eBay has the Armani foundation brush for cheap, and I’m fairly certain they are fakes, but they are great fakes and work as well as the geniune article.
• Get a sample of the foundation to take home and try in a couple of shades. Do not EVER buy right there in the store. If they don’t have a sample or claim they can’t make one up, go to the next counter. The lighting at department store counters is crappy, and you have to do the rearview mirror test before you buy. This will tell you if your foundation matches or not.  Pluck your eyebrows while you’re checking the foundation. I may be the only person in the world that has my trusty Tweezermans in the glove box in the car.
• If you tan in the summer, change your foundation color to a shade or two darker or switch to just a tinted lotion or tinted primer during the summer months.  Just please don’t go out with a lighter face than your body…. yuk!!!!
• Apply a moisturizer first, then a foundation primer.  Smashbox primer and La Prairie Cellular Treatment Rose Illusion are both good.  Primers get your face ready for foundation and keep it from flaking.
• Don’t let an SA or MA bully you into buying anything just on her opinion. You’re the one that has to wear this, and it’s your hard-earned money.
• If you have beautifuly, glowy, even skin, um… what are you reading this for?  Please don’t muck up great skin with foundation.  Foundation is for us with imperfect skin. 

It must be time for a Scent Bender. Sariah, who lives in the area and comments on the blog, met me at the Tysons Galleria for some sniffage on Thursday night. (WARNING: ADULT CONTENT. OBSCENE AMOUNTS OF FRAGRANCE CONSUMPTION.)

Saks has been greatly improved by consigning all the fragrances to one corner of the store (probably with hidden cameras to keep you from stealing.) This worked out wonderfully, since they basically left us alone – or maybe we just looked a little crazy. Anyway, I did my duty to Patty by testing all three strengths of Cartier’s Baiser du Dragon (is that friendship or what?) I am able to report that the EDT is a pale shadow of the EDP – sharper, greener, and much, much lighter. The parfum is stunning – on me there is a pronounced animalic note that I adore, and the woody aspect is also stronger. The EDP, which is the only one I’d smelled before, is the true Dragon’s Breath – I find it both fascinating and essentially unwearable. So I’m sending her some. Let’s see what she thinks. Sariah and I agreed that the Cartier Delices parfum is really an excellent tart cherry, not too fruity, and we’d wear it if someone gave it to us. But we wouldn’t buy it. Also, in other Breaking Duh News, I noticed that they carried Annick Goutal in both EDT and EDP. All you fellow Petite Cherie fans (all 11 of you): the EDP is considerably stronger than my EDT but smells the same to me, which isn’t always the case. So if you’re looking for something beyond 20 minutes of lasting power, maybe it’s for you. Sariah was visibly repulsed by the Missoni, winning points from me. Also, I really need to buy some Hermes Equipage for this fall.

At NM we had to fight off the SAs a bit more vigorously, but it was late and they were tired, plus we smelled really weird. I am happy to report that Angel for Men is not half bad – the original femme makes me retch, but there’s enough … something (patchouli? tonka?) in the Homme that it replaces the cloying aspect of Angel with something kinda sexy. We were also thrilled to sample Truly, which we were assured is a NM exclusive and veeeeery special because it contains no alcohol. And I think Sariah would agree with me that it was truly the worst thing we smelled that evening – a mildly repulsive, green, mushy thing, hint of mildew, lime peel, distant skunk. All you Beach Fragrance lovers – stop off at the Nars makeup counter nearest you and smell the Monoi oil – it is gorgeous, a rich, buttery floral. From the Sephora website: “Native to the South Pacific and France, Monoi de Tahiti oil is the result of macerating the native tiare flower (Tahitian gardenia) in refined coconut extract for at least ten days, slowly infusing the oil with nutrients as well as a delicate, natural fragrance. Each bottle of Nars Monoi Body Glow II retains an original tiare flower to capture the essence of this unique process.â€? C’mon, how great does that sound? We also stopped off for a sniff of the Donna Karan Wenge, which gets better every time I smell it, and her Jasmine, which I like because it’s just a little skanky… Finally, we dabbled in the giant Dior colognes — the Eau Noire is such a great smell, and we decided (this was weird) that there is a definite resemblance to the middle part of the SL Chypre Rouge drydown. You heard it here first.

We did some damage at Art With Flowers, which is the ultimate destination of any trip to Tysons. Art With Flowers carries the niche product locally, and Bill and Neela are so obliging, to the point that not only will they play with us for hours, they’ll lend skin so we can smell even more things. I’d brought along my little vial of Chypre Rouge for Bill and Neela to try, and they thought it was very interesting, as did Sariah, although after she sniffed the vial she declined to put any on… but we played with the Rosines. She does not share my love for Ecume – the salty rose, it is not working for her, although she was charmed by their Zeste de Rose. I revisited their Rose d’Homme, which smells very Guerlain-ish to me and thus is FBW in the fall – it’s a bit much in this heat. I found two Miller Harris fragrances to love (the Miller Harris line has, up to this point, pretty much left me cold): Feuilles de Tabac, a men’s tobacco scent that is quite unisexy, although it has a faint, unfortunate soapy note on me; and the Fleur Oriental, which is just my thing, and probably your thing too if you like musky florientals — another purchase for the fall. I re-tried, for the umpteenth time, Apothia Velvet Rope, hoping it would not smell like the usual crap on me – and it didn’t! It smelled … well, very nice. But not great, like it does on Bill. Oh, well. Then we got busy and played with L’Artisan. Sariah tried my beloved Passage d’Enfer, and our new friendship was on shaky ground when she pronounced it … liver-ish (it did smell a bit odd on her, I admit.) But she redeemed herself entirely by trying and purchasing my adored Tea for Two, which she was just wild for. So obviously she has great taste. I revisited Piment Brulant and Poivre Piquant, which are really interesting, and actually quite wearable, although I am having trouble visualizing myself wearing them. (Bill says their best sellers are Mure et Musc and Eau d’Ambre.) I also (sssshhhhh – don’t tell!) bought Patty one of their last two bottles of Fleur de Carotte, which is just adorably packaged with this weird carrot top, and also comes with a little empty atomizer to decant into, which I promptly swiped and filled for myself, but I bet she’ll forgive me. It’s a big, honking bottle, so I won’t be surprised if it shows up in her eBay decants on Fragrant Fripperies. We pretty much skipped the SLs, which we just couldn’t face in the heat, although Sariah was fascinated/horrified by Miel de Bois and kept her paper strip just so she could keep giving herself the shivers. We dabbled a bit in the Carthusia (Sariah liked Mediterraneo) and the Santa Maria Novella. They stock the Citta di Kyoto, which I love for cooler weather, and is a pretty radical departure from most of the rest of their line. We left with our purchases and two gift bags stuffed with samples. So I’d say it was a complete success. By the way, they’re happy to ship. Tell them March from that ol’ Posse blog sent you and ask them to throw in some extra samples — their phone number is 703-903-6837. They’re open until 9 p.m. Eastern Time.

Okay, let me explain the image at the top: I googled “scent bender” under images just to see what would pop up. And there it is. I have no idea what it is, or why it is, but how could I resist?

image: http://tn3-2.deviantart.com

Malan’s auffing this week just broke my heart on Project Runway this week.  Yeah, he designed a dress that really didn’t work.  Even Miss USA can’t pull off a ruched bodice.  Nicole Richie can’t pull off a ruched bodice. Someone with a sucking chest wound can’t pull of a ruched bodice.  What the hell was he thinking?  Were the instructions unclear? Nope.  Miss USA specifically told him she wanted to minimize  her bustline. Ruched?  Setting a neon sign on her shoulder pointing to her chest with the flashing word BOOBIES would have been less obvious.  What really makes me mad, though, is I have been robbed of some of the best potential entertainment this season was going to offer – from his accent to his post-Grandpa Munster look — he was a giggling treasure trove of Malan’isms. Instead he gets sent home, sad eyed and lonely (if you saw his goodbye message, it would make you weep), and we now have to put up with the whining horror show named Angela. Gak, she should have gone home.

Malan should have known, when TimGunn 2.0 uttered “It’s looking kind of heavy, like a big log” that he was on the wroooong track.

Best exchange of the night, from the winners,  Kayne and Robert. Kayne:  “We bought 4 million gross of rhinestones. We will put them on until our fingernails bleed.” Robert: “She’s a beauty queen, not a disco ball.”  Love ya, mean it!

The winning dress was stunning.  This picture doesn’t do it justice. Go to the Project Runway website and see for yourself in more clear pictures. Better yet, WATCH THE SERIES!!!  Criminy, this is television at its most entertaining and every girl worthy of the name should be watching it.  The fashion, the cat fights, the blaming, the tears.

Leaving for vacation tomorrow for a week, and I am now contemplating the fragrances I should take. It is a week on the beach in North Carolina.  Right now I am contemplating taking Bond Fire Island, Osmanthe Yunnan, PG Jardins de Kerylos, Eva and Yuzu Rouge.

Anything else y’all think I should be taking?  You’ve got the rest of the day to convince me to take something else!

 

Notes of bitter almond, neroli orange, gardenia, iris, cedar, musk, vetiver, patchouli, and benzoin. Cartier’s Le Baiser Du Dragon goes on sharp and bitter, makes me pull back from its bite when it goes on. It’s an oriental, but there is a creaminess shortly after the open that’s not very orientalish, and it is more bitter than sweet.   

I’m trying the parfum version, and I’m not sure how different it is from the EDT.  I get why they call this the Kiss of the Dragon.  That sharp musky almond bite at the beginning is pretty tough to take, what a kiss of a dragon I imagine would be like — not exactly pleasant, foreign, a little repulsive.  This perfume is really gorgeous in its drydown, creamy vetiver, just a hint of patchouli, and the floral notes give it a touch of sweetness. 

I’ve read several reviews of this, and this one seems to be one that works on you or doesn’t. I’m glad it works on me, but i can see how the musty patchouli  and vetiver could take over if the other notes got eaten up and be a badly behaved, smelly dragon.   My only complaint is it doesn’t seem to be as pungent as all the reviews say it is.  I have this bad feeling that I’m just not smelling it, that the dragon is curled around my neck breathing lightly.  Once I go out, the little dickens will just blast everything in its path, and I’ll be left to deal with the “No Perceptible Perfume in Public” folks.

 Evil dragon.

I spend, on average, 30 hours a week doing glorified secretarial and bookkeeping work for our family company. It is boring. I am not In Touch With My Inner Genius doing my job (that’s what the blog is for!) The best things about my job are: 1) no commute in this absurd D.C. traffic, which would probably leave me dead from sheer misery behind the wheel of my minivan; and 2) it allows me to avoid getting a real job, leaving me more time for things like reading books, museum-going, sniffing decants, and playing with my kids. But until a few years ago I had a series of real jobs, and I understand that, no matter how much you love them, they are at their base a way to make money to survive. I have nothing but respect for workers toiling all day to survive, from sweeping the floor at McDonald’s on up.

Having said that, what is the problem with the Department Store Fragrance Counter Ladies? I have never done it, and maybe it just sucks. I am assuming their insane aggression is because they are commission-based, but what do I know? Maybe department stores only hire crazy people to work in the fragrance department. Maybe spraying people all day with Calvin Klein Euphoria makes you crazy. But it drives me crazy to be accosted so relentlessly by SAs who know nothing –nothing — about the product they’re selling, and don’t seem to care. It’s like … going to the wine store for a recommendation and being waited on by someone who only drinks tea. Three different SAs in three different stores last week were insisting I try the “new” Christian Dior — Miss Dior Cherie — which was released a year ago and thus isn’t really new anymore, is it? I mean, it’s new compared to, say, the original Miss Dior. Or Poison. Is Christian Dior offering some huge sales incentive? A couple of months ago they were flogging Boucheron Trouble. No wonder so many women — and men — avoid buying fragrance like the plague. It’s not the fragrance that gives you the headache. It’s the process.

Why can’t I buy Houbigant Apercu at the department store? I was lucky enough to have a sample fall into my hands recently (thanks, Pam) and I am still playing with it, like a wonderful new toy. My only regret is that it’s been around since 1925 (although re-released, based on the “lost” original formula, in 2000) and I’m just discovering it. Notes are: Bergamot, Neroli, Jasmine, Tuberose, Lemon, Green Leaf, Bois De Rose, Geranium, Cinnamon Bark Oil, Ylang-ylang, Vetiver, Sandalwood, Oakmoss, Patchouli, Clove, Cassis.

Apercu is everything a fragrance should be, and nothing that it shouldn’t. It is vaguely reminiscent of Guerlain Mitsouko in its ebullient complexity, but it isn’t anywhere near as strange. If you have been trying, and failing, to work up much enthusiasm for Mitsouko, but you think you might like the genre, give this a go. Of course, you’ll have to find it online, because at your local store all they’ll have is Calvin Klein, Trouble and Miss Dior Cherie (they are sold out of Estee Lauder Azuree. Don’t even ask.)

Apercu is a fragrance for a woman, not a little girl. It is a scent that demands that you rise up to it, embrace it, adore it. There is nothing tentative about it, and yet it is absent any French-farce blasts of cumin or camphor, or trendy marine accents, or anything that would detract from its luminous, transcendent beauty. It is perfection, and it knows it. It changes shape, constantly, to enthrall you. It has the velvet skin of Apres L’Ondee, the ripeness of Guerlain, the assertiveness of Patou… then back to the delicate whisper of the velvet skin, stroking you. Are you listening? Do you speak its language? It says, I am beautiful, I am beautiful, over and over. P, have you tried this? Cait, my lovely Nez, this would suit you right down to the ground.

Why is every woman on earth not wearing this fragrance instead of Calvin Klein Euphoria? More to the point, why are so many of the classics I love so out of style? My father assures me that I can feel nostalgia for a time and place that I have not actually lived through. I want to walk the streets of Paris and New York in the 1920s. I want to sit next to Dorothy Parker, who apparently wafted such a sillage of Coty Chypre that the smell lingered for hours after she’d left. What an era — an era of Dangerous Perfumes. Did the women who wore Chypre choose it as a rebellion against their mothers’ delicate Victorian lavender waters? Did they think it was sexy? Did the men think it was sexy, if they thought of it at all? When the first woman bought the first bottle of Mitsouko, what was she thinking? Did she buy it because it was different and strange and new? Or because she thought she couldn’t live for another minute without it?

I want to smell the original Cotys, all the ones long gone. I want to smell the old Diors, and the non-reformulated and discontinued Guerlains. I don’t want to smell the vintage bottles; I want to time-travel back and smell them new. I am aching, aching to travel to those eras when women wore in-your-face fragrances like Ma Griffe, My Sin, Djedi, Vent Vert, Bandit, Jolie Madame… I want to smell them all, and then sit in a corner of a quiet cafe in the 6^th arrondissement in Paris, over a coffee, contemplating their strange, powerful beauty.

Yes, there are wonderful scents today, and I love them, but they are not of that time and place. Fragrances are so much a reflection of their era; think of assertive Charlie, which smells like 1970s Sisters-Doing-It-For-Themselves empowerment. Perhaps we can’t go back. We can only go forward. But when I survey the vast sea of new releases that the average woman is going to run across, because she’s not going to look a lot further than the local Dillards, I want to weep.

Here’s a link to Now Smell This for another review of Apercu. (Robin, if you read this — I came up with the Mitsouko association before finding your review!)

image of Cafe de Flore: www.nottingham.ac.uk

 

I was lucky enough to get some of Serge Luten’s latest release, Chypre Rouge, recently, and I had looked so forward to trying this, and the resulting… well, I won’t spoil the ending. 

Mr. Hyde (aka Patty) – My review will be very limited, and you’ll see why in a jiff, and then I’ll hand it off to March. When it first went on, it smelled of sandalwood and moss and something red, though I’m not sure what the note is, just a bitterish red, and it seemed very promising and intriguing, like a great first date.  As it dried down, I got cedar with the sandalwood, then it turned on me with a feral viciousness. It was like Le Labo Vetiver and Serge Lutens Miel du Bois met and had a torrid love affair gone bad and left me with the mess – it just smells of desperation and bitter, bitter regret, and really rotten B.O. There’s defintely some kind of honey-ish note in this, the very one I despise, and a note that turns bad on my skin.  So I’m positive it’s just a reaction on me and has nothing to do with the perfume itself.

So those of you that love Le Labo Vetiver and Hermessence Ambre Narguile and Iris Taizo, take heart, this is bound to be one you will swoon for. As for me, I’m getting rid of the rest of it as soon as I can.  Sending some to… March…

I posted recently on my efforts to construct three fragrance samples for Marina of Perfume-Smellin’ Things to test as her Holy Grail fragrance, while we wait for Clement Gavarry to work his magic and come up with the real deal on Made By Blog. Marina’s review of my efforts appears today on her blog, and I prepared this post last night, so I am as excited as anyone to see her reaction. Here is my Big Reveal, exploring the details of my foolish and amateurish, but nonetheless valiant, efforts. Be sure to click over to her blog (I have added a link at the end of my post) for her ridicule response.

As I sat down to consider how I might construct Marina’s Holy Grail, I drew on my store of knowledge about the art of creating a fragrance (zilch, basically) and came up with a plan. She is looking for something I described as a “wearable MKKâ€? – something with Serge Lutens Muscs Koublai Khan’s weight and depth (or skank), but with something that I picture in my head as a more rounded, golden aspect – something that would make it more romantic, and more personal, more … beloved, without losing too much of MKK’s dirtiness. She said she wanted the Skank Level to be an 8.5 or 9, with MKK being a 10 on the scale. Like Clement, I would be constructing a fragrance to please someone else rather than myself — and, to be completely honest, Marina’s ideal Holy Grail will probably be outside the parameters of something I would find enjoyable — it’s just too dirty, in the musk/animalic direction. But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy myself trying to create it for her.

I decided right off the bat I wouldn’t use MKK (or Borneo) as the base, because in my twisted ethos, that would be cheating. Continuing in my approach: First, I would select the three bases – the dirtiest, funkiest scents I had sitting around. Then, on each base I would test three or four of my most floriental, ornate, or otherwise over-the-top fragrances. Finally, if the best of those still seemed to be lacking … something, I would throw in some leather and/or some incense, because there is no such thing as Too Much Leather (or Incense) in a Holy Grail.

Sample A – I started with Le Labo Vetiver 46, probably the most armpitty thing I own. I love it, don’t ask me why. Yes, I hate vetiver, and this one is completely outside my normal fragrance range. Yet, I bow to its will. I constructed Sample A while home alone, because the Big Cheese has declared Vetiver 46 a banned substance. So. Rock, Paper, Scissors. The first thing I learned is that Vetiver 46 will eat almost anything else, except Mitsouko, which ate the Vetiver, if you can imagine. It was clear I’d need to up the ratio of the top scent. I tried Jil Sander (gone), Cartier Baiser du Dragon (don’t ask), some other things. The winner was … Hermes 24, Faubourg! But it still didn’t seem quite butch enough, so I added some Demeter Russian Leather, because, hey, why not? Et voila, Sample A.

Sample B – I selected a base of Parfum d’Empire Ambre Russe. Oh, the pain I suffer for my art! But I know Marina likes it, and it’s got some skank. (sniffing) Well … this won’t do. I mean, I still hate it, but it’s nowhere near skanky enough (maybe a 6.5?) and it’s sweeter than I remember. Huh. Well, this will be the top, then, instead of the base… (half an hour and some serious mistakes later) Wow – this is it! TDC Sel de Vetiver!! Combined with Ambre Russe it’s perfect, in a weird way. Honestly, how can two fragrances I loathe combine into something so … wearable? It’s got your feet, your amber, and it’s oddly shimmery, which I love. I’m feeling pretty pleased with myself right now. However. On the Marina Skank-o-meter, it’s probably only a 6, so I toy with it a bit more, but nothing else I add is an improvement. I’m going with it.

Sample C – I guess this leaves me with Piguet Bandit as my third base. Wow, that’s hilarious – after what I’ve been through building the first two, my dark nemesis Bandit is registering to me as a floral! Well, sort of. But I don’t really have enough of it, and it isn’t dirty enough, so I’m going to throw in some of Andy Tauer’s Lonestar Memories. I think its irrestible dirt/chile aspect will work well with Bandit. (What I’m also looking for, and can’t find, is my sample of Caron Tabac Blond to add. Well, we geniuses have to make do with what we have, oui?) The problem is: the base smells great, but then what to add that will register? It’s like trying to get Satan to tango. I try Malle’s Parfum de Therese, but that cilantro is way too obvious. And I’ve given up on Mitsouko as the top, because it just smells like Mitsouko no matter what I mix it with. (What would subdue Mitsouko? Paint thinner? Jet fuel?) I tinker some more, sniff some more coffee beans, weep in agony … finally I add Serge Lutens Chergui for golden richness, and also Fifi Chachnil for skanky glitter, because Fifi and my original leather base smelled nice together. But about 15 minutes into the combo, it gets soapy on me in a way I don’t like at all, although that goes away eventually. So I add a few spritzes of my all-purpose fragrance improver, L’Artisan Passage d’Enfer, and called it a day. If Marina doesn’t get the soapy part, she might like it. It’s definitely the skankiest of the bunch.

How close did I get in my quest for the Holy Grail? Here’s a link to Marina’s blog so you can see for yourself.

Image: The Holy Grail by Dante Rossetti, www.elore.com

 

 Click and then come back

 

Okay, how did he get inside the balloon, get out of his pants and then wind up with his head poked out of the hole that he crawled in? My youngest son, Harry, and I have been obsessed with this since we saw it last week on America’s Got Talent. Stupid judges buzzed him before he could finish his act.   Tell me that’s not entertaining.

Project Runway is back, yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Any of y’all that are NOT on board with that series, you must, because I will be yakking about it nonstop for the next three months.  I’m obsessed with TimGunn 2.0 (he’s such a cute robotic kinda guy, love him) and I’m almost stalkerish in my lavish affection for his TV personality — the way he can tell a designer their stuff sucks with just a “Mmmm, very well.  Carry on.”  And Malan, one of the designers, with that fake accent and totally goofy laugh, he will be nails on a chalkboard.

Add Big Brother All-Stars and that Rockstar: Supernova to the list of series that are in production for the summer, and my television is once again a friendly place to be pleasantly diverted without needing to think.  I know some people hate TV and never watch it, but my work is way too stressful to not have a place to enjoy the idiocy of others, and I love fluffy entertainment, and summer television now is just chock full of low-rent diversions that are like Chinese food, not filling, but fun while you are eating it.

Have we talked about the Jalaine oils? I think we all need to start a letter-writing campaign to turn these into EDTs and EDPs. The Green Tea, Silk and Vetiver are to die for.  I expect oils last on other people better, but not on me, just gone in a couple of hours. I NEED to be able to spritz these with abandon, I craves it like my lunges crave air! /FoghornLegornimpressionoff  Start those letters now requesting the conversion of these lovely scents into noncosty EDTs. As much as I adore them so far, I cannot bring myself to shell out $90 for 6 ml in the refill version, but I’d happily cough up $200 for a nice big 100 ml EDT or a smaller EDP or Parfum.

It . is . killing . me . not . to . buy . these.

Winner from last week of their pick of four Parfumerie Generale samples is — Dinazad!  Hit the contact us button over there on the left, and send me your four choices and your address, and they will be on their way to you. 

I’m likely to repeat this give-away next week because so many of you entered, so look for that on Tuesday!

 

The winner of the Apothia giveaway was … patchamour! Email me your address under Contact Us to the left, and I’ll get them in the mail. Also, Marina will be posting her reviews of my Holy Grail mods on Monday; I will post my Big Reveal of the construction of these scents simultaneously on this blog. I am excited to see what she thinks!

Okay, today’s post is not about smell. So you’ve been warned. It is about a recent big change in one of my other senses: sight. Skip it if you’re not interested, no hard feelings.

I have been nearsighted since middle school. I wore soft contacts for several years in my 20s, but they were never perfect, and after four kids and three climate changes I just gave up and went back (grudgingly) to glasses. Three years ago the Big Cheese had Lasik surgery. His results were excellent. I was evaluated and for various ocular reasons was deemed Not A Candidate, although I don’t think I would have done it anyway.

Then #1 Daughter (let’s call her Jane) developed nearsightedness (a.k.a. myopia), thanks to her genetic endowment. And she, normally the most compliant of kids, refused to wear her glasses. Refused. Except for going to the movies, her glasses stayed in the case.

So this spring I fulfilled a promise and called my ophthalmologist for a referral to an optometrist who would fit younger clients (Jane just turned 12) with soft contacts. We went for her appointment. And then … we learned something interesting. While Dr. X was perfectly happy to fit her for contacts, he told me about another service he offered: Ortho-K, which is the fancy-pants, copyrighted name for a process whereby the patient is fitted with a progressive series of rigid, gas-permeable lenses, which you sleep in. Put them in at bedtime, take them out in the morning. And over the course of several weeks, if it works, you have 20/20 vision. He told me most of the advances in this process (it used to take months, with a lower success rate) are from Japan, which is in the middle of a myopia epidemic among schoolchildren due to their insane academic load. The bonus for younger patients is that, unlike glasses or soft contact lenses, it tends to arrest the progression of myopia, so you’re not wearing coke-bottle lenses by the time you’re 20.

There are limitations. The best candidates have moderate nearsightedness (20/400 or lower) and little or no astigmatism. Jane was a perfect candidate. I was less perfect but still a possibility. The process (at least with Dr. X) goes like this: you sign up for 90 days, money up front. At any time in that 90 days you can give up and get 75% of your money back. If you’re pleased, you get a final pair of lenses to keep. After 6 months you can experiment with skipping every other night. Many patients only need to wear them two or three times a week to maintain their corrected vision.

So. How did it go? Well, Jane had perfect vision after two weeks. She’d never worn contacts before, so the whole deal was a little traumatic for her. I basically did the work for her (cleaning, insertion, removal) for a few weeks and then taught her each piece.

I was seeing 20/20 and 20/50 in a week, but things were doubled mildly in one eye and badly in the other. After a month, I was 20/20 in both eyes, my astigmatism was gone in one eye, and mild enough in the other that it’s detectable (if I cover the other eye) but not an impediment. I am THRILLED. I get up and go all day long – and do things like swim and bike and play tennis – with perfect vision.

Is it cheap? No. In my area it’s roughly one-third the cost of Lasik, and the lenses are expensive ($200, don’t lose them) and need to be replaced once a year. I have to wear them faithfully every night or the next day is blurry (20/50 is my guess.) But I would do it again in a heartbeat. People who don’t wear glasses tend, probably, to take this I-Can-See thing for granted. But each day I get up and face the world with clear vision feels like a gift.

 

You know what the hardest part of writing a post is?  Coming up with a Subject and Title. Once I get that, it writes itself.  I’m thinking of being bold, shucking off  my Titling undies and going Title-less. But, no, my two years of High School Journalism – which consisted mostly of checking out the camera, heading to a football/basketball/wrestling event and drinking beer and creating fuzzy pictures, or skipping class on the excuse we were going to sell ads, but instead spending it in the car with my off-and-on “Mandatory Volatile Relationship” boyfriend burning one — will not let me do that. It’s like planning a meal. Shopping is fine, cooking is fine, even doing dishes is fine. Figuring out what to make blows. 

Amouage Ciel — notes of gardenia, cyclamen, violet leaves, peach, waterlily, rose, jasmine, amber, musk, cedarwood, sandalwood, and the elusive frankincense. I am not so crazy about the opening –It’s nice, but a little busy. I’m finding with most of the Amouages, for me, they come into their own as it dries down, the open can be off-putting for those who don’t like what appear to be big florals.  The drydown is when I keep resniffing them and finding so much joy in each one.  Perfume Smellin Things reviewed it here (hoping Blogspot permalinks are somewhat behaving). I’m not crazy about the waterlilly (as M notes too) note that appears early on, after all the busy bee around the flower notes at the beginning, but once that subsides, I find my nose glued to my arm, it is incredibly lovely. Hang time on it is all day, and it gets prettier even when it is down to whispers on my arm. Be prepared to give it an hour or so at the start before you form a judgment. I don’t think it is listed as being available at Suravionline, but I’m pretty sure they either have it or can get it. So far, of the Amouages I’ve tried, this is the one I’m most likely to buy.

Serge Lutens Iris Silver Mist – So much pressure from so many of you! I have tried Iris Silver Mist at least four times. From a sample vial at least twice, spritzed briefly from my decant when I got it.  It’s the open that almost kills this deader than a squashed tick - it is so cold and slightly metallic, it is very hard to not form an opinion too quickly.

This time, I have concentrated as much as my Short Attention Span allows me, endured that open without scrubbing it off or spraying something over it like a cat covering its dookie, and this is what I get:

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!!!!

I am a complete tool for ignoring this and hating it on the open. For pete’s sake, I know better with Serge stuff (think Tubereuse Criminelle).  Once that open is gone, and the roots start behaving themselves so I’m not thinking I’ve fallen into a mud pit of iris tubers and can’t get out, there is a delicate spiciness to this scent that is just astounding and I never got to before. Very delicate, still a little cold and metallic, but incredibly lovely.

Fine, I’m converted, is everyone happy now?  And who was the culprit that blogged about (Ina, I’m looking at you) the Jalaine oil samples?  Why does the Silk have to be so heart-stoppingly beautiful (along with several others) and also send my wallet into cardiac arrest?  I waaaaaaaaant that Silk in the way a dog wants a bone. 

As you may know, renowned perfumer Clement Gavarry has been working on creating “Holy Grail,� a signature scent for Marina (a.k.a. Colombina the Terrible) of Perfume-Smellin’ Things. The creative process is being posted on Made by Blog, where there is another fragrance under construction for Katie of Scentzilla. Marina is looking for a fragrance I will refer to as “a wearable MKK,� with a skank factor of at least 8 (with MKK being a 10).

I’ve smelled the first two mods, and Clement still has a fair distance to travel down the road to Skankdom, although I am sure he will get there. At any rate, musing on these mods, I came up with an idea so boneheaded and completely wrong that I knew at once I had to do it. I created, over the weekend, three potential Holy Grail fragrances using combinations of existing fragrances. I have sent these sample viles vials off to Marina for her ridicule, and she will be posting her review of them at some point (assuming they don’t kill her), along with her best guess as to their compositions. I’ll let you know when her review is going up. I am sure Mr. Gavarry will ultimately create her perfect HG, using, you know, genuine perfumery skills as opposed to my laughable rip-offs, but why not have fun while we wait?

Disclaimer: I am aware that my little project is, on its face, absurd, and does not begin to approach the true art of perfumery. Any resemblance to Marina’s final Holy Grail will be purely coincidental. Furthermore, I am not poking fun at Made By Blog, a project that is fascinating and inspires both awe and envy in me.

On to the candy:

Reichenbach Golden Drop EDT – From Scentzilla, source of many fragrance oddities. I can’t find a single note on this, so I’m on my own. This fragrance illustrates the many wonders of Difference in Perception, because she included a warning not to smell it under any circumstances for the first half hour, and then it would morph into something special. Well, hon, of course I spent the first half hour sniffing it enthusiastically, waiting for whatever horror you were trying to spare me. I’m guessing its dirty-old-lady-perfume vibe puts you off? (An aside: generally I perk right up when reviewers on MUA or Basenotes complain that some fragrance is old-ladyish, because that usually means it’s a chypre, or maybe an ornate floriental, and thus I’ll probably like it.) I thought the first half-hour was great, in a mink stole, don’t stand-too-close-in-the-elevator way. You’re right, though – it dries down into a 60/40 incense/floral on me that is so delicious I want to lick my arm. This thing is $24 on PerfumeMart, which means I’ve probably just written a paean to something approximating Stetson, right?

Parfumerie Generale Iris Taizo – Patty sent me a bunch of PGs. First of all, I’d like to thank Patty for sharing this windfall of weird fragrance love. Second, I’d like to remind everyone that Iris Taizo is the fragrance Patty declared such a total scrubber that she posted that great picture of the woman in a gas mask. Third, I refuse to believe this is Iris. Iris only smells like urine or feet on me. This smells like … okay, it still doesn’t smell like an iris flower, and I know, I know, they never do. But it’s sharp and sweet, honeyed incense, and the cardamom makes the iris note is less powdery, more shimmering. This must smell like what folks are getting when they’re waxing all poetic over Iris Silver Mist, when all I get from ISM is armpit, a frowny face, and, if I don’t scrub fast enough, a migraine. (incense, cardamom, iris, Jinkoh wood, fig-tree honey.) Patty, I think it must have been the honey that killed you.

Parfumerie Generale Harmatan Noir – Patty and Colombina gave this the big thumbs up, so in our weird Triangulation Venn Diagram, of course I’d hate it. What are you two gals going on and on about, with the tea, the tea, the glorious tea? (Colombina even called it “darker and smokier than lapsang�!) I don’t even get tea, much less the incense and patchouli. All I get is 90% ambered honey, which is pretty enough, but the deal-killer is the 10% dish-soap overlay. Ugh. Where’s that gas mask?

Parfumerie Generale Buttcrack Asso Aomassai – (caramel, hazelnut, spices, vetiver, bitter orange, balsam wood, incense, licorice, wenge wood, resins.) First fifteen minutes: crème brulee, candle wax and buttcrack. Total Scrubber. I left it on out of sheer perversity – I figured the drydown couldn’t get any worse. After half an hour that heinous sweetness disappears and it’s completely different, sort of a woody, spicy smell with what registers to me as strong pipe tobacco, although that’s obviously not in the notes. I still wasn’t wild about the fragrance on my arm, but I think it would be a great room spray.

Paul & Joe Blanc – (Hawthorn, Angelica, Almond, Sweet Pea, Freesia, Rose, Musk, Heliotrope, Cloud of Milk.) Yikes. This is a fabulous fragrance … on someone else. I think it’s the hawthorn and angelica that’s chafing me? I’ll try it again in a few days, but my guess is it’s coming up soon in a bottle giveaway.

Caron Montaigne – I tried. I really did. I opened my leetle tiiny mind up as wide as it could go and just took it in. And this one just confirms. That. Caron. Is. Not. For. Me. Again, objectively, this is a gorgeous fragrance. But that base! (Caron base: geranium, licorice, leather, iodine, and vanillin.) I can’t get away from it fast enough. You Caron fiends should definitely check it out, though.

Patou Vacances – I … want … I want to bathe in this. Come hither, perfumed slave boys, and tend to me! Grandma’s lilac, but only if Grandma drove a Bugatti and married a member of minor European royalty. Lilac, something green … I Am The Queen.

This week’s sample giveaway is … Apothia! Your own professionally sealed, store samples of Velvet Rope, L, and If. If you want them, say so in the comments below. I’ll announce the winner Thursday.

mad scientist image: www.billpappas.com

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Brulure de Rose is the last perfume of the Second Chapter from Parfumerie Generale for review.  This is not a straightforward rose scent at all. It feels a little gourmandy, but balanced enough that gourmand hatahs won’t be highly put off, and there is still plenty of rose for rose lovers.  It dries down to a smoky, slightly vanillic rose, not too sweet, not too rosey, the amber and spices seem to balance it between the two. A little like rose meets meets spice cake and has pretty babies. I’m still very undecided on how much I like this, but it is definitely one to try, especially if you are a rose lover or if you are a rose liker, but want it to have something a little more interesting about your rose scents.  It strikes me, though, that I need to retry this when the weather changes, it seems like more of a winter scent, and it may then be absolute perfection.  So far I am just staying in like with this one, not love.

Speaking of changing my mind. Ever have a perfume that stays on your mind after you try it? Now y’all have the same ear worm for that “Wind Song” song that I’ve had for two days.  I’m not talking about the ones you fall in love with and obsess about getting and trying to figure out how to squish it into your overtaxed perfume budget (yes, I do have one of those, and I bump up against it daily). I’m talking about the one that you liked, sorta loved, tried again, liked better, still not True Love, and then you almost ordered it — twice –  talked yourself out of it, hit the X button on your browser, then you just think about it daily, spritz it on again, convince yourself you really, really don’t need it, but you waaaaaaaant it?  That’s how Hyperessence Matale has been for me.   The only way to stop thinking about it is to buy it (is this why men get married?).  I suspect HM will become a staple of my scent wardrobe, even if I never fall head over heels in love with it like some of the others. It is easy to wear and incredibly pleasing when my arm whooshes by.  Beautiful, enchanting sillage.  I need to put this on my husband.

I used to be of the Mr. Darcy School of Perfuming Opinion — “Once you have lost my good opinion, you have lost it forever.”  It’s taken not just a few changes of mind to convince me of the error of my ways.    How many tries do you give a perfume until you give up on it?

Next on my retry list — Serge Lutens Iris Silver Mist.  Look for that later this week, as soon as I work up the courage to spritz it again.

It’s hotter than Hades here right now – 96 degrees and humid, the sort of weather that reminds me why, until recently, the D.C. area was rumored to be a Hardship Post for the European diplomatic community. (It still could be, based solely on the food and the traffic.)

Here is a list of what I’m actually wearing in this infernal heat, as opposed to sampling, sniffing, trying, re-trying, considering, etc. These scents go on smoothly and don’t make me want to curl up and die in the general stink of summer in Washington:

Bvlgari Eau Perfumee Au The Blanc – In my opinion, this one is underrated. It’s kind of a lame tea scent, but it is not really about the tea; it’s about the artemisia (a.k.a. wormwood), that fabulous, odd plant smell. FYI this is what absinthe is made from. The Big Cheese loves this on me, which I find funny but also a bonus.

Malle En Passant – Someone (Colombina?) hates the lilac in this, and I admit lilac is not my favorite soliflore. This one has just enough of a metallic sharpness (what I think of as “wet fence�) to redeem it in the heat. Sublime.

Novaya Zarya Carnation – Colombina the Wonderful Terrible sent me a big decant, knowing how much I love carnation. I could probably dump an entire bottle on and live. And for three bucks a bottle, why not?

Guerlain Vitalisant – Notice the conspicuous absence of many Guerlains on my list. I even had to scrub my beloved Eau de Fleurs de Cedrat off the other day, which is what happens when the temperature hits 95 … Vitalisant is crisp and citrusy cologne and doesn’t bite the hand that splashes it on.

Muelhens 4711 – I’ve been wearing this since my pre-air-conditioning teenage days. (Yeah, I had air-conditioning growing up in D.C. It was called opening the window and sleeping on the porch.) Objectively I can’t swear that it’s a great scent, and probably part of my love is just nostalgia. But $14 gets an enormous bottle at your local TJ Maxx/Marshalls. I keep mine in the fridge. My first cologne love.

Guerlain Apres L’Ondee EDT. I am still waiting for the season/occasion/mood when this doesn’t work for me. My most consistently perfect scent, in that I have never put it on and thought: oh, I’ve made a mistake.

Floris Summer Limes. Limes. End of story. So tart it makes my mouth water when I apply it. Lasts 20 minutes. Reapply. (NOTE: I am NOT referring to Floris Limes, which is a fruity/floral I recall not liking.  You are looking for SUMMER Limes.)

L’Artisan Passage d’Enfer. I know. It Seems So Wrong. I wound up spraying this on accidentally right before leaving the house and decided I’d just suffer through it. It did the oddest thing: that buoyant incense I love so much spring, fall and winter morphed in the heat into something … woodier. And still buoy