Oh hey, Perfume Posse! My name is Arielle Weinberg, and I run the perfume blog Scents of Self. The other day, in a fit of Sour Skittles-induced mania, I decided that I was going to become a fashion blogger instead. (My enthusiasm quickly fizzled when I realized that “fashion blogger” is really just a nice way of saying “trust fund baby”.) In my twenty minutes of frenzied research, I came across a blog called “The Man Repeller”. Its founder, Leandra Medine, defines “man repeller” as “outfitting oneself in a sartorially offensive way that will result in repelling members of the opposite sex. Such garments include, but are not limited to, harem pants.” I was instantly intrigued. Now, it will be an ice cold day in hell before y’all catch me in harem pants, but I began to wonder: could perfume be a man repellant?
Perfume is usually thought of as a tool of seduction, a man catcher. But what if you don’t want to attract a man? Maybe you already have a perfectly good man and/or woman. Maybe you’re single, but would like to be able to drink your freaking latte in peace without having to politely nod along for 45 minutes while a stranger brays at you about his allegedly burgeoning rap career. (“I swear, girl, the other day P. Diddy said to me, ‘You have so much potential’! Well, actually, he said, ‘Waiter, could we please have the check?’, but what he meant was…”) This is starting to sound a little Samantha Brick-y, I promise that this male attention really has very little to do with my looks. It tends to happen when I am dressed like an Olsen twin circa 2004. I suspect that these charmers choose me because I am small and young-looking (read: vulnerable). These gents are also not exactly Johnny Depps. Most of them are twice my age with half my teeth. As seductive as I find their mid-life crises, I assure y’all that I would be first in line for a man-repelling perfume.
So which perfumes are your best bets for repelling unwelcome suitors? The goal here is to smell as unapproachable as possible. Nothing too inviting (sweet gourmand scents) or friendly (cheerful fruity fragrances). I suggest the following perfumes, but I want to hear your ideas, too! Please share your most effective man-repelling perfumes with us in the comments!
Prada Infusion d’Iris: This heavily powdered iris fragrance is proper and businesslike to the point of desexualization. Infusion d’Iris has a conspicuous lack of warmth or womanliness. (Infusion d’Iris fans, please understand that nothing that I just said is necessarily negative. Infusion d’Iris is an awesome perfume; it’s just not particularly likely to be interpreted as “hawt” or sexy by the average non-perfumista. Of course, that’s exactly the effect we’re going for here!)
Serge Lutens Douce Amere: Douce Amere is a biting, antiseptic perfume centered around the notorious liquor absinthe. Absinthe is anise-flavored, and this has to be the most anisic perfume I’ve ever smelled. As a lover of hardcore anise perfumes like Lolita Lempicka and Serge Lutens Un Bois Vanille, I really like Douce Amere, but literally nobody else seems to. This is one of the weirder Serge Lutens (which is sort of like saying “Evian is one of the wetter brands of water”, in that all brands of water are pretty wet), and I feel confident that it would baffle and hopefully dissuade most non-perfumistas.
Guerlain Aqua Allegoria Pamplelune: Listen, I love Pamplelune. I think that it’s a gorgeous, vibrant grapefruit scent. But an awful lot of people on the internet maintain that it smells like cat pee. I have never, ever detected cat pee in this perfume, but it obviously comes across that way to some folks. While that might seem unfortunate, it can be used to your advantage: most men will probably think twice before trying to chat up the litter box lady.
Giorgio Armani Acqua di Gio Pour Homme: Of course, the fastest way to repel men is to smell like you already have one in your life. Acqua di Gio has been the top-selling men’s fragrance at Sephora for years now, which means that wannabe suitors should be able to recognize it as being a men’s cologne relatively easily. They will assume that someone much manlier than them has already marked his territory and will back off, lest they incur the wrath of the alpha male.
Chanel No. 5: Yes, yes, Marilyn Monroe wore No. 5 to bed and therefore it is the sexiest perfume of all time forever and ever, what is this sacrilege you tasteless trollop, etc. Chanel No. 5 is on this list for two reasons. First, that bracing blast of aldehydes makes No. 5 an imposing perfume, maybe even a bit bitchy. Second, because No. 5 is such a classic, most men have at least one older female relative who wore it at some point in her life are much less likely to hit on you, unless they are truly weird, in which case you’re probably going to need more than perfume.
(ED – seriously, y’all need to make Ari’s blog one of your regular perfume visits)
It was great meeting you at Sniffa Ari – did your parent’s find out? And this post is hysterical!
Great inaugural post, Ari, you’re a good fit here at The Posse. Can you believe that back in the day I felt sorry for myself because I didn’t seem to get attention from random males? I actually *wanted* to have construction workers whistle as I walked by. Insane, I know.
I’d choose Avignon and Iris Silver Mist as man-repellers, because they’re not snuggly, comfort fragrances. I imagine something about the cerebral nature of them might scare away the crazies.
Ari, your blogs are as delicious as your favorite perfumes! My only wish is that we had the technology to hyperlink each perfume you mention to a “scent-engine app” that would immediately release that particular perfume scent from some electronic component of my computer aimed directly at my nose! Not kidding! Then I would truly have the full experience and benefit of your delightful and insightful critiques! But of course, if we could electronically duplicate the complex fragrances you describe, then perfume science would not be the art that it is! Thank you, Ari, and keep writing!
My husband asked why I was laughing and so I told him I was reading about man-repelling perfumes. Before I could even finish my sentence, he shouted out ‘Chanel!”! So there you have HIS vote!
LOVED you article, Ari!! Hope to hear more from you!!
Thanks for this post. It makes me smile while I’m reading this one..This is such a very funny one.
I would chose no19 and I agree that Messe de Minuit should probably do the trick as well. Perhaps some Andy Tauers such as L’Air du Desert Marocain or Insence Extreme to project a suitably monastic/cloistered air? 🙂 I haven’t tried Iris Silver Mist but from the descriptions it doesn’t sound like a come-hither scent.
A word of caution, I can testify from personal experience that Mitsouko does NOT work as a Man-repellant!
I also found that Messe de Minuit and Avignontend to elicit a more cerebral response from men. My go to “stay behind the line, please” perfumes are Profumum’s Olibanum and Amouage’s Memoir for men. They may smell like many things, but they most certainly do not smell like available female looking for a mate.
This is a fun topic, and I love your post, Ari!
I often wear vetiver scents to the office because I like them and they are so unisex. Totally agree with your choice of No. 5. In fact, most of the Chanels seem quite chilly to me. I love nearly everything by Duchaufour, but the weirder ones, like Dzongka and Sienne L’Hiver are certainly not come hitherish!
Apologies, Nozknoz; I sounded like a total copycat up there!
Good to find you here on Perfume Posse, Ari! I hope this is the first of many posts from you.
I agree that so-called “old lady” perfumes, like the classic Chanels and Guerlains, can be man repellers. That would go for houses like Caron as well. They are far from frooty-cupcake-cotton-candy scents. After all, the perfumers were creating scents for women, not little girls. And if the guy is the type who prefers someone who smells like a little girl, it’s time to head in the opposite direction (at least IMHO). Or, as mentioned, the guy may relate a classic perfume to the one his mother or grandmother wore.
To the “man-repeller” list I’d add intimidating chypres like Paloma Picasso and Niki de Saint Phalle, as well as the knock-you-over-the-head Big 80s Fragrances Obsession, Poison, Giorgio, etc.
Niki is a GREAT choice!
I love the 1980s Niki (haven’t smelled it since) so much that I wouldn’t care if it repelled every other person on earth! I love Paloma Picasso, too, and wear it to work when I need to intimidate the men in the room…
I also love Grey Flannel; have never been “approached” while wearing, either.
Ari, I really enjoyed your post — and thanks for the fun topic!
Oooh, yes!! Gotta love that Niki! She can be difficult, but when she’s “on,” my oh my!!
Our office has recently expanded and we have lots of females now, but until recently I was the only woman in an office with 35 men. Talk about input…lol…..all of them had an opinion on my SOTD. I got the most negative reactions to EL’s Youth Dew (‘smells like my mother/grandmother’) and Messe de Minuit (‘did you stop by the cemetary on your way in today?’). Hands down favorites were PdN’s Fig Tea (that one drew crowds, I’m serious) Mazzolari Ambra (‘you smell cuddly today’). The guys I work with range from about 35-60.
The younger generation (my 20-something son and his cronies) dismiss a lot of the classics I like as ‘old lady smelling’, but surprisingly, they all love the classic Faberge scents when I wear them. As you would expect, they like the sweeter scents that are popular today. My son bought me a bottle of Escada Sentiment for Christmas. He loves it and I dutifully wear it, because I know he spent considerable time choosing it (his fiancee told me he picked up samples and tested scents for weeks).
In sum, I’d add Messe de Minuit to the list of man repellers. And just add that I LURVE this idea, because there really are times that you just don’t want to be messed with by some silly amorous male. 😉
Sorry if my comment above suggests you can have a partial panther…
Hilarious from start to finish! Congrats on this guest post on “da Posse”. You guys are a perfect match. : – )
PS At Easter I conducted a scientific experiment on my brother’s skin to test this widely reported cat piss theory. His wrist acquitted itself pretty well, I must say, but as with the sightings of a black panther on our local heathland, Cannock Chase, the circumstantial evidence for at least a partial pee problem is compelling.
Thank you so much, Vanessa! I am so lucky to be able to write a post for such awesome perfume lovers, who use phrases like “partial pee problem”. :O I read the results of your Pamplelune experiment with much relief. I think that I may throw caution to the wind and get myself a bottle of Pamplelune for this summer.
Apres L’Ondee. it will be a tragic day when this vanishes. Nearly all Guerlains are man traps for me, Jicky, Mitsouko…Narcisse Noir is another great one for drawing men to me,and also Kouros and Yatagan which are both reviewed as smelling like rancid jockey shorts. my husband inhales of me deeply when I wear these things, and of course JOY, the platonic ideal of FLOWERS without smelling like any single flower, as one brilliant reviewer said.
You take that back!!! Apres l’Ondee will never vanish!! *Clutches bottle to bosom, rocks back and forth*
You and your husband clearly have incredibly sophisticated tastes! I think that Kouros would be terribly sexy (and not at all rancid jockey shorts-like) on a woman.
Love, love, love this post and it’s made me late to class. Fortuinately, I am the professor! Agree with all about the classic scents – and I used to date quite a bit before my late in life marriage to the love of my life. ( I found that SJP’s Lovely attracted men like nothing else, BTW) Now I find myself more often trying to find a “safe” office scent, and I thinkl that’s kind of the same thing. Thanks for the chuckles, and I’ll clean up the tea later 🙂
LOLOL! What higher compliment could a writer ask for??
I can definitely see Lovely being a man magnet. It’s pretty in an uncomplicated way, not too intimidating or demanding (which are character traits that often seem to make men run for the hills. Their loss! Enjoy the hills, fools!)
Hiya, Ari, so glad to see you here!
(you people if you haven’t read Scents of Self yet, get your perfumed selves over there!) 🙂
I knew #5 will be on the list, and hey, here’s at least one gal for you who knows, loves, and wears #5 but has no problem with it being on the list — for all the reasons you mentioned.
I’ll put White Linen (the original, not flankers) in the same category. For the same reasons.
And don’t forget incense, especially elemi centered perfumes! Non-perfumista men often claim that incense smells like dead people — yeah, playing an undead is a good way to scare off a mortal who’s lacking good teeth. I can complete the image by showing off my fangs, too 🙂 But seriously, elemi in addition to having a distinct incense vibe is coooold, so I’d definitely go for Craft by Andrea Maack or Tirrenico by Profumi del Forte for a high quality man repellent.
It is an absolute pleasure to be here, Olga! 😀 Hey, maybe incense-based perfumes will start getting popular with the young whippersnappers! Kids are all about the dead and the undead these days, thanks to Twilight.
White Linen is in the same category for the same reasons for me, too- my grandmother wore it when she was younger.
Incense=dead people? they don’t get that that make is more interesting? Wow, this whole nonperfume world just confuses me. 🙂
Same here! I’ve been a perfumista for too long! But some things are memorable still, even if impossible to understand. “Incense-dead people” reference came to me by the way of a perfumista friend, she’s been told that multiple times.
…”I smell dead people.”
Very funny story! I enjoyed reading it so much. Well, I wore different kinds of perfume everyday.
Thank you so much, Tanya! Are any of those perfumes man-repellants? 😉
Oh YAY! One of ma favrit gals doin’ her thing over on the Posse! (And yes, everybody needs to go check Scents of Self. Because it is awesome.)
I am getting a bit long in the tooth myself, but I actually can remember my first job, working in a law office doing clerical stuff, my first summer out of high school. I think two of the four male lawyers in the office hit on me (one of the other guys had a new baby at home and was barely getting enough sleep to focus, and the senior partner was out of the office on vacation all summer), and I dang sure could have used a Man Repeller perfume at the time.
I adore, adore, Chanel No. 19, but I think it is truly one of the least friendly perfumes in existence. If you’re going Standoffish Iris, it kicks Infusion’s butt IMO. I like Douce Amere, as well, but I actually would have characterized it as friendly, because of all that warm sandalwoody vanilla stuff popping up through the anise.
But Pamplelune might be a genius sort of pick. And Serge Noire (you’re mistaken on Douce Amere being on the “weirder” end of the spectrum) utterly fascinates me, but it is a true freakfest. Aromatics Elixir IS pretty repellent, but I hate it myself, so that sort of defeats the purpose.
And then everybody needs to go check out The Muse In Wooden Shoes! Mals has only the finest in droll, beautifully written perfume reviews.
That is EXACTLY how I feel about Aromatics Elixir, too! Truthfully, I consider it an everyone-repellant :/ Then I go into a guilt-spiral for hating such a highly-regarded perfume.
I clearly need to try No. 19 in EDT or parfum. I’ve only tried it in EDP, and I remember it being sweetly pretty and not at all standoffish.
Nah, mals, you’re not long in the tooth. Me on the other hand – I was just laughing over Ari’s “Most of them are twice my age with half my teeth” when I realized that any guy twice my age would be …. well, dead.
As for man repellant, my husband couldn’t abide Tea for Two. Too smokey? I don’t know, he just really disliked it on me.
Welcome Ari, wonderful post. I can’t help you out with the man repellent thing. On most days the only males I’m around are my spouse and my son. A few weeks ago, the spouse noticed how much perfume I have and asked if I ever wore any of it. I wear perfume EVERY DAMN DAY! He had never noticed. I guess this means I can wear whatever I want. Well, I would anyway.
Thank you so much for the welcome, Mindy! I laughed and cringed when i read your husband’s question. On the bright side, at least you know that you’re not overspraying!!
Ari, you are preciously funny. Thank you for a wonderful piece of writing. I hope to read more from you again!!
My husband is emotionally allergic to tuberose. Why? Why I ask. Of all the scents — the most beautiful one, tuberose. But I wear it with abandon and pride (when he’s not around….)
Thank you so much for your kind words, Amy! I hope very much to be back again! 🙂
How sad that your husband is not the tuberose lover that you are! I have to admit that I usually don’t go crazy for tuberose perfumes, but I think that the tuberose flower itself smells absolutely sublime.
Love the article. An ex-boyfriend was completely turned off by Caron French Can Can.
Thanks so much, dleep! I’ve never tried French Can Can, but I’m glad that you now have the freedom to wear it! 😀
Ari, welcome! Now that was a hoot of a post! I think we’re going to need to set up a Keyboard Replacement Fund for those of us who keep spewing our tea, coffee (or other beverage of choice) after reading all our hilarious posters. No other blog has me falling out of my chair with laughter.
Love, love this article, Ari! Congrats on a fabulous first Posse Post!
Before I was married, its fair to say I liked to date and this article really hits the nail on the head. One of my all time faves is Shalimar as it never fails to make me feel ‘vavavoom’ but to men no doubt I smelled more ‘knit one, purl one’ so it was not a good choice for clubbing/first dates – a fact reinforced by the night where I had one sad middle-aged man following me around (I was in my very early 20’s at the time) saying how ‘sultry’ I smelled yet the guy I had fancied wanted to know who smelled like mothballs. However, I did also wear a lot of Cool Water for women (and no, I don’t know why!) and Ombre Rose and those were man magnets! Interestingly, Ombre Rose was greatly favoured by smokers…
Thank you so much, my dear FragrantWitch! I roared at the idea of your “sensual” perfume being interpreted as “knit one, purl one” by men. I think that Shalimar is very tricky for men with more modern perfume tastes. Shalimar is one of the very few perfumes my boyfriend does not like (and he does enjoy other classic Guerlains, like L’Heure Bleue and Jicky).
I have no opinion on its potentially man-repellent qualities since I am a man, but Douce Amere is possibly my favourite Serge Lutens, and that’s saying a lot, because I own a bunch of them and would like to have a few more. The bitter and sweet aspects are kept in perfect equilibrium throughout its entire life: every time I wear it I end up wondering how it was done, like a magic trick that never gets old.
What a lovely description of Douce Amere! It’s not my favorite Lutens (that honor goes to Un Bois Vanille), but I think it’s a very impressive perfume.
Clinique Aromatics Elixer. In this case it is ALL about judicious use. Use Just One Drop . At that level it is beautiful. More and the stuff will clear a room.If you want to be ‘left alone’ it should be better than a sign on your forehead. And its about scrubproof… LOVE the article!
OMG I was just talking about this one with a coworker today – she had been in bed with her baby-daddy last Friday night and she had on a little bit of the soon-empty bottle of AE I had given her (I have multiple spares…it’s a fave), and he got this weird look on his face, kept sniffing all around her and says “what is that?! that’s strong!” and backed away from her in bed…LOL!
I told her she should have told him it smells better than that Paris Hilton Can-Can BS he tried to pawn off on her for Christmas….
Dayum! Not only a PH perfume, but a regift?? That would have been his last Christmas with me!
About once a year, I tell myself that my perfume tastes must have matured enough for me to now be able to enjoy Aromatics Elixir. And every year, I find that I still hate it! Please take Syl’s advice, AE wearers!
Ari, I enjoyed your article so much I read through several pages of your site. Laughed so hard people were checking on me! Your reviews helped me to take the plunge and order a few samples…from Patti’s site of course : ). Many blessings on you for the info and the entertainment! Hope to see you back.
HAAAAAAAAA I totally get what you’re saying about Chanel No. 5!!! I LOVE it. Have always loved it. Several years ago, when I was in my early 20s, I was wearing the current EDT formulation. A middle aged Russian I worked with stopped me once and said “you’re too young to be wearing that perfume” in a very condescending, dismissive tone. He never hit on me (praise Jesus), and he was a sleeze you can believe. However, a friend of mine, who was another colleague, routinely wore cheap body sprays and was the recipient of his flirtations, pickup lines and attempts at getting her drunk as often as he breathed air. Granted, he may have been right – No. 5 I feel can be intimidating, and definitely a scent for a woman who knows what she is, what she wants, and owns her body. I wasn’t at that point at that age. But geez he could have at least said I had good taste… 😉
It sounds like No. 5 might have saved you from some truly obnoxious attention! I feel so incredibly sorry for your female colleague right now- ewwwwwww.
THAT explains it! All my favorites scents ( except for the serge Lutens which I haven’t tried) are man repellents. Tomorrow I’m wearing Pink Sugar.
Love the post so much!
I’m so glad you liked the post, Cm! But I must warn you: Pink Sugar may not be a man-repellant, but it’s definitely a me-repellant 😉
That was the point… It’s not me, either. But apparently , pink sugar and light blue are all you need. 🙂
I will get completely lambasted for this, but L’Heure bleue and Shalimar. I have never seen a guy run faster in the opposite direction for his Old Stalker Girlfriend than when I wear these. It’s probably just how they smell on me, but I think it reminds them of gramma and baby diapers all at the same time. Not a sexay combo.
No lambasting from me! 🙂 I don’t doubt that it’s hard to find many men who really appreciate classic Guerlains. But I have two stories that might give you hope! First, my boyfriend really likes L’Heure Bleue. It was the first perfume he complimented me on! Second, I know a college junior who wears and loves “Shalimar Pour Homme”. I don’t have the heart to tell him there’s no such thing!
Oh, God, that is so funny! I think Catherine Deneuve wore L’Heure Bleu quite often — can you imagine the potential aesthetic/sensual dissonance? “Goddess” / “smells like antique diapers”. I say this as one who loves L’Heure Bleu. I also can’t picture men running from La Deneuve, although I suppose anything is possible in this crazy old world.
Pardon — “L’Heure Bleue”
A) This is hilarious and puckishly feminist and you are such a natural fit for PP I can’t believe you haven’t been over here already. B) “Litter box lady.” Bwah hah hah hah hah! C) I love, love, love your point about Chanel No. 5 and older perfumes in general. I do think men don’t like to be reminded of their mothers when they’re trying to date. And if they do well, we don’t really want them, do we?
On the other hand, the man who is able to re-configure his initial idea of what a perfume smells like because he is smitten with the woman wearing it…
I am so glad that you liked the post, Alyssa! I would be very impressed by a man who could re-figure his feelings towards a perfume, but I doubt many could. The emotions that perfume can provoke in us are so strong!
Thus far, Mitsouko has been my go to for repelling people. It seems to keep the creepy people away and the nasty witches give me a little wider berth.
Mitsouko, a repellant?? It seems so warm to me! But I suppose that no one appreciates the classics nowadays….
I swear, Mitsy hates my freakin’ guts.
Is it horrible that I’ve never really given much thought to what men like when it comes to picking a fragrance? I’m married, I dated quite a bit before marriage. I have a list of who I might consider after marriage, (ha…) But I always just thought either they had the good taste to appreciate my choices or the good sense not to say anything. And if they didn’t…so long sucka’. One guy was really hot but he complained about not liking my Coco Chanel and “Suggested” I try Lou Lou, like his ex wore. Gross. Even if I didn’t find the whole suggestion insulting and inappropriate I would have dumped him for dating a chick who wore Lou Lou…and liking it. Sorry, I don’t mean to offend those of you who were Lou Lou gals but I always found that one repuslive.
My husband complained about Safran Troublant when I first got it. So I wore it heavily for the next 3 weeks and sprayed our bed with it. I might have some control issues when it comes to fragrance?
Hey, no man would get between me and my Safran Troublant, either! No matter whether you liked Lou Lou or not, the fact that your ex’s ex wore it seems like a fairly compelling reason to stay far away from it!
LMAO I totally feel the same way. I make my husband smell my purchases, and 99% of the time he likes them. But the few that he doesn’t, I say eff it and wear it anyway – he can LEARN to like it!! I wear perfume for ME. It’s just icing on the cake if you find me sexy smelling. 😉
Holy crap Ari is on the Perfume Posse!! Great post – LOL at “men twice my age with half my teeth”. At work we use the expression “bad tattoo-to-teeth ratio”.
Joanna- During my dating days I went out with a guy who tried to make me wear Chloe (original formulation–yes I’m old!) because his ex wore it. He gifted me with a bottle and told me to wear it for him the second time we went out. I wore it on our third and last date. Both Chloe and trying-to-be controlling guy gave me a migraine!
I always had a love/hate relationship with Chloe. I loved it on other people but tuberose…can’t wear it. Just gave away a vintage bottlle of it recently. I must be old too.
OH dear.
I loved old Chloe myself, wore it (delicately applied) through my teens. Can’t wear it now, due to the memories… but it does seem that tuberose is often a polarizing thing. Either guys LOVE it (my husband does) or HATE it.
Thank you so much, Barbara! Holy crap indeed!!!
I am so freaking relieved to hear that you only wasted 3 dates on that fool. How could he have ever thought that MAKING YOU WEAR HIS EX’S PERFUME was in any way a good idea???
Annick Goutal Mandragore. To me it smells like a wonderful grapefruit cologne, but apparently to much of the population it smells like pee. Too bad for them. Great topic. PS I spilled a small splash bottle in my car. Oops.
I have that very same problem with Guerlain Pamplelune! I would be way more into Mandragore if I could smell grapefruit in it.
Another for the list: original Comme des Garcons. It’s awesome and spicy, and smells of liniment. It’s weird enough and medicinal enough that it takes a …. special man to find it sexy I’m betting. At least a special man who isn’t into scent. But any guy who could peg CdG on me? I’d be willing to talk to anyhow.
Wow! That CdG sounds fantastic. I agree that any man who recognized it would be worthy of special attention.
Very, very funny!
Thank you, Judith! 🙂
I love you Ari. This is a great piece and had me smiling broadly from beginning to end. Before you got to Chanel No 5 I was thinking any of the 80’s power fumes because their relatives would have worn them and then maybe an Oud/leather based heavy hitter, because the horsey girls have to know how to handle themselves. Congratulations on your PP position,
Portia xx
So glad you liked the post, Portia! 80’s power fumes could definitely be a deterrent to younger men, but I suspect that men who came of age in the 80’s might have an entirely different reaction! 😉