Patty’s Three Way

This has been such a fun thing for us to do. If anyone else would like to join in next time we do it, just holla!

100% Eau de Slut

(Marina) I 100% hate this. Bright pink girly concoction with a raspberry and /or strawberry note. Givenchy Hot Couture? No, wait, something more primitive than that. One of the limited edition Escadas? Island Kiss, Ibiza Hippie, Pacific Paradise? Something like that. Alternatively, it could be Jessica Simpson Juicy. Ugh. I hear Red Delicious by DKNY has a raspberry note too; is it Red Delicious?

(March) Man, if that isn’t some kinda drugstore crap, my name’s Shania. Although, really, there’s an argument to be made for drugstore crap, some of it, anyway. (Hellooooo, Antonio! Sand & Sables!) This is an inoffensive pink smell, my 8-year-old might like it. Or it could be Paris Hilton for all I know. If you had to pay more than 10 bucks for this, you were euchred. PS This is drying down into something that smells like burnt plastic. Let’s see them write THAT in the base notes.

Paris Hilton is the 100% Slut, of course! I already reviewed this one this week, and it is a sugary mess, but if you can stand it for 5 hours, it will turn into a nice thing…. eventually. And her perfume too.

Big Moustache

(Marina) Roses. Tea roses, to be precise. Quite sweet. Don’t get much apart from roses. Could be Borsari Acqua de Rosa Thea, could be Creed something or other, could be Perfumers Workshop Tea Rose. Rose soliflores all smell the same and boring to me.

(March) A completely weird scent that I won’t buy but will probably use the rest of your sample. This smells like a men’s cologne to me; is this that weird Sap thing? Or maybe one of the Abinoams I haven’t smelled? It’s pretty strong. Almost, but not quite, cat pee. And floral à¢â‚¬” nah, this is a really green rose. Isn´t it? That´s what it is. A really green, sappy rose, one of your Rosines, maybe. You´re such a rose slut. Objectively I smell the sort of juice that rose fanatics swoon for. But à¢â‚¬¦ I´m Just Not That Into It. (2 hours later) Wow. Complete reassessment. The rose has modulated and been joined by a gently spicy smell; the effect is reminiscent of Floris Malmaison. If only it didn´t take 2 hours to get here

Lorenzo Villoresi Garafano is the Big Moustache. carnation, laced with rose, jasmin and geranium. Nuances of lilac, cyclamen, ylang ylang and aromatic spices. Top note: lavender, floral notes, green leaves. Middle note: carnation, jasmin, rose, cinnamon, cyclamen, ylang ylang, geranium, pepper. Base note: heliotrope, vanilla, musk, cedarwood. How odd that it took so much for the carnation to come out? Like a big moustache, lots of flourish, but I can’t seem to find anything to love in this line.

Cheeseburger

(Marina) Holy Tuberose! Mamma Tiara! Creamy, buttery, tropical. Sand and Sable? Aloha Tiare? Does not smell bad at all, just kind of robust and straight to the point, no subtlety here. Let me put it this way, I won´t be surprised if it is a $90 scent by some company like L´Artisan, but I won´t be shocked either if this is a $9 Coty fragrance. My guess is it is somewhere in the Coty league.

(March) this smells like cheap-as-sh!t juice built around a Cherry Coke accord. Probably comes in a pink bottle shaped like a soda can. Let me further embarrass myself by saying I really like it, and would probably wear it regularly. (Later): well, in the drydown this has a full-bodied winey jasmine richness and I am a fool, since this is where the budget stuff tends to go seriously off the rails. I am now guessing a hideously expensive niche LE harvest fragrance that captures, using the finest ingredients gathered by barefoot nuns at sunset in August, the elusive smell of the Cheap-Ass Cherry Coke Flower. Smells like AG Songes without that awful, bitter armpit part. NOTE: Could NOT resist: layered with Doctah, it rocks!!! I´m probably going to be consigned to some special circle of Perfume Hell for doing that.

Immaginal is Cheeseburger. I reviewed this one too, and I didn’t hate it, just hated the hypey text that surrounded it. It’s a cheeseburger, not truffles, but being a cheeseburger is really okay. March, layering it with Doctoah somehow seems just, well, wrong!

Daisy

(Marina) Seems to be a classic Eau de Cologne along the lines of Guerlain´s Eaux. Lemon blossoms? Orange Blossoms? Some jasmine? This would be quite nice for summer.

(March) I need, like, an industrial-size spray paint canister to apply this so I can get a bead on it. It´s completely inoffensive and herbal, but that´s all I can tell you. Smells tres niche. Let me go dump on the rest of the vial. (later) Smells like Dior Cologne Blanche, only stronger. It´s fine. I wouldn´t snipe it on eBay. If you gave it to me, I´d wear it.

Le Labo Fleur D’Orangeur Is Daisy. I do adore this one. You, March, Orange Flower Slut, how can you not love this? It’s the only Le Labo I’ve become smitten with so far.

Doctah Doctah

(Marina) Now we are talking. This is interesting. Savory, smoky, salty, leathery, woodyà¢â‚¬¦I might need to get this. I really might. This to me spells à¢â‚¬Å“nicheà¢â‚¬? or à¢â‚¬Å“vintage, long forgotten classic men´s scentà¢â‚¬?. I need this and I think Judith (lilybp) might like this too.

(March) Mmmmmmm. Is this Armani Prive Encens? Something similar. A dry, dry, dry (water, please!) meditative (did I mention dry?) incense smell, with a hint of woods (dry woods) because it´s trying to do the armpit thing but hasn´t. Yet. I´m hoping/praying it won´t because it´s just gorgeous. Wow. Hey, maybe this is Coty Wild Woods, gotta go smell my decant! (later) No, Wild Woods is more resinous. That Prive Encens is amazing, huh? But this is different à¢â‚¬¦. Wood-smokier somehow. One of the CDG ones I haven´t smelled? Avignon? The Russian one? Or, wait, the Japanese one à¢â‚¬¦. mmmmmmmmmm. Uh, can I have some of this and some Cheeseburger? Please?

Le Labo Vetiver 46 is Doctah Doctah. You two are both just sick and twisted. This thing is just nasty, it’s embalming fluid in a bottle. It could be that I just hate Vetiver, but that can’t be true because I adore Vetiver Tonka! I tried it on again just to be sure, and I’d rather have Tubereuse Criminelle without the tuberose than this. Maybe my nose is damaged and not smelling some notes because I completely am mystified on how anyone can like this. And Robin liked it too! Color me clueless. And hand me a syringe full of something narcotic before I’ll ever want that thing on me again. This is one I’m going to do free sample giveaways on just because I have to find one other person that will agree with me.

Gramma

(Marina) So delicate I can hardly smell it, and yet it has the same nose-hair-burning note that Vanilla Exquise had (benzoin?). Me no likey and I am sure this is some highbrow overpriced la-di-da thingie.

(March) What did I ever do to you to deserve this kind of evil? Oh. My. God. It must be, basically, cedar. I cannot come up with anything else that would smell that horrible on me. If you could smell my left wrist right now you would curl up and die. Cedar and à¢â‚¬¦ pepper? Mustard? Cumin? Excuse me, I have to go remove this. Immediately. Okay, I´ll wait 5 minutes but that´s IT. (15 minutes later) I am going to have to cut my whole arm off. Honest. You don’t OWN that, do you? I’m gonna have to send in the DEA guys in those hazmat suits like they do at the meth labs to throw that stuff away. (Next day) I couldn´t believe it was really that bad, maybe I was off? So I put it BACK ON. Mother of God. I am sitting here laughing, tears rolling. Don´t you f*%uking EVER send me anything like that again.

Le Labo Rose 31 is Gramma — gramma on a Harley. That you both jointly hated it makes me feel better somehow. And not even hated slightly, but detested. *Vindication!*

Hotel California

(Marina) – Department Store Scent. -Some designer´s attempt at an “interesting” perfume. Floral, fresh and with an annoying, unnecessary gourmand (chocolaty) note. The new Missoni scent? Chocolovers? Another Ugh.

(March) That is some nasty, sweet juice. My teeth hurt it´s so sweet. This is one of those frootylicious things that I absolutely loathe. Smells like … melon… musk… muskmelon? … icky plastic Glade floral …Raid? I wish you could see my face all squinched up like I´m sucking on a lemon. This is either your rank drugstore entry, or this could be one of those dag-nasty Escada summer crap scents. Ibiza Hoochie. Rio Bimbo.

New Missoni Fragrance is this one, Marina guessed it! This is the second accurate guess at what a perfume was so far. Why can’t I find a name for it other than that? Well, I guess that one will do. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave the Hotel California of perfume.

Low Rider

(Marina) Whereas Hotel California was a Department Store Scent, this one is one step down on the ladder. Low Rider screams, Drugstore! Fruity (Apples? Cherries? Both?) scent that smells like a Garnier shampoo or one of those hair conditioners that they put in hair-dye boxes. I am guessing Paris Hilton or Shania.

(March) Huh. This I can´t figure out. This is going to be one of those egg-on-my-face ones. It´s different, I´m not just pigeonholing it. What is that, anise? Some sideways-sweet smell like licorice. Is this that other Rahat, the KM? It´s really evanescent like a KM. Hmmmm. A faintly gourmand thing, very subtle. I´m going to wait and see where this goes. (later) Okay, I stood at the sink and dumped the whole thing over my arm; gee, hope that wasn´t $400 juiceà – you know what this reminds me of? When I was a kid and we were allowed to blow stuff up, we used to get all the hard-core fireworks for the 4^th of July. Anyway, this is like the giant gunpowder fountain volcano. You light it and… wow, look at those really cool green and gold sparks! And then … ruh roh ,,, It just went OUT?! You wait. Nothing. It´s a dud. That´s what this is like, a very faint anise/fruit smell, and that´s it. I don´t care how fab it is, if I have to pour a jigger on my arm, it´s not worth the trouble

Brittney Spears Curious was the Low Rider. I didn’t hate this as much as Marina did, but I like fruity smells better anyway. I agreed with March mostly, it has some good elements, just never really finishes it. Like those Low Rider pants, it shows too much, and in the end, without more substance to hold it together, it’s just butt crack.