Three New Laws and other assorted Friday riff-raff

Now that we have all selected our Queen of the F&*ing World Perfumes, now we must do our first three royal decrees. You all must pick yours as well.

1. All Serge Lutens scents will be available outside of Europe twice per year.

2.  Ormonde Jayne must start putting scents in 100 ml bottles or allow me to bring over a big Mason jar and fill ‘er up.

3.  Caron urns will be flowing in the courtyard at noon every day, but if you don’t like Caron, over to the right, in the shade will be the Guerlain and Hermes bar. No tacky EDTs in sight, everything will be Parfum.

Guerlain Plus Que Jamais — Holy crap, I can’t believe I have 3 mls of this in my possession. Treating it in my every-so-gentle way, I ripped open the vial, prepared a fresh spritzer, poured it in, then sprayed it all over.  And if you tell me you would not have done the same thing, you are missing one of life’s great pleasures, using an unexpected treasure with abandon. This ranks right up there with tipping up a bottle of Cristal while sitting in the back of a pickup truck.

March got her mitts on this one already.  It goes on intoxicating, like your first beer or cigarette.   Um, oh, no, it has tonka bean in it. I don’t think I really need to say more. It’s like the best of Attrape-Coeur meets Vetiver Tonka with a splash of the best of Vega (ylang-ylang and vanilla) in my head and without the too-much-powder problem I have with most Guerlains. I don’t believe there is any going back for me. This is some seriously glorious juice and worth every damn penny it’s going to cost me to get it.   I hope Mr. Metz didn’t make a typo in how much that 125 ml bottle is going to run. If he did, I will have to just, well, insist that at Target,the price it is marked, even though a horrible mistake, is what he has to sell it to me for.  Yes, that will work with him, I’m sure (rolling eyes). It’s my Guerlain that I’m totally in love with!  *weeps with joy* 

Wickle Chestnut and Vetiver —
March and Scentzilla already yakked this one up. So much so that I had to get mine own little 5 ml bottle too! This really is just a slice. Earthy and nutty, my hand is just glued to my nose, I need a full bottle of this. It’s great at any time, but it should come in a room spray for Christmastime.  Get thine own here.


Denise Richards… not trustworthy with your husband, ex-husband or the truth, or totally wronged woman and friend?  I’m pretty much going with lyin’, husband-stealin’ ho. As long as Charlie keeps his mouth shut from this point forward, he’s going to come out of this looking like an angel — slightly less perv.

Madonna and the “I want you to think I just Banged a Horse Pictures”  You know, when you’ve done a book called SEX, I guess there’s really not too much you won’t do to make sure you stay in the public eye and on top, career-wise.  Pictures that seem to suggest that you’ve
conquered the stallion in, ahem, carnal ways — including one with Madge smoking a “post-coital” cigarette, laying on top of the horse that’s laying down — for most people seems downright disgusting in a Tijuana Parlor of Bestial Amusements kind of way.  How in the world would you explain this to your children? Art?  Mommy needs her career so she can add millions more to her billions, so she pretended to get it on with a horse in photos?

No wonder we have Libby Lu’s… and frightened horses.

  • Flora says:

    Oh, my – we only get THREE decrees? 😕 Well, in addition to the Serge Lutens decree which I totally am on board with, here goes:

    1. Patou, Caron & Guerlain will hereby reissue all their discontinued/classic fragrances under wide distribution. There will be Jeroboam sizes avaialable upon request.

    2. Frederic Malle will open a stand-alone boutique in my town within the next year. At the Grand Opening they will unveil their newest fragrance; it will be by Olivia Giacobetti, and I, as Queen, will receive a free bottle of it (any any other FM I choose) as due tribute to my magnificence.

    3. Synthetic “marine” notes are hereby banned from now on and unto all eternity. Violators will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

  • Cait says:

    Heheh. I like the Barbie in proximity to heads will fly. It made me think of a pink guerlain bottle in which the cap is a Barbie head, which can satisfy the apparently popular pastime of barbie mutilation among children, male and female.

    OK. Here Are My Laws:

    1. Songes will land perfect on my skin instead of turning into bitter poison for the first three hours.

    2. Famous and emerging perfumers will remember to always email me to send me advance copies of their perfumes because I am an exuberant reviewer and deserve free gifts.

    3. Grasse will never stop growing jasmine.

  • Amy K. says:

    Decree #1: L’Artisan shall create a new fragrance centered around purple clover. Its name must be something cute and French.

    Decree #2: No EDT/EDP can cost more than $80 per 3.4 oz. bottle unless (the royal) we are convinced that its price is based on the actual cost of ingredients.

    Decree #3: Cumin has hereby been banned, along with civet, non-synthetic musk and Angel.

  • March says:

    She also realizes she is more likely to get Colombina the Terrible’s permission if she learns to spell Colombina’s name correctly.:d

    Otherwise, heads will fly.

  • March says:

    March the Maleficent decrees that there be no more dust or dog hair.

    She is also contemplating adding “heads will fly” to her regular repertoire of perfume comments, along with such hoary chestnuts as “skank,” because it makes her giggle for reasons she’s not clear on. However, she will need Columbina the Terrible’s permission./:)

  • Patty says:

    MtM and CtT, you two are scary.

    Pam, if we can add No more dog hair ever ever ever ever, I’m on board with the ban on dust.

  • Marina says:

    I wholeheartedly second the three decrees issued my Maleficent royal colleague, March, especially the Decree 2 and 3. One more silly pink Guerlain bottle with a “Barbie” on its box and the heads will fly. :-w

  • March says:

    I, March the Maleficent, decree that:

    1) The great perfume houses listed above will each create a parfum that captures the smell of the iris flower, rather than the root.

    2) Guerlain and Coty will dig around in their archives and reissue their finest creations, using whenever feasible the original ingredients. I can live with a nasty rash. I cannot live without oakmoss.

    3) All my favorites will come in lovely bottles and not the ever-cheaper, cheesy-looking bottles with plastic parts and cheap labels as each house tries new ways to save money.

  • Emotenote says:

    First of all, on the Modanna thing..just..euwww! Isn’t she coming out with a frag? And if so, please tell me this is not the ad for it, or any indication of its contents. As for the decrees:
    #1 I have to “hear hear” on the Serge Lutens.
    #2 There will be no overpriced perfumes just because the client wanted to be individual. If you want your individuality, keep it to yourself!
    #3 I really really need to agree with Pam’s dust decree.

  • Pam says:

    Patricia Regina. Has a nice ring to it. . .

    1) ITA with the Caron urn law. And with Guerlains over in the shade, it’s even better.
    Count me in.

    2) Agree with CtheT. No more water babies. Off with their heads.

    3) Non-related frag law: dust will never, ever fall again. Never. :-w

    BTW, that ol’ Madge is a worn out caricature of herself.

  • Patty says:

    *quaking in fear* But I’ll go along with those beheadings, fer sure.

  • Marina says:

    Decree 1. Every perfume line has to send me, the QotFW, their new fragrances as soon as they are released. If they fail to do that – heads off.

    Decree 2. If I judge the aforementioned fragrances to be too similar to other scents on the market – heads off.

    Decree 3. If a perfume house dares to release an aquatic scent- you guessed it – heads off.

    Signed, Colombina The Terrible.

  • Patty says:

    Yes, new! Go Google it, it’s her new thing. She wasn’t selling enough stuff or packing the house with the more uptight matronly stuff, so she set off to do a shoot with a stallion.

    They’re really horrible. I saw them on E! News and my eyes just boggled. I think it’s for a W photo shoot. Keep your eyes peeled for that.
    is where I got this picture from.

    Can’t find the rest of them online yet because if I hadn’t seen them myself, I would NOT have believed it.

  • March says:

    Well, there you go, you just need to spray a ton of PQJ on. It sounds like paradise! I just couldn’t get enough of a fix with my taste.

    That Wickle C&V — of course you’d love it, I keep forgetting how much you like vetiver.

    I’m still thinking about my decrees.

    OMG, that Madge pic — is that NEW? Or is that one of the old ones from the Sex book? I mean, she’s just so crunchy and uptight now that she’s taken on her Lady of the Manor persona…