From Bad to Worse

I was malled.

Marc Jacobs Daisy is a little nothing of a fragrance that I happen to like.  I don’t even think I need to go look at my original review to quote myself: it’s a fragrance entirely devoid of sex appeal.  In this case I mean that as a compliment; Daisy is the perfect gift for your eight-year-old niece, your aunt, or anyone whom you think might appreciate the whimsical bottle.  By the way I’m referring to the EDT; the EDP has just a hint of muskiness to it that barely registers on the skank scale, but the EDT smells entirely clean to me.  Anyway, I don’t want Daisy and I don’t wear it, but I get the point.  It’s got the generic, sexless appeal of D&G Light Blue without Light Blue’s astonishing sillage or tenacity.

Enter Marc Jacobs’ Lola, which is supposed to be Daisy’s slightly older, vampier sister (I’m laughing at the way spellcheck keeps correcting vampier to vampire.  What would a vampire wear?  I’m voting for Lutens A La Nuit or Datura Noir.)  Notes for Lola are pink peppercorn (is that trend not dead?  Someone drive a stake through its heart), pear, ruby red grapefruit, pink peony, rose, geranium, vanilla, tonka and musk.  Unlike Daisy, this perfume is a little nothing of a fragrance that I don’t like.  Its generic ubiquity is every bit as imaginative as the outfits of the last 150 teenage girls that strolled by me in the mall in their vaguely trashy camisole-and-bra-strap getups (and yes, one of them is my daughter.)  Lola starts off with some citrusy action, and by citrus I mean something one step up from the wet-wipes you get on the airplane, and then it’s all warm vanilla sensual-muskiness.  In terms of sex appeal, this is the 50-foot Woman constructed out of marshmallows.  My guess is it will sell like hotcakes.  Fairness dictates that both my (female) movie companion and another woman mentioned how very much they liked it, which also should give you an idea of the sillage.

While I at least understand Lola conceptually, I am totally baffled by Michael Kors’ newest fragrance, Very Hollywood, which is being marketed as a “sophisticated floral” for women.  The fragrance notes are mandarin, frozen bergamot, moist (!) jasmine, raspberry, ylang ylang, gardenia, iris root, creamy amber, white moss and vetiver.  Again, while I am not a huge fan of the original Michael by Michael Kors signature scent on me, I feel obligated to note that it tends to crop up regularly when I ask women around me what that pretty perfume is they’re wearing (the other one: J’Adore.  Clearly I enjoy these two, albeit at a distance.)

But this thing?  Please.  Michael.  “Sophisticated?”  This thing brings out the witch in me.  Look at that trashy bottle (okay, it’s trashier in person).  If this were presented on Project Runway, I’d make it cry by telling it to its face that it looked cheap and tawdry.  But that isn’t even the bad part.  I don’t care how much bergamot you froze to make this, it is toooooooooo sweeeeeeeet.  It makes Lola look like Vol de Nuit.  It has all the sophistication of a Whitman’s sampler, without its charms.  This thing is atrocious.  If it were a frozen blender drink it would involve something like crà¨me de menthe, curacao, Bailey’s and cotton candy.  Also, that moss/vetiver accord at the bottom is the pine-tree air-freshener version of “fresh” on me, and you know how much I love “fresh.”  Other than that, it’s perfect.