A Shot Across the Bow

By March

I swear, I was over there just to grab some MAC wipes, my hand to God.  Because I’ve tried other things, including straight jojoba oil, and MAC wipes are the only things that can remove my dermatologist’s zinc-‘n-silicone sunscreen crap from my face.  I park under Bloomingdale’s, and they made me drink a triple-quadruped espresso on the way in, so this post might be over-caffeinated.  I’m setting it up in Drafts, and let’s see if Patty and Anita post it, or whether they delete it.

I asked the nice fragrance SA if I could smell anything “new,” new to me being anything in the last six months, so I’m way behind y’all.  I miss that part of my life so much, you don’t even know.  Anyhow, she trotted out Marc Jacobs’ Dot, which she described as “fresh” and “clean,” two friendly words that basically signal the kiss of death for me.

This photo does not do the bottle justice at all; it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.  It also reinforces the belief that 90% of the cost of every new department store fragrance is in the marketing/bottle, and 10% in the juice itself, as an afterthought.  Only in this case I’d say 98% went to the marketing/bottle.  I’m not going to dignify this mess by looking up the notes.  I wouldn’t give this to my 10-year-old niece, she’s too sophisticated for it.  Marc Jacobs, your stuff used to be cool, your skeevy-ugly Juergen Teller photos aside.  Dude, you didn’t even phone this in — your phone was disconnected.

We moved on to the Ferragamo with the pink satin bow on it, which she wouldn’t spray for me.  So that must be pretty pathetic. I said, how about anything else?  She trotted out Valentina by Valentino, which Robin reviewed on Feb. 23, giving you an idea of how out-of-date I am.  I liked it far better than Robin did, mostly because for the first half hour on my skin it smells like a combination of crushed Necco wafers and the Gold Bond foot powder I use inside my dress pumps, and I mean that as a total compliment.  It’s not edgy enough for spokesmodel Freja Beha, for sure — google some images, but not from your cubicle, because Freja’s photos are NSFW.

Was there anything interesting to be found?  Sure — at Anthropologie.  I’m not buying their adorable vegan (pleather?) off-white cutout handbag for $200, fingers crossed it goes on sale.  The local store seems to have jettisoned most of its fragrance portfolio, leaving behind Ineke, Tocca, and a couple other stand-by’s like L’Aromarine.  I picked up Barr Company’s candle at random, and thought it was fun in a mildly cocoa-nutty way.  Then I tried the lotion, because the listed notes were “milk, oatmeal, vanilla, and vetiver.”  You know who you are, you milky-scent freaks.  It’s so great.  No Play-Doh, not too sweet, smells like … well, what it says.  Five hours later, I can’t stop sniffing the lotion on the back of my hand.  I think my moaning in the elevator scared the nice gentleman trapped in there with me.  I wish they’d stocked the perfume.

Also:  Anita, Patty and I and some other special Posse friends are planning on going to the fall Sniffa in NYC, just … because.  October 13-14, hope to see you there.  Drop a note in comments if you’re thinking about coming.

PS I bought another MAC lippie, which I need like a third eye.  My instructions to the SA: I have tons of bright MAC colors like Gaga and Russian Red, which require prep, powder, pencil, and precision; true nude makes me look like a corpse; I want a “natural” lipstick that covers my naturally purplish lips but applies like Chap-Stick, so I can put it on using the office elevator door for my mirror.  The SA, Joe, was totally unfazed, I can’t be any weirder than the rest of his clients.  I left with Modesty in a Cremesheen, and it’s exactly what I asked for.