Hi there Posse Peeps. We are almost completely off topic today, just a little perfume at the end. Life Can Be Overwhelming. Just existing can sometimes feel like too much.
In the last few weeks though I’ve seen how life can be overwhelming up close and personal. A friend who is quite low functioning on the spectrum. Her Mum has been hospitalised and will be going to a care home. Unfortunately my mate was kept out of the system by her Mum. Now that she is in desperate need we are having to start right at square one. I had no idea how hard the system is to navigate. Also, how little information they offer willingly. It’s like they’re gatekeeping the important stuff. SO FRUSTRATING. You have to know people or have been involved since birth. Add to that my friends extremely heightened anxiety levels. It had become impossible for her even speak rationally on the phone or in interviews.
So I’ve been doing a bit to help and hooking her up with some people I know in the fields. Watching my friend devolve into a terrified wreck has totally reoriented how silly my problems seem (not toxically negating my real problems, just reappraising levels). Fortunately, after two very intense weeks there seems to be some light at the end of the tunnel. Not perfect outcomes but some leeway. Time to get the best outcomes (hopefully) while having a roof and safety.
Life Can Be Overwhelming
We have found some real gems along the way.
A free Medicare Mental Health Drop In Centre in the heart of Parramatta (Sydney’s second CBD, where I live). Offering a tactile room, a dark room, a kitchen and a couple of quiet areas made for anyone experiencing mental overwhelm. There are also a selection of trained Mental Health Carers who are also free. They have so much information and a really good network. This was a game changer.
One of my mates runs an NDIS (National Disability Insurance Scheme) school for youth and older who need to learn life skills. He’s having extraordinary results with all points on the spectrum. From basic house cleaning and self care to computer skills and job placements. We went in to do some stuff for my mate and the students were so focused and many were excited to talk about the work they were now doing. This is 100% Government funded.
A girlfriend does clean ups and moving for people living in squalor or with hoarding problems. Another Government funded project that is helping to change lives for the better and a godsend for my buddy. It will mean that she can take things needed for her onward journey, will organise what Mum will need for hers and get the place emptied.
Words To Live By
Here’s a paragraph. Can’t remember where I saw or heard it but it’s been bumping around a lot this fortnight.
I’m being reminded daily how lucky we are to live in Australia. It’s not a perfect system and it’s an enormous behemoth to try and navigate but in many ways it’s there for when Life Can Be Overwhelming.
So what fragrances have I been wearing to keep me grounded during this adventure? Aesthete by Le Galion, Diamonds and Emeralds by Elizabeth Taylor, Poivre Noir by Serge Lutens (thanks Tom!), Jaipur by Boucheron and Montego Bay Rhythm hand cream.
Smelling fabulous can really help when Life Can Be Overwhelming. What do you like to spritz when it all seems too much?
Portia xx
Hi, Portia. You are such a wonderful person to help your friend. It seems like you’ve accomplished a lot already. I am older, widowed for a very long time, and my 35 yr old daughter lives with me. It’s nice when she’s home from work but she doesn’t have a partner and i worry about her down the road.
I’ve been overwhelmed lately with house stuff and dental stuff. I wore Do Son to the dentist. If i were home it would probably be Shalimae or Cuir de Lancome in the fall here in the Us. Merccury is retrograde, things can be frustrating.
Focus on how far you’ve come in the journey with your friend.xxoo
Jill
Hey JillS,
Very few of my female buddies have husbands or even long term partners. You don’t need to worry about it. They have each other and the gays to take care of them. Sometimes chosen family is a better choice and more fulfilling. The road is open and awaiting her when she’s ready for adventuring.
Do Son sounds like a fabulously calming choice for the dentist. I had my own dental drama a couple of years ago. It’s expensive and scary.
Good luck with the house stuff too.
Yes, you’re right. each step forward is a step forward.
Portia xxx
I really admire how caring and helpful you are, Portia. Your friend is lucky to have you! I must admit I am envious of Australia’s health care system; living in the US I can only dream of such good coverage.
When I am feeling overwhelmed I either wear some of my beautiful vintage chypres for courage, such as Jolie Madame, Tabac Blond and Poivre or soft perfumes to soothe me, such as lilac or orange blossom. Some of those are Aerin Lilac Path, En Avion, Osiris and Mandarine Basilic
Thanks Robin, bet you’d do the same if a buddy needed you. Yeah, it’s so strange to me that you all don’t have universal healthcare too. I think we pay 4% of our taxes to it. It would cost a LOT more if we had to pay.
Beautiful choices, AND you have them in vintage. Lucky you. I am also a Mandarine Basilic fan. I was going to buy a Harvest bottle but it was gone before I did. BUMMER.
Portia xx
Life can be extremely challenging. Navigating health care systems takes so much energy, especially mental health care. I was touched by how you help your friend.
I wear scents like Magie Noire or Silences when I am overwhelmed. I am not sure why. They seem to calm me down the most.
Thanks David,
You wear the GOOD SHIT to get you through. I love a floral chypre too. They are so satisfying AND they let my mind completely fly free. Such beauty.
Portia xx
This person should be kissing their elbows that they have such a loyal and helpful friend. As we do..
HA! I love you Tom, to the sky and back.
Kissing their elbows! HA HA HA HA HA
Portia xx
Portia, I’m sorry your friend is having to meet these challenges. You are a star for stepping up to negotiate the system & advocate for her.
Many find it too difficult to discuss what will happen in the future when the worst happens. I know some believe even talking about how life will change or death will make it happen.
Having spent 14 years as a cancer research nurse one of the most important discussions was making the most of life, including making plans for future inevitabilities. Discussing care of others & self, financial arrangements & end of life wishes make difficult & stressful times easier. Ideally, we should also try to write them down for reference.
When times get tough for me I try to keep things simple. No perfume for me other than the simplest of aromatic colognes.
Thanks Alityke.
Yeah, I find it interesting how little many people discuss future problems. One of the major reasons Jin and I got married was so the law would listen in emergencies, that both of us would be the immediate recipient of everything should the worst happen and to keep itv safe from my litigious sister who turns up at deathbeds and funerals with lawyers (well, pretty much).
A cancer research nurse must have been both fascinating and heart wringingly awful. What a roller coaster of a job.
Portia xx
With my family’s medical history of young deaths & vascular dementia we always expected that I would go first & planned accordingly.
DH getting incurable cancer at 61 turned our plans upside down. Wills have been rewritten, including a Trust to protect the house, as best we can, from future care charges. Wishes for our last offices are written too.
These are the life skills school children needs to be taught. Might be handy they know how to save, buy & sell houses, apply for mortgages etc. These skills are more important for life than knowing the square root of 760
Agreed on the learning, we were taught some of it but not enough.
So crapola that your dude is sick. HUG
Portia xx
Portia, I’m so happy to hear things are going forward for your friend – and I’m equally happy that you’re able to assist her!
I am not going to even touch on the US healthcare system, lest I burst into tears.
Yours seems like it’s actually
( mostly) designed to care for you!!! Squeee!
I always wear No 5, head to toe, for challenging situations, channeling my inner Faye as Joan 😉
Musette,
I forget how insensitive it is of me to talk of universal healthcare/welfare when the USA is the only modern world leading nation that doesn’t have it. Sorry to flex.
Yes, it is not a perfect system here but it does provide a pretty good landing pad. If you have the time and acuity to navigate it.
No 5. Definitely a platinum set of armor to wade into life’s hellscape with.
Portia xx
No!!! Not ‘insensitive’ at all – it is what it is! I’m just grateful that SOME countries ‘get it’ – damb shame ours doesn’t.
And No 5 isn’t platinum. It’s..TITANIUM!!! (and I absolutely adore ‘life’s hellscape’ 😉
HA! Yep, titanium fits.
Oh, honey. Welp! As I type this our heat has gone out. Hoping to get a plumber over here today. But that “problem” is minuscule compared to so many. I have a roof over my head, power’s on, food in the fridge, and space heaters. It’s always good to count some blessings and appreciate what’s right instead of resenting what isn’t.
CRAP March! You guys get VERY cold over there, right? Good luck with the fix.
Sure, the problem is small in the grand scheme of things but they doesn’t lessen its impact on you. It is nice to count blessing though, at any time. Food in the fridge and petrol in the car makes me feel safe and secure. I can stay or I can go.
Hug
Portia xx
PS: I think the Posse should all meet in Canada
Hear hear for a Posse meetup in Canada! How about Vancouver? I’d be happy to help out with suggestions etc.
How COOL would it be AnnieA?
MASSIVELY COOL
I wish your friend well. It’s so important to have people who try to help in this sort of situation. Especially given how even the best healthcare/mental health offering can still be so complex. You have a good heart. Perfume for girding loins… Mitsouko.
LOVE Mitsouko Cinnamon, I wore it to bed the other night. Awash in its beauty I sailed away.
Thanks, I’ll pass on your well wishes. She’ll love that.
HUG
Portia xx
PS: Had a couple of Aussie mates who live in London to dinner last night. It’s got me itching to come revisit.
Oh, that would be lovely. Further, I should hear on the timing of memorials being installed for my mother and grandparents next year. So, I should be in Paris at some point …
PARIS! Good for you.
We don’t have Europe on the list next year.
In Feb a small crew of us go see our girlfriend Rose who opened her restaurant Domo in the Singapore Raffles compound then skip over to Busan in South Korea to hang with Jin’s family. It’s a quick 10 day adventure and we are so excited for both catch ups.
Then later in the year we are taking Jin’s parents and Aunt to Thailand to celebrate their 50th Wedding Anniversary. We are hoping that his brother and wife can join us from Slovakia too.
2027 late in the year we are doing a Balkans Tour, hoping to fill the 25/6 seats with friends. So maybe I/we can divert to London or Paris after everyone goes home. It’s a work in progress.
Portia xx
It’s great to be able to give a helping hand and let someone know it will be ok and probably even good. It’s kind of you to be there for her.
Sandalwood is the one for me during rough times. I have several that I like/love. Right now my favorite is the all natural Voyages Imaginaires Comme Un Gant. I also think MMK would be wonderful.
Hey there Maya,
Yeah, it’s very satisfying to have helped make a difference. Especially in such concrete ways.
OOHHHH Sandalwood! Love it. I’ve never heard of Voyages Imaginaires Comme Un Gant. Thanks for the tip.
Portia xx
What a kind friend you are, Portia, as well as practical.
Am currently dealing with a health challenge, and will probably wear Bulgari blue tea or something equally gentle, when I can.
Hey AnnieA, it’s the practical that is most needed in dealing with red tape. My practical powers have definitely been put through their paces.
LOVE the Bulgari tea series.
Good luck with your current health challenge. Wishing you best possible outcomes.
HUG
Portia xx
Wow Portia! You are a stellar human being to help this person in need, going out of your way to navigate the agencies that are out there and available to help. Good on ya! When life is stressful for me, I tend to get a migraine so I need light and easy scents like Bottega Veneta Knot, 28 La Pausa, or Bulgari Omnia Crystalline. Lots of bergamot, neroli, and iris.
Hey DinaC,
It’s definitely been an instructive couple of weeks, for us both. I seriously had no idea. It’s easy to forget how privileged I/we live. A safe home, food and health are luxuries.
Sorry to read you are a migraine sufferer. I’ve suffered fairly debilitating headaches but can’t even imagine what it would be like to migraine. HUG.
MMMMMMMMMM nice choices for low key loveliness. Did you stock up on Knot before it got the chop?
Portia xx
I snagged a mini bottle of Knot but not a full-size (yet). Rats!
Fingers crossed one crosses your path at a decent price or as a gift DinaC.
In the US, it’s a nightmare for us disabled too and waiting lists are years long for anyone. One of my friends ended up in a group home. His mom died and his mom and dad never discussed on what would happen when they where gone. When the mom died, he was left to do whatever and his dad got too old to take care of him and put him in a group home. That is why arrangements need to happen much earlier. You know, so we can build support groups before something happens.
I normally wear no 5 when life gets to be too much.
Hey Eldarwen22,
I’m sorry to read about your friend BUT sometimes a group home is a godsend. Imagine if there was nothing for them? I think my friend would acclimate very quickly to group living, if that became an option.
No 5! What a sensational pick.
Portia x