Bad Girl Perfumes… everyone has one or more, the ones they go to when they want to feel sexy, desirable, vampish, or just to go with their Dominatrix outfit. In honor of Valentine’s Day, we bring you the Spank Me Collection, personally endorsed by Patty and March. If you want to Get Lucky tonight, we recommend one of the following:
Patty’s List
Serge Lutens Tubereuse Criminelle - I don’t care what March says, this rocks, from that blast of camphor to the little tuberose that peeps its head up when you least expect it. If you have your whip tucked in the belt of your leather jumpsuit and are ready to teeter over to the local Spank Me Hard Bar and Grill on your Jimmy Choos with the 4-inch heels, you’ll need this to ward off overzealous beaus, The Undead or Parliament.
Most likely to wear this: Maggie Thatcher, Joan Crawford and Martha Stewart.
Frederic Malle Lipstick Rose – Bored ’50s housewives having cocktails at the club, with their big white sunglasses and too-red lipstick and a prescription for that new wonder drug, Valium, in their pocketbook, this is the smell they leave on the lipstick print on the highball glass and stubbed-out Chesterfields. Go ahead, drop your car keys into the glass bowl for a little swap action later.
Most likely to wear this: Mrs. Robinson, Virginia Wolf and Stiffler’s Mom
Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb – The Iron Maiden — goes on soft and floraly, but with the engine of a freight train. She’ll befriend you, seduce your husband and then kick your dog when you aren’t looking.
Most likely to wear this: Marquise de Merteuil
Serge Lutens Rose de Nuit – This is some decadent juice. It is disconcerting to have this many roses on my bad girl’s perfume list, but the rose is often full and lush and almost overripe. If ever my old dream of owning and running a nightclub were to come true, this is the perfume I would wear as I booted out drunks, listened to tales of love gone bad and collected unsuitable beaux.
Most likely to wear this: Mae West and Miss Kitty
March’s List
Fifi Chachnil – First of all, this is what I hoped Velvet Rope would be – kind of edgy, and weird, and alluring. (Velvet Rope, for the record, was Velveteen Rabbit on me – or maybe Velveeta. It smelled like Fresca and jellybeans.) Coriander, mandarin, rose, lily of the valley, amber, tobacco. To my nose the coriander translates into a strong hit of pepper and cinnamon (maybe even nutmeg?) but this is not even remotely a foody scent. There’s a little skank in there…. a little club hopping. A guy with an interesting tattoo, a pack of American Spirits and a smack habit. How does something so dirty come out of that cute little I-Dream-of-Jeannie bottle?
Most likely to wear this: Lara Croft, Betty Boop and Miss Piggy
Bal a Versailles – No finer minds than Scentzilla, Columbina, and, uh, moi have declared this a winner. Columbina said: “Bal à Versailles would be a great accomplice if you wanted to seduce, stun and enslave somebody…” Ignore the Baroque Powdered Wig action on the bottle and inhale…. Ah. There. The smell of the naughty things, the sheets kicked off the bed, the blindfold, the gentle stroke of the hand just before the crack of the whip.
Most likely to wear this: Bettie Page, Karl Lagerfeld
Guerlain Jicky – More than just Spank Me Baby, it is also a little Rat Money per Patty’s post. On Scentzilla’s scale, this is petite mort. Basically they grabbed the civet and squeezed its fanny right over the mouth of the bottle. No, seriously, I mean that as an ENDORSEMENT. I think this is what Bandit is to other, even more twisted folk. Sure, it’s wearing a pretty silk dress, but look – no panties.
Most Likely to Wear This: Cruella de Vil, Sean Connery (he DOES wear this!), The Vicomte de Valmont
Great choices of Bad Girl Scents, all of them, each for a different kind of bad-ness! Super.
evil:
This- “The smell of the naughty things, the sheets kicked off the bed, the blindfold, the gentle stroke of the hand just before the crack of the whip”- is so goosebumpingly well-written, you must be speaking from experience, Bad Girl Patty!
Naw, that was Bad Girl March that wrote that. Me, I know absolutely zero about whips, except the one in Coup de Fouet.
Your Jicky post made me laugh out loud - well done you, I don’t do that nearly often enough. Although someone on Perfume of Life described it as Lavender Play Doh - put me off somehow.
Oh, you are a bad, bad girl, Patty! All those naughty girl fragrances smell divine.
Thank you for this twist, and a very different take, on V-Day.
Hugs!
LOL!! Great post, and extra thanks for sticking up for Tubereuse Criminelle. I’ve got to dig out my sample of Fifi some day…I think I just can’t reconcile myself to the name.
Oops, I am so sorry, March, it was indeed your part of the list that was ever so naughty!
You guys sure do cheer me up! I am ready to move from a hellacious Valentine’s workday to a much more promising evening now that I’ve read this.
I repeat: you should sell decant collections based on these great lists:wave::smile:
Marina — I bet Bad Girl Patty does TOO know all about whips; this post was her idea!
Heather — Lavender Play Doh my @ss! If you haven’t smelled this, please do so.
Robin — it IS a dumb name. I’m sure there’s some great marketing story, I’m just too lazy to look it up.
Cait — my sample of Malle Musc showed up yesterday. That would have been on this list, I kept thinking of your story re: The Dogs….will withhold further info until my next Candy post.
Wonderful choices! I love and wear all of them–except Flowerbomb, which struck me as surprisingly tame. Your column persuades me, however, that perhaps I should give it another chance. And certainly, M, please add Musc Ravageur!
Crack that whip!
I LOVE this post - awesome (and hilarious) pairings of scent to persons real or fictional. Just… yeah. What fun this was to read. More, more!
Well, P’s too busy *working* at her actual job to answer fan mail… Flowerbomb, meh. I mean, to me, it’s just really floral. But I think P supplies her own Inner Skank when she needs it.
evil:
Katie — well, we definitely need to add the Musc Ravageur… had to go look up how to spell that, if I’d known I was going to become a scent junkie I’d have taken French. Ay caramba!
FB requires the right ooomph to give it what you need, inner skank works.
I just find it fierd, sorta like Chinatown is fierce. It’s not no girly flower.
we both had fun with this one, but I blame the naughtiest bits on March.