I heard you all missed me… 

I´ve returned a bit later than I planned to, so I hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday season and 2009 is off to a good start. I wish I could say the same from where I´m sitting; things did not work out exactly as I´d planned, and instead of a communiqué from the Great White North, I am now hailing from somewhere south of the Mason Dixon Line. A dramatic paradigm shift, I know, and I am calling it a “pit stop”. It may be a cliché, but, “The best laid plans…” Well, you know the rest.

When last seen, I was heading to Canada for what I thought was going to be more than a “pit stop”, but the Canadian Border Services Agency thought otherwise. Although I am not a Canadian citizen, I am the daughter of a Canadian citizen (my deceased mother), and have been traveling there all my life to visit my family. I´ve never had a problem crossing the border via land or air, even over the past 7 years since “security” has taken on a whole new meaning. I´ve always known my luck was bound to run out sooner or later and run out it did, spectacularly, and at a very inconvenient time. I´ll spare you all the gory details, but I will advise anyone planning to travel to Canada to do so with caution, especially if you choose to cross at the Thousand Islands land border crossing in New York State. This facility serves as a “sin bin” for those Canadian Border Services employees of questionable character and intelligence. If you don´t believe me, I´ll give you my immigration attorney´s phone number. His exact words to me were, “That is one bad-ass border crossing.”

In the meantime, I am barred from traveling to Canada until next October; Seriously. Feel free to think of me as your friendly neighborhood enemy radical. You can literally smell me coming. The upside is that I am now working towards finally obtaining dual citizenship. I´ve started and abandoned the process a number of times; governmental bureaucracy is not my preferred poison, especially when dealing with the Canadian government. Their citizenship guidelines have changed many times over the years, and I´ve been eligible and ineligible at different points. Now it seems I will once again be eligible in a few months, so I am definitely planning on doing the deed. By the way, the fragrance selection in the duty-free shop on the Canadian side at Thousand Islands is lame; REALLY LAME. Not exactly what I wanted to say, but I´m trying to keep this within the boundaries of good taste.

Suffice it to say, this entire situation has been a shock to my system, and it has affected me in ways I could never have imagined. I´ve been vacillating between the gallows humor, anger, ridiculousness, and sheer ignorance and stupidity of it all. This would surely make a damn good story to regale people with at cocktail parties; not that I attend many cocktail parties, but if I did, I can definitely envision holding court in someone´s living room, putting people off their drinks and watching their jaws drop to the floor. In reality, I´ve been fogged over to the point where I have been unable to take pleasure in most things that used to give me pleasure; including fragrance. Things smell differently to me now, and what I used to love to smell, I can´t seem to stomach. Fragrances I´ve raved about smell “off” and ones I used to sport on rare occasions now provide more comfort than I ever thought possible. Is it any wonder that Donna Karan´s newly re-issued Chaos is what I reach for most often now? My rave review of Estée Lauder Sensuous should be stricken from the Posse archives because it now makes me gag. Lostmarc´h Lann Ael: Syrup of Ipecac. Bond Scent of Peace: a metallic, sour grapefruit nightmare. L´Artisan Vanilia: rancid burnt sugar mixed with baby vomit. I am not well…

The only smells that make me happy these days are the aforementioned Chaos, Comme des Garà§ons´ Harissa; am I literally full of piss and vinegar – er, blood oranges and chili peppers? I think I might be. Incense Zagorsk; pimento berries and pine have never smelled so right. Occasionally, Satellite Padparadscha works its way in, but Idole de Lubin makes me feel like I have an over-proof rum hangover. My bottle of Christian Lacroix Tumulte Pour Homme is down to the dregs. I had squirreled it away because it is impossible to get. Now I would offer up a vital organ to whoever can tell me where I can get some more. My Serges? Don´t even go there. Muscs Koublai Kahn reminds me of a horse barn that hasn´t been mucked out in decades. Borneo 1834 smells like a construction worker in need of a steel wool scrub-down. Animalic is completely out of the question and skank is officially off the menu.

The only “foodie” or “gourmand” scents I seem to be able to tolerate are Philosophy´s Cranberry shower gel, which I believe has been discontinued, and Pacifica´s Mexican Cocoa pillar candle. Actually, you might find me curled up in the fetal position in front of the Pacifica candle display at Whole Foods. I never cared for them before, but now I find them powerfully soothing. Trolling department store fragrance counters used to be powerfully soothing, but I can´t bring myself to go there yet. I think I´ll get back to them eventually, or this could possibly be an existential crisis that will permanently alter the course of my life. There are many days when I don´t reach for fragrance at all, which is what I find most shocking. In the past, not spritzing or dabbing on something was tantamount to forgetting to put on underwear. Now, it´s a regular thing.  

Here´s an update: I ventured to the local mall for the first time since my reverse-relocation to pick up a few non-essential kitchen implements. I´ve been watching a lot of Food Network cooking shows over the past few months and those seem to soothe me almost as much as Pacifica candles. I realized I couldn´t live without one of those long-handled mesh strainer thingies, so I ended up getting two. Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa, has me jonesing a French food mill, but I couldn´t find one. I´m not that disappointed; I do own a food processor and a blender. I wandered through Sephora and sampled Ed Hardy Love & Luck. Big mistake; worse than Ed Hardy Women.

I deliberately parked outside one of the department stores so I could exit through the cosmetics/fragrance area. The only scent I sampled was Harajuku Lovers “G”. It was soft, coconutty and not too sweet. There were still some of those cute solid perfume compacts for sale and they made me smile. I didn´t buy them, but I´m seriously thinking I need them. The road back might not be as long as I thought. Stay tuned…

Thanks to the lovely and always gracious CarmenCanada from Grain de Musc, whose review you can read at the link, we got to sniff a little of the newest Jean-Claude Ellena Hermessence, Vanille Galante.

Those of you looking for a nontransparent, nonluminous JCE perfume, you can just keep looking, you won’t find it here.  Do you think he answers the phone, “This is Jean-Claude, my favorite color is clear!”?  I do adore his work because I think that sheerness, while still retaining the essence of what you’re trying to capture, is like working in pastels and watercolors without having it look all floofy and girlish.  Vanille Galante is green and lily on the open, with just hints of vanilla, fairly nonspecific, floating around.  Lily always goes a little soapy on me in the early part of the drydown, and Vanille Galante followed that pattern.

Once it emerged from that, the green recessed nicely, the lily didn’t get all blowsy and big, but the vanilla emerged in just the way I want my vanilla. Not car freshener vanilla or the woman at the theater that drowned herself in Sugar ‘n Vanilla from Walgreen’s, but like fresh Madagascar vanilla pods, a little smoky, but leafy, like you had the actual pod in your hand next to a very subtle lily and perhaps just a bit of white chocolate.  It is breathtakingly subtle and smells completely like a JCE creation, creamily transparent.  What I want the most to do is to have my own bottle soon so I can spritz it all over. I have a feeling this one will work on me similar to the crack-like Vetiver Tonka and Osmanthe Yunnan - mostly floating around in a cloud because it gets lost on my skin, but that cloud surrounds me all day long. 

If you are looking for a traditional sweet vanilla or strong vanilla, this won’t be for you, but if you want to see a treatment of vanilla that’s not been done before, you should find this interesting.  I adore it, but I’m not sure that will be a universal thought.  Already the cries can be heard in my head of the perfumistas, “But it doesn’t last!  It’s barely there!”  Sometimes less is more, especially when it comes to vanilla.

Word is it should be released the end of January or first of February in Paris. Not sure what that translates to stateside as far as time, but in the past, it has taken 2-4 weeks to hit the states after it releases in Paris.  In the meantime, I’m going to buy some lilies and hold them next to my Madagascar vanilla pods and inhale to my heart’s content.

Paris is lovely, as always.  The winter light here just blows me away, and I’m busily snapping pictures daily.  We’ve done more of the tourist thing this time because my uncle has had a bad cold, so we haven’t been able to spend much time with him.  We’ve gone to Montmarte, Sacre-Coeur, Notre Dame, St. Germain wandering, St. Chappelle – wait, can I just bitch briefly about this?  What a gorgeous chapel, but 8 euros just to get inside and see one freaking gorgeous room?  I’m no cheapskate, but that really pegged my wtf meter right out of the parking stall.  We tried to see Pere Lachaise cemetery this weekend, but it was closed – dangerous! said the signs, snow and ice!!!  Well, at least if someone falls and cracks their heads, they don’t have far to go, but seriously, how dangerous can a cemetery be?  We were wickedly disappointed and vowed to go back every day with a grappling hook until we can get over the wall and in. I want IN that cemetery. I love cemeteries, and my head is full of all the pictures we’ll take there, but I need to be over the wall.  Ideas?  We went to the Musee d’Orsay, and this week is the Louvre for at least one day and then a day or two of whirlwind shopping.  It has been a great trip, but all trips are great when you go with lively people who are game for anything.

Patty

We got sidetracked in the comments recently about what might make a good all-purpose fragrance gift, and Lunarose made the suggestion that we do a post on that topic.  I think that´s a great idea.  Here are my thoughts — agree, disagree, add your own.  Guys — sorry, I did this aimed at women.   Feel free to contribute your male equivalents.

1) If it´s a friend or relative who lives nearby, and someone I know well, I´d take them shopping, show them some options, and let them pick their fragrance.  This post is about giving a quasi-generic fragrance to someone you don´t know especially well and/or wouldn´t necessarily drag shopping with you — your Aunt Sally you see once a year, or your distant cousin Jane on her 40th birthday.

2) If your response is, well, don´t buy fragrance for someone you don´t know – if I have to buy something for Aunt Sally, because this year I got her name in the Christmas gift draw, I figure my chances of getting her a fragrance she likes aren´t any better or worse than any other gift (chocolate, clothing.)  If she doesn´t like it she can …

3) Return or exchange it, which is why I would try to pick a reasonably available fragrance from a place like Nordstrom or Sephora and I´d include a gift receipt.  I don´t think Macy´s takes used merchandise back.   If Aunt Sally loves your gift, she can get another bottle, or the lotion, without having to go to Florence or Tokyo to get more.

4) Also, for no good reason, I´m going to keep the price limit at $100 or less, but you don´t have to.  In fact, you can declare all my rules stupid.  I´ll give some rough price quotes for each and correct me if you know I´m wrong.

5) These fragrances are for adults, and I´m defining “adult” as … I don´t know.  Age 17 and up.  If they´re 16 or younger I´d buy one of those cute Marc Jacobs Daisy gift sets I got for my niece and call it a day.  Also I should mention that I threw a bunch of Jo Malone samps (the most benign ones) into her gift box and she really liked those too, the orange and grapefruit were big hits.

So, after some consideration and two painful, rigorous days of re-sniffing the candidates, my winners are:

1) Hermes Kelly Caleche, pictured at top.  A soft floral, with notes of iris, lily of the valley, mimosa, tuberose climbing rose and leather. It´s pretty without being fussy, it bears the Hermes name which signifies quality, you could wear it to work, and it´s grown on me over repeat sniffs once I got over the missing leather, in fact it’s rather peppery on me.  The bottle´s handsome.  You can buy it at online discounters for $50 (!) or in stores for $75.  Alternates: regular Caleche or Caleche Eau Delicate.

2) Chanel No. 5 Eau Premiere pictured at left – again, it bears the name of a quality brand, it smells classy without being aloof, and like Kelly Caleche this is to me an all-day fragrance that you could go to dinner in and still feel pretty.  A softer, more light-hearted interpretation of No. 5, with aldehydes, jasmine, rose, ylang-ylang, iris, amber, and patchouli, and about 50% of the time I swear I get a hit of incense … whoops!  This breaks my $100 price point by $25 at Nordstrom.  Maybe it´s online somewhere cheaper. 

3) Bulgari Pour Femme, which is the fragrance that started our conversation in comments.  I don´t find the bottle particularly elegant, but it isn´t hideous, and most people would associate the name Bulgari with something luxe.  Nordstrom: “A clear and sensual fragrance, with a unique note of sambac jasmine tea, mimosa, fresh flowers and Prelude rose.”   You can get an entire gift set (1.7 edp, body lotion, and shower gel) for $86 at Nordie, probably cheaper at online e-tailers. UPDATE: nope, taking this off my list.  Maybe I got a bad bottle, or they tweaked it, or maybe my taste got better.  It smells weirdly plasticky on my skin.

4) Coach Regular, at left, a slightly aquatic floral (mandarin, guava, violet leaves, water lily, honey, orange flower, mimosa, jasmine, sandalwood, amber, vanilla) or Legacy (lighter and more gourmand – florals, amber, vanilla, woods.)   The bottles are pretty, I hear they´re selling like hotcakes, they seem to have broad appeal.  $75 for either.

Off the top of my head, things I did not include:

Prada Infusion d´Iris, because so many people can´t smell it at all.

David Yurman, because too many people can smell it.  Okay, kidding, but if I remember right this is one of those fine-by-me mall frags that many of you loathed.

The Vera Wang oeuvre.  These should be on my list, right?  But they all seem so … blah, except the original, which I dislike mildly. What’s the deal with VW?  Am I anosmic?

Eclat d´Arpege.  One distressing part of this research was that everything begins to smell like Light Blue.

While I´m issuing random, biased edicts:  one fragrance I would not give would be Chanel No. 5.  Follow my twisted reasoning.  For those of us “into” fragrance, which I assume you are if you´ve read this far, Chanel No. 5 is an admirable icon that you, personally, may love or not.  I think for the general non-perfumista giftee, though, Chanel No. 5 might seem almost painfully generic – like it´s the only fragrance on the planet and you wanted something “classy” and you put five seconds into the thought process.  For the general public, No. 5 is the high-end version of grabbing a gift box of Jean Nate off the shelf at CVS.  Your gift needs to look like you put more thought into it.

So … which one of my list would I want?  None of them.  Okay, if pressed, I’ll take the Chanel.  But can I tell you what a frustrating, mildly depressing experience this was?  How grateful I am for my fragrance collection?  How you should learn from my mistakes and never, ever put Ed Hardy Love & Luck on at the same time as Gaultier Ma Dame just so you can remind yourself what that newfangled gourmand stuff smells like?   Here´s what I´d take – a bottle of Annick Goutal Eau d´Hadrien, which I practically fell to my knees in front of and sobbed over when I picked it up after Day One of this sniffage.  You have no idea how interesting Hadrien smells until such a moment.  Day Two I threw caution to the wind and sprayed myself with the last liquor-like vestiges of Opium EDP in the almost-empty bottle at Nordstrom.  I´m sure you could smell me across the breezeway to the parking garage, but hey-  at least I was worth smelling.

Okay, your turn!  What are some good generic giftable fragrances?  Would you give a fragrance in these theoretical circumstances, or go with something else?  Have you ever given (or been given) a fragrance like this, and how did it work out?

March

Man, has this ever been a full moon couple of days.  I won’t even bore you with the weird details.  Instead:

1) For those of you who have wondered, over the past months/years, exactly what it is the Big Cheese is doing on his extended trips to Asia — among other things, he is collecting art.  For the past several months we’ve been working on his gallery website.  It is far from complete and still needs a fair amount of revision in terms of content, and he’s still uploading images, but if you’d like to see some interesting artwork, here’s a link to his site. I’m really proud of the work he’s done.

2)  My  86-year-old dad dragged me to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button yesterday; he wanted to see it because he’d read the Fitzgerald short story decades ago, and I had to drive him.  I had zero interest in the movie, based on a review I’d read and my assumption that the alleged items of interest were: 1) Brad Pitt and 2) watching the wonders of prosthetic makeup as they reverse-age him, and who cares?  I thought the plot sounded stupid.

Instead I was blessed with one of the best movies I have seen in recent memory.  It is fundamentally about love in its infinite variety, and the ways we express love, and the price we pay for daring to love one another.  My father and I cried at different parts (it begins around WWI, and some of the historical stuff really resonated for him.)  I’d say go see it just for its sheer retro gorgeousness — the clothes! the cars! — but that would be selling the movie short.  I didn’t cry because the movie made me feel sad; I cried because the movie made me feel.  Also, it’s got Cate Blanchett and Tilda Swinton, my idea of heaven.

Cribbing from the review in Newsweek, “the overall impact of Benjamin Button is greater than the sum of its parts. The metaphor of a life lived backward is strangely haunting. Benjamin’s saga is singular yet universal: anyone who has contemplated his own mortality will find it hard not to be moved by the evocation of the fickleness of fate. Lyrical, original, misshapen and deeply felt, this is one flawed beauty of a movie.”  Also, go when you’re ready to kick back and relax  — I didn’t realize until we left the theater that it’s two and a half hours long, a movie length that in most cases would have me climbing the walls.  Not this time.

image: Khine Minn Soe, Guavas,  chrisdodgegallery.com

March

Paco Rabanne 1 million:
From your ad I would’ve thought
You’re butch and young and streamlined,
But you’re more the zaftig sort.

I don’t like Aedes de Venustas Eau de Parfum
that much. You probably don’t agree
But it strikes me as a dank incense
and leaves me shiveringly.

Amouage Homage.
Those round French vowels, so very nice.
But you’re one not yet tested:
Too much rose and too much price.

Chanel Beige takes to the stage
And I know what my problem is -
It’s chic and cut-glass, a class pain-in-the-arse
And I just don’t get that biz.

Dior Homme Sport is unrelated
To its sibling Dior Homme
The latter’s iris is replaced
by a citrus rom-pom-pom.

El Attarine – a luminescent dream
Is how you started out.
But now the more I sniff you,
Dirty musk is all you shout.

Gaiac 10 may be too slight
To command quite all that trouble
To obtain it.  But if more available,
I’d get it at the double.

Gucci by Gucci pour Homme:
Sniffed and not outstanding.
But James Franco – hubba hubba!
A fine choice in their branding.

Kenzo Power
Power of flower.
Bottle lovely.
Juice nearly a wower.

Oh Duchaufour! what’s happening?
You’ve gone all weird aquatic,
With Mag Romana and Fleur de Liane
I’m seriously unerotic.

Tom Ford White Patchouli:
The pornmeister likes his oxymoron.
And who’d've thunk that this bland pap
Is where he stopped getting his whore on?

 My excuse? A lousy cold that started mild and has had me in bed for three days straight. And it’s not even pleasant company. Please, do better below. 

Lee