Ever since I read Patty’s post yesterday, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about skank. Yeah, that’s the way my mind works. First, I’m totally not impressed with the price tag of that Petite Mort stuff – I wouldn’t care if it was multiple orgasms in a bottle. I don’t care that there are only 100 bottles, and if I had a grand to spend on a bottle of perfume right now, I’d want it in a vat as opposed to a teensy 10 ml bottle. The whole thing just adds up to a cheesy gimmick.
When I think about skanky as opposed to sexy, I have visuals in my head that might be a bit politically incorrect. Again, I’m in the mood to just let it fly, so think of me what you will. And please, comment away; I have a feeling I’ll still have enough piss and vinegar left over to answer all of them.
Skank immediately brings to my mind an image of Pamela Anderson. For me, she is just the epitome of skank. She was cute on “Home Improvement”, but I never watched an episode of “Baywatch”, partly because the concept just never interested me, and I was totally demoralized by how those girls looked in their bathing suits. I don’t know what happened to her her after that; the watermelon freak-show breast implants, the sex tape…she’s one big “eeeeewwww!!!!!” for me, and the older she gets, the skankier she becomes.
Runner ups in the skank category are those girls who starred in the Bret Michaels “Rock of Love” VH1 reality train wrecks. Particularly that Daisy De La Hoya chick. Yes, I watched those. Why? Because I was in desperate need of some “check your brain at the door” television and those shows fit the bill like nothing else. With all the Ed Hardy product placement in those shows, every time I smelled the scents, I couldn’t help thinking that all those girls smelled the same. Those were some nasty fruit cocktail smelling skanks. Not to mention puke, Doritos, and God only knows what else.
Before I get myself into serious trouble, I’m moving on to sexy. Here are my top 10: Elizabeth Taylor, Lauren Bacall, Ava Gardner, Ann Baxter, Faye Dunaway, Anne Bancroft, Catherine Zeta Jones, Salma Hayek, Anna Paquin and (please don’t hate me for this one) Kim Kardashian. Personally, I think sexy is much harder to pull off than skanky, because you really have to work at it. Skanky has become, um, ubiquitous; which is probably why that Petite Mort crap struck a nerve with me.
Sexy is a mindset, and I think, it comes naturally for the women I chose for my list. You can immediately tell when a woman is trying to hard; everything from her hair and makeup to her fragrance is attempting to evoke a certain image. And when you lump them all together it isn’t hard to imagine disaster.
I’ve never personally worn any fragrance because it’s sexy or skanky. I wear what I like. Yes, I’ll admit to being intrigued by the “schwetty balls” aspect of fragrance, but again, if it’s a scent that’s trying too hard, the sexiness is lost and the skank rears its ugly head. Etat Libre d’Orange’s infamous Secretions Magnifique got us all hot and bothered, and it definitely resides in the “trying too hard” category. Serge’s Muscs Koublai Kahn is a masterpiece. Some of you get “horse barn” from it, but I adore it. Bruno Acampora Musc is another underrated gem, and if your idea of sexy veers off into hippie territory, nothing is better than Kiehls Musk. I’m not even going to discuss patchouli.
The next time I hear about another one of these hyper-exclusive, super-expensive orgasmic scents, I’m plugging my ears and moving on. I don’t care who the perfumer is or what the angle is. And I believe this comment is apropos considering we’ve been talking skank for the past two days: Opinions are like assholes; everybody has one.
And on that note, I invite all who care to opine, to let ‘er rip.