Every June, El O goes to “The Boogie” – some godforsaken rally in Southern Indiana where they camp and act foolish and then he regrets going because it’s hot and stanky and manky and he just wants to come home. But before he does all that, he stops (always) in Hooterville Indiana to buy supplies – bologna (always – which is weird, because he doesn’t much eat bologna at home), fixin’s (including some manky-assed ‘Murkan Cheeze’ bug spray and….body wash. Now…why he doesn’t pack these things in his dopp kit is a mystery (we have enough body wash in the cupboard to stock a small general store).
The bologna is Oscar Mayer. The ‘Murkan Cheeze’ is Kraft. The Bug Spray is Cutters. And this year….the Body Wash is Axe.
Yes, you read it: AXE!
I saw this black plastic bottle on the sink and my head started pounding. See, when my dad stopped showering daily, he started wearing two body sprays: Bod and Axe. Bod was an immediate headache inducer, with Axe running a close second. It took me ages to figure out why, every time I would walk past my pop, sitting in his chair in the little sitting area in his kitchen, my head would start pounding. Then his CNA said ‘honey, it ain’t you. It’s that damn BOD he sprays – it’ll knock you OUT!!” and she was right.
El O…..I dunno…maybe it’s Midlife Crisis. But who would want to be a 14 yr old boy again? Or else he just grabbed it by accident. Whatever…OMG! that stuff is terrifying! This one is Axe Chill Black. I was talking to March about it – she has a teenaged boy so she knows alllll about it – and she said “it’s the Night Train of shower gels”. I love that girl. Y’all remember Night Train, right? When I was in High School it was what all the tough kids drank to get a buzz. I thought it tasted like cough syrup – and not the good cough syrup, either (when I was 7yrs old I drank an entire bottle of then-yummy Vicks 44 cough syrup, with the codeine! Hospital. Stomach pump. Good Times. ) We were laughing about the Axe names. The NAMES! You think this smell is bad? How ’bout”
Deep Space (deep space?)
how does this work in tweens: “gee, Bobby, you smell GREAT! ” “Thanks! It’s Deep Space” “ooooh! Deep Space!”…..naah. They don’t talk like that…do they?
so…..have any of you smelled any of these?
Whatever. It all stinks. I can smell it in my sinuses still. Black Chill is going in the terlet. I’ll fill the bottle with Ivory.