Awhile back I got a pamphlet from our County Emergency Mgt group, a primer for disaster preparedness – we live in an area high in tornado and straight line wind incidents, as well as the possibility of Big Ag chemical disasters (a former chemist/fire chief neighbor said ‘forget ISIS. Worry about the drunk missing the turn outside of town and plowing into the anhydrous tanks!’) Anyhoo, that pamphlet triggered my always-present Inner Ant, and I went searching for additional info,because it wasn’t like I wasn’t already freaked-out enough, right?. Google “disaster preparedness”. Acres of stuff – who knew? And there are levels: from “I got a flashlight’ to full-scale bunkers, with MREs and enough ammo to shoot up Toledo. There are the Doomsday Preppers and their ilk – not that scary because they are so far beyond the norm. But then I came across this article! and Joe Patio is now…PREPPING! They are regular folks, with regular jobs who, nevertheless, are prepping for What May Come. Now, a lot of the ‘normal’ preppers are looking at it the way every responsible person should: forget Zombie Apocalypse – what about wildfires? Hurricane Katrina, a real, rolling, financial collapse or a ‘Contagion’-type virus outbreak? Even the preppers who live in high rises have A Plan. And every stinkin’ one of those Plans includes a Bug Out Bag (BOB) – the more prepared have BOBs in both their homes and their vehicles – ALL their vehicles. ‘Cause let’s face it – ‘regular’ people still have to go to work and there’s no guarantee a tornado, economic collapse or the Zombie Apocalypse is gonna wait for you to get home. The articles had lots of good advice but in the end it was all a bit disheartening – personally, I would much prefer to go on living in Uninteresting Times, cutting my grass and making coffee in the morning. Disaster is NOT An Adventure. Those who think they are ready for a natural disaster or global financial collapse or the Zombie Apocalypse have no freaking idea – there is no soundtrack for that sort of thing and there is no guarantee you will be the Sheriff.
This whole thing gave me hives so I decided to shift Ant’s focus a bit. Since I was still on Red Alert!!! I thought “hey! we’ve already got the Clif Bars and batteries and bandages. But! What About Beauty?” Bugging Out will be exponentially less of a drag if you have a Beauty BOB in tow. So I set myself to the Ant task of mentally assembling a Beauty BOB. In order to make it interesting, I put some parameters in place:
1. You may have to physically carry this bag and since Beauty does not trump Survival, there will be no one to mule this for you. You get to take 6 things. Total. Six. S.I.X.
2. Beauty ONLY. (Perfume = Beauty). if you don’t have antibac and bandages in your real BOB you are already toast.
3. I’ll come up with something insane for No 3 – or you can!
Scenario: I’mo have to grab that BOB and haul ass out of the house, with no idea when/if I could return. First thing on my list: CLEAN. If I have to wash up in a gas station restroom I still want to feel good So I chose the Eggwhite Soaps Tigs intro’d me to, the last time she was in Chicago (thanks, sweetie!). The smell alone will triumph over the gas station restroom – and it’s a luxe, sudsy bar that lasts a LONG time and you can use it head to toe. Beautyhabit (get the 6-pk so you have one for your spouse and your BFFFE’s BOB. Leave the rest in your bathroom – hey, you’ll be back home soon. right? RIGHT? of course you will…)
SOFT. This one was really tough for me. My heart said Amouage Gold Body Creme. Then it said Carnal Flower Body Butter…then the Ant said ‘you get 6. T, remember? And you have a face.’ So……I went with …Moisture Rich Silk Cream by Tatcha. O.M.G. this stuff is so fabulous. It’s so rich that just a little dab’ll do ya, so you don’t have to kill yourself trying to find a refill. Plus, I am NOT leaving it for some zombie to stick her rotting digits in. So there.
SMELLY! I was going to torture myself by only taking one perfume but I beat the Ant way the hell down on that one – it’s MY 6. I’ll do what I want. So I picked two. Amouage Gold extrait and Carnal Flower. I never tire of either and they’re at opposite ends of the scent spectrum, imo.
If I do get bored I’m sure I can find some Soul Curve or JLo Glow in a burned-out CVS somewhere. If the Ant had triumphed and I could take only one fragrance it would have to be my vintage Chanel No5 from the dramming bottle (don’t tell Ant, okay? But I plan to grab that little apothecary decant on the way out, anyway. And that’s just how it’s gonna be. But don’t tell her, okay? She’ll fret.). HAIR! I can do without shampoo (a hot rinse is fine) . I can do without color (cry). I cannot do without product. But this was an easy one because there is one product that can do double/triple duty on my Boo Radley-assed hair. Kiehl’s Olive Fruit Oil Conditioner (it’s the Hair Pack stuff in the jar). Ever notice how Michonne’s hair always lays tight and right, even when she is knee deep in zombie gore? She probably picked up a case of this on her way out of Atlanta. Tied it to one of those zombies she used as sled dogs (remember those? I fell in love with her, right there and then.)
LIPS! There was a toss-up between lips and eyes, then I remembered that I cannot drive without some sort of lippy, so LIPS! won. I mean, it won’t help me to have Twiggy lashes if I back the motorhome into a tree, right? In the past year or so I have found myself unable to function without Soyphisticated Candles’s Organic Lip Balm in Peppermint. I buy them in bulk and use them almost exclusively. I can’t wear lipstick without this as a base so into the Beauty BOB it goes. Of course, I’ll have a backup in my pocket. Oh, c’mon! Like you wouldn’t! Let’s face it – every stankin’ one of us is toast. I can see the Undead, shambling after us as we lope away (’cause you know we won’t be running), clinking and clanking with perfume bottles and decants in our pockets, holding up our pants that look like a loaded diaper. You know I’m right.
So…you’re haulin’ out of Dodge. What’s in your Beauty BOB?
Oooh! I meant to tell you guys! I absolutely LOVED reading all your ‘Memories, scent and sound’ comments! That all-pink house sounds terrific! And Beaman’s Gum! I can taste that right now (or better yet, I can smell it!)
Mikasminion got picked in the random poke. Gmail your ol’ evilauntieanita and I’ll get some fun out to you, pronto!
What a funny idea, and I like the lists, but I’ll just have faith if I get evacuated there will be a drugstore in thenext town.
What fun! That diaper aside made me tear up with laughter. So true!
But anyways, if only six, then:
1. Baby wipes , who says I will be able to wash at all?!
2. A good dry shampoo. I have a one night only hair, and who wants to look like a half-digested bowl o spaghettis at Doomsday?
3. Coconut oil or shea butter for head to toe moisturization and slight wrinkle and sun protection (plus the scent!)
4. A good smokey eye pencil. No way getting into sight without eye MU.
5. Rochas Femme, as we would both become heartbroken killing machines without one another. And the fact that smelling like luscious warm skin would only attract more zombies in my direction? Hey, I didnt wanna become Sheriff at the first place anyway!
6. Mona di Orio Vanille. To enbalm my body in case I don’t make it to the next outpost.
Seriously, I am the kind of person who actually is prepared with lists and stuff, but never actually packs up anything. Maybe I should.
But this was hilarious!! As well as all the comments.
Only 6 things? It takes a whole lot more than that to make me look presentable. I’ll bring some avocado or coconut oil because I can cleanse and moisturize my face with it and use it in my hair. I need Bite Beauty’s Agave Lip Mask in Champagne so my lips don’t fall off and to give me just a little color. I’m taking my industrial size bottle of Mitzah with me. I need a good concealer stick because without concealer I look like a zombie. My tweezers don’t count because those would be with a few tools in my other bag. I’m not bringing sunscreen because if it’s the end of days I going out with some color damn it. I’d flip a coin to see if I brought Cardinal or Avignon. Lastly, deodorant/anti-perspirant because I hate sweaty pits.
you goofball! Deodorant is key! and is why you should already have that in your REAL BOB~ I carry tweezers with me everywhere except in an evening bag ….and even then…maybe!
xoxoxoA
Well now, I live out in the woods, so we have no choice but to be preppy insofar as we don’t get to town often and are somewhat stranded in heavy rain or icy/snowy weather, so we keep a lot on hand. And yes, we have BOBs in each vehicle, and I keep back up prescription meds, and OTC stuff like Advil Sinus and such in it, too. We got stranded after Katrina for a few days, and I learned available lesson about what I need to keep on my person at all times.
Beauty wise…. the only beauty thing I wear regularly is lippies, and I cannot go outdoors without some sort of lip protection with SPF. Thankfully, one of the YSL Rouge Volutpe lines have SPF 15 in them, and I love the formula; I’d take Rose Culte. (And also a backup chapstick with SPF 30 which I refuse to count) I’d also need my Erno Laszlo black soap and some Aveeno or Cerave lotion, which leaves me room for three perfumes. I’d take Jub25, Bvlgari Eau The Verte, and Joy EdT splash. Possibly AG Rose Absolu, but I have worn Joy in some form or other since I was three years old and I can’t imagine being without it, especially in a Zombie Apocalypse. Perhaps I’d give up the lotion for the AG. Without a shower I’ll probably be oily enough to negate any need for lotion, no? And I would totes shave my head so I didn’t have to worry about washing my hair. (I have a hat in my actual BOB, so that need not count as a beauty item)
Great topic!!!!!!!
Yep, we live in a decent size town but 30 minutes outside of town and you can get completely hosed in the winter……..we have wool blankets, handwarmers, protein bars and water in our cars all the time. (and a comb, and baby wipes). But maybe i should put some sample vials in there for morale if i’m stuck in a snowy ditch for a week…
It wasn’t until I moved to a rural area that I realized how brutal and uncaring ol’ Ma Nature can be. I now keep those things in my car at all times, as well. El O, not so much, alas. I am terrified of getting stuck in Winter – the battery in my SUV died one February morning – we were on our way back into town. He got us off the road and out of the blistering wind – but neither of us had a hat, etc….I was crying like a 3rd grade girl! And I wasn’t even out of the car! lol! xoxoxoA
“clinking and clanking with perfume bottles and decants in our pockets, holding up our pants that look like a loaded diaper” Musette! Yer killin’me! 😀
1. Kirk’s Coco Hardwater Soap. It’ll lather in any kind of water. But maybe I’ll have to look into the Eggwhite Soaps…
2. Aveeno moisturizer with spf 30. Good moisturizer; I burn easily in about 15 minutes in full sun so this is a must-have.
3. Facial Oil from Mountain Rose.
4. Natural bristle hairbrush.
5. Tweezerman tweezers–these are small so can I sneak in an eyeliner pencil or two?
6. My largest bottle of vintage Yves Saint-Laurent Y, (although I love Shalimar too. And Le Maroc Pour Elle. And…oh dear…)
XOX
lol! on the hairbrush! It’s like the SPF stuff – what’s essential for one is ‘huh?’ for another. A hairbrush would be at the absolute bottom of my list – my hair would rear up and bite me were I to try to brush it!
I LOVE Kirk’s Coco soap. Forgot all about that. But I think you would LOVE the eggwhite soaps. They are phenomenal.
Your diaper is already, loaded, QC! You are not going to make it out ahead of the zombies, with all that perfume…….just sayin’…xoxoxoxoA
hahaha! I ordered the Eggwhite Soap, by the way.
I’m on the lame “I’ve got a flashlight!” end of the scale in real life, but here are my Beauty BOB picks:
1. Korres Iris body wash – smells great, free of all the bad stuff
2. Bobbi Brown Beach lotion – another great-smelling product, jasminey lotion that’s silky smooth
3. A favorite green scent like Premier Figuier Extreme, Sycomore, Envy or No. 19
4. Palmer’s Cocoa Butter swivel stick – great for chapped lips and cuticles
5. Shea Moisture Coconut Oil & Hibiscus Curl & Shine Shampoo – for my long wavy-curly hair
6. Aveeno daily moisturizer with spf 30 to keep me from frying to a crisp
I’m halfway between the ‘flashlight’ and the ‘bunker’ – I’m on the road in a few minutes and it’s 70F here right now. But it’s November…so my Car Bag has a winter jacket and some slip-on boots; El O thinks I’m nuts. I think he’s nuts, since he would hightail it out of her without so much as a sweater.
Your list smells divine!
xoxoxoA
I’d sure be caught by the zombies anyway, but my beauty BOB would be:
1. Soap – a big iris Neste Dante.
2. A Lush solid shampoo because it lasts and lasts. I’d choose the Rose Jam smelling one because rose is good for the soul.
3. Cologne to be used like the amphetamine pills in Invasion of the Body Snatchers: I’d need 200 ml of Hermès Eau d’Orange Verte.
4. Shalimar Ode à la Vanille, for the cozy nights inside a sewer. Home is where the heart is.
5. Almond oil, to clean my face and hydrate my hair and body.
6. Sunscreen fps 30, a few lush solid perfumes, Chapstick and dental stuff. Yep, totally cheated, I’m unfit for the apocalypse scenario!
well, take a plastic bag with you, too. That way, you can load that 200ml bottle and use it as a mace! 😉
xoxoxoxoA
and ps. we are all cheating! What good is the Apocalypse, if you can’t cheat, right?
Beauty BOB? 6 items?
Battery op Clippers because less hair means less stink.
Claus Porto Banho Citron Verbena Bath Soap. It’s 12oz, large and light so will last for months and smells fabulous.
Nivea Post Shave Balm Sensitive 100ml. It’s all I’ve used on my face for decades.
AVON Foot Works because my feet crack till they bleed if I don’t look after them.
Shamilar parfum spray
Toothbrush/paste/floss. They better count as one piece or else.
Portia xx
Pragmatist that I am, absoutely couldn’t survive without toothbrush/paste/floss. Trident and floss at a bare bones minimum!
That’s already in your real Bug Out Bag (the toothpaste, etc) but it’s prolly good to have a beauty spare as well. And I know what you mean about da feets. I keep a tube of Neosporin for my weird little toe thingy. I would tie that tube into my hair before I would let it get left off a list. <3 xoxoxoA
I could make it with just my bottle of Arquiste NANBAN, the most beautifull perfume in the Universe. The other people in the bunker would forget about my dirty hair and chapped lips because they’d be too busy begging for another spritz of The Glorious. That leaves me five more items but I’m a minimalist so I’d just grab my big gold Buddha and the Broadway soundtrack of Jersey Boys. Covers all the bases. Good to go?
0
Typos, sorry, that’s “Good to go!”.
You can use that Buddha to bash in some zombie brains! xoxoxoA
After getting stuck in the middle of nowhere a couple times, a couple bars of Dial soap will do for both shampoo and washing the rest of my body. Vaseline lotion (esp. the spray lotion) works really well with keeping the skin looking pretty good. For my lips, I’d probably go with Kat von D’s Hellbent lipstick or plain old Chapstick. Perfume wise, I’d go with either a bottle of Epic Woman or a bottle of Chamade. So many really tough choices.
My Uncle Frank, an MD, once said that all anyone really needs is aspirin and Dial Soap. 😀 xoxoxoA
This is tough. I would bring a jar of Sekkisei dry face wash powder, there’s a ton in there, it does a great job, and is very lightweight. …..one of the large sticks of Badger Lip Balm because the small one won’t do and you can’t fight for your life with dry lips. I would bring a bottle of LUSH Olive Branch and use it on both body and hair, and a bottle of camellia oil (Oshima Tsubaki no. 1 hair Care Oil) to be able to comb through my hair, also makes a great skin moisturizer. And I would bring a bottle of any SPF 30 sunblock (large, generic) to not get crispy. I’d bring a jar of LUSH Sympathy for Skin lotion…..it”s such a mild, yummy scent and a good all-around, and can be used to moisturize my hair if necessary too, and possibly be used as a mild face wash.
I like how you think – multitasking product! xoxoxoA