No Post today

Hey, you guys. I’m going to make this short.  My oldest brother has had cancer for the last three years, and after a valiant fight, he lost. He’s in his last days, and I’m headed out to be with him and my family.  I thought I might get a post done, it would help distract me, but that didn’t happen.  He’s the one in the middle of the back row that looks a little like Jesus.  This is from forever ago when we all wore polyester and bad haircuts.


Next week is iffy at this point because, well, we just don’t know.  Dying is hard work.

Keep him and us in your prayers, if you pray and even if you don’t, that his death is as peaceful and painless as possible.

I leave you with this.  When I did my hospice training, the priest that taught one of the classes said “By the end, we will all be experts on loss.”  This is an expertise none of us wants, but it rains on us all the days of your life.  I am really close to my brothers and sister, always have been – there are 5 years separating the five of us from top to bottom, we were like a pack of wolves.  I thought – stupidly – that we would all be together until we couldn’t remember who each other were.  I’ve lost my dad, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and all of that was hard, but this?  Losing one of my pack members is the worst. I’ve spent years talking to him on the phone every couple of days, early in the morning, before any normal people get up because I knew he’d be up, and he knew I’d be up.  When he got his cancer diagnosis, we stepped it up and talked every day when we could.

His going is taking something big from my life, and I haven’t been able to talk about it with anyone but family.  I can type this here. I know you guys get it, you’ve had crushing losses too, but I don’t have to see those pained looks of sympathy and awkward silence as you have no idea what to say to someone choking back tears and failing.  Thank god computer screens give us a graceful way to avoid that.  🙂

I’ll be fine, I’ll be back.


  • Vior says:

    I’m sending much love, which from love, comes strength and hope.

  • Patty, so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers to you and your loved ones.

  • Sherri M. says:

    Just saw this, Patty, but sending love and prayers and wishes for peace to you and your family!

  • Audrey says:

    Wishing you and your family, peace.

  • karibub says:

    It has always amazed me how truly hard it is to accept a close family loss like this, no matter how long you might have known it was coming. Wishing for peace for your brother and all of you.

  • Ashley A says:

    I am so sorry, Patty. Sending peaceful thoughts to you and your family.

  • marjo56 says:

    So very sorry. I wish you and your family strength and peace during this hard time.

  • Good luck with it all. You were brave to write about it here.

  • Glannys says:

    Wishing strength to you and your family during this sad and hard period.

  • tammy says:

    Sending much love to you, your brothers and sisters, and your parents, especially, and everyone who loves your brother.

  • allgirlmafia says:

    What a handsome man. Patty, I wish you peace and grace in your loss. I hope your brother finds peace and rest in this final mile of his journey.

  • Sapphire says:

    Patty, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I hope that all the wonderful memories you have built can help you to smile even through the sorrow. Hospice is such a great help. Godspeed. I would hate for you not to be with your brother to be able to say goodbye.

  • Robert H. says:

    Oh Patty! So very sorry! Will keep you and your family in my prayers and meditations. Ugh. Death and dying really suck.

  • mkirk350 says:

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, and I hope for a peaceful passage for your brother.

  • maggiecat says:

    Oh my dear, this is so hard for you. You and your family will be in my prayers. May God’s comfort and light surround all of you during this time, and sustain and uphold you.

  • Gwenyth says:

    It is very difficult to know what to say when someone is hurting from the loss of a loved one.
    From my own experience, I discovered no one CAN say the right thing — but it is sweetly enough just to know people care and send love.
    That’s what I’m doing for you, Patty, is sending care and love……
    Be well.

  • Kathryn says:

    I am so sorry. Sending you and your family thoughts and prayers of love and solace.

  • HeidiC says:

    Much love and white light and ululating wolf howls raised to you and your pack.

  • teri says:

    I recall years back when you first told us he was ill. I’m so sorry it has come to this for you, your brother, and your family. Prayers and good thoughts to all of you.

  • Scott says:

    As a Buddhist mentor once said to me: “The dying teach us how to live.” How true. Perfume has been one way that I live today to the fullest, enjoying the richness of this moment. Sending strength to you and your family.

  • Maureen says:

    I am so sorry for you and your beautiful family. Take care of yourself. Sending prayers and thoughts to you and yours.

  • leenie2 says:

    Aw, I’m so sorry. Thank you for posting the photo, tell the family the internet says we love you (I’ve had the losses, and I *still* don’t know the right thing to say). Take care.

  • rosarita313 says:

    I’m so sorry, Patty. The family photo is wonderful. I’m glad you have so many great memories and the rest of your pack to share them with. Take care of yourself.

  • Cherie Curry says:

    Peace to you and your family during this difficult time. My husband lost his brother and even though he isn’t with him physically, my husband still finds his presence in many ways.

  • jirish says:

    So very sorry, and sending you and your family prayers for strength, peace, and a gentle passage.

  • eldarwen22 says:

    I’m sorry for your loss.

  • AnnJune says:

    So sorry about your brother. Sending prayers for an easy passing and peace in the face of the loss to you and your family – from another relic of the bad hair and polyester days.

  • bevfred says:

    Sending calm, peaceful energy to you and your family to assist you brother in his new journey.

  • Queen Cupcake says:

    So sorry, Patty. I also pray for a peaceful passing for your dear brother. I’m sending you prayers and best wishes for you and your family–all beautiful blondes!

  • Sofie van Veen says:

    Yes, we will be experts on loss, because we are experts (in training…) on love. Wishing for a peaceful passage, and a peaceful remaining.

  • Ann says:

    I am so sorry to read this, dear Patty. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I’m asking our gracious and loving Heavenly Father to be with you all, giving you peace, and your brother as painless a passing as possible. Thank you for posting that great photo; may wonderful memories help ease this difficult time. Sending you love and hugs.

  • Caroline says:

    Prayers and peace, Patty.

  • Vanie says:

    I am so sorry you all have to go through this painful time. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.
    The picture is great!

  • Katherine says:

    I’m so sorry that you are having to go through such tremendous pain and suffering. I feel for you and your entire family.

  • Dina C. says:

    Prayers lifted you your brother and extended family. My dad died of cancer and used hospice, so I deeply sympathize. I’m so sorry for the grief yor’re facing.

  • Pam says:

    My prayers for him and your family.

  • Portia says:

    Portia xx

  • Neva says:

    Pffff, this post really took me by surprise. I’m sorry you all have to go through it and I admire the way you’re coping with it. I wish your brother peaceful remaining days and send your family strength, love and light.
    Thank you for your familiy picture. It’s so nostalgic and beautiful. It reminds me of some carefree times back in the past…

  • Donna S says:

    Prayers and thoughts.

  • Tena says:

    May your brother have a painless passing, surrounded by the love and silliness that is his family. Thinking of you all.

  • Carla S Roberts says:

    I’m so sorry you and your brother are going through this. Prayers to your family.

  • poodle says:

    So sorry to hear this. I too, am sending thoughts and prayers your way. There’s so much bad news lately it seems. I wish you and you family strength to get through this difficult time.

  • Koyel says:

    Oh Patty, I’m so sorry to hear this. All of my condolences and best wishes.

  • taffyj says:

    Patty, I am praying that your brother passes peacefully. I lost my beloved sister to cancer last October. It is really strange and painful losing a sibling; it feels different from the loss of other loved ones. “(W)e were like a pack of wolves.” Precisely.

    Prayers for you and your family for continuing strength in this sorrowful and difficult time.

  • Maya says:

    Patty, I’m glad you posted the picture. In it, you are all forever alive and forever young. I’m not particularly religious but have been known to send out a prayer or two. 🙂 I sincerely wish your brother an easy, painless, and gentle death. Sending love to you both.

  • Mariann says:

    I am so sorry too! Losing a cherished family member is always hard 🙁

  • Sun Mi says:

    So very very sorry to hear this. Praying for you all.

  • Claudia says:

    I’m so sorry Patty.

  • sarahpatto says:

    So sorry Patty. The prospect of losing a sibling… terrible beyond words.

  • Danielle says:

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. Sending my prayers your way.