Hey, you guys. I’m going to make this short. My oldest brother has had cancer for the last three years, and after a valiant fight, he lost. He’s in his last days, and I’m headed out to be with him and my family. I thought I might get a post done, it would help distract me, but that didn’t happen. He’s the one in the middle of the back row that looks a little like Jesus. This is from forever ago when we all wore polyester and bad haircuts.
Next week is iffy at this point because, well, we just don’t know. Dying is hard work.
Keep him and us in your prayers, if you pray and even if you don’t, that his death is as peaceful and painless as possible.
I leave you with this. When I did my hospice training, the priest that taught one of the classes said “By the end, we will all be experts on loss.” This is an expertise none of us wants, but it rains on us all the days of your life. I am really close to my brothers and sister, always have been – there are 5 years separating the five of us from top to bottom, we were like a pack of wolves. I thought – stupidly – that we would all be together until we couldn’t remember who each other were. I’ve lost my dad, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and all of that was hard, but this? Losing one of my pack members is the worst. I’ve spent years talking to him on the phone every couple of days, early in the morning, before any normal people get up because I knew he’d be up, and he knew I’d be up. When he got his cancer diagnosis, we stepped it up and talked every day when we could.
His going is taking something big from my life, and I haven’t been able to talk about it with anyone but family. I can type this here. I know you guys get it, you’ve had crushing losses too, but I don’t have to see those pained looks of sympathy and awkward silence as you have no idea what to say to someone choking back tears and failing. Thank god computer screens give us a graceful way to avoid that. 🙂
I’ll be fine, I’ll be back.