So…here’s the thing: you know those vaccine commercials with the middle-aged White guys with the horrible shingles on their faces & backs? Well, I see those all the time! But since I am not a middle-aged White guy I saw those ads – but I didn’t SEE them. Then..about 10 days ago I said to El O ‘hey, there is something on my back’ – and he said no. then, next day, he said ‘looks like you have a mosquito bite’. Next day: “huh. you have these little bumps …”…oh, crap. (but I’m not a middle-aged White guy!!!)
Turns out shingles is an equal-opportunity aggravator! And OMG. The pain. THE PAIN! THE PAIN! and! because it’s a virus, it also gives you flulike symptoms. Yet. And yet. You still have to go to work because Shingles. Nobody cares. You ain’t sick! Get in here and get to work! Folks who have had shingles are the only ones who Feel Yer Paiiin! and oh, what pain. Yet it’s this weird painnotpain. Unlike the real flu (or bubonic plague – yesit’sabacteriajustgowithitokay?), you can drive, you can do some nonessential work (no filling prescriptions or keying in nuclear codes)…. but you are always going ‘sssst!’ or ‘ow!ow!’ … anyway, I could go on about how much it hurts but I’d be here all day and guess what? IT WOULD STILL HURT.
But – the funniestnotfunniestFunniest part of this whole thing was the exchange between me & the doctor. So. here I am, hurting like a rhino – and the doctor is looking at my back and we’re talking about THE PAIN. And it goes like this:
Me: so Doctor J, this thing really hurts. Is there a topical or something you can give me for the pain.
Her: I can give you something for the itch.
Me: No. It doesn’t itch. At all. What is does is HURT.
Her: well, I will give you a Rx for the itch.
At which point I look at her, thinking ‘what the hell are you hearing? Am I speaking in Urdu? Are you hearing in Jupiterian?’ Or..maybe her medical database starts and stops at ‘itch’ and ‘hurt’ isn’t even on the chart?. I figure it’s 50/50 and it’s hurting more and more, I’m getting crabbier and crabbier and….there’s a window..and she’s little…and I can feel my teeth elongating…
So I hightail it out of there, happy to not be in the back of a squad car, clutching a Rx for antivirals…and I get on Teh Goog. There’s a great site for treating shingles with Essential Oils . Before I go any further, let me be clear: I do not have any license or degree in EO application and Perfume Posse in no way vets or supports this line of treatment – this is MY JAM ONLY. Ymmv. Having said all that, let me tell you how it went down – I have most of those EOs on hand so I figured, what the hell. And, within an hour of application I noticed a marked diminution in pain levels. Again (because this skitters close to the edge of homeopathy) this is MY Jam. But the whole point of even telling you this is – omg. I really didn’t hurt as much and OMG! I smellz SO GOOD! I have always loved the smell of EOs and these particular blends have that vaguely healthy, spalike aura. My shingles are on the left side, started at the tip of the shoulder blade and continued through to the underarm (omg the PAIN of the underarm!), over the course of 2-3 days. Intriguingly, they are nearly healed and are clearing up in the exact same order in which they appeared (which means I wish it’d started in the underarm because PAIN)! Friends have reported having shingles for over a month! My course seems to be nearly over – at 13 days!
Here’s the funny thing about Vanity and Pain – even through the pain I didn’t want to look creepy & crepey and I wanted to smell ‘normal’ so I still wore perfume – yeth! I know, here I am breathing like I’m in labor, wondering what perfume goes with Tea Tree and Spearmint Essential Oils. Answer: Carnal Flower. And, weirdly enough, Bel Respiro! And makeup. Yes. I wore makeup. Ever. Stankin’. Day. I am such a weirdo. I could probably be in a coma and still want to do mah hurr.
and btw – that commercial with the guy with the shingles all over his face? Who the hell goes to work like that? See, that’s why I didn’t take the vaccine ad seriously – it just looks too ridiculous. I’d be under the bed! Mostly I just want to sleep through this.
Okay – I promised myself I wouldn’t bang on about the whole shingles thing – and here I am, banging on. But omg. It’s like getting poiked by ice picks – not STABBED, in the ‘omg. yew KILLED me!‘ kind of way – more ‘pink!pink!pink!’ – and speaking of pinks! I haz a winner for the DSH giveaway – oh, you lucky thing, BASTET! gmail me (evilauntieanitaAT) and remind me you’re DSH and I’ll get the intel over to Dawn. She has a marvelous gift awaiting you!