Stop. Breathe. Look. Breathe. Sounds like some yoga exercise, doesn’t it? But, according to a yoga friend the whole point of yoga is arriving at that sort of state (and I have to admit that the breathing part of yoga really does settle me down AND loosens my limbs – so who knows).
Howevah! this particular iteration of it is about how I am managing my garden during this quarantine. A bit of backstory: this is the least-planned garden in my history of gardening and garden design. The house was, at first, a rental – but was so rundown that it made better sense to either buy it or move elsewhere (the owner was reluctant to reimburse El O for any repairs over X dollars – the bathroom was STUNNING in its dilapidation – I remember hearing this ‘creeeaak! CRAAAACK! BOOM!’ one day and looked into the bathroom to find that the crappy little vanity had simply ..EXPLODED!! leaving the sink (blessed be) attached to the wall)….. but I digress…
There was no garden. 1/3 acre of weedy lawn was pretty much it. Because we had Rottweilers the size of a small hatchback, a fence became imperative. From the fence sprang the Long Border, then the original kitchen garden (still a patchwork of heavy lifting from when our well-meaning but drunk neighbor tilled the grass into the soil. sigh), then all the fits and starts as I slowly started to create the garden as it exists today – very much a higgledy-piggledy affair.
The pandemic really altered my work day (all my customers are freaked and they hate everything right now) – so I decided to make the garden my work day; 6-7 I do Real Work stuff, then I work in the garden until noon, etc… just like a regular job.
Wow! Who knew I had such a mess in this 1/3 acre!? But!!! Whilst doing all this filthy, backbreaking work I’ve had plenty of time to muse. No self-reflection because NO! so when I start to think about Paths Not Taken, etc, I quickly GTFOT and move into Muse Mode. And… seeee? I’ll bet you thought I was going to take you on some transcendental WhatMyGardenHasTaughtMe journey! Psych! LOL! We are NOT going there. Nope. Not today, Satan!!! But in case you want to know – it’s teaching me that the world has a lot of bindweed – and ALL of it is in my garden!
So. Here’s what the past few days/weeks/years.. I don’t even know what day it is today. Is it Mother’s Day? A lot of people are hanging up flowering baskets… um… people? You do know we’re expecting frigid temps from Thursday on… right? Don’t let this 70F spell fool you – it’s barely May – plenty of time for Father Frost to murder that tomato..why are you planting TOMATOES? In early May? In Illinois?!
But I digress. Again. Here’s my musings.
- Masks & makeup. We’re under a mask order – totally fine with me (if I get sick there’s nobody who can manage The Girl, so I need to stay healthy). But I’ve noticed that when I prep to show my mug to the world, I do a much lighter version of the regular: brows, liner, a touch of mascara (it’s Kroger – don’t need much, right?). But then? Then… I go hard in the lip paint. Primer. Liner. Lipstick. ………. and then I put on a mask! Please tell me I’m not the only lunatic out there, prettifying lips that NO ONE WILL SEE!
- Google Shame. Omg. When did THIS start? So (blushing here) – I confess to… erm… cyberogling an old flame. This isn’t one of those ‘couldawouldashoulda’ situations – he was a jackass and probably still is and I have no interest in revisiting that trainwreck.. but! when I’m bored I like the little shimmy of a quick visual. So… okay.. maybe once every 2 months or so I’ll grab a martini, go on the Goog and some photos will pop up – I’ll ogle .. 5 minutes?… and then I’m done. Excepppppt! NOW GOOGLE HAS DECIDED TO TELL ME THAT I HAVE a) visited this site X times in the past year or, in the passive-aggressive way of my mother, say ‘you have visited this site several times‘. Really, Goog? You have to ogle-shame a gal? I thought ogling was the whole point of a search engine! Ogling and self-denial. That’s why Floyd made Google in the first place!
- Yeah. Like y’all haven’t ever done it. Riiiiight. LOL!
- Here’s my Year 10 musing: why do I not write down when I germinate/plant/transplant stuff? Because I am possibly the worst note-taker in the garden world, I have to wait for things to come up and IDENTIFY THEMSELVES before I can proceed with any further action. I always think I will remember – and I am always wrong. I nearly dug up some Eryngium.. that I just planted last week! I gotta get a grip. I haz the notepad. I even haz the phone (with notepad). What I lack is any sense whatsoever.
- Last one: Diorella. Why do I always forget to wear Diorella. It’s a lovely floral chypre, with that nice whack of oakmoss that just hollers SPRING!, undercut with that vaguely fabulous hint of rotting meat… and it’s by the magnificent Eddie R! What more could a gal want? Well… maybe to remember to spritz it on? I’ve worn it two days in a row -and I could happily wear it for quite some time to come… if I can remember to actually spray the damb thing! Patty’s Poll? I lied. My perfume-wearing is nearly nonexistent right now. Sigh.
So. What’s up with you guys? I know this is still stressful times but !!! at least in the construction industry, things are starting to move forward, albeit sluggishly, like a toad’s first Spring steps — have you ever seen a toad coming out of hibernation? It’s both charming – and hysterical. What takes them 3 seconds in July takes them 3 minutes (or more) in April. Around now I’m always careful to watch where I step – they are in the lawn, stoned AF and can’t get out of the way. Tell me a funny! Or a ridiculousy! Or any combo! Just please tell me you aren’t driving around in a drop-top (with the top dropped) wearing a mask (like the guy I saw on the freeway last week. And thank you, Floyd, for that one!)