Now that we have all selected our Queen of the F&*ing World Perfumes, now we must do our first three royal decrees. You all must pick yours as well.
1. All Serge Lutens scents will be available outside of Europe twice per year.
2. Ormonde Jayne must start putting scents in 100 ml bottles or allow me to bring over a big Mason jar and fill ‘er up.
3. Caron urns will be flowing in the courtyard at noon every day, but if you don’t like Caron, over to the right, in the shade will be the Guerlain and Hermes bar. No tacky EDTs in sight, everything will be Parfum.
Guerlain Plus Que Jamais — Holy crap, I can’t believe I have 3 mls of this in my possession. Treating it in my every-so-gentle way, I ripped open the vial, prepared a fresh spritzer, poured it in, then sprayed it all over. And if you tell me you would not have done the same thing, you are missing one of life’s great pleasures, using an unexpected treasure with abandon. This ranks right up there with tipping up a bottle of Cristal while sitting in the back of a pickup truck.
March got her mitts on this one already. It goes on intoxicating, like your first beer or cigarette. Um, oh, no, it has tonka bean in it. I don’t think I really need to say more. It’s like the best of Attrape-Coeur meets Vetiver Tonka with a splash of the best of Vega (ylang-ylang and vanilla) in my head and without the too-much-powder problem I have with most Guerlains. I don’t believe there is any going back for me. This is some seriously glorious juice and worth every damn penny it’s going to cost me to get it. I hope Mr. Metz didn’t make a typo in how much that 125 ml bottle is going to run. If he did, I will have to just, well, insist that at Target,the price it is marked, even though a horrible mistake, is what he has to sell it to me for. Yes, that will work with him, I’m sure (rolling eyes). It’s my Guerlain that I’m totally in love with! *weeps with joy*
Wickle Chestnut and Vetiver — March and Scentzilla already yakked this one up. So much so that I had to get mine own little 5 ml bottle too! This really is just a slice. Earthy and nutty, my hand is just glued to my nose, I need a full bottle of this. It’s great at any time, but it should come in a room spray for Christmastime. Get thine own here.
Denise Richards… not trustworthy with your husband, ex-husband or the truth, or totally wronged woman and friend? I’m pretty much going with lyin’, husband-stealin’ ho. As long as Charlie keeps his mouth shut from this point forward, he’s going to come out of this looking like an angel — slightly less perv.
Madonna and the “I want you to think I just Banged a Horse Pictures” You know, when you’ve done a book called SEX, I guess there’s really not too much you won’t do to make sure you stay in the public eye and on top, career-wise. Pictures that seem to suggest that you’ve
conquered the stallion in, ahem, carnal ways — including one with Madge smoking a “post-coital” cigarette, laying on top of the horse that’s laying down — for most people seems downright disgusting in a Tijuana Parlor of Bestial Amusements kind of way. How in the world would you explain this to your children? Art? Mommy needs her career so she can add millions more to her billions, so she pretended to get it on with a horse in photos?
No wonder we have Libby Lu’s… and frightened horses.