I have this post all ready to go, but — okay, has anyone noticed the nose-picking dude on the right frame area of our blog? The Decant City ad? I keep trying to decide if it’s some sort of elaborate practical joke. If the senior-level management of this highly regarded blog weren’t in the Outer Banks right now, doing Jell-O shots off her husband’s belly and blowing off her emails, I’d consult her. Check it out — you can buy a decant of Chupa Chups. And a whole ton of other bizarre stuff. What do you think? Real? Or some sort of post-ironic joke I’m too dumb to get? Check out the description of Delirivm — I mean, that has to be a joke, right? Right? No, seriously, what do you think? Also that image is starting to freak me out a little, along with the yellow snow quote.

Anyway, the mantle of Trashy Friday has fallen on me, and I don´t watch TV. Well, I watch a little. I’m pretty up to date on all the episodes of Bob the Builder and Higglytown Heroes. And I can offer you a link to the excellent Boohbah interactive — make them dance! They change colors! You can play weird, pointless games with them … hey, do you think this show’s creators spent a little too much time going to raves?

… but I digress. You know how you´re googling around, looking for that particular picture of Kevin Federline that gives you those delicious heebie-jeebies, and you click through some blog you´ve never seen before, and then you click on a link to another blog, and then you´re reading something really funny and/or weird, and you can´t even remember how you got there?


Well, first there´s that picture of K-Fed. Here it is.


I have to google it periodically and look at it, for no good reason, really, other than my own freaky amusement. (And now you´re looking at it! Hah hah! Eyeworm! You´re infected!) I mean à¢â‚¬¦ what is that? Is it the braids? The shades? The overall Skeeve Factor that´s probably burning a hole in your retinas right now? I just Cannot. Get. Enough. Of that picture. I want to give Britney a hug and say, hon, look at you — you’re, what, 22?! You can pop that new baby out and get your cute figure back in nothing flat! So do yourself a big ol’ favor and Call Your Lawyers. Don’t worry, you and Pimp Daddy can work something out, just get out the checkbook. I bet he already has a number in mind. Just, please, for the love of all that’s good and holy, change the locks and stop having sex with that loser! That K-Fed photo is like looking at a train wreck.

Or Jerusalem crickets. Lord, I love those crickets! They look like big-eyed, bald-headed, hand-sized flesh-eating alien babies, only uglier! I remember the day Number One Daughter, still a toddler, brought me one of those babies cradled in the plastic shovel, straight from her sandbox, and showed it to me proudly — look, mommy, one of Satan´s Minions! Of course, I was still heavy into my cool-Santa-Fe-earth-mommy phase, so I said something like, wow! That´s really interesting! Meanwhile I´m thinking, oh à¢â‚¬¦ my à¢â‚¬¦ God — getthatthingawaaaaaaaaayyyyfrommerightNOW! I dropped Satan´s baby into a baggie (it was dead) and took it to the local ag extension office, where they ID´d it for me. The locals called them Children of the Earth (in Spanish), which sounds so much more mellifluous than what I was calling themà¢â‚¬¦

But I digress. Again. Here´s a link to a post about tearing up those credit card applications that I´m going to share it with you. I guess I found it particularly interesting because we get, like, five of these a day à¢â‚¬” enough so that all three girls have toy wallets full of those fake Platinum Cards. After I read this we went out and bought a shredder.

Anyway, happy Friday! Remember, don´t touch the crickets! They bite! Oh, the winner of L’Artisan is Carol; I’ll grab your email address from the dashboard and contact you for your address, since Patty’s out of town…

  • March says:

    Shab — I’m sure I’ll be along to purchase some things … :-“

  • March says:

    Cheez — I’m too lazy to go look up the map, but I believe Jerusalem crickets are confined to the Left Coast (not sure how far north) and TX, NM, and AZ and points south — I believe they are droughty, high-desert denizens. FWIW I never saw another one in 10 years there — but plenty of black widows (did you know Phoenix is the black widow capital of the world?), scorpions and very, very large centipedes … ugh. I still can’t break the habit of shaking my shoes and gloves out vigorously before sticking my feet/hands into them.

  • Shab says:

    :-“whew hew! LOL. Hey ya March – yeppers I am a real live gal (I think?? Unless this is all a wonderful dream – in which case I don’t wanna wake up any time soon!!).

    Frank was a crazyyyyyyy dude. I think they could have done an entire semester on his mind-set, would have been fun.

    Thanks for the compliment – am working on getting all these fumes listed up there and sure do appreciate the welcome here.


  • Cheezwiz says:

    Yikes! Normally when I think of crickets I think of tiny cute chirpy things, or dancing animated characters with canes & top-hats.

    Are those crickets native to any particular area of North America? I certainly hope they don’t frequent my part of the world. Longer than your palm? Head like a ping-pong ball?! Seriously, I don’t think the folks who design movie-monsters could come up with anything creepier than those transluscent horrors. (((shiver)))

    K-Fed evokes a similar reaction, but at least I’m unlikely to trip over him while strolling outside.

    P.S. I like your late 70’s early 80’s musical taste!:d

  • March says:

    Sybil — no, not thinking about K-Fed and KLS gettin’ busy. No. NO!


  • March says:

    Gingele — yep, nothing but the cream of the crap over here in this blog.:) We have Standards, you know? Who else is offering up K-Fed and crickets, huh?

  • March says:

    Elle — you gotta go visit the cricket!! Really, it was longer than the palm of my hand, and the head’s a little smaller than a ping pong ball.@-)

    Shab — aHA!!! You’re real! I need to go in there and poke around some more, you have some supremely strange things. And I’m sure your decanting is extremely sanitary. Now that I understand Frank (well, to the extent that Frank can BE understood) I’m in my comfort zone with him. Frank is welcome to stay.

  • March says:

    Vi — I am feeling quite pleased with myself that I rose to the occasion of Trashy Friday, even without Project Runway:d

    Emote — wow, they FART?!? I have my volume turned off … must investigate immediately. PS I always thought cicadas were sooo cool as a kid. PPS Happy anniversary, hon!

    Chloe — yeah, I’m playing catch-up too. In college I wore mostly nothing, fragrance-wise, except cheap oil from the co-op and 4711. I was just organizing my albums … I miss that music.

  • sybil says:

    Ok…so what if K-fed and Kimora Lee Simmons had a child? Think it would look more like a Jerusalem cricket, or Frank Zappa? I’m sorry…the eyeworm has obviously bored into my brain…

  • gingele says:

    K-Fed and Zappa in the same post.

    POPO ZAO!!

  • Shab says:

    :d The ad is not a joke (well sorta) – glad it’s getting the intended attention. Loved Zappa. By the way my hands are clean clean clean – gloved when decanting and I never pick my nose. I’m a chick not a dude. LOL. Sorry if it’s creepy – I have a sick sense of humor. I’ll go pink and pretty on the next one – maybe a little fairy falling down Alice’s rabbit hole from too many fumes???? Love this blog. Shab

  • Elle says:

    OK, haven’t gone to see Satan’s Minion yet. I’ve been too entertained by the Boohbah site (procrastination heaven!)and by Frank and his finger. I do love Frank, but can’t say that’s the first image that springs to mind when I am on a perfume hunt. But it does grab attention! But, Britney! Dear lord…pimp daddy must go!! Thanks for a wonderfully fun trashy Friday!

  • chloe.f.puff says:

    Well, March, you are not destroyed in my eyes whatsoever. I was listening to them too. As well as the Sex Pistols, the Who, Talking Heads, Elvis Costello, Brian Eno, Bowie, Kraftwerk, Devo. Ah, those were the days – musically, at least. Didn’t know a thing about fragrance then. Am playing major catch-up, 25 – 30 years later.
    Miss Chloe.F.Puff
    aka missy
    “do you love it do you hate it
    here it is the way you made it”
    f. zappa

  • Emotenote says:

    ps You guys make my Fridays..
    (a little sad isn’t that?…) cept it’s my 18th Anniversary hootinany tonight!

  • Emotenote says:

    Wow, Frank Zappa…I thought he looked familiar, but I thought it was more like an ex from college. So, March, you’ve discovered the boobah sight too eh? My 5 year old spends a LOT of time with the fart noise game. Between ‘the’ K-Fed and ‘the’ Cricket? Hmmm just a minute..still thinking…My ten yo (daughter) has started a dead cicada collection. Really big ones. Can I include them in the running?

  • violetnoir says:

    March, all I gotta say is this: You are one funny, crazy chick, and I love it!!

    That bit about K-Fed is so hilarious…and so right-on. I mean that photo sums his MO up in a glance, doesn’t it?


  • March says:

    Chloe — thank you. A friend kindly emailed me to identify Frank as well, although, as she said in her email, Frank’s image explains the yellow snow line but not a whole lot else in terms of its current location creeping folks out on this blog… although, honest? Now that I know it’s Frank, I feel oddly cheered. There’s room for Frank in my life. Let me destroy myself completely in your eyes by admitting that I’m old enough to remember Frank, but was too busy back then listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd and, later on, the Clash and, oh, I don’t know … Roxy Music. Are you still reading? Or rolling around on the floor laughing?=))

  • March says:

    Robin, Justine and Greeneyes — as Chloe has stated above (and a friend has independently confirmed) that is indeed Frank Zappa. So I guess whatever indie-music street-cred I had is out the window, but what do you expect from a woman who looks at Boohbah, ugly bugs and K-Fed?

    I do agree with Robin and Justine that the image, while eye-catching, does not exactly compel me to linger over it, much less rush right in and buy some decants.

  • March says:

    Marina —

    Eyeworm eyeworm eyeworm nyah nyah nyah

    :d The photos on your blog today were much tastier

  • chloe.f.puff says:

    The dude is FRANK ZAPPA, one of the most iconoclastic and creative musicians that popular music has produced. The reference to the yellow snow is from “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow”. To wit: “watch out where the huskies go, don’t you eat that yellow snow”. Among his many accomplishments, Frank was a pioneer of rock fusion and a friend of Vaclev Havel, the Solidarnosc leader and president of Poland. He testified before Congress regarding censorship when Tipper Gore was on her mission to get popular music’s lyrics rated for content. Frank won at least 1 Grammy, for jazz (“Jazz from Hell”). Frank’s music was satirical and controversial, and freqently outrageously funny. Entertainment Weekly contributor Tom Sinclair said upon his death: “Esoteric, genre defying, pornographic, scathingly satirical, and often downright bizarre, the late composer-guitarist Zappa’s oeuvre will be pondered by musicologists and sociologists alike for years to come.” Frank died in 1993 of prostate cancer, and I still miss him.

    missy, fan of esoteric, satirical, bizarre music
    “life’s a ball; tv tonight” -f. zappa

  • greeneyes says:

    I’m not sure which is worse…K-Fed or the guy with the finger up his nose. But the way I see it, the guy with the finger up his nose can always remove said finger, and you probably wouldn’t recognize him, whereas K-Fed can’t do anything about being K-Fed.

  • Justine says:

    The cricket is FREAKY, and lets face it, it is not actually a cricket, not any cricket I’ve ehard at night. Satan’s baby is a much more appropriate name.

    The finger up the nose? Adnt hat one crazed eye staring you down? That picture is really getting on my nerves. I scroll past as quickly as possible and try not to think about it. I’d like to gift that guy a cricket and see how quick his finger pops out.

  • Robin says:

    Wow, the finger in the nose just doesn’t compel me to buy decants, LOL…

  • Marina says:

    :(( Please delete that image, please, it makes me cry :((


  • March says:

    BBliss and Ina — she must have sold him the ad space, then. It is fascinating. When I’m not convinced it’s some sort of joke, I’m running across oddities — whaddya suppose Chupa Chups smells like? Lollipops? Which flavors? Plus it’s called “I Love Me,” I think. Hmmmm. It still feels like a really elaborate put-on.

  • March says:

    Pam — thanks for stopping by! Wow, the cricket’s getting the votes.:-?

  • March says:

    Sariah — wow, that’s a real Circle-of-Hell type conundrum. I’d grab the broom and sweep them both vigorously from the yard.

  • March says:

    V-Ron! Dawg! Whazzup?!? Okay, I’m fresh out of slanguage:-“

  • Ina says:

    March, I saw the ad to that Decant City dude on Basenotes as well, maybe he’s a Basenoter that Patty knows?

  • BBliss says:

    Funny commentary always starts my day right-thank you!

    And yes, I thought that ad was a joke of Patty’s until I actually clicked through it. Disturbing to say the least. Doesn’t exactly fit in with the pinkness of the blog, but it did get my attention – which would be the point, right? Have a great weekend!

  • Pam says:

    Yep, I’d rather have the cricket in my yard than K-fed. And the guy with the finger up his nose (is it his finger, or someone else’s)? :-&
    Well, the cricket wins over him, too.

    Thanks for making me laugh, March.@};-

  • Sariah says:

    Trying to decide which is creepier – Kfed or that cricket. When I clicked on the cricket link, there was the shock value of this horribly ugle opaque rubbery creature, but who would I rather see in my yard, Kfed or the cricket? I’d go for the cricket.

  • Veronica says:

    Fo shizzle.