What Smut Through Yon Window Breaks?

This is smut. No, you pervs, not that kind. It’s the smut spores that form on an ear of corn as it develops when it is infected. Here, from the Ag Department, “When leaves are infected, small pustules develop, usually on the midrib, causing some leaf distortion. After the spores mature, the outer covering becomes dry and brittle, breaks open, and the spores sift out.” This is a good launching point for today’s post.

Here’s some more smut – my favorite character, Titus Pullo, besides Marc Antony, from the Rome series on HBO, which you ALL should be watching.

There are some experiments in life you can’t resist. They just call out to you with their DangerDanger sign flashing and screeching. Much as you know you may not survive the attempt, you simply have to combine two scents that should never even be in the same room.

WARNING: What follows here is going to be my raunchy experiment that will embrace a frank discussion of skank, certain body emissions and other sexual material, and I’m not going to dress this pig up at all — frank smells do not deserve or get pretty language. If you are easily offended or not past the age of 16, hit the Back Button on your browser now. Whatever you do, don’t complain, I’ll spritz you with a shot of SM if you do! If you want an even franker discusion, check out this thread at Basenotes.

Etat Libre D’Orange’s Secretions Magnifique is just rank and disturbing. Somehow, and I don’t think I want to know, with iris, cocoa, sandalwood and opoponax, they have created Cum Accord, though I have read that more raw opoponax is what gives it that… well, that part of the smell. That thud you hear is March hitting the floor because she didn’t think I would write that. Ha! I adore iris, I adore cocoa, and those notes should not be taking part in this metallic open that, even if you didn’t know what “emissions” smelled like, you would instantly be just a wee bit uncomfortable and make sure nobody is watching you sniff this. Now, being the virginal kind of girl that I am, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t just projecting because of the name. Without telling my youngest teenage son (hey, he’s 16, old enough!) or my husband what they were smelling, they instantly pronounced it Eeu de Whack and wanted to know who had “spooged” in my perfume bottle. The discussion that followed was so foul, even I had to leave the room. Much male bonding and hilarity ensued. :::rolls eyes:::

Well, as that scent sat there in the crook of my arm, disturbing and comical, I kept thinking…. what if I just dabbed a little Bal a Vesailles parfum next to it? I mean, Eau de Cooter sidling up and sitting down next to Cum Accord, wouldn’t that be a great experiment? Did I do it? No. I rushed to the bathroom and took a shower. BTW, on Basenotes, they are referring to SM as being either just flat-out sex or feminine emissions. I mean, I get that femme part very little – it definitely seems pretty male to me and not fishy at all.

The next day, I kep thinking about that little undone experiment, and do you suppose it might smell like the perfectl smut? I couldn’t help it, I grabbed the rubber gloves, the Secretions Magnifique and Bal a Versailles parfum and headed into the bathroom. What, you think I’m going to have perfume sex in public? Please.

Surprisingly, the BaV moderates some of the tinny aspects of SM and rounds it out a bit. Oh, it’s raunchy, but now it’s like the Yin and Yang of Smut. Would I wear this out in public? Oh, hell no! You might as well paint FMe on your fanny.

Now, if we have any readers left at all…..

::::crickets::::

I couldn’t help it, sorry! Oh, hey, come back! I’ve got a really great drawing! Thinking of what could bribe my way back into your good graces…. hmmm, how about a drawing for a sample of each of the six new Chanel Exclusifs when they release? If you want in that drawing, lot me know in the comments you want in the drawing!

  • Babyzebra says:

    Made me queasy but hilarious post! Please sign me up for the drawing. THANKS

  • Stacy says:

    I just discovered this website in pursuit of my new olfactory passion and am reading it at every opportunity at work. Please initiate me by entering me in the drawing!

  • BBliss says:

    Wow – definitely one of the most vivid reviews, ever – I have no problem imagining the smell of this one! Also – VERY funny, even more so than usual! Love,love your honesty!

    Late again, but please include me the Chanel draw.

  • whataworld says:

    I remember walking under a carob tree early in the misty morning and thinking it smelled like cum. After being subjected to the idea (I have an overactive imagination) that a perfume might actually smell more disturbing than MKK… I think I deserve a chance to cleanse my mental palate with some nice Chanel. Please enter me in the drawing.

    • Patty says:

      Carob tree? Uh-oh, now I’m going to have to try and find one to smell, but I don’t think there are any in Colorado.

      MKK disturbing?!?!? :d Only at first. I found Arabie, with that cooking hash note much more rank than MKK.

  • Twibbet says:

    Man, go offline for the weekend and see what I miss – loved this review. “Spooge” – hee. I’m probably too late, but would love to be in the drawing.

    • Patty says:

      Twibbet, not too late at all! Never too late until I actually do the drawing, which is always about a week later. Sometimes longer if I get busy. 🙂

  • Maria B. says:

    Wow! I skip reading a couple of days because I’m moving and unconnected and look what I miss!!!

    Totally ROFLMAO!!! Smut deserves a smutty review. Call things by their proper name: Eau de Whack, not Secretions Magnifiques. Cum Accord–hilarious! I think I’ll go put on some of the Bal a Versailles I received yesterday.

    Going for the sublime now: Please enter me in the
    Chanel drawing if it’s not too late.

  • Tamara says:

    Patty,

    This was brilliant. I just can’t stop laughing. Thank you!

    And I’d love to be in the drawing!

  • aimtx says:

    1. My pink parts do not now and have never smelled fishy. Hmph.

    2. “Spooge” is one of my all-time favorite words. Thanks for giving it some air time.

    3. Crickets completely skeeve me out, but everyone deserves love, I reckon.

    4. Please enter me in the Chanel drawing.

    5. I love Patty.

  • MollieK says:

    Please enter me in the drawing, thanks !

  • Susan says:

    So sorry I missed reading here yesterday- it would have brightened up my day considerably.

    Patty, I’m stealing the “eau de whack” description. I have a teenage son and that perfectly describes his filthy room and dirty laundry, lol.

    Also, please enter me in the Chanel drawing-

    • Patty says:

      Oh, Lord, Susan. I don’t want to think about the smells in my teenage son’s room. I usually just crack the door a bit (that’s all the further I can get it to open before it hits something behind it, jamming it, and tell him to shovel some of the trash and crap out and wash his laundry im-med-iat-ly!

  • Thegoodsister Shirley says:

    BTW, Tom had some choice ways to describe your mixing of the male and female scents in a bottle. Number one was “Eau de Boar” that total mix up of male/female mating scent that takes over the hog pen and half the farm when the one male in the pen tries to keep 10 or 20 in season females happy for a week or two.

    Oh, hey sign me up also, just as well get in here all the way on this one. 🙂

    • Patty says:

      Lord, Tom. He really is the Rotten Brother, isn’t he? Every time I think I’m being foul, I just remember the few months we spent together a few years ago and, first, laugh hysterically and then am appalled. 🙂

  • Patty says:

    tarleiso — um, I remember those nights and mornings! eek! Unshowered slut taking the Walk of Shame is not a good way to start the day.

    Sorry about the keyboard. :))

  • Patty says:

    Good sister!?!?!? You dirty bitch. 🙂 should have known you would run to mom and rat me out. Tell Tom and Dick they are high-larious! Give ’em all hugs!

  • Patty says:

    Solander, it is an interesting one to sniff. I have to admit, it was the second one I opened. Which is just weird, but I have a feeling completely part of our human nature to want to be oogied out. 🙂

  • Patty says:

    Annie — I don’t want to think about what is really in that bottle, but that would be one busy guy if it were, um, authentic. 🙂

  • Patty says:

    dtrain — yeah, I decided someone is probably laughing at us all. But with the exception of a couple in the line, several of the others are realy quite worth having

  • Patty says:

    assorted raisins — I thought — for a second — about throwing some MKK in there or CB Musk just to see what happened, but was afraid I would get transported into a “Beauty” S&M novel if I did that!

  • Patty says:

    amarie — BTW, glad you came out of hiding!

  • Patty says:

    Amarie — pretty sure the SM has a very base reaction from most people as far as knowing what it is! Now, whether they like it or not is another question entirely!

  • Patty says:

    pat — teenage boys are a fright, aren’t they? I grew up with three older brothers, and they still shock me — both the brothers and my sons!

  • Patty says:

    EP, I would have loved to hear about the Marie Antoinette scent! But 800 Euros? Yikes! It can’t be that good.

  • Flora says:

    ROTFL – great post – and to counter all of that, I would LOVE to be entered in the drawing for the Chanel Exclusifs, thank you! :d

  • tarleisio says:

    Patty, I’d like to thank you for reminding me precisely why I just have to have this daily perfume blog fix…this post says it all! The Eau de Whack nearly ruined my keyboard – coffee…everywhere! Haven’t had a chance to try any of the Etat Libres yet, but I can vividly remember BaV. Rococo orgy in a bottle, which made me realize that maybe I just wasn’t “that” kind of woman…yet. Or not woman enough, the jury’s still out on that…;) But your description reminded me of one thing I used to do in my wanton, skanky? youth, which was to roll right out of bed after a Night to Remember and right out the door, trailing strange men, stray dogs and pheromones after me…:-?

    And somebody actually chose to bottle that? 😮

    Hmm…Eau de Titus Pullo? Actually, it should be Eau de Mark Antony…No. Must get a grip here, my brain keeps sliding…

    Maybe knowing I stand a chance in the Chanel drawing would help?

    Or would it? 😉

  • Thegoodsister Shirley says:

    This is “The Good Sister” (as opposed to Patty’s comment of me being her “horrible sister”) as our dear beloved oldest brother calls whichever of the two of us he needs something from. I did print this post and take it over to Patty’s (and also mine) mother to let her know what her dear beloved youngest child was up to. Bonus was our two oldest brothers were there as well and they like to dangle their minds in the gutter and the comment we came up with was, after they finished having a very deep laughing fest as I read the post to them with all the inflection I know Patty was thinking as she wrote it, – “Jiz’t’wat are you smelling!!”

  • Solander says:

    Great review! I’m scared to try this, but also very curious. I _don’t_ like that smell but I’m curious as to just how spot-on the perfume is…
    An oh, please enter me in the drawing.

  • Annie says:

    This skank and slut stuff is too wonderful…almost peed my pants(another scent in the making,perhaps??)…BUT…have we thought about what is REALLY in these bottles???…hmmmmm…yuk….add me to the drawing,sweetie:”>

  • dtrain says:

    These kinds of perfumes give me the same uneasy feeling I get when looking at Andy Warhol prints. On one hand, I appreciate a sense of humor in an often pretentious artform. On the other hand, I suspect the joke’s on me. Ah well…I’m still dying for a sniff…

    I’d love to get in on the Chanel contest, too!

  • assorted raisins says:

    These Etat’ Libre D’ Orange perfumes frighten and intrigue me…but how the guys described it is purely hilarious. I suppose Secretions Magnifique + Bal a Versailles + MKK= ultimate skank. Oh my!
    I think I’ll just stick to my chanels! Please enter me in the drawing–chanel is what got me into the crazy perfume habit to begin w/!

  • Amarie says:

    Hi Patty,
    You’ve drawn me out of my blog-reading seclusion to post for the first time, all in the name of maybe winning the draw for the Chanel samples.
    It never ceases to amaze me the infinite variety of responses to the same perfume- whether through chemistry,or memory related emotions or just plain biases.
    However Secretions Magnifique must evoke the strongest of associated basic smells- who can argue with sex?

  • :)>-PLEASE–enter me in the drawing!

    I always thought jasmine smelled like SEX—what was I thinking?—smacks head—

    When my son was twelve–I drove a carful of his friends and him and listened to a discussion using every euphemism possible for spanking the monkey—secretions indeed!

  • carlene says:

    You crack me up. Oh, and please include me in the drawing! Thanks! Oh, one more thing…ew.

    🙂

  • Rebecca says:

    Love the humor in your posts!
    count me in for the drawing!

  • patchamour says:

    Ah– skank all over the place! Please do count me in for the draw, and thankee.

  • Judith says:

    I just want to make it clear (from my perspective) that this smells NOTHING like Boudoir or Shocking–both of which (again from my perspective) smell very good. This is really stomach-turning (it may be, as Sarah suggested, the sweet blood).

  • Jennifer says:

    I’m shocked you haven’t smelled thee “eau de lady cooter” Boudoir, if you like skank I recommend this to all. And now to go find tester of Bal a Versaille because I a intrigued. Thanks for looking at my site.

  • AngelaS says:

    Holy smokes! Trashy Friday gets trashier by the minute! Well, someone has to tell it like it is, so I thank you for the review. I might skip the Secretions Magnifiques, but I cherish my bottle of Bal a Versailles.

    Please enter me in the drawing, too.

  • evilpeony says:

    oh… and kindly add me in the draw too 😉

  • evilpeony says:

    ROTFLMAO… and hoping I won’t get fired for accessing this smut-y post at work! hahahaha…. gee… i wished i had read this sooner so I could ask for a sample to accompany the care-package that you sent for me \:d/

    btw… your comments about bal a versailles reminded me that the estate of versailles is selling a certain perfume that is reportedly reconstructed from old recipes from Marie Antoinette’s perfume collection. would’ve loved to have gotten a sample… but the 800 euro price tag drove me off :-s

    treazurekitten, you got me intrigued. where is this tree? i would love to see it and maybe even take a sniff or two in the spirit of this post ;))

  • Patty says:

    Tigs, I know, I saw, I’m swooning. I agree most of the time with Luca, though every now and then he’s just wrong. I cannot wait to smell these!!!

  • Patty says:

    Lord, Tigs, I got 69! 🙂

  • Patty says:

    Oops, Gail, I should have put NSFW at the top!

  • Tigs says:

    P – the new Luca Turin article is up at NZZ Folio and is a raving, delighted review about the new Chanels and how they are bringing back the wonder into perfumery. Awesome!

  • Patty says:

    Warren… that kind of lying will just find you crispy crittered. 🙂

  • Patty says:

    Judith, just get some Cristal, and VRaie Blonde will show right up!

  • Patty says:

    Sybil, it’s irresistible to want to smell it. How crazy are we?!?!

  • Patty says:

    Maggi, I didn’t know that! I love the things I learn here. Now I need to try that.

  • Patty says:

    Teri — a spritz of Tabac Blond and Jasmin et Cigarette smoothed it right out!

  • Patty says:

    Gaia, it definitely smells like THAT.

  • Patty says:

    Justine – don’t give them any ideas!?!?!? 🙂

  • Patty says:

    Denyse, yes, definitely, spooge is a regular verb. It is regularly used at our house.

  • Tigs says:

    Patty – I can’t believe I was just minutes too late for post 69. Please include me in the draw. And, ah, Leo, very glad to see you mention chlorine. I have always manitained that pools smell “sploogy” or spunky and my male friends deny this. And they act as if they have a much tighter, more intimate relationship with spunk than I do, and should therefore know better.

  • Patty says:

    Flor, I’ve never been, but I bet that IS it! It was just rank, um, love! 🙂

  • Patty says:

    Tom — oh, dear, if I have gotten dirtier than you… I have gone ’round the pervy bend! 🙂

  • Patty says:

    R — I cannot wait to hear your thoughts when you smell it. Take pictures! 🙂

  • Patty says:

    Jennifer, I haven’t tried Boudoir, can you believe that? BTW, visited your blog, very nice!

  • Dana says:

    Hilarious post! And please include me in the drawing.

  • Patty says:

    dinazad, it is a good thing my mother doesn’t have internet. Though my horrible sister will probably print this out or read it to her. 🙂 If she shows up.

  • Patty says:

    INa, it’s not so bad, really! Just brace yourself because it’s just disturbing. I mean, even if it didn’t smell like… that, it’s an interesting thing to smell just to gauge how you react to it, just a slight repulsion.

  • Patty says:

    Ellen, yeah, my “impressionable” husband. :))

    Elves? Oh, I wish! I keep looking around the house for someone that will spritz bottles with me. Warren tried and wound up with most of it on him, his hands are not so steady.

    I laughed, he quite spritzing.

  • Patty says:

    Anna — yeah, more pictures of Pull! Vorenus doesn’t do it for me as much, but the actor playing Marc Antony… hooboy!

  • Patty says:

    Marina, have you smelled it yet? Yeah, you’ll stop laughint then. :))

  • Patty says:

    Christine, a clean diaper? *thinking about Douce Amere* Yeah, I can see that.

    I should let Patty’s LH (otherwise known as Warren) write a post on what I do to him with scent. He and my youngest son just run sometimes, but most of the time are pretty good, if reluctant, sports.

  • Gail S says:

    OMG, Patty,

    I started reading this post at work and had to stop quickly before the internet nazis zapped me! So then I finished reading when I got home:) Nice imagery..but please do include me in the drawing for the more “normal” Chanels!

  • Patty says:

    donanicola, what cracks me up is thinking about these sitting in Bendel’s or Selfridge’s and some poor unsuspecting lady comes along, thinking that SM is along the lines of Seve Exquise (well, not that exact fragrance, but is totally not thinking body fluids), spritzes some on IN THE STORE and screams.

    I need a camera and two days in Bendel’s.

  • Lauren says:

    So glad I read this after lunch.

    Please include me in the drawing. Thanks!

  • Patty says:

    Sarah, I think that’s what I think of as smelling like aluminum. It is almost an Aunt Flo accord, isn’t it?

  • Patty says:

    Treazurekitten — what is the name of that tree? I’ve never heard of such a thing, and I want to make sure to avoid it!

    So I had to go look at the Chanel 46. Ah! I had not heard of that one either, and I need to be distracted as well!

  • Patty's LH says:

    OMG – I’m MORTIFIED!!! You NEVER use that kind of language at HOME! I’m never coming here again!! Wait, that didn’t sound right, I mean…OH NEVER MIND!!

    =)) =)) =)) =)) =))

  • Patty says:

    Oh, Pam, I’ll be thinking about you when you move! Good luck with that, and don’t overdo it!

  • Judith says:

    Agree with L on giving a big thumbs-up on Eloge du Traitre (and I can definitely smell Mazzolari here) as well as to Rien and JeC. Je suis un Homme isn’t bad either. But my Vraie Blonde has gone into hiding!:( I think, in my horror at SM last night, I threw off the covers and she hid under the bed!! Well, I will find her, and persuade her that now that that nasty stink is gone, it is safe to come out!

  • Patty says:

    Elle — cricket phobia? Ok, I promise to never do that again!

    The Vraie blonde is pretty fun for me too. And I need to spend more time with the Traitre, it’s got an interesting combination that intrigues me:d

  • Patty says:

    Judith, I was pret-ty sure you would NOT like the pink skank. It is raw and tinny and interesting, but I feel like I need gloves or a condom every time I handle it.

    Several of the others make up for my gag reflex.

    Oh, crap, I can’t stop!

  • Patty says:

    Musett, it may be a welcome change from SM! 🙂 The other ones, though, in the line are really pretty great. Just that one will get all the attention, but then it brings people in to try the rest, so it’s a pretty clever marketing angle.

  • Patty says:

    March, crickets don’t have ears. If they did, they wouldn’t make so much noise. So he is probably rubbing where her ear should be telling her that she needs to cut back on the Giorgio, he is feeling a little ill.

    Spooged the blog, I know, sorry![-x

  • Patty says:

    Sarah, those crickets just cracked me up. I mean, I spent more time listening to crickets than ever seeing them, so I had no idea someone had captured that on film. Maybe that’s why all that noise at night?

  • Patty says:

    Chaya, in rhyme no less!

    For everyone else who just commented to be entered in the draw, if your comment appears, you are in, and I won’t do invidivual posts back on that. Thanks!

  • sybil says:

    Patty…this review was too funny. Esp. since I got my package from you yesterday (thanks!), and natch, MS was the first one I tried. You nailed it…it really does smell like Eau de Whack on me, and I’m not getting much in the way of anything else. It was actually less terrifying than some on me. Amusing, but not all that wearable. Please sign me up for the drawing!

  • maggi says:

    very good, nice smut opening–of which, one kind of corn smut is edible (and delicious) often eaten in soups in Guatamala–it’s called Huitlacoche–also mexican corn truffle, black and earthy and really good!

    Please enter me in the drawing–Maggi

  • Patty says:

    Susan — nope, definitelly crickets! I was just looking for a picture of a cricket, and when that one turned up, it was too perfect to not use. 🙂

  • Catherine says:

    Wow. Great review, great writing. Please enter me in the drawing. Thanks!

  • Patty says:

    Hey, Ronny, not so sure they are full of themselves as they had a theme to explore sexuality in perfume. that’s certainly been done a LOT over the years and decades, but just not with blatant names.

    I mean, Bal a Versailles is a classic, but it is definitely sexual. Does that make it better or just more furtive in what it is?

    I’m not sure I’m on board with exploring sexuality through scent, but I’m okay with it as long as the perfumes themselves have merit.

  • Patty says:

    Hey, Louise. I got some lady parts in the Putain, but that was the only one that seemed more sexual in a femine way. Vraie Blond I am having the most fun with. It is just bubbly and not at all serious. Putain is really gorgeous, in a Bal a Versailles kind of way, just some naughty in there. Others I am liking, but having spent enough time with them.

  • Robin says:

    LOL! Great post.

  • Patty says:

    Ah, Leo, sorry, I’ll insert more panting and fake it next time. 🙂

  • Justine says:

    After perfume sex, you put on a nice smokey frag for lunch, tea for two maybe or jasmin cigarette? LOL

  • Eliza J says:

    I am blushing over here! Please enter me in the drawing, thanks!

  • Deborah says:

    Please add me in for the Chanel drawing.

  • Teri says:

    oh how funny are you?? lol Sometimes when it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and has feathers, well, you just gotta call it a duck! ~:> (ok, that’s not a duck, but it was as close as I could get lol)

    By the way…what does one do at the conclusion of perfume sex? Smoke some type of aromatic tobacco’ed cigarillo?#:-s

  • I’m so corious. Does it really smell like *that*? Do I need to actually try it? Would men and cats follow me?
    I’m sure the Chanels are a safer bet. I’d like to be in the drawing.

  • Justine says:

    I’m thinking that every man is out there is hoping and praying that the Secretions scent is a huge hit…so that they can then offer to make buying redendant. I can just see my husband sidling over to me in the morning..”hey honey, you ready for your daily “perfume.” ahem. And there would go my perfume budget, obviously no longer needed.

    As a lover of MKK I have now got to run out and find a sample of Boudoir and Bal a Vesailles.

    I’d love to be entered into your drawing for the Chanels.

  • carmencanada says:

    Kudos to Leo for managing to mention gerunds in a column about smut and to Tom for bringing up Vin Diesel. And thanks to you, Patty, I’ve now learned a new word: the verb “to spooge”. A regular verb, I trust?
    I’m going to sniff the ELd’O tomorrow with LisaCarol from POL but I think I’ll give SM a pass — if I want to smell that way I have my own source, and it’s for free. Please include me in the drawing, though!

  • Flor says:

    OMG! That was hysterical! Sounds like what Copacabana on the morning after Carnaval smells like. Been there, and it is NASTY!

  • Gina says:

    I laughed at laughed at this. Please do include me in your drawing, Patty. Thank you.

  • tmp00 says:

    Patty-

    You had me laughing out loud. I thought my review or S-ex was racy…

    I guess I’ll find out about these, since I ordered them from you. To quote Leo “Not sure I want it sprayed on me from a bottle though…” To drop this right down into the gutter: “Not sure I want it sprayed on me from Vin Diesel, neither”

    And yes, please include me in the drawing, you dirty, marvelous girl

  • violetnoir says:

    P, I am horrified, shocked and aghast at this raunchy, raw post…:o

    But I have to admit that you had me at Eau de Whack. 😉

    Hugs!

  • Jennifer says:

    By the way Rome is excellent!

  • Jennifer says:

    Add me to the drawing. Well I don’t know if I will ever be the gal to wear skank and I really don’t want to smell the male spooge scent. The closest I have come to a cooter scent has to be Vivienne Westwood Boudoir which is eau de lady cooter for me. Sampled it and immediately had to scrub because the scent eminating was the most blatantly female scent ever.

  • dinazad says:

    :)Grrrreat post, Patty! It’s such a joy to see you wallow in the not-quite-fit-for-mother-in-law’s-drawing room pleasures.
    I’d love the be drawn as well, by the way.

  • Ina says:

    Oh my… I’m now scared to try it!
    Begging to be added in the drawing, though.

  • Ellen says:

    Oh, Patty! You outdo yourself, which I thought no one could do!!! Glad you didn’t have perfume sex in front of anyone impressionable like your… husband. Got the Etats Libres yesterday (wow, you must have elves working for you!) & am waiting for weekend to try. (With mixed feelings, now.)

    I’d be honored if you’d enter me in the drawing.

    BTW, I do have a new way of mostly removing scrubbers — my pitbull apparently believes that I have odd, multifaceted secretions from my arm that demand his cleaning attention. (Johnny Cash is such a very helpful boy.)

    Christine — I’ve worn Douce Amere quite a few times now, unable to form a judgment about it. Now I’m going to retry it with “Clean Diaper Accord” in mind!

    Ellen

  • Anna says:

    I’ve already won a drawing, so no need to enter me in this one, but I just wanted to say that more pictures of Pullo are always welcome. You can even make them larger. Or you could have pictures of Vorenus. 😡

    Have a great day!!

  • Marina says:

    “Who had ”spooged” in my perfume bottle”? HAHAHAHAHAHA

  • Christine says:

    Nice Patty, draw us all back in with a drawing right when you cue the “loving” crickets. That was hilarious and you’re a far braver soul than I am. And that must be pretty potent stuff for the men folk to pick it out like that. If I ask my boyfriend about fragrances they’re usually divided into “like” or “dislike,” except for the sample of DouceAmere which I didn’t ask him about and informed me, “You smell like a diaper…But a clean one.”

    Also, please enter me in the drawing. The Exclusifs, oh hell yeah.

  • donanicola says:

    I love the description, CA and Eau de Whack is inspired in a particularly boy way – I have been snorting with laughter! As I said earlier this week, my xbf could not believe his nose when he smelled it. He is by no means a prude but is still reeling from the shock. Have heard a rumour they could be selling in Selfridges in London soon. Thanks and to Chaya for the Tom Lehrer lines – a perfect comment. Please add me into the drawing.

  • sarah says:

    Hilarious review. My husband really thinks I’m going over the deep end. What about that sweetish blood smell that is the most revolting aspect of the Secretions? That’s what turned my stomach with this one. Please include me in the drawing because even though I’ve already paid for the Chanel samples it will take double the amount of nice smelling stuff to get the SM out of my nose.

  • Jamie says:

    Please include me in the drawing!
    Thanx!

  • Sharon says:

    I about choked on my coffee! Great review of smut…I loved it!

    Please enter me in the drawing.

  • Treazurekitten says:

    Oh, you drew me out on this one. I’ve thought for some time of whether anyone would do something similar to Secretions Magnifique. In Northern California we have a tree which flowers every spring, dripping tons of sticky resin onto sidewalks, cars and anything else. It smells just like male emissions and it’s crazy potent. In fact, I think of it as the c*m tree. Regardless of the inspiration, imagination and technical feat this perfume represents, I don’t think I’ll be spritzing it on anytime soon. BTW: On Ebay right now there’s a bottle of vintage Chanel no 46 up for auction. I’ve never heard of it before. Have you? Oh, I so want to smell it. I can’t stand it and neither can my $$! I need the distraction of the new Chanels. So please save me if you can, enter me in the drawing for samples of the new exclusive line, quick!:((

  • Pam says:

    Patty, I found myself laughing through today’s post. The Pud Etats sound clever, but not for me. Am nearing the end of packing for The Big Move next week, but, yes, please include me in the drawing for the new Chanels. Thinking about the new exclusifs may just help me get through these next few days. Have a great [email protected]};-

  • Elle says:

    Smut doesn’t bother me in the least. Must go check out the Basenotes thread. However, I’m SO cricket phobic that I had to scroll down past that photo at record speed and apparently am not going to get to see that there were two of them. *Anything* but crickets…or frogs…or roaches. There, hange head – my phobias all exposed. Heaven knows I’ve had to deal w/ all three of them over the years given my compulsion to travel to less than modernized places, but crickets are the worst of the three. Surprise attacks and all that. I know they’re good luck in some places. Totally mystifies me.
    Back to SM. Umm. I normally love raw. But this went to the sweet side. My first thought (adolescent to match the names – which, let me go on record as saying don’t bother me in the least) was edible underwear the Putain des Palaces might have been wearing. My favs are the Eloge du Traitre (Mazzolariesque), Rien, JeC and Vraie Blond.

  • Judith says:

    OMG! I feel like I have lost whatever skank cred I ever had! I found SM just completely GROSS (word chosen advisedly–it brought out the teenage girl in me)! I conceptualized it as “pink” skank (evoking body parts) rather than “dark” skank (sweat, perhaps), and (hangs head in shame), it turned my stomach a bit. I washed it off, too! Really interested in hearing from someone who would wear this.

    As an anticlimax,:) I loved Rien and Jasmin et Cigarette.

    Me for the drawing, please!!!!:):)

  • Musetta says:

    Well no doubt the next release (!) from Etat Libre d’Orange will have something to do with fornicating insects, since I think they have all other possible iterations already covered. Demand a fee, I say.

    Oh, and enter me in that drawing…

  • March says:

    P — I dunno. I think that one cricket is sniffing behind the other cricket’s ear (do crickets have ears) saying, wow… the sillage is great, is that Angel you’re wearing?

    BTW you are a sick, sick puppy and I love you. I can’t believe you used The Cum Accord on our sacred blog…

  • sariah says:

    Patty – I was laughing all the way through, but you just slayed me with those crickets. Now I have visiions of you and March trying to outdo each other with naughty pics :d, not that that’s naughty of course, just nature.

    OK, I think you are going to get a million requestes for this drawing, please enter me.

  • chayaruchama says:

    :d
    Hooray for smut ..
    Give me smut, and nothing but…
    A dirty novel I can’t shut, if it’s uncut, and quite unsubt- tle…
    [Thank you, Tom Lehrer !]
    May I join the fray ?
    [Have a great day !]

  • Silvia says:

    I’d like to be included in the drawing, please !

  • hausvonstone says:

    shudder. oh god. are you sure those aren’t cockroaches. more appropriate in name, and that’s what i thought i saw! please enter me in the drawing. ack. i’m still recovering from the sights and sounds.

  • Louise says:

    Oh yes, pls enter me in the drawing.

  • Ronny says:

    I am much perplexed by the Etats (etc) scents. From all the blog commentary they sound well done but full of themselves, if you get my meaning. I’m all for skank (am partial to MKK) but I want a smidge of subltety and some intelligent humour with it — way the other side of adolescence.

    In any case, please do enter me in the Exclusifs draw. Tx.

  • Louise says:

    Got the samples, thanks Patty, and Secretions is, well, creative, but just flat out gross. Got to admire them for such an evocative (as in olfactory image, not desire) concoction. But, ugg. Others in the line are nice, especially Nombril (I like the patch), and Hotel Call Girls, though many seem to retain that underlying, oh what did you call it???”spooge” factor. I would prefer a little of the female scent, such as that oddness that FdB sometimes emits on random days. Curious your impressions of the other Etats.

  • Alica says:

    Oh,pls include me in this honorary exclusive drawing 🙂 Thx.

  • Leopoldo says:

    Oh, and draw me baby, in all my (morning) glory.

    p.s. Sorry.[-x

  • Leopoldo says:

    P

    When you warned me yesterday about the content of this post, I was expecting unbridled filth like one of those X-rated romantic novels (aka porn for women) full of gerunds and adjectives like pulsating, thrusting, moist etc. I almost got it. The crickets were a nice touch – cute sex.

    To be frank, the metallic / chlorine tang of semen isn’t a great aroma and never will be, though it’s pretty vibrant and literally full of (half) life… Not sure I want it sprayed on me from a bottle though…

    BaV I have to try for the sheer heady fun of Eau de (in UK English, this is homonymic with ODOUR) muff…

    I’m not sure I liked the style and direction of the Basenotes thread…