The Lancer Boys… and the Barbies

Is this post about perfume? Not so much. I’m just killing time while waiting for the Chanels to get in so I can put up a post later today once I get a chance to sniff them. SQUEEE! Sorry, isn’t everyone just waiting to hear? So look for that hopefully by afternoon or early evening.

You get a story while we wait together. When I was a little girl, I loved my Barbies. Being of the poor sort of Kansas dirt farmers, we didn’t have a lot of Barbies or Barbie clothes or clothes or entertainment or money. My dad was a TV Tyrant. We could only watch TV when he wanted to watch something, which led to my deep appreciation of Lawrence Welk and Hee-Haw. Listen, Buck and Roy’s “that’s good” “No, that’s bad” bit about how things kept getting worse was a true classic. Sissy and Bobby’s dancing? Yeah, they’ve got your Dancin’ with the Stars right there.

Bonanza and Lancer were also a part of the White Family’s evening viewing. Both were westerns, but of the two, I loved Lancer — not just the hunky actors (this text is sandwiching the really handsome actors — hmm, I think the old guy is the best looking now) — but the stories were better, the characters were a little darker. Bonanza thrived in family hourwhere Lancer only had a season or two and was gone.

There was Johnny (the dark-haired one — how dreamy is he!?) and Scott (the fair-haired) and their dad, Murdoch. Well, what does this have to do with Barbies? Well, my Barbies were huge Lancer fans, they enacted parts of the show a couple of times a week, but inserting themselves as the love interest of the Lancer boys. Yes, it was too the Barbies, not me!

My imagination was pretty active and wild when I was a kid — well, okay, it’s lasted most of my life, but it was pretty much off in the outer realms until I was about 15 or 16. My brothers and sister liked to torture me generally when I was young because I far preferred to go off and make up pretend stories in my head and with my Barbies than to play “touch” football with them. They always “said” it would be just touch football, but they knew when I was getting tired of playing, and then they tackled me, and I would huff off in a snit.

One day I was sick, and my mom let me sleep in her bed because… I have no idea why, but I grabbed all my Barbies and headed in to spread out the Barbies and weave a wild fantasy involving the Lancer boys. Now, somewhere along the line, my brother Harry hid in the closet and my sister Shirley crawled under the bed in my mom and dad’s rooom and listened in on my play-acting with the Barbies, which included a lot of “Oh, Scott, Scott, come back!” and “No, Johnny, don’t leave me, I love you both” sort of thing. Whaaat? I couldn’t make up my mind which one I liked more the Barbies liked both Johnny and Scott. At some suitable moment, like when they couldn’t contain their laughter anymore, they both came rolling out of their hiding places. To this day, I have not lived down the “Oh, Scott, come back” comment whenever they want to use some shorthand way of saying I was a loon as a kid.

Gratuitous fragrance reference: Apres L’ondee pure Parfum…I am a really big idiot, this is better than the EDT, though they both are excellent. Serge Lutens Chene? Mucking around in the deep forest while wearing MKK. Is this a good thing? Not sure yet, but I’m pretty sure Johnny Lancer would have worn it.

  • Nina says:

    OK, this is torture. Not only are the Chanels stuck in some blizzard somewhere, but I can’t even escape into TV chat because I don’t get all the US references…. Why has no-one invented tele-transportation yet? I mean, on Star Trek they had mobile phones and we’ve got those, they had talking computers and we’ve got those…why can’t we Beam Up those Chanels and get started on the sniffing? I note that every review so far has picked a completely different winner, so I can’t even start salivating about The One I Simply Must Have. Come on,UPS!

  • pitbull friend says:

    Oh, Patty, I am so sorry for your loss. (“Sorry for your delay” sounds like I am apologizing for a disability, doesn’t it?) But I really do appreciate your stories while we wait. Loving the idea of the library shed!

    March & Maria: We have a winner in the translation of “wet spot” in French, but you’ll have to backtrack to the last post to see it.

  • Dusan says:

    WTF was I thinking sending care packages to you and March in the midst of the Exclusifs craze! Now you’re barely going to look at them 🙁 My poor babies don’t stand a chance now! *whines and protests*
    Michael (?) Landon was big around here when I was a wee lad, but I remember little of the show, cept that it was on on Sundays.
    I adore your childhood stories, P, just keep ’em rolling!

  • Maria B. says:

    Patty and March, you gals have the most suspenseful perfume blog on the Web. I didn’t even order the Exclusifs and yet I’ve been hitting the refresh button. Who needs Lancer, Bonanza–or even Lawrence Welk?

  • violetnoir says:

    Oh Jesus, woman! I keep checking and checking your blog to see if you have a review of the Chanels.

    Hurry up and post something, would ya??? :((


    • Patty says:

      FedEx delayed it in Indianapolis due to the snow, so I’m not going to see that package until tomorrow. Waaaaaahhhh!!!!

      • violetnoir says:

        Double WWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • trinity says:

        Delayed! Ack! Hope the cold temps don’t damage the scents. Someone please say they’ll be ok. How cold is it gonna get in Indianapolis tonite?

        • trinity says:

          I assume the package is sitting in the back of a delivery truck, huh? Or do they move everything inside? Wonder if the storage area is climate-controlled? This is how my mind works…..

          • Patty says:

            I can’t believe I”m checking out Indianapolis weather to make sure the airport is open so they can get planes out of there overnight! 🙂

        • Patty says:

          Okay, I almost had a nervous breakdown contemplating that they would still be IN Indiana overnight. They said they are leaving tonight and will be here in the morning. Do I believe them? Not sure. What’s the weather like in Indiana right NOW? 🙂

  • minette says:

    your comment about miss kitty made me think of deadwood, on hbo. have you discovered it yet? it’s pretty crazy for a western – deliciously so. of course, i got rid of cable, so i don’t even know if it’s still on.

    • Patty says:

      My brother and I used to watch it, when he was doing some work here and staying with me, and the language! Lord, I had no idea they could say that CS work so many times in a minute! I’m not prudish with my language at all, but I was floored.

  • Patty says:

    SHIPPING DELAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!b-(b-(b-(b-(

  • trinity says:

    Hey Patty
    Just checking in to see if the Exclusifs have made their royal entrance yet, LOL!

    No Lancer at my house, either, but I do remember Bonanza. Little Joe was my man. I have always loved horses anyway, and he rode that flashy black-and-white paint. And I love dark-haired men the most, so I was all set, even way back then! A cute guy on a horse takes my breath away.

    • Patty says:

      Nope, not yet……..:-w:-w:-w:-w

      Don’t they know? Time to harass Chanel and get a tracking number so I can annoy someone else besides my poor dog, Buddy.

  • Kelly says:

    Well I came here hoping for Chanels and am leaving with the memory of my brother shooting me in the butt with a BB Gun

    Hey, 3 degrees of Lawrence Welk, my parents bought a car that used to be his… we always fawned over the accordian dents in the trunk.

    Guess I’ll hit refresh and see if the Chanels are up yet.

    • Kelly says:

      Gak! Can’t even post my own nostalgia right! That was Myron Floren’s car…

    • Patty says:

      Nope, no Chanels. The UPS guy was here, so it must be Fedex that is bringing them. He seems to be having a leisurely lunch or something. Rat.

      How did you get Lawrence’s car? Hey, you probably deserved it! 🙂

  • March says:

    Scott… Scott … come back!!! And bring those friggin’ Chanels with you!!!<):)

  • Maria B. says:

    Gosh, Patty, you weren’t a loon. I was going to say you were normal, but maybe I don’t know normal. You were healthily imaginative. And I’m glad to see it hasn’t gone away. I love your childhood stories.

    I didn’t even know Lancer existed. We did watch Bonanza after Ed Sullivan, which came on on Sundays after Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Color. Sunday was the only evening of the week my father was home. You notice there’s no lovey-dovey program in the line-up. 🙂

    • Patty says:

      Maria, I’m about as worried at you calling me normal as if March called me normal. 🙂

      That was our Sunday lineup too, Walt Disney, Ed Sullivan and Bonanza. I think Red Skelton was on Mondays? If it was a western, we watched it. If it had Lawrence Welk or some country star on it, we watched that too. A one and uh two.

  • Lauren says:

    Hmmm, don’t remember Lancer at all – we were definitely a Bonanza family. Dund dada dund dada dund dada dund da da daaaa! But Johnny (the dark-haired one) is definitely dreamy. Thanks for sharing the pic.

    • Patty says:

      Johnny was dreamy! I think they were of the first shows to do a biracial thing, his mother was Hispanic I think. Lots of opportunity for conflict since daddy was rich and people kept mistaking Johnny for one of the hands. I need to go get that DVD now. It will probably be just awful.

  • AnnE says:

    “Touch” football? Yeah, that’s like my brother promising not to suddenly jump off the teeter-totter when my end was at the highest point. But am I still bitter after all these years? LOL!

    I did not remember Lancer until this very moment; I guess it didn’t really stick in my mind, or maybe it’s just because it never went into syndication and it didn’t get re-run every afternoon for years, like “Big Valley.” Barbara Stanwyck could chew up the scenery with the best of them.

    Can’t wait for those Chanels!

    • Patty says:

      Ann, exactly! Those brothers, such big liars! It’s a good thing kids are resilient.

      Loved Big Valley. Was Heath the guy on there, Lee Majors?

  • minette says:

    i’m afraid we only watched bonanza in our house – i can’t recall lancer at all. but i loved your lancer – barbie doll story. we writer types were so misunderstood as kids. now we can have our revenge. gentle as it may be.

    look forward to hearing about the chanels – these are the only ones i’m excited about sniffing.

    • Patty says:

      I did love my Bonanza too. Gunsmoke as well. Miss Kitty was the first floozy on TV, but of course with the Heart of Hooker Gold.

  • donanicola says:

    The suspense is KILLING me! Thank heavens for Ina’s review – I am as much looking forward to the posts on these as I am to sniffing them for myself. (Planning a trip to Old Bond St on thursday evening). Anyway, I googled the exclusifs and what do I find? Details of some sleb launch party at Chateau Marmont with Sienna Miller and Liz Lohan (t*ts clearly visible through her top) et al. I mean I bet none of them would know a chanel (particularly the rue Cambon ones) if it bit them on the ankle! WHY aren’t I there??? Why isn’t the perfume blog community there? Having a very un-chanel style tantie here….

    • Patty says:

      Yeah, I saw that. I mean, how do those skanks get into that party when the true perfumistas are crying outside the gates? I bet they got free bottles of things too. *snort*

      Bitches. 🙂

  • Tigs says:

    I was allowed some TV, but no Barbies, so I had to sneak next door to put the Barbies belonging to the very feminine little girls over there in compromising positions. I talk to myself, too, and also do little news reports/colour commentary on myself. I loved that scene in Ian McEwan’s “Atonement” where 13-year-old Briony is doing the Olympic sport commentary of herself while wacking a patch of nettles: “Look at that technique! She’s sure to win the Gold!” I never grew out of that.

    You get MKK in Chene? I’m sure to like MKK, then…

    • Leopoldo says:

      I just had to state how much I love ‘Atonement’ for its gut punch of an ending. Impossibly powerful, brilliant writing, whih left me like this:


      As you were…

    • Patty says:

      I get a little of that BO accord in Chene, the cedary thing, which MKK Has, at the start, and then it’s like skin in the deep forest. I’d put it on again, but I”m trying to leave my skin pristine today for those darn Chanels!

  • Flor says:

    I was totally TV deprived. My parents believed in reading, so, I never even heard of the Lancers, or anything else for that matter. Unless of course I had a sleepover at a friends house. However, you sound like you were a normal kid. I remember my barbies had their fair share of love triangles, too!;) Can’t wait for your review on the Chanels!

    • Patty says:

      Flor, normal isn’t exactly the word I’d use. 🙂 Growing up in the country, we only got CBS and NBC, so we were deprived of Happy Days, etc., etc. I spent the first half of my 20s just catching up on the things I had missed. We mostly read all the time. My dad and his 12 brothers and sisters had left a library of all of their books in the washhouse, and I’d just go pick out some things every couple of days and read them. I had no idea that not every kid had their own personal several-hundred book library.

      • Flor says:

        OMG! You had a massive library? That’s awesome! I always say that one day I’ll have a massive library in my house, for my kids, grandkids, and so on. I spent a good part of my 20’s catching up as well. I feel better now.:)

  • Anna says:

    What a great story…I had a wild imagination too as a child, I suspect that it is a common bond among all of us perfume-lovers.
    Joining in the chant “CHANEL, CHANEL, CHANEL!”
    Oh one thing I wanted to ask is whether you are trying the “re-issued” Bois des Iles, Cuir de Russie and Gardenia. I’m curious to find out if they’ve been tweaked or if Chanel has had the good sense to leave them alone.

    • Patty says:

      Hey, Anna, I think Ina has tried the new Cuir de Russie, and she says it is tweaked, but in a good way — more leather!!! My CdR bottle is almost out, so I need to get another one anyway, so it will be a good opportunity to see what they’ve done.

  • Elle says:

    I feel tragically deprived that I never saw the Lancers. Are they in re-runs anywhere? Living overseas I saw pretty much no American TV other than a few shows that were dubbed (deep, deep crush on Sr. Spock). I saw Bewitched during grad school for the first time and my addiction to it continues.
    Those Chanels are going to be my complete financial undoing. Wanders off to practice nose twitching…

    • Patty says:

      E, I think they are on DVD here and there, but I’ve never seen them in re-runs. I guess since they didn’t make it five years, which is the re-run threshhold, they just didn’t ever make it. I think I heard that the dark-haired guy had to have his leg amputated or something?

      Now, Dr. Spock was crushworthy. I always figgered him for a tiger in the sack.

    • Marie says:

      Hi everyone
      I was a huge Lancer fan and finally got the series on vhs and dvd
      I think reruns are shown in Australia once and awhile
      Oh yes some dreamy guys there

  • Judith says:

    Apres l’Ondee parfum is exquisite; enjoy!

    I do not remember the Lancers, but I did have sort of a crush on Adam Cartwright (Pernell Roberts–the dark, brooding one), and a mega-crush on James Garner in all his incarnations (Brett Maverick, Rockford, old man, whatever).

    Joining in the chant:
    COME TO MOMMA!!>:d<

    • Patty says:

      Oh, yeah, Adam, he was the hot one there. Little Joe was too much of a baby.

      If that UPS guy doesn’t get here soon, I’m going to have to start hunting him down.

  • Jacki says:

    Great story…so much like my childhood! I lived in a tv tyrant household and had an overactive imagination, but I think that was because I didn’t have any siblings and we didn’t have anything to do so I had to make something up. I was allowed to watch a workout show after school, courtsey of my mom, maybe that’s why I refuse to work out know. Eh, it’s too deep for an early Tuesday morning.
    Flash forward thirty years and my husband still calls me a loon and he can’t figure out why I have never seen some of the TV shows he watched as a child! Great post! CHANELS!!! I’m so excited!

  • Leopoldo says:

    Now I get why I’m dressed yp like that in my picture….

    My sister had a Cindy (Brit homegrown slightly more trailer park version of Barbie), and I had an action man. I’d strip them, swap their heads over and put them in compromising positions in my sister’s bedroom. I knew it had worked when I heard her wails. I was repulsive. And far too sex-knowledgeable for a 7 year old (I blame trips to the library where I could rewad anything I chose…)

    I love Chéne though don’t get the MKK quality. I don’t have any right now, but I do have the remnants of a Diptyque Chéne candle, and that has to suffice.


    • Patty says:

      I don’t think it was just you. We grew up on the farm, so we had all the animals to watch to satisfy our sexual curiosity, though I have to admit being surprised that I didn’t have to get the back of my neck pinched in a guy’s teeth.

      Okay… so we had this old rectangle wires, and we clipped them together with clothespins and made an elaborate trapeze on the covered porch. The Barbies would do their circus act… with Ken…. on the trapeeze. Sheesh, we maybe were 10. Pervy beyond belief.

  • dinazad says:

    I loved the Lancer boys too! I used to really love westerns – still do, only there are very few good ones out there these days… As for pretend stories – if you see a fairly well-dressed and gorgeous-smelling middle-aged woman walking down a Zurich street and mumbling to herself, that’s me, in the middle of some wild, made-up dialogue. I just can’t break myself of the habit, not even at – almost – 54!
    I hope to smell the Chanels during my lunch-break. Last Saturday the SA said they’d be there. She’d better be right! After all, I’ve got legions of heroes with uncanny abilities right there in my imagination, ready to take the place apart at my veriest nod.

    • Leopoldo says:

      Love this D! I too have constant dialogue buddies…

      • dinazad says:

        Ah, my fellow, my friend! What’s your answer when you’re caught in the act? Mine’s: When I talk to myself, at least I’m talking to somebody intelligent. 😉

        • Leopoldo says:

          Actually, I’m not always aware I’m doing it…

          But I’m stealing your line from now on.>:d<

          • tmp00 says:

            I’ve often thought of just wearing my bluetooth headset (the one for the car) all the time while I am merrily babbling to myself. Then I won’t look nuts. I’ll look like I’m on the phone!:d

          • dinazad says:

            Trouble is, I also grimace when emotional scenes are going on in my head…. but then, one of my goals in life is to be a gaudy, eccentric old woman, so let’s just say I’m working on that!

    • Patty says:

      Wow, we have a lot of formerly lonely children here. I always thought I was crazy and really gave it up in my 30s or so, but it sounds like… I.didn’! Wheee, back to Patty as a Rock Star stories for me!

      • Leopoldo says:

        I had company and siblings aplenty. I just liked my special friends…8-}

        • dinazad says:

          Me too. Talented bunch, my imaginary friends…. (my real ones as well, but you want to have LOTS of talent surrounding you).