Fruity floral No. 7,489 — Act II

Setting:  Irrational Fruity Florals, prestige perfumers´ conference room.  Nawt Agin has been summoned to the regular Monday assignments meeting with the other perfumers.  There´s a lot of shuffling and gossiping around the table as they get ready to start. 

Head Perfumer Sniffee:  Quiet, quiet. 

*still more shuffling and whispering, as if Sniffee had not spoken*  

HP Sniffee:  Hey!  You!  Molecule Humps, quiiiiiiiiet!!!!!!!!!!!  We´ve got a couple of new perfumes to get assigned, and I´ve got another meeting with Tom (perfumers all gasp and start whispering) in five minutes! so we need to get out of here.  First up, Freddy wants to do something called Italian Mama, the companion perfume to French Lover, something meant to evoke meat sauces, bread and pasta….  Let´s see…..  Ivanda Nunose, that one is all yours.

*groans from other perfumers as Ivanda preens and gloats*

Sniffee: Next up is the latest celebutard perfume.  This, of course, will be a groundbreaking scent with notes of….. um, fruit…. and….. ready for it? (all pefumers are slumped down in their chairs trying to hide) floral.  The celebrity is the hugely talented coke whore, Voracia Tata. And the lucky perfumer to create the frooty floral masterpiece for Ms. Tatas is…. (he looks at each perfumer in the room, hesitates, looks at another, looks back, stretching out the agony) Nawt Again!  Congratulations!

Nawt Agin:  No, please, I beg — no, I’m pleading, I’ll be your lackey, I’ll make scents for your grandmother, your sister, your children and grandchildren and dog, if only you give this to someone else. Give it to the new guy!

Sniffee:  You are the new guy. You haven’t done a celebutard scent yet, it’s your turn, and you have ameeting with her, her agent and DicK Nosmell this afternoon.  Okay, that’s it for this week, go shake something good up, and see ya next week.

(Nawt scurries past the laughter of his colleagues, back to his office, head hung down, feet shuffling, sits down in his chair and sighs)  What am I going to do?  I’d sooner be back in detergent scenting than do this! Maybe I can talk them into something creative and unusual. Yeah, that’s it, I’ll use my charm and knowledge and sell them on a really great perfume!

*it is now 3 p.m., time for the meeting with DicK, Nawt, Fifteen and Voracia.  Nawt is already in the conference room, with several vials of interesting notes and combinations in front of him, when the secretary brings in DicK, Fifteen and Voracia.  After some preliminary greetings, including Voracia popping a Xanax and walking into a closet, they all sit down*

Nawt:  I’ve got some great ideas for your perfume, Voracia. It will be groundbreaking, something that’s never been done before. I intend to blend a salty musk with tuberose–

*Voracia looks confused and then closes her eyes*

DicK:  No, no, stop that, we do this every time, but let’s go through it again… slowly. Studies show that people like happy perfumes, not sweaty crap, except those perfume freaks on the internet.  We want something happy and bubbly.  Fruit is happy and bubbly, make sure it has fruit in it.

Voracia:  Yes, I like fruit, especially bananas!  Can it have bananas?

Nawt: Okay, something fruity, a lime-based perfume with some vetiver to give it depth, or horses are happy, how about a nice leather something that —

DicK:  No, not vetiver, not leather, not now, not ever. This should be very feminine, like the lovely Voracia, and sultry without being slutty, unlike the lovely Voracia.  Throw in some flowers.

Nawt:  Fruit?  and Florals?

DicK:  Now you’re diggin’ where there’s taters.

Fifteen:  So how much can we expect to make here, DicK?  I want something that flies off the shelf and puts green in Voracia and my’s pocket.

Nawt: Well, I have to caution you, there are a lot of frooty florals out there already, that market is saturated, so I really don’t think —

DicK: Who cares?!?!  it’s not about the perfume, it’s about the style, the  experience. We want to sell this to women who want to BE Voracia, out at Les Deux at night and The Ivy for lunch, mingling with stars, shopping on Robertson.  Nobody cares what it smells like. That’s like the 10th thing on a list of ten things that the consumer cares about when it comes to perfume.  Come on, Nawt, didn’t anyone ever teach you that? Why does Sniffee always give us the FNG?

Nawt:  But if you want to do something unique and special, I highly recommend that you stay away from the fruit and the floral put together.

Fifteen:  We want something that sells, sells, sells, I don’t care what it smells like as long as it sells.

Nawt:  If it’s about the style and not the juice, then let’s make something great, with complexity and —

DicK: No!  As soon as they pop that cap on the bottle, I want it to be nonoffensive and sweet and the girls to go, “oh, that smells goooood!”  That’s fruit and floral, that’s what I want you to make.  Okay, we’re done here.  Let’s go.  We have a bottle to design.

*with that, DicK, Voracia and Fifteen exit, leaving Nawt with his head in his hands crying*

To be continued….

So you get to pick the perfumer to make a scent for you. Who would make it, and what would the juice smell like?

  • Lavanya says:

    Oh..this is fun..I have spent soo much time thinking about the notes I want in a perfume that I haven’t had time to post..:)..
    I’d like a black pepper and clove opening with a hint of honey and french lavender (the kind that Andy used in RdJ) moving into a heart of smokey honeyed jasmine/orange flowers/tuberose..(but if its tuberose I want the lush cold tuberose of SL’s TC) and a warm smokey incensey/sandalwoody drydown(with still a hint of white flowers) or maybe tonka bean…

    And maybe (if dreams come true), I’d like Andy and/or Sheldrake/SL to make it..

    • Lavanya says:

      I forgot to add- tobacco in the middle notes

    • Patty says:

      You have thought about this! That really sounds wonderful. I always wonder what the constraints are? I suspect some notes are too strong, and they strangle other notes. Perfumers really are perfectionists. I played around with it briefly and then gave it up. That’s a game for people who have seriously detailed minds, which mine is not. The mind of a chemist, which my son has.

  • Katie says:

    Oh man, you know I luv ya, right? This is all just so freaking funny. Excellent job, and I look forward to the next installment.

    Also, you need to find a graphic artist who’d be willing to illustrate these segements. I weirdly would like very much to see this in serialized comic book form, hee! l-)

    • Patty says:

      Girl, where have you been?!?!? We’ve missed you. Hope you’re better and all is better.

      Do you know any graphic artists? As much as I’m not sure if I want to keep going with it, I do actually see some potential for it as a serialized novel or a sitcom, kind of LIke The Office.

  • Amy K says:

    I’d love to turn Francis Kurkdjian loose on the fruity floral genre and see if he could whip me up something light and summery with linden and a hint of lime. All other ingredients would be dealer’s choice.

    • Patty says:

      Yeah, I think he could put something together that would rock. Frootoral is not a bad thing in and of itself, it’s just, in its current incarnation, crap. Done right, it could totally rock. Rose Ikebana is a complete frootoral, and I adore every last sniff of it.

      Linden and lime, vetiver and some tonka in the base, now you’re cooking with oil.

  • Gaia says:

    Andy Tauer has already made my ideal fragrance when he created L’Air, but I’d like to lock him in a room with honey and patchouli and see what happens…

  • carmencanada says:

    Joining the party really late, couldn’t think of a fragrance I would like to have made especially for me… I love surprises, and to be taken where I didn’t expect to go. But if I were to get a bespoke fragrance, I think I would pull Jean Kerléo, former “nose” of Patou and author of Sublime and 1000, as well as former head of the Osmothèque, out of retirement. I love his grand, classic manner. Now, if we’re talking about resurrecting anyone, I’ll call for Ernest Beaux, because I’m on a huge Rue Cambon kick.
    But, but, but… green jasmine, I’ll buy too.
    Oh, and Patty, I really enjoy your dialogues, keep’em coming!

    • Patty says:

      Why am I thinking that I’m stuck with these characters for a while? 🙂 Oh, well, I’ve actually got a great episode for next week.

      When do you suppose perfumers retired? I’m assuming their noses give out after a while or lose a step?

      • carmencanada says:

        They might themselves get tired of everything that’s not directly related to creating perfume: heading the Osmothèque must’ve implied a fair amount of administrative work. But retiring as a nose… I guess that’s when companies decide they want someone newer, when they’re bought out, as Guerlain and Patou were. From what I’ve read in the Emperor of Scent, the creator of Ma Griffe had become entirely anosmic when he composed it.

  • CH says:

    Speaking of tea, I tried the Earl Grey scent by Demeter and was very dismayed about how fake it was – I barely got tea and Earl Grey would not approve.

    I tried the Russian Caravan Tea by CB I Hate Perfume and it was better although the lemon oil was a little too heavy. I was hoping for a smokier, spicier tea. L’Artisan’s tea scents are okay but I have yet to find something as refreshing and complex as the real thing.

    Tea seems to be difficult to re-create as a scent. What I get from most of the tea scents are florals and citrus that overwhelm the tea (or lack of tea).

    • Patty says:

      Have you tried PG’s Harmatan Noir? Not sure it gets what you want, but it is my favorite tea scent, hands down, but not because it recreates tea exactly, but that it has a great feel to it.

      I think tea is very tough to do.

    • sweetlife says:

      Or PG L’Eau Rare Matale — which to me smells like smoky black tea with just a touch of Early Grayish bergamot. It took me awhile to appreciate it and then I started craving it…

      I’m looking for a black tea scent that approximates this wonderful rose tea from Fauchon that someone gave us as a gift. Black tea, honey, hay, and red, red, rose.

  • CH says:

    Another one:

    Black Currant, Bergamot, Cardamom, ginger, honey, sandalwood and incense!

    This is a Christopher Sheldrake creation for sure.

  • rosarita says:

    This is such a fun post, Patty. So many ideas sound good – I’m esp. liking Abigail and Ellen’s idea about a barn scent – I want mine heavy on the hay, with a hot kennel corn accord in the topnotes, mmmmmmm
    To make my own, I need to resurrect Germaine Cellier. She could create the life of a maple tree in perfume – no maple syrup, please, but the green, sharp/sweet smell of maple seeds, the ones that fly like helicopter wings all over the place in June. There would be the smell that the dry, multicolored leaves release when they fall off the tree and you shuffle through them on the sidewalk. Of course, it would have to have the dry, insence-y smell of leaf smoke in there, too.

    • pitbull friend says:

      I love how y’all are taking ideas you like and spinning them in a different direction! Rosarita, did you know that C. Brosius has a “Burning Leaves?” The entire description is “burning maple leaves.” I have no idea how he bottled that but oh! he did! I use it in such tiny amounts that I could spare a ml if you’d like. It’s not the whole beautiful thing you describe, but it’s part. — Ellen
      P.S. Oh my, roasted corn! My friend grills it over apple wood. It has such a strong savory smell that you’re reluctant to eat & make it disappear!

      • CH says:

        Is it me or does the Burning Maple Leaves leave a mustard drydown? 😕 My husband says that it smells like a real fire, having spend some time fighting forest fires. He escaped (thankfully)to a desk job before burning out his sense of smell and his lungs.

    • Patty says:

      Oh, corn in it, that would be great! I love your perfume idea, it sounds so gorgeous, like the fall and a little wood and leaf smoke, just perfection. Someone should do a Four Seasons project in perfumery.

      • pitbull friend says:

        Patty: Luckyscent carried that Martine Micallef Quatre Saisons set. They must be closing it out, as I only see winter on there now. I was underwhelmed with Automne, the only one I tried, alas….

        Abigail: Horse breath. That’s what I left out. The fabulous breath horses have when they’re grinding “sweet feed” (oats with molasses) in their molars in that contemplative way. Y’know how it is — somedays you feel like going to the Lilac Festival, other days to the barn… –Ellen

    • Abigail says:

      Oh, I think Ellen deserves the credit for a barn scent, I just think it would be lovely.

  • winterwheat says:

    Love it!!! I think I’d pick Olivia Giacobetti, and I’d ask her to do a modern yet earthy chypre for me. I love the whole chypre concept but can’t wear most of them. I think OG would be able to reinvent the chypre concept by pairing oakmoss and woods with notes that would bring them into their own without competing with them (which I think lavender tends to do). Who else would think of pairing lilacs with cucumber and wheat (En Passant)? I want that same kind of openmindedness behind my reconstructed chypre. Plus AG could take it our of Murkyville and infuse it with a clarity (not sharpness or sourness, but fresh clarity) that the chypre genre seems to be lacking.

    Then again, I think Linda Pilkington is quite talented, and has already created something quite similar to what I want, in the form of Ormonde.

    • winterwheat says:

      Er, that second set of initials should have been OG, not AG (don’t want you thinking I’m pulling Annick Goutal in on this)…

    • Patty says:

      I think Olivia could be genius with something like that. She should do Robin’s green jasmine scent too.

      i love this game, it’s not only created lemmings, but lemmings for scents that don’t even exist… yet.

  • Tigs says:

    I’m very bad at this sort of thing, as I just list off all the notes I like, without considering whether they’d go together and I end up with a scent that resembles a cocktail made at a highschool bush party. This is why I should hire noses/consultants and not make the scents myself. I like neroli or bergamot along with some spicy notes (coriander, ginger, immortelle) laid over with a transparency of things like mandarin, tea, anise or artemisia or bamboo. The heart and base should be creamy with florals like osmanthus or champaca, smooshy sandalwood and musk. There should be some dryness from hay. And perhaps a touch of smoke. And a Purple Jesus on the side. Since Ellena, Sheldrake, Kurkdjian, Brosius and all the dead people are going to be busy, I’d go for somebody youngish (Aurelien Guichard would be perfect) or outside the perfumery old boys club (Christine Nagel, Patricia de Nicolai or Linda Pilkington) to straighten me out.

    • Patty says:

      What’s a purple Jesus?

      • Tigs says:

        It’s one of those highly potent, absolutely disgusting alcoholic drinks featuring grape Kool-aid, often made by high school students. Like a Blue Lagoon, it’s the sort of thing you least want regurgitated in your car.

  • Robin says:

    Waiting for Jean Claude Ellena to make me a green jasmine. Bit of dry incense in the base. Been waiting a very long time, and am getting impatient :d

    • Patty says:

      That sounds really beautiful. I think I need to move that up on my list too. Maybe Andy would make it since JCE filed a restraining order against me and won’t return my phone calls.

  • hey hey hey…wait a minute! No dissing the Xanax! Everyone knows that Xanax prefers the company of mystical incensy fragrances and indolent indolic white florals. Xan hisself told me over a round of Poker for Pills(tm) a coupla nights ago.

  • AngelaS says:

    Hilarious!! I especially like “Now you’re digging where there’s taters” and plan on using that phrase at least twice today so I can hoot with laughter.

    I want Edmond Roudnitska to do my perfume. He’s the genius, so I’ll let him decide the details, but I’d like it along the lines of Femme. He can call it L’Autre Femme if he wants.

    • pitbull friend says:

      Angela, quick! Copyright that name before Etat Libre gets it! — Ellen

    • Patty says:

      Perfect! The fragrance industry really needs to hire some people here just for their brainstorming sessions.

      My sister uses that tater line so much, I never even think about it not being common usage, but it is one of my favorites.

  • tmp00 says:

    Well, I’ll ask Chris Brosius to make me a kick-ass leather with a hint of night-blooming jasmine and his musk. I the sense memory of cruising Mulholland Drive in a ’59 Cadillac. Perhaps in a mink. :d

  • violetnoir says:

    The “latest celebutard perfume”! Woman, you crack me up!

    Let’s see, I would have to say that my fragrance would be created by Michel Roudnitska. He’s created masterful fragrances for Parfums del Rae, FM and Ellie D. Why not for me?

    Hmmm…I’m not sure what the notes would be, but honey he’s so cute, a little collaboration would be in order to help me make up mind. 😉

    Hugs and Happy Mother’s Day to you, P!

    • Patty says:

      If you get to cozy up to Roudnitska, I’ll need to come supervise. 🙂 It’s a good thing March isn’t around to fantasize about him and Harry Potter, she’s such a perv.

  • donanicola says:

    So far I love Maria’s list of notes though I’d like Roudnitska junior(it will have to be junior though that sounds disrespectful somehow – not intended)to work side by side with At. They’d have the same ingredients but could blend different amounts etc however they wanted. Alternatively, and seeing as JCE is kind of busy, I’d very much like Maurice Roucel to do something dark and skanky for me – with white flowers. And if he could work in a touch of cumin I’d be in heaven.

    • Patty says:

      white flowers, skank and cumin? Girl, you are going to have to shove down a chair from me if you get that thing put together. 🙂 You had me up until the cumin part, which I don’t hate, but it can be, er, challenging.

  • Theresa says:

    I absolutely love this post, and ACT I, too, of course. If they can make a reality show about up-and-coming designers, why oh why couldn’t you submit this brilliant idea to some tv company and have them do a Top Nose/Project Headspace reality show where aspiring noses must take on a series of challenges before they’re granted x number of dollars to start their own line? I, for one, would be an avid viewer.
    For the perfume I would want…top notes of jasmine tea, light and refreshing. The heart would be a very crisp, green, dry jasmine, which is what I think jasmine really smells like, and which I’ve yet to come across in a scent. Then a drydown that captures the scent of sandalwood Chinese fans. For the nose, I would have to pick Jean-Claude Ellena since he did one of my favorites.

    • Patty says:

      Well, I think it would be hard to do. You have to have some kind of visual or some really great reactionary judges that can describe on the fly. Food, clothes and design work because you can see parts of it, even if you can’t taste it or feel it or sit on it, but how would they present fragrance so the audience could somehow feel like they were participating?

      I think it’s a great idea for a reality contest series, but I’m not sure how to make it interesting outside of the couple thousand of us that just want to watch a perfumer flex his nose on TV. :p

      • Abigail says:

        Oh, I LOVE the idea of a perfume reality show!

        Maybe each week the network could release a scratch n’ sniff card, and viewers would have to watch each week to find out WHY they had scratch n’ sniff chocolate vomit delivered to their doorstep. Of course, that loses a lot of the nuances of good perfume…but still, fun!

        • pitbull friend says:

          Abigail, you’re amazing! I just clicked on your name in bold to go to your blog & I’m thinking that you are ready to be venerated as a seer who gets elaborate images from a smell. Great stuff. Your new fan,

          • sweetlife says:

            Hey there Angela, I just checked out your blog and *love* your little flash-fiction-haiku reviews. They are wonderful. (And as a relative newbie myself I particularly love the way you gave yourself permission to write them in the first place. So brilliant.)

            You know, I came into the sniffing world through the back door, by reading the blogs, so a TV show where all the audience has are descriptions doesn’t sound weird to me at all.

            How about this: a perfume reality show combined with high art animation. Angela reads her reactions and we see little 30 second animation film/illustrations. Of course it would take months to make each show, but while we’re digging up dead perfumers I might as well fantasize about bringing two of my loves together…

          • sweetlife says:

            Erk! ABIGAIL, not Angela. Though if you read Angela S. over on NST you know that my mix up is a compliment!

            Clearly I suck at proofreading…

      • Theresa says:

        Good point. Let’s say that this will happen in the future when tv/computers/dvds/etc. will release scents through the show. So the audience can smell along with the judges…right…one can dream.

  • Lee says:

    Were Voracia and Bodacia the two girls who were always behind the bike sheds at school? I think I know at least one of them, and when I think of her I still feel all itchy…

    • Patty says:

      Behind the bike sheds? Well, in a manner of speaking, yes. Nawt is the kind of guy that would have had to use his lunch money to spend any time with her. Hmmm… can the geek tame the slut?

  • Abigail says:

    Hmmm…well, I think I’m too new to sniffing to know what my perfect perfume would be. It might be out there! Must..sniff…more…

    BUT the lilac festival is on my mind because it starts this weekend. I would just love it if CB made a Lilac Festival perfume. Oh, I know there’s Highland Lilac Perfume, which smells just like bazillions of lilac flowers – pretty nice! But the actual lilac festival smells like lilacs (of course!), the smell of leaves as you brush past them to sniff the lilacs, fresh mowed grass, the smell of rows of mowed grass drying in the sun, a little of pavement, happy human sweat from the crowds, and under it all crisp lemonade and the yeasty smell of cinnamon sugar fried dough.

    Mmmm….happy memories in a bottle!

    • pitbull friend says:

      Ohhhh, Abigail, I want! The MN State Fair version would subtract the lilacs, but add a whisper of roasted almonds and a smidgen of goat/pig/cow/chicken/horse — lots of bedding hay, liniment, some oat mash — from the 4-H barns. Perhaps “4-H Barns” should be a stand-alone CB scent?

      I want someone to make me the scent that Bond New Haarlem was SUPPOSED to be. Notes: lavender, bergamot, green leaves, coffee, cedar, amber, vanilla, & tonka. Given that I’m boycotting Bond for hassling Lisa L. and that New Haarlem never coalesces, I’d like it redone by…Olivia Giacobetti? Bertrand Duchaufour? They both know how to make disparate elements come together magically. Also, I’d appreciate a dab of ginger in there. Thanks for letting us play, Patty! — Ellen

      • Abigail says:

        Ooooh! While I may not want to smell exclusively like a barn, layering it with something heavy on the black locust would be wonderful! Like the best of working outside during the summer, and only I would know why I smelled so….animal-y.

    • Dusan says:

      Abigail, I can smell your perfume and it’s a perfect comfort scent. Count me in!

    • Maria B. says:

      Lilac Festival is such a beautiful idea for a fragrance. Even the name is perfect. I’m very particular about what constitutes a lilac scent. There should be no ether in it. *looking disapprovingly at a sample bottle*

      I’m told that Ineke After My Own Heart is a realistic lilac but I haven’t tried it.

    • Patty says:

      Okay, I don’t know how we’re going to do it, but I *want* that perfume. NOw that it’s been described, it must come into existence. Who can we kidnap?

      • Abigail says:

        Well, it might be easier to just have EVERYONE come over, and then we can all just go to the lilac festival and hope it all…soaks in, somehow.

        Though, I think we will need to kidnap all perfumers! Just look at all of these great ideas! Heck, in just this mini-thread we have two festivals and a 4-H Barn!

        (What we can do is send out an invitation for a party with FREE CHEESE. And then put a cheese platter in a giant crate, with a disco ball. When the noses show up WHAM-O! It’s the perfect plan, what could go wrong?)

        Glad you like the idea (the perfume one), I do wish it was possible, too.

  • Marina says:

    I want that Italian Mama perfume!

    • Dusan says:

      Marina, I just appointed you one of the Board Directors of IFF and you didn’t even see it! tsk-tsk-tsk

    • Silvia / Funkly says:

      Marina, I almost left a comment on your blog today to say I adored my grandmother and she smelled of tomato sauce and garlic, like a real Italian (grand)mama. I second the Italian Mama scent big time.

    • Patty says:

      Me too! As I as making it up, I kept thinking, damn, this would be great!

      Why don’t perfumers patrol the blogs looking for ideas? We really have a vat of them. I’ve seen a bunch in this thread I’d love to see a perfumer play with making.

  • Elle says:

    Am totally enjoying this story! Poor Nawt Agin.
    Thanks to beyond wonderful friends, my ideal scent was made for me by Yosh. She called it Flower Shadow and these are the notes:
    Tobacco, honey, vetivers from Madagascar, India, Indonesia, Reunion Islands, patchouli from Indonesia and India, oak moss, linden blossom, lantana, rhododendron, artichoke, curry leaf, South African lavender, Kashmir lavender, Guatemalan and Sri Lankan cardamom, cedar, Turkish rose, honeysuckle, carnation, orris, white lilac.
    If I could be super greedy (which I am) and have another scent, I’d want Chris Sheldrake or Maurice Roucel to work on it and they could choose whatever notes they wanted since I’m so deeply in love w/ both of them. Oh, wait. I want Frances Kurkdjian to do a scent as well. Can I have three?

    • Patty says:

      Okay, that scent of yours sounds amazing!!!

      Sure, I’ll be Queen of the World for a second, and you may have three scents. Four, if you need one more. 🙂

  • Louise says:

    Gotta go with Sheldrake/Lutens. All I want is a truly dark, nastier Datura Noir. They can figure the notes-but I want the flowers to play well with a dirty base. Sigh…

  • Silvia / Funkly says:

    Mmmmm, I would ask Linda Pilkington of OJ to have a go at creating a leather-based scent for me. Her take-on could be very interesting.
    Happy week-end to everyone !

    • Patty says:

      I would love to see what Linda would do with a leather. I’d love to see Malle do a leather, too, or an incense.

  • Dusan says:

    What, only 3 acts? Patty, noooo! Turn this into a Friday soap please, where Voracia starts having flashbacks in Spanish only to discover that she’d been suffering from amnesia all these years and that she is, in fact, a long-lost gdaughter of the famous perfumer Alquímico Tortillas who puts her back on the right path and together they concoct the most beautiful chypre called, are you ready, AMNESIA, which ends up shaking everybody out of their FF slumber and the trend is banned for good. The Directors Board at IFF is replaced by such illustrious figures of blogosphere as Patricia Decantson, March the Maleficient NoMore, Colombina Leatherglam, Robin Smellthis-Now, Ina Baltiqueen, Erin Bekpek, Katrina Scentz, Leopold Windsor the First, Bry Dreamy, Vicky Oh and Hélène Debussy, all chaired by Jasmine Dubois. Course, each of them gets to pick 3 consultants! Wouldn’t that be a hoot? :-))
    Oh and I’d also like an aldehydic iris-leather for guys. Get to work then!

    • pitbull friend says:

      Dusan: That’s great! You are so kind to respond to Patty’s plea for help, and you’ve come up with a plot line that could go on forever! — Ellen

      • Dusan says:

        Ellen–thanks! You know, with the main plot and various subplots and also potential spin-offs, the show (um, story) could go on forever… I’d be happy to be the script editor/cowriter.
        And I love your perfume idea. Hay, hay – hey, hey! 🙂

    • Tigs says:

      Dusan: Clearly, you should be in charge of all fragrance company hiring. And probably a show like Ugly Betty, too.

      • Dusan says:

        Erin: Clearly, I’d put you in charge of the Men’s Fougere Department because you have the best nose for the job. Am savoring your samples and so far I love best Andy’s L’Air, Eau Noire, both PdNs, Chêne and 3eme Homme. They all are just great – if anyone turns me to lavender/fougere, it’s you! Will drop an e-mail when I get back from work. Hope the first pkg has landed safely. xoxo

    • Maria B. says:

      Dusan, you have such a deft hand with the never-ending Spanish-language soap opera. I understand they’re shown in unlikely parts of Europe–but in Serbia? =))

      • Dusan says:

        Maria, gracias, that’s years of watching Casandras, Esmeraldas, usurpadoras etc. talking out of me – it was for me the best (and funniest) way to learn the basics of Spanish. There was actually a very nice culebrón called Lazos de Amor with Lucero. 🙂 Since then I’ve moved on to Cervantes, Lope de Vega, Márquez, C. José Cela y otros 🙂
        And M, Serbia is, sadly, still considered an “unlikely part of Europe”.

        • Maria B. says:

          Que bien escribes el espanol. Un dia voy a aprender como anadir los diacriticos en este programa y te respondere como es debido.

          Serbia *is* a very unlikely country.

          • Dusan says:

            Mil gracias, María! No te preocupes que te entiendo aun sin diacríticos. ¡Que estupendo que tengo alguien con quien hablar el español! 🙂

    • Patty says:

      I’m thinking dragging this Fragrant Soap Opera may be a Dusan project, that’s what I”m thinking. 🙂

      I may keep it going, as long as I can think of something for them to do, but writing play dialogue is HARD WORK! But as long as you guys are having fun with it, I’ll keep going with them. They are despicable characters, except for Nawt. Maybe I can send Voracia to jail for, um, a driving violation! Yeah, that’s it, and in jail she learns to appreciate the scent of sweat and musk.

    • Bryan says:

      You’ so crazy! I know I’m rather late in reading this, but I have a serious fantasy going on in my head and now I’m scenting it with that fabulous aldehyde/iris/leather thing. Damn boy, start mixing oils on your writing break. Interesting last name you chose for me. I do tend to have my head in the clouds (and they smell of tuberose). I suggest Lee over Leopoldo….so we can see the Pulitzer Prize sticker better.

  • Judith says:

    I love this! I would commune with the spririt of Ernest Daltroff–and let him have his way with me.

    If I must pick someone living, since Sheldrake is going to be very busy, I might choose Annick Menardo, asking her to do something else wonderful with birch tar:)

    • Patty says:

      Okay, I’m with you on digging up dead perfumers, and I’m all over Daltroff’s moldy corpse, so mitts off! 🙂

  • sariah says:

    Hello Patti,

    So funny! Love this post and look forward to the next installment. Hopefully Nawt doesn’t kill himself, maybe Voracia will go into rehab or something so he can get a break?

    I would choose Chris Sheldrake too, w/ Serge Lutens of course, so ya, that is very likely to happen. And I cannot being to narrow down what it would small like right now…that would take some serious thinking.

  • chayaruchama says:

    I’m really enjoying this, Patty.

    I’m a royal PIA, so I think that we’ll have to dig up Daltroff, Cellier, and the premier Guerlain, have them meet with Serena Ava Franco, and have a cocktail party…

    Of late, I feel as if she creates things from INSIDE me-
    I know, it sounds creepy..and it is!
    But especially in the woody / incense/floral combo, she’s got my number.

    Happy Mother’s Day, all you mothers out there !

  • March says:

    I forget … doesn’t Voracia have a twin sister named Bodacia? They played some kid in a TV show when they were little… or, wait, are they skanky commando-going heiresses?:d

    When I am queen (which should be any day, I am positively SURROUNDED by monarchy over here) I’m going to get Sheldrake AND Brosius to make me a fragrance that revolves around the true smell of the iris flower. March the Maleficent Decrees.[-(

    Okey-dokey. Off for more Cornish pasties and lager.

    • Jayne says:

      Hi March, have you tried the bitter, tripe and onion and the jellied eels yet? I hope you’ve got your umbrella and thermal vest on because it’s going to rain. As us Midlands folks say: ‘It’s a bit black over Bill’s mother’s’.

    • Patty says:

      I think someone needs to help me write this! 🙂

      About ready to head out for my plane back home, so later!

    • Louise says:

      March! Are you having very big fun? We miss you.

      How much fun? How much lager???

  • Jayne says:

    I want my perfumer to also be a musician. The perfumes that make me feel physically ill are the ones with flat or sharp notes that are discordant somehow – a musician-perfumer might have a better understanding of what that’s all about. I know Annick Goutal was a concert pianist – but was she also a nose? If so, I might just have to dig her up.

  • Gina says:

    I love this little opera, it’s so clever and funny!

    Ok, Christopher Sheldrake. I just worship the guy, though there’s many I adore, so it’s tough. What would it smell like? I love vetiver, incense, patchouli, frankincense, oakmoss, lavender, and cumin (it’s weird, I like cumin)…so many more. I’ve just created a nightmare headache of a perfume with that. Which is why I’m no perfumer. I’d let Mr. Sheldrake make whatever he wanted, I’d completely trust him to make something that would just knock me down.

    • Patty says:

      I think perfumers have got to love that, when they get a client that says, “i want it to feel like X” and then leave them be to be all creative.

      I’ve had a lot more fun with this than I should, but I didn’t know it was so hard to write in that play format, yikes!!!!

  • luv_bug says:

    I don’t know if it’s the white wine talking, but I’d love a powdery lavender-cream scent–like some kind of brunch-appropriate, French pastry dough before it’s baked. Confectioner’s sugar, cream, and flour cut with floral, evergreen sharpness. I think Jean-Claude Ellena might just be the man for the job.

    • Patty says:

      Are you snitching my main man Jean? 🙂

      I really like this Sorta like the doughy aspect of En Passant, but sweeter?

      • luv_bug says:

        Who doesn’t love JCE?:x (Yes! Yes! Doughy at first with a light sweetness…maybe a suede drydown…) I gave myself such a hankering last night that I attempted to make my own version of this, layering lavender oil with Paul & Joe’s Blanc. Didn’t quite match my mental scent, but came close enough to let me know it would totally work with the right nose behind it.

  • Maria B. says:

    If I could have any perfume house make my very own fragrance, I would choose Tauer Perfumes (of course). The fragrance would contain the frankincense that Andy used for Reverie au Jardin and that he’s still working with. Oakmoss would be in it. And labdanum, but not just any labdanum. I recently acquired a plant of Cistus ladanifer ssp. sulcatus ‘Bountiful.’ Its scent is not at all pungent, as some Cistus can be; its scent is resinous but sweet and it carries far. The labdanum would be derived from that cultivar. There would be rose with dark character in the juice and either jasmine or lavender. Perhaps there would be a top note of bergamot. Uh-oh. What am I constructing here–a chypre? I can dream, can’t I? [-o< No perfumer is going to have to cry over a fruity floral for me.

    • Dusan says:

      Maria, you are my scent sister! I want a labdanum-rose-frankincense-oakmoss fragrance, too! Throw in a bit of candied citrus, mimosa/osmanthus and patch for good measure and I’m ready to go. Chris and Andy will do it together. 🙂

      • Maria B. says:

        Candied citrus, like that in Caron Alpona? Wow! I like how you think. I recently bought two osmanthus plants from different species so I can compare and enjoy. A mimosa tree (Acacia farnesiana) is on my wish list at a nursery. I’m undecided about osmanthus and mimosa in my fragrance though. 😕 But we can get your version made up with your choice. 🙂

        • Dusan says:

          Have never tried Alpona. 🙁 I was thinking candied citrus in L’Instant de Guerlain PH. Sure, we’ll get Andy and Chris to do both versions 🙂 coz I just need to have at least a skosh of either mimosa or osmanthus in mine, to balance out the darkness.

          • Maria B. says:

            Absolutely! There will be L’Air de Dusan and L’Air de Maria. 🙂 Dreaming is such fun!

          • Cheezwiz says:

            It just occurred to me that “Dusan” is a wonderful name for a fragrance – very chic sounding! 🙂

    • Patty says:

      Okay, you and Dusan are making a pretty hot scent there, i’m in. 🙂

    • Maria B. says:

      After logging off last night I realized that a chypre should perhaps have some patchouli in the base. I’d like to make it clear that its presence in the base of my fragrance would be pro forma. The merest smidgen.

  • Cheezwiz says:

    :d I am loving this little saga you’re concocting Patty!

    Reading your post, I was thinking about a scent I would love to wear. “Nawt’s” suggestion of a lime fragrance with vetiver was extremely appealing! I’d love a women’s fragrance that features lime heavily. I know a lot of men’s colognes have it, but it would be nice to have something with a feminine angle.

    The other thing I would love in a fragrance is a straight floral (no fruit pleeeese!). One that would be made up of sweetly fragrant flowers that aren’t commonly used: nicotinia, daphne, phlox, stock, peony, and oh what the hell, freesia too! (Maybe a combo like that would smell horrible in reality, but in my imagination it is heaven).

    Do tell us what you’d have a perfumer dream up for you!

    • Maria B. says:

      Yes, Patty, tell us what perfumer you’d like to make up a fragrance for you and what it would smell like. >:)

    • Patty says:

      Oh, I like yours!!! See, I was sorta digging that lime and vetiver thing, and if they could make it not so studly. Maybe a bracing Vetiver Tonka? I wish I knew more about how notes actually can go together except in my head.

      JCE would do mine and me, since he is already my baby daddy in my dreams. 🙂

      I’m feeling terrible torturing Nawt like this, but this all came about when I was thinking a few weeks ago about the poor perfumers that have to work on these celebrity or designer frootorals. either they hate it or they look at it as an easy day because they are fairly standard and they don’t have to reach for it at all.

    • sweetlife says:

      Have you tried Bahiana? (MPG) It opens like a Brazilian lime cocktail, and then fades down to rosewood. Not exactly vetiver, but lime for sure!

      • sweetlife says:

        That “you” was meant for cheezwiz–pretty sure Patty already has a bottle sitting around somewhere!