Fourplay: Perfect Night

In the spirit of, uh, obscene goofiness, we’re doing something a little different this week. Today’s featured fragrance is Bella Bellissima’s Perfect Night, which Lee and Louise discovered on their London sniffage. Here’s the blurb on the back of the fragrance box:

“Dancing in the moonlight under an endless sea of stars… whispers of promises that thrill the senses… touches that linger, gentle caresses, mystery, passion.

This intoxicating, seductively spicy parfum lingers on the skin creating a beautiful, sensual statement and an unforgettably captivating impression.

An opulent composition, unconventional and hypnotic, blending heady incense, ginger, oriental vetivert and precious amber with a surprising twist of grapefruit, subtly laced with delicate midnight flowers.

Elegant, sexy, dynamic and daring. Perfect Night.”

You’re laughing now, right? Aren’t you sure whatever’s in that box is crap? Here’s the thing: it wasn’t. It was great. We all gave it a sniff, and decided to write our review in the florid, bodice-ripping style of the folks who wrote that fragrance blurb.

 

 

It was a dark and stormy night. She hunched over her manuscript, deep in thought, a tousle of hair obscuring her features. The pulpy smell of grapefruit clung damply to her skin. Her nose embraced the heady incense, waiting for the bloom of the night flowers. There was a sound outside her turret windows that interrupted her fragrant reverie. She rose languidly to see what it was, and just then, lightning flashed, and she saw a figure down below, what looked like a man with chiseled features and broad shoulders. Her hand flew to her mouth in fear… but wait! She had seen this man before!

She listened as the door to the tower beneath her flew open, bringing with the sound the vibrant scent of manhood, wafting like amber on the sultry air. Before long he was there — standing in front of her. She gave him a long look, full of meaning. It was indeed the young groomsman from her stables, wearing riding breeches and high leather boots, the smell of horses still clinging to him like a shining miasma, his rumpled cotton shirt carelessly untucked and only partly buttoned, allowing her the briefest glimpse of his muscular abdomen.

“Madam, I have something to tell you,” he said.

“Yes?” Her eyebrows arched. What was his name? She couldn’t remember. But she remembered the way his young, muscular hands held her rein taut when she mounted her horse that morning. Her eyes slid speculatively along the damp trail of hair, barely visible in the room’s dim light, that ran straight south from his navel to the top of his low-slung breeches. She was seized with the uncontrollable desire to bury her face in his neck, damp with rain and sweat from the sultry evening air and some unnamed exertion. The candle flickered and her vision swam as he approached her. The lightning flashed again and the very walls around her seemed infused with the earthy, sensual smell of vetiver.

“The stud is gone from his stable,” he said hoarsely. “It is my belief that he has been…. stolen.”

“Why do you think that?” she asked, trying to calm her breathing.

“The smell of incense. But wait, it is easier to show you than to explain it. Would you please come with me to the stable?”

He lowered his eyes deferentially, and turned his head. She watched his lashes bow, and the sinews of his magnificent frame awoke in her an animal longing she could barely name. If only he’d turn again, and come to her! The thought lasted only a moment, but while it was there, she felt the heat of the day press once more against her, flushing her cheeks and elsewhere. And as it did so, all the trials and exasperations of luncheon and supper with Lord Curmudgeon evaporated. To be in this moment was all she needed.

“I’ll certainly come,” she exhaled, her parted lips moist with anticipation. As he left the room, she stood, and her diaphanous nightdress clung to her; testament to the humidity the storm was now, finally – at last! – breaking. It had been so exasperatingly hot. She heard the rain thunder against the window, and realised she would be drenched on the journey to the stables. No matter, she thought; the dampness would remove the last vestiges of the day, as though the rain itself called to her more primal self, a self rooted in the fecund odours of desire.

The groomsman was already descending the stairs, and she hastened to follow him, as though he was now her master. She had already tripped twice, distracted by the flexing and releasing of his buttocks as he leapt from step to step! In minutes, they had left the great hall, crossed the courtyard and reached the stable doors. Catching her breath, the potent waft of animal made her nostrils flare as the groomsman opened the entrance for her. She thanked him and walked in. As she did so, he shifted position and she brushed against him; he still held onto the door, firm hand on firm knob. She hesitated momentarily; that was all he needed. The sepia light of the stables irradiated his features, and the hair of his forearms glowed with a preternatural presence.

“Madam,” he stated, his bold voice contrasting with his face, which avoided hers – as was expected from his status – “I fear I have lured you here on false pretences. Forgive me.”

Was the incense nothing other than a benediction, a hope that some holy intercession would come between this wonderful man and his desires? She prayed it was not so.

“Dear magnificent man…” She smiled as she spoke, and lifted her hands to his face so that their eyes met, “…forgiveness is only required after sin. And we have yet to do that. I think it is time we started, don’t you?”

And with that, she pulled his mouth towards hers, and felt the heat of his burning loins warm her damp skin, as he lowered her onto the straw…

 

dirty book cover: www.mysteryandimagination.com

  • julie says:

    ok..im new to this perfum sniffing and i read this and just had to order it! It sounds good and I am awaiting my sample with anticipation :-\”

    I could go broke with all these scents to try!:d

  • Parrotmommy says:

    I remember reading a review of Perfect Night in August when the reviewers (Wasn’t Louise one?) went to London. One of them bought Perfect Night after a brief test on the back of her hand. Walked out of the shop, but turned around after a short walk because it kept getting better. Other three scents in the Bella line did nothing for her. That review really gave more of an analysis of the scent, but this one puts a real fine point on it. And it’s way more hysterical. Thanx.

  • Flora says:

    Whew, is it hot in here or is it just me? That was more fun than I have had in a while, and a good giggle too. :d

  • Maria says:

    I want to join Louise in congratulating you for the seamlessness of your collaboration. I’m so glad I didn’t give in to my curiosity and go to Perfume Posse during my office hours. ;))

    So Perfect Night smells like vetiver/armpit, incense, and sweaty leather-encased loins? Well, as long as its woodsy on Louise.

    • March says:

      Yeah, see above. Like a hard, throbbing loin of incense pressed up against the dewey stamens of midnight flowers and, uh, groped mercilessly by a masked bandit of vetiver.:-“

  • minette says:

    so, you’re saying it’s an incense scent? ;0

  • Jeanne says:

    Hmm, any perfume that has to the power to trick my mind into the lust state of seeing perfect cheeks bouncing before me at least needs to be tried. Although maybe I should try it in private no need for me to be ripping my bodice off in public. Although I wonder if you could claim temporary insanity from scent influence? I don’t think even the idea of saffron in the scent would scare me off from trying it so grapefruit certainly couldn’t. And I concur you really should think about it perfumista romance novel.. you could make it scratch n sniff!

    • Patty says:

      I really didn’t notice the saffron, it’s a very light hand with it. So if it makes you queasy, I don’t think you'[ll notice it so much.

  • tmp00 says:

    Thanks for the morning giggle!

    I have to say I like the bouncing buns bit too…

  • Teri says:

    All joking aside, there’s considerable money to be made with those romance novels. Once you master the formulary, it’s pretty much a matter of plugging in a different set of details each time and the story writes itself. I had a sorority sis back in college whose mom paid her entire four years of tuition by writing bodice ripper novels.

    And another interesting little fact…..Nearly half the romance authors working today are a consortium of one or more individuals writing under a collective pen name.

    So if you folks ever need a second income…. lol

    • Patty says:

      No! Lord, I’d love to make a living writing smut like this. I tried to read it to my husband last night because Lee had come in and finished it up (mostly did over half of it), and I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t read it.

      Hmmm… thoughts to consider. I think it’s actually easier to do with more than one person. Someone else comes in with a fresh shove in some smutty direction or another, and someone runs with it. It worked really well! We should try it with a straight-up review.

  • Linda says:

    Hysterical. I’m still giggling.

    So it’s fair to say this one has a bit o’ the skank in it? =)

    • Patty says:

      It seemed to have more skank on me that most people, but it’s def. naughty. In 10 minues on my skin, it went straight to the smut pile.

  • Robin says:

    HA — I’m with Christine. You guys could probably have a 2nd career as romance novelists.

  • Louise says:

    Do-over

    You had me at “young, muscular hands held her rein taut”.

    Now, I’m not especially an, er, morning gal, but whoo-hoo! Hot, babes!

    I really want to know who wrote which sections-the editing is…seamless.

    Yup, Perfect Night was probably the best discovery of that lovely sniff-fest, partly because it was a stumble-upon, towards the end of the busy day, and largely because it’s just that good. It is a bit less nasty on me, maybe even more woodsy, but so wonderful. And-yes, it lasts, all day (oops-all night). We all want that.

    Lees’ graceful willingness to accept my PN-coated hand shoved at at him multiple times made it so much better. Thanks, hon!

    • March says:

      Hey, I am going to take credit for “holding her reins taut”, which caused me to giggle until choked on my tea.

      I suppose the editing is seamless because we great minds think so much alike…:-j

      PS You’re probably trapped in the spam filter (BTW this month’s specialty in spam seems to be incest:-&) but given that you’ve retyped I assume you don’t want me to go get it?

  • Louise says:

    Damn can’t post…did I somehow end up in your smut-filter? not surprising on this one!

  • Christine says:

    Oh March, I think you’ve missed your calling. Although I guess you could always give it a go as a freelance novelist. Just think of it. I would buy a copy to keep on my nightstand. Probably not to read. OR I could put it in the bathroom a guarantee that the darling boyfriend would read it.

    Have to admit, the notes (minus the grapefruit) sound pretty great.

    • March says:

      The grapefruit goes away pretty quick, and I’d describe it as a generic tart citrus, but if you’re avoiding it due to unpleasant scent associations I understand.

      And really most of the writing credit for this … work of art goes to Lee.

  • Veronica says:

    Ha ha ha ha,
    the glowing forearm hair and the flexing buttocks are priceless, you’re killing me!!!

  • Thank you for the welcome laugh this morning!!
    Whose idea was the “firm hand on the firm knob”? 😉

  • Amarie says:

    Oh my oh my….
    You’ve put a smile on my dial that my beloved is eager to find out the reason for. Is this a must must try Perfect Night? Just how humid and stormy is this ‘fume?
    Congtatulations on a fantastic post!

    • March says:

      It would probably depend on how you feel about vetiver. The driving force is that underarm thrum of vetiver, boosted along by some incense and amber, but it’s really all about the armpit. But in a soft-core way.;) I eventually get something jasmine-like (midnight flowers?) but Patty says it’s a smutfest all the way.

      And Louise can wear it. Which gives you some idea of its tenacity.;)

  • Divalano says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha!!! lolol

    Perfect. I adore those old pulp romance book covers. And who wouldn’t want to have a few outfits like those chicks? Those stockings & stilettos? The old fashioned slips? The tight skirt & sweater look? Hawwwt! lol

    Not sure about the grapefruit in the scent tho, not a note that strikes me as erotic. Test driving Ginestat Sauvignonne today & that grapefruit note’s really throwing me.

    • March says:

      Perfect Night surprised me that way. It starts off a friendly citrus, and I was thinking, fine, but not romantic. Then the vetiver and etc. kick in and it’s a smutfest from there on out…

  • Dusan says:

    Lady Chatterley’s lover, eat your heart out!

    • Dusan says:

      Can it get any damper? 😀
      My vote for the best scene goes to “She had already tripped twice, distracted by the flexing and relaxing of his buttocks as he leapt from step to step.” It doesn’t get better than Victorian porn!

  • sariah says:

    priceless

    • March says:

      You know what surprised me? That drivel is a lot harder to write than you’d think! My efforts were laughably bad. It’s like that Bulwer-Lytton contest. Good parody only looks easy./:)