I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt

(Notes for Eau d’Italie Baume du Doge: sweet orange, bergamot, cinnamon, coriander, cardamom, fennel, black pepper, myrrh, frankincense, clove, cedar, saffron, vetiver, vanilla, benzoin)

 (Cue the background music: Right Said Fred’s immortal lyrics…)

I´m too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I´m too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan
And I´m too sexy for your party
Too sexy for your party
No way I´m disco dancing…

If I had a conversation with Eau d´Italie Baume du Doge, it would sound something like this:

Baume du Doge: Hey, sweet thing.  Howzit goin´?

March:  Uh … fine, thanks.

BdD: You can call me Da Bomb, girlie.  Da … bomb.  Heh heh.  Get it?  Hey, hand me that ashtray, willya?

March: Sure – hey, I´m—

BdD: That´s great, sweet lips.  So, you come here often?

March:  Not really—

BdD:  I smell good, yeah?  You smell me?  Nice, huh?  Quality.  That´s what I´m saying.  I´m a quality guy.  No cheap shit on me, ya know?   Check it – that orange.  It´s big, yeah?  You like it?  You like a big orange?  Girls always tellin´ me my orange is huge!

March:  Look—

BdD:  I know, I know, ladies loooove the orange!  And how bout those spices!  Those are something.  Got some big ol´ spices goin´ on there.

March:  Big orange.  Big spices, yes.

BdD:  My clove!  My cedar!!   Baby, check out my WOOD!!!!  That´s some huge, spicy orange wood right there!!  Lean on in.  Lean in and smell the wood!  I´m tellin´ you!   Qual-it-tee stuff right here!

March:  No offense, but … I´m just not that into you.  I mean, you hit all the right notes.  You look good on paper.  But in person, you´re annoying.  There´s no subtlety.  There´s a big fat pepper-mill opening, then a spicy orange … Even the frankenmyrrh drydown is a disappointment.  There´s some benzoin there, but it´s so muddy!   I didn´t like Sienne l´Hiver either, and you might even be worse.  Why does Bertrand Duchaufour do such dank scents occasionally?   You smell a clove-studded orange left in the trunk of my car a little too long.  

BdD:  Studly orange!!!  That´s me, baby, thanks for appreciating my finer qualities.  I am STUDLY.

March:  … you are a hot mess, you know that?

BdD:  HAWT!!!!  Say, you want to rooolll like an orange with me?  Get it?  Get it?  Roooollll????

March:  Waiter, could you please call me a taxi?

BdD:  My place or yours?

March:  Go away already, you pimped-out pomander.

BdD:  But baby—

March:  Scram!  Adios!!   SHOO!!!!!   

image: random guy who popped up I think when I googled “lounge lizard” and I hope he doesn’t run across his image here and leave me hate-spam.  I wonder why he’s wearing that thing on his head? Also, anyone with an iPod should have I’m Too Sexy on there, and if you can listen to it without laughing out loud and/or vogue-ing your way through it, you are made of sterner stuff than I am.

PS You nail polish nuts, please drop by my post from yesterday and advise me.

  • Tante Kat says:

    I guess this is why I love the world of fragrance, we all perceive things differently in it. I LOVE Paestum Rose and got my sample of the Baume yesterday and loved it on me and even more on DH. He has already deemed it FBW and put it on his Valentine’s wishlist.

    Guess that is what makes the world of scent go round 🙂 Wouldn’t it be awful if we all liked only the same things?

    • March says:

      It would be awful, and we’d all smell the same. I for one am always fascinated by the way fragrances wear on different people. Sometimes they are barely recognizable as the same!

      If you haven’t done so, I’d encourage you to try the other Eau d’Italies then, as well as Timbuktu and Dzongkha, two of Duchaufour’s other creations with something of the same feel. Glad it worked out so nicely for you.

  • BBJ says:

    I love Eau d’Italie, and have a visceral reaction to Sienne l’Hiver that makes me want to drink the bottle, so maybe I’ll love this. Bois d’Umbrie is slowly growing on me, but it feels too masculine for me to wear.

  • kathleen says:

    LOL, I bought my first Eau d’Italie at Georgette Klinger (hair salon) in Chevy Chase

  • Olfacta says:

    Somebody told me once that to get rid of an earworm you should sing the song (out loud or silently) “The Girl From Ipanema.”

    That for some reason the earworm goes away and “The Girl From Ipanmea” doesn’t stick around either.

    I’ve tried it and, by Jove, it works!

    • Musette says:

      Well, I am going to try it. I need to get rid of ACDC’s “Back in Black” and the new Subway theme “five-dollar footlong” (with accompanying gestures – very embarrassing8-|. And I love The Girl from Ip so even if that does stay it’s okay by me.

      Way better than:

      (okay, I won’t do it)


      • rosarita says:

        =)) Oh, this is killing me. First March’s absolutely brilliant post, then the Subway song – I don’t think the Girl From Ip is gonna cut this montage out of my head anytime soon! That Subway song and gestures – ohhh, too funny :-j

        • March says:

          I don’t know the Subway song but The Girl From Ipanema is bopping along quite nicely. 🙂

          • Musette says:

            March, my little jalapeno of fantabulousness –

            Turn on the TV tonight. Wait around a few minutes. It’s bound to come on (I do hope it’s the hula dancers – they are the ones who really jammed that thing into my psyche, like a mini-Macarena!!!)


  • Elle says:

    What a brilliant format for a review! Cracked me up. 🙂 And great news for my budget. I thought this might be the one Eau d’Italie I might actually need a full bottle of, but looks like another miss from that line (although I do enjoy my decant of Paestum).

    • March says:

      Um, I will be very surprised if you fall for this one, although stranger things have happened. I like Paestum too, and that’s … about it!

  • Robin says:

    Great post, but you’ve ruined my day.

    • March says:

      Sorry! Well … how did you like the other ones? Sienne and Ombrie? To me these are very much in the same vein. If you liked those maybe you will love this. 😕

      • Robin says:

        I liked one of those, can’t remember which, but didn’t love either. Drat. Was really looking forward to this one. Ah well, like I need another lemming…

  • Disteza says:

    I’m not a big fan of the E d’I line on me, but on my SO they smell fan-freaking-tastic (especially Sienne and Bois). Baume du Doge smelled all right on me–it was fairly well-defined, but it doesn’t seem to have great lasting power in any stage–the orange is actually a bit player on me and is gone in the first 10 minutes. After that it’s mild spices and even milder wood. After the nasal barrage of El Attarine, which I have been trying to learn to love, this doesn’t hold up well. However, my SO wears it beautifully–the pepper is prominent, the benzoin and cedar are resinous and beautiful; it’s so completely unfair I could just smack him. [-(

    • March says:

      Okay, you and Louise go sit on the same bench. /:) I love it when you all complain about the fade-out … really, this thing was on me like a drunk horndog. 😉 Completely unfair of your SO but I am pleased to hear they work beautifully on SOMEONE.

  • sariah says:

    Too funny! I not only have the song I’m Too Sexy, I have the whole album. I think Maxim once rated it one of the 25 most embarrasing CDs to have in your collection. In my defense, I was in high school.

  • helenviolette says:

    March, you are a crack-up!=d>

  • marina says:

    He is kind of cute….

  • Kim says:

    teh hee! :-j
    the notes sound good on the surface but I guess not! None of the Eau d’Italie have been that great on my skin so I have basically given up trying them out. Kind of pale after you have tried real quality…

    • March says:

      I can’t speak to the quality (although their packaging looks ridiculous, like something you’d get at a hair salon.) But it’s very much in the style of the Umbrian ones, and I’d be surprised if it worked on anyone who didn’t like those…

  • Debbie says:

    Why, that’s the song I sing when I put on my super-kewl sunglasses. =)) As for the guy we’re all talking about here, I married him. He started out as a nice guy, but by the time seven years had passed…..

    Anyway, I was really looking forward to trying this scent. I probably will still do so at some point, but the absolute longing to do so isn’t there any more. My wallet thanks you. (You know I never order just one thing at a time.)

    • March says:

      Help, it’s 1 pm and I can’t get that stupid thing out of my head!! Earworm, earworm!

      • kathleen says:

        I just sat down to remark about the same thing. I first read this at 7:30. It is now 3:30 and I am still singing this song. I am annoying..

        • March says:

          It’s better than my LAST earworm, which lasted three days, and I am not going to try to remember what it was. [-(

          btw the ladies at the bottom recommend The Girl From Ipanema to chase those earworms away.

          • kathleen says:

            I really hate The Girl from Ipanema. Right Said Fred is preferable as it does bring back some fond memories.

  • Musette says:

    Just when I think you can’t possibly top yourself re witty ways to beat the petunias out of a fragrance!!=))

    The only fragrance I like in this category is Agraria Bitter Orange which has a tea drydown that saves it from pomandering. And I think it’s only a VeryHotSummerDay fragrance – but I love it.

    This just sounds like it smells funny – or smells like it sounds funny!


    • March says:

      It does smell funny, although based on the comments it smells nice on a few people. In general I do poorly with some of those … I dunno … spice mishmash scents? Timbuktu and Dzongkha are the same issue for me. It all smells like old vasewater and a wet suitcase.

  • Gail S says:

    Oh my goodness March! I’ve been dying to try this one and now, even if I like it, I don’t think I’ll be able to wear it :(( Not with the memory of that picture and the earworm of that song playing in my head. But that’s okay, I don’t need another perfume anyway :d But….I adore Sienne l’Hiver! It smells like a nice walk in a winter forest with snow and dry leaves crunching underfoot, maybe the occasional mushroom and a wood fire way off in the distance…

    • March says:

      I’m too sexy for my shirt
      too sexy for this earworm

      WHERE is whistling guy when you need him? :-w

      Hon, if Sienne works on you you should DEFINITELY try this one, you’ll probably love it and you can email me and tell me what an idiot I am.

  • Olfacta says:

    Now I finally know all the words to…what was the name that song again?

    BTW I think that’s my brother in the photo.

    Just kidding.

    Good one March!

  • kathleen says:

    Very funny. I used to go to the gym that Richard & Fred owned (Putney, I think). A real sweat & gob place. I’ve only spritzed “Doggy Bottom” once so far. It is very tenacious, isn’t it. I get a burst of citrus, then the spices, cardamom & fennel big time. The dry down is intense incense and benzoin which stays with you for hours & hours & hours. I’m not really sure if I like it yet. It does remind me of something, but I haven’t been able to put my finger (or nose) on it.

    • March says:

      Nice description. Yes, it does last forever, but since most things do on me I never know how that works out for others! I wish I’d gotten more incense and less … wet dog?

  • Shelley says:

    Too funny!

    Half the time I’m a :-b, and even when I’m a >:) o-+ , I generally strive to avoid the lizard, I’m always glad to get confirmation to not waste my time.

    Maybe this name translates to “Noodge Balm”?

  • Melissa says:

    I have never met an Eau d’Italie that did anything for me, so I am not very surprised by your review of the fragrance. On the other hand, with the reminder of Right Said Fred’s wonderful lyrics echoing through my head, I immediately opened iTunes to make sure that I still have that hoot of a song in my library! (Yes, it’s still there!) :))

  • Carol Sasich says:

    my reply above was to Lee , I am referring to your bottle of Bois d’Ombrie . Sorry for the mispost .

  • Carol Sasich says:

    my friend Christen jst might be interesred . I will ask her and put you together .

  • Carol Sasich says:

    LOL…you haved cooled my desire to sniff this one , March.
    The song never fails to make me guffaw and spit tacks !!

    • March says:

      The girls have that song on their iPods, and if we’re in the car and I’m cross at them, they slyly put it on the iTrip (car stereo player.) I can’t get more than a verse into that song without giggling and singing along. People at red lights laugh at us. 🙂

  • Silvia says:

    You are one funny lady March ! During our brief encounter, Mr Baume was very polite to me: wore an old coat that smelled of wood and mothballs and spoke to me of Christmas, warmth and hot drinks. Would like to meet him again !!!

    • March says:

      Oh, I would like your companion! Well, maybe without the mothballs. Sure he wasn’t wearing Borneo? 😉

      • Silvia says:

        Hehehehe, not the choc patch monster, not in a million years ! Should have qualified mothballs: not the original camphor type, but the expensive spicy cedar stuff that doesn’t stink as much but still lingers forever on clothes.

  • Francesca says:

    Too funny! I was just reading about this yesterday, after being intrigued by the name, and wondering, How do I get to smell this?

    I still want to, but maybe in a different way, now.

    • March says:

      I thought it might be … smoother, or more Christmas scented? I can do the winter spices thing. But like the others, this one has a sodden, earthy aspect that’s hard to overlook. The ultimate drydown smells a bit like AGoutal Vanille Exquise, which is nice, but I’d just start with that.

  • dinazad says:

    Ahh, March, that’s too funny! I barely refrained from wetting my panties – thank you for a good laugh!

  • Lee says:

    It does something very different to me, though it’s a something I don’t love. In fact, as much as I admire the top notes of all the Eau d’Italies, there’s something about the drydown of each that drives me potty. Yes, even you, Bois d’Ombrie, who I thought I loved, you whisky drinking, tweed jacket wearing intellectual, sitting nonchalantly in your wood panelled drawing room as you get me to stoke your fire… You’re tiring, I’ve realised.

    Anyone know what I can do with nearly 100 ml of a very niche scent???:-?

    • March says:

      The only one I reallyreallyreally love is Paestum Rose, and even that one it has to be the right day and I have to apply three drops or I want to chew my own arm off. They don’t work well on my skin.

      Giggling at your description. Poor sod, failing to please you…

    • Solander says:

      You could sell it to me! I haven’t tried Baume du Douge yet (and the orange sounds scary) but I love the rest of them except for the really dull fresh/aquatic Magnolia one. Well, perhaps I don’t exactly love Sienne a L”hiver, but the other three… Though my girlfriend wrinkled her nose and said my lovely Bois d’Ombrie smelled like “mouldy Swedish turnip”…

  • carmencanada says:

    Don’t you think there ought to be some kind of moratorium on the use of the [orange+clove = pomander]formula? It’s getting to be so each time I smell it, I sigh “oh, YOU again”.
    Which I would if I met cutie with the tiara, up there (I don’t mean the actual young man in the picture, but the character you created).

    • March says:

      Yes, definitely. Moratorium on the pomanders, and I can’t believe I’m saying that. In theory it beats frozen lychee, but in practice…

  • Mariannetm says:

    Oww, haha, this is a perfect description for a perfume..!!
    Thank you March, I feel all energized again so early in the morning on a monday 🙂 😀 😀

  • Louise says:

    Ach, too true, March =))

    Having a bit of attraction to Lounge Lizards, Baume drew me in for, oh, about 24 minutes. The “unroooooling” of the scent was most definitely in clear-cut stages, with the middle spicy stage (after the orange relaxed) rather nice. I hear there’s a nice myrhh thing on drydown for others, but it all went dull and then *poof*, and it was all over /:) Lousy b*tard, I was led on and let down 😐

    It seems that there’s been a spate of Arabie cousins around this fall-Aziyade, Baume, maybe even El Attarine (thich I love), but all except the SL have sent me running back to my dear Arabie.

  • bryan says:

    I think I dated that tool.