Off Topic: Mourning

As most of you know from last weeks Friday post, I lost a very dear friend to a heart attack. I went to ScentBar and got some samples, but my brain is still kind of fried so I am not doing a review this week. First off, I want to thank all of the people who expressed condolence- I cannot express how much it means to me that there are people out there that care enough to comment. I am not going to sugar-coat it; losing a friend who was closer to you than your sister has been hard, especially when you are in a customer-service sort of job as I am where you have to be Mr. Positive at all times. More than once I retreated to my unit and bawled like an infant and once when up to the woods behind Greystone to bay at the moon. Well, I assume there was a moon, even if I didn’t see one.

My friend was a wrier, and a good one. She wrote for publications from the LA Weekly to Vanity Fair with a particular slant on fashion and jewelry, the latter which she was passionate about. I can remember going with her to auction previews where she would try on pieces that would she her mewl like a kitten getting it’s back scratched.

The funny thing is, that as a native Angeleno she did not drive. As a matter of fact I don’t think she had a valid license. She took the bus. This I think was a detriment to her work, but she was an adult so who am I to say? Up until last week I didn’t have a car either. It’s ironic that the day I closed on the Used BMW convertible I bought and was going to surprise her with a trip the Malibu Country Mart (which she loved) I learned that she died.

Again, I want to thank all of the Posse and all of the readers for the kind thoughts. It’s meant a great deal to me. It’s hard to lose someone you have been besties with for over 3 decades. I guess the take-away is to let your loved ones know they are loved.

  • Ann says:

    Tom, I’m late seeing this, but I am so, so sorry for your loss. Dear friends like yours are treasures and losing them is just heartbreaking. I know it’s hard, but try to find some comfort in all the joy and the good memories you shared with her. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Amateur Dilettante says:

    Tom, I’ve not been posting here very long, but my deepest condolences to you. Others have said things better than I can, but I hope you can take some time to grieve. Thank you for sharing with us.

  • Melissa says:

    So sad to read this. Maybe her memories be a blessing to you.

  • TaffyJ says:

    I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved friend. She was a wonderful gal and will be missed greatly. My condolences to all who loved her. Take care of yourself, Tom. Sending you thoughts of peace and comfort in your time of grief.

  • mikasminion says:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. Losing someone is always awful and when it’s a surprise it’s even harder to process. I hope you find the time for proper grief and healing and send you my best wishes.

  • Gwenyth says:

    Take Care, Tom.
    I agree that losing someone so important to you is blow to the spirit within you. The pain and sadness, for me, never goes away entirely — but it lessens to a manageable level. I’m one of the people you will probably never meet “for real”, but I’m also one of the people sending positive thoughts and energy your way to comfort you in your time of loss and sadness. I hope your many good memories of your friend will be a balm to your soul, until you see her again….

  • Jirish says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s hard to properly grieve in our culture, which doesn’t like to acknowledge death, and I’m sorry you have to be Mr. Positive in your work. Please take care of yourself. Mourning is the only pain that is exactly right in its dimensions – it precisely fits the loss of the person, and when you lose someone who featured large in your life, it leaves a large pain.

  • HeidiC says:

    Losing a touchstone is just awful. Be gentle with yourself.

  • Luanne Teall says:

    I am so sorry for your pain and loss. It seems to me that your reaction is the only reasonable one you could have, so continue to let yourself grieve. And don’t worry when it doesn’t go away in the few days that society gives us to mourn – take your own time. I promise you that eventually the pain will become less sharp, but you won’t ever forget your friend who made you who you are. In that way, your life is her legacy, so live well. Virtual hugs.

  • Tara C says:

    I am so sorry for your loss Tom. Losing someone suddenly is a body blow and takes a long time to process. Be gentle with yourself and know that we are thinking of you and supporting you in your grief. May her memory be a blessing.

  • LaDona says:

    So very sorry for your loss. It’s just heartbreaking.

  • Mariann says:

    So sorry for your loss!

  • I have read your reviews for years but never commented. Your pain here is very clear and real and though I have never met you, I send my heartfelt condolences.