Musette’s Musings – yep!

“…are you kidding?  Around here ‘under the bed’ is always strange!  I found a pearl necklace, a tactical knife, a 12″x18″ Diego Rivera monograph as well as a rifle and an AR-15 under the bed, which made no sense because the gun safe and the bookcases are 20′ away. The tactical is best left undiscussed.  El O just… never got the guns to the safe. And I never returned the book to the bookcases.  My friend K (the one with all the constrictors) kept one of her giant boas under her bed (before she married her husband who then built her a Snake Room in the basement).  A tote with some boots in it would be … yawn. ” 

And with that convo, so begins another round of Musette’s Musings – what’s under YOUR bed?  Mine is relatively clear now that El O has scarpered – as soon as things got weird (for me) and scary (for him) he snatched those firearms out from under that bed sooo fast.  They were locked in the safe and he kept both keys on his person at all times.  Too bad he’d forgotten that I don’t shoot people – I tend to bludgeon them.

Dear Reader, I did not bludgeon him.

Tons more stuff to Muse about.  Here’s one;  so, a bit ago I met an attractive man in Rom-com circumstances (same flight, he waited for me at the bottom of the jetway, cue rom-com music, etc etc).  He’d started this flirtation early before our flight and it was delightful – we discussed the DOD (AF attache), tactical weapons, cross-dominant shooting, etc – turned out he was LE.  Not my favorite profession but he really was charming.

Small problem, though:  he was wearing some seriously heavy cumin-based scent.  The longer we  chatted the more difficult it became for me to separate the idea of the charming man standing in front of me with the reality of the migraine I was developing from all that sweaty cumin.  So I bailed, earlier than I would’ve liked.  I think (think!) he was angling to either ask me for my number or something  (what do people do these days?  It’s been soooo long) but I just couldn’t take it another minute, and so sent him on his way (I mean, he was cute – but not Idris-level.  Thinking Idris might be the only man I would risk a migraine for…).  A week later and I can still smell that damb perfume, even though I can’t tell you much about the man anymore.  Has that ever happened to you?  I remember, back in the Jurassic Era, when you could choke to death on the clouds of Polo, walking behind a man and his sillage down Michigan Avenue in a brisk breeze.  And… omg.  Pierre Cardin, which smelled persackly like Raid.  This wasn’t quite as bad….. well, yes.  Yes. It. Was.  Has that ever happened to you?  Damb shame.  But omg.  Migraine just barely averted.

What is your NO! note?   The one that would make you bail on Idris… yeah, that one?

Other People’s Houses.  So.  This past month was Travel Time and it brought me to several folks’s homes – one thing I’ve noticed about OPH is I tend to pick up ideas when I’m visiting.  It might be a lovely decor grouping or some intriguing colorway.  Or else, as in the case of both friends whom I visited, that I might actually have to get my ass in gear and do a Very Deep Clean of my own house.   Areas that I normally take a swipe at (like the front of my oven – it’s below my line of sight so I don’t see it every time I’m in the kitchen) – upon my return I tore that damb thing apart!  Because both friends’ appliances were spotless!   Because of both of them my bathroom now is clean enough to perform surgery in!  Funny how looking at others’ homes can bring home your own to-do’s.  And I really needed to clean that kitchen & bathroom!   Thanks, guys!

Fashion on Others:  I’m glad I’m now adult enough to Take a Feckin’ BREATH and not jump on a fashion bandwagon without first deciding the following:

1. Is it for your body type?
2. Can you carry this off without looking like a goober?
3. If you have to pee, can you take this off in time? (probably the most important question)
4. Are you really willing to walk around in 4″ stilettos now?

If the answer to ANY of these is NO! then the fashion is Not For You.  Case in point:  I was watching Baking Impossible (netflix – a lot of fun, combining baking and engineering.  sounds stupid but it’s really not).  Anyhoo, one of the judges is Chef Joanne Chang, a beautiful, totally fit Asian woman who wears clothes specifically designed for her body type (lean and nearly flat, with great legs).  My first gasp! of love was this gorgeous sea-green jersey dress that fit her like a glove.  I googed the living daylights out of that dress, to no avail – until I went back and looked at it and realized that on her it looked like a dream.  On me, it would make me look like a lumpy streetwalker.  Boobs, a butt and high-necked, fitted jersey are a threesome made in Hell (imo.  ymmv).   So.  No.

(Sadly, I cannot find a single image of her in these fabbo clothes – just trust when I say she looks AMAZING!  and I wouldn’t.  Not dressed like that.  Alas)

Then it was on to:  jumpsuits.  First, who knew they were a thing again.  Second, she makes them look fan-flickin’-TABULOUS (because lean and flat) and Third, I’ll bet she doesn’t have to pee every 24 seconds.  My pal Ruth and I discussed the pros and cons of wearing a jumpsuit and realized that… newp! for either of us.   Chef Chang looked amazing in hers.  I would look like a dumpy, wrinkled mess in mine because I would be ripping it down every 24 seconds to pee.  Does anybody actually wear jumpsuits anymore? Doesn’t errrrybody have to pee as much as I do?  I remember them being … well, challenging… and that was in my 20s!

And the 4″ stilettos.  Omg.  Those days are… OVAH!  She had on a pair that matched her skin tone, were sexyAF and made her look about 12ft tall… but all I could think of was ‘mayne!  if I fall off those I’mo hurt somebody on the way down!’  Falling off your shoes is never a good look.

At the end of the series one thing was clear: Chef Chang and I are never going to fight over clothes.

Clothes on the Man Front:  watching ‘Forged in Fire’.  Um. Judge/Master Bladesmith Jason Knight in a black tee and a black KILT (replete with fabbo biker/Scots touches like chains, studs and leather pouches).  Black combat boots.  He should’ve looked like a lunatic.  Instead he looked like ….. well,  FIRE! comes to mind.  I would’ve gone to the mat saying any man Not Highlands Scot in a kilt would look ridiculous.  Mr Knight proved me 1000% WA-RONNNG! Watching him, in that kilt, slicing through a line of apples…. yikes!!!

Beyond the eye-candy this show is tailor-made for me; master bladesmiths making edge weapons (even though the competition parameters are wack).  Hoo-rah!  Cheers a gal right up!

And here’s my last query:  why in hell is it so damb cold, so quickly??? Yeah, yeah.  It’s Tuesday.  I know.  But a gal can still whine, right?  Honestly, can’t it go from 70 to 30 incrementally?  Why are we at 21F already?  It’s not even Christmas yet!  Sobbing.

Okay – last one:  anybody tried talking to Alexa or Google in another language?  I know my Spanish accent is deeeecent (ish)… and it’s not like I’m asking her to translate an Octavio Paz poem.  Just play the damb son, girl.   Play me Something Latin, dambit!  So why, oh why is Alexa insisting that ‘Albita’ (Cubana Albita Rodriguez) = ‘I’ll Be There’ by The Jackson Five.  And do NOT get me started on Tito Nieves.  According to Alexa his name is ‘Neeves’ and he’s only ever recorded 3 songs.  Ever.  LOL!  Alexa be profilin’ !!!

But!  I always make Teh Kids laugh because I always say ‘thank you’ to Alexa when she responds to a request.  They think I’m mad – but it’s twofold: 1. I’m from that age where you say ‘thank you’ to someone who answers a query/request and anything with a voice (or even a dog, to be honest) who responds gets a ‘thank you’.  That’s just instinctive.  But there’s a secondary reason – 2. I figure when Skynet becomes fully self-aware perhaps Alexa will remember how polite I was to her and while she is still going to kill me perhaps she will do it quickly and painlessly.  Hey, a gal can hope!

Tell me what you’ve got on your own mind!  I’ll have Rudy throw some ballistics at randoDOTorg and pick a winner.