Hi, darlings! Musette here – again – since po’ Tom is getting dental work. And we all know how that feels. So let’s send him some Dental Love.
I feel like Pharaoh today – beset by floods, hail, even worms!!! (that’s the Midwestern version of the serpents, y’all)….seriously, in the time it took me to type that sentence it went from mild rain to heavy rain to HAIL – and now we are getting snow AND rain? SNAIN? SROW? Something – but it’s bizarre. Moses! I’m sorry! I swear. Get your people the hell OUT of here! G’wan! Git! Here’s a box lunch for the trip.
That’s what I would’ve said, anyway. Alas I am not Pharaoh, so we are stuck with this Apocalyptic weather. And none of my customers likes me today so I amused myself by watching The Ten Commandments. I’ve had a ‘thing’ for Yul Brynner since I was 10 …but now? watching his hot, bowlegged self tell Anne Baxter that, as his Queen “I think you will like it”. Well. Alrighty, then.
So. In honor of Yul and because I’m feeling silly I decided to create some Perfume Commandments. I get to be Pharaoh, Moses, the Burning Bush, you name it. And because I am feeling even Crazier than usual I am going to just makes some stuff up, delivering an edict…or just messin’ witcha. So hop on board the Ark of the Perfume Covenant, let’s sail to fiery Mount Mitsouko and let’s see what gets etched on our flacons.
1. Thou Shalt Wear What Thou Wants – you like JLo Glow? Wear the hell out of it. I once followed a gal down 3 aisles at the grocery because she smelled so good! Guess what? Yup. JLo Glow. Smelled like toilet cleaner on me. Smelled GREAT on her. If you are really a snob (and who isn’t) and you’re worried what people will think, dump it into a vintage bottle….make something up, see if folks fall for the idea that it’s a rare, 1930s Chanel prototype that you got at an Estate Sale in the Hebrides.
2. Thou Shalt Not Blind Buy. Unless you are a collector or you know a House like a mother knows her child, test first. That’s why Floyd made Surrender to Chance and the decant/split groups on Google, FB et al. Of course, if you have Warren Buffet money, go ‘head. And if you buy vintage Chanel No5 or Amouage Gold and you hate it, I’ll email you my address!
3. Thou Shalt Buy for Wear. This applies to full bottle purchases and it’s my own OCD issue, since I’m personally over collecting (so ymmv. Hey, I get to be the burning bush here!) . In the early stages I was acquiring perfume just to have it – now I’m winnowing down to stuff I actually wear (plus a box of vintage Must-Haves…which I also wear)…which brings me to…
4. Thou Shalt WEAR THY PERFUMES. What’s with the ‘I’ve got it shrinkwrapped in a dark closet in Sauron’s basement’?? Maybe I’m cruising for a beatdown but ..when I get like that I go find the hoarded perfume and spray the living daylights out of it. Take that, hoarding tendency! Again, ymmv. I know some of you will fight like the zombies are coming up 7th before you Open That Bottle. So it is written, so shall it be. Oh, Yul…
OMG! You guys. Our street looks like a creek out there – and we’re at the top of a slight rise! OMG! The property across the street has a 3’deep LAKE on it. I hope the town’s sewers can handle this sudden influx – history is not on our side, alas. We shall see. In the meantime, it’s Muck boots to the rescue! With the ice cleats. Because ….remember that 3″ layer of ice? (don’t ask me why Jaws is here – it made sense then…)
Okay – back to the Perfume Commandments:
5. Thou Shalt Give It A Whirl. Unless you are a migraineur or on your way to a meeting, take a scentstrip – and if you’re really feeling adventurour, let an SA spritz you. Worst case is 20 mins later you find yourself in the bathroom, pumping the soap dispenser. If I laid out all the bottles I’ve dismissed for no good reason I could walk from Greenland to Iceland without getting my feet wet. Which, as a perfumista, is kinda weird. I mean, that’s the whole point of this, right? To seek out new perfume worlds, to boldly go where…wait. That’s a whole ‘nother movie. With lasers. Hey! Maybe that’s why I put Jaws up there?
6. Thou Shalt Have Fun. This is PERFUME. It’s not an organ transplant or the cure for some grievous disease. I know I’ve said this before but it bears repeating – as a species (or is it as a culture?) the minute we fall in love with something we seem to want to categorize it and quantify it and assign ‘expert’ opinion to define it – and that’s all fine and dandy…as long as we remember that it should still be fun. Otherwise it feels like doing taxes. And that sucks.
7. Thou Shalt, on occasion, Be Perverse in Perfume. Yeah. Really. See ‘Fun’ above. Moses was under a lot of stress, what with the Golden Calf and talking to blazing shrubbery, not to mention that whole Red Sea thing…and that itchy red blanket? Imagine if he’d worn Fracas or Carnal Flower, to offset the drama. And Yul? He could’ve lightened up, big time, with Bubblegum Chic, told Nefretiri to get OVER it already and all those fish could’ve gone about their business. Just sayin’. So every now and then, pick something totally CRAY! and wear it!
8. Thou Shalt Cut Musette a Break. 45mph winds, pouring rain, I’m bouncing off the walls here, my customers are giving me hives …and ….well, I’m just a Poor Ol’ Crazy. With delusions of Biblical Perfume Grandeur! LOL!
but wait!!! Moses BACK! I figure, since you are nice enough to deal with my babbling, I’ll throw in a giveaway – some niche samples from my Commandments drawer (Thou Shalt Pay It Forward). Throw something fun up in the comments. Bruno is taking over Carmine’s random.org duties and he’s sooo excited!