…hey, guess what? it’s BRUNO! Hi, everybody!!! You all look phenomenal!!!! Yep. I can see you alll! I can see!
My mom took me for my CBC on Monday. Everybody cried. Except me. I just stood there, wondering why everybody was crying. Girls are weird. Turns out it’s because my platelets are up to 362K, which is low-normal. Remember last time? They were at 23K. I guess they thought I was gonna die. But I’m BRUNO!!! There’s no dying on BRUNO!!!
Mom spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to wear. I thought she was going to wear Amouage Gold. Or that vintage No5 she loves so much. But..hey! She surprised the heck out of me – she wore that stupid jar of fabulous Diptyque Creme Riche…well, she didn’t wear the jar, though she almost did. It slipped out of her hand and slid into the sink like one of those skateboarders. Wow! I didn’t know Mommy knew all…..well…wow! yikes! Never heard that word before! wow.
Then she put on a lot of Myrrhe Ardente. A. LOT! Wow, did she smell GOOD! Not as good as that dead squirrel on Main Street – now that’s what I call per-FUME, bay-bee! But all the humans kept saying she smelled great. I tried to get her to let me rub some of that dead squirrel behind my ears so I could smell good, too, but she’s funny about stuff like that. and now that I’ve been sick she won’t let me do ANYTHING! sigh. She keeps wrapping me up in blankets and just sits there, staring at me. Skeeves a feller out! I still get a little bit tired and that makes her cry, too. She is weird. But humans say she smells good. I guess. She mostly just smells like Mommy to me.
Then she got this massage oil from Aromatherapy Associates. It’s called Relax. She likes it a lot and that’s great because lemmetellya, I loves me some mom but…wow…She. Is. Tense. A lot. Okay. All the time. Putting this on her shoulders and neck seems to settle her right the hell down. Betcha that bourbon doesn’t hurt, either! Spaaaa… so spa-y – she was asking me why ylang-ylang and chamomile always say ‘spa’. Why are you asking me? When I think ‘spa’ I think about that chicken poop, out in the yard. Oh, yeah. I could do a facial with that, then have it for lunch.
Anyway, that Relax massage oil is so calming she might just sleep through the night. Except..you know… Prednisone. Do y’all know how much water I drink? But the Relax oil seems to keep her sort of re..(oh, I did not just say that, did I?)…uh….calm, while we stand out there, me peeing my toenails off, her listening to the coyotes, at 1am…and 3am. And 5am.
She put on a lot of vintage Mitsouko edt today, over that Creme Riche. I tried to put on some of that squirrel….maaan…my mom is NO fun.
Okay. I’m pooped! Heh. I made a funny there (Prednisone. Not just for peeing)…if I lie down now, she’ll wrap me up in my blankie and…I think I kinda like that.
Thanks for caring about me. I love you all. thank you for loving me back.