So! You guys almost didn’t get a post because I posted on Friday which means I moved it in my mind to last Tuesday which meant that today would be March’s post. Luckily March disabused me of that notion in enough time for me to actually get something written that doesn’t just suck donkey butt. Maybe. We’ll see what you think.
So! Prior to the ‘yikes!!! – get a post up there’, March & I were discussing some aging-related stuff (I’m out of Shingleville but the PHN damage in my armpit (OW!) seems to be solidly entrenched and it’s now a histamine trigger point. Yay, me! Old Age really ain’t for sissies) and we got on the subject of friends moving in together as they age, a la Golden Girls or Grace & Frankie. I’d never really considered it because I’ve been partnered up for so long but things can change and, really, who wants to rattle around in a house by themselves when they’re 70? So we delved further into the notion and came up with some criteria for possible roommates, as people age. At first we thought that you have to have similar personalities but the more we talked about it, the more we realized that what you really need is to ‘get’ the other person. If their level of crazy is incomprehensible, this is not the roommate for you. Grace ‘got’ what Frankie meant when she said (as they sat there, stoned to the hairline on peyote) ‘your anger is making the sand sad’. She didn’t have to agree – she just had to ‘get’ it. I think that’s the fundamental requirement (all the GGs thought Rose was bonkers – but they ‘got’ her). Thinking about it further, I’ve come up with a list of my own requirements (in no particular order):
- Bathroom(s). If there are two people there needs to be at least 1.5 bathrooms. As we get older, Bathroom Stuff becomes more time consuming. And essential. Like: RIGHT NOW. Trust me.
- No extremes. Cleanliness, politics, dietary. Oscar and Felix were cute on the screen but that would’ve lasted about 23hrs in real life. Maybe 26. If both of them were asleep for 10 of those hours. The gal who leaves her dirty panties on the back of the sofa is NOT the roommate for me (I knew someone who did that. Her apt was a Hazmat zone). Nor is the gal who cleans the bathroom twice a day – with a toothbrush. Ain’t nobody got TAHM for that – not at 70. Hit it with a mop and be done with it. I have a dear friend who has become a militant vegan and is even considering cutting certain plants out of her diet because she read that they do a version of ‘screaming’ when they are harvested. My basic approach is ‘if it ain’t moving, I’ll eat it’ This could cause some Tense Refrigerator Moments and if I’m 75 I wanna eat a BLT in peace. We won’t be rooming together, not even come the Zombie Apocalypse. I’m not negotiating pulling a turnip up out of the ground because I might hurt its feelings. That turnip? It’s MOINE!
- Noise. Good noise. Bad noise. How do you navigate that? On Golden Girls they always had a laugh track and those lead-in notes – I don’t remember any of them blasting the stereo (omg. I just though of something! Was GG pre-CD?! O.M.G.)
- PERFUME! This is a perfume blog so all of us on here love our ‘fumes. What if you and your gal-pal are rooming – and she doesn’t HATE perfume but she doesn’t want it wafting through the house? How do you manage? El O is not a fan so I wait until he’s out of here before I break open the Messy Armoire and I certainly don’t spray in our bedroom until he’s on his way out the door. I suppose one could keep it in the bedroom (in no scenario do I see 2 old ladies sharing a bedroom – I can barely share a room with myself).
- Culinary. ‘Rattlin’ pots’ as my mom used to say. You both (or 3 of you) like to eat but one of you likes Stinky Cheese. Or lots of curry. Do you dine together on the same dish or does one of you make a chicken vindaloo and the other make a pbj sandwich and retire to your respective corners to chow down? Or do you just order pizza and be done with it? I’m going to have to watch some GG episodes. I know Grace & Frankie don’t eat the same food because Grace doesn’t eat.
What other considerations are there? Be creative! Would you ever consider rooming with someone as you age? The Girl will pull a name or two and we’ll get you some goodies out of the Messy Armoire. I got ere’body’s stuff out TODAY! WHOO-HOO! So those of you who have contacted me should see your li’l packages soon. Edpgypsy – HOLLA! You are my other Child Winner. Clock’s ticking!
Friday’s winner: Connie!!! gmail me at evilauntieanita with your details and I’ll get some fun stuff out to you.
I’m Dorothy, I just know it
I’d love to live with a roomie later on! Communal living is definitely a source of joy – there’s so much personal growth and mutual caring that happens when people cohabitate. 🙂 Mostly, I just want to bake cookies for someone. 😉
I’m planning on being alone. Being very particular about food, cleanliness and noise, I can’t see myself rooming with anyone but my pets.
I will live alone. I barely suffer my roommate as is, and even that just because he is my boyfriend. When I am old, I will live alone so I can do exactly what I want when I want to. That, I hope, will be the privilege of my old age.
I love Grace & Frankie! I think the beautiful home that never has to be cleaned makes that work so beautifully. In reality, I don’t think I could deal with someone else’s clutter. I think the commune is the way to go–everyone has their own space to retreat to but you can all meet up easily and look out for each other.
Your points are all excellent. I can tolerate a certain amount of untidiness but not actual dirt. I don’t mind cooking smells but don’t want someone who will judge my food choices. I also need a fair amount of quiet time so that is a consideration. For me the #1 would probably be separate bathrooms… would help tolerate lots of other little issues!
An amazing bakery in our city is closing. The owners are moving to Spain and opening an inn with events and classes . Our dream retirement is to move to Spain with a gaggle of friends and set up individual homes somewhere near the inn. Tapas, baked goods, sherry and friends – that would be the dream!
In my experience, it is good to have a roommate who is on a similar economic level and has achieved a comparable level of success. Otherwise you may end up never speaking to your childhood friend again, after she secretly pawned your designer jacket while you were out of town. Just sayin’!
Interesting ideas you have Musette, and obviously you’ve been thinking it over properly. Me and my classmates meet periodically. We’re 51-53 years old and we know each other from primary school. In the past few years we’re talking about the idea of a commune, where everyone would have his own space but a large living space for all of us. We’ve also considered hiring a cook, a doctor, a gardener, etc…to help us out. It should be a place out of town, but close enough so one could drive to the theater, cinema. Maybe at the coastside, we all love the sea… If we start paying in advance and organizing stuff, we should be ready in 10-15 years. Right now it seems like fun and we’re laughing a lot while planning the details (visiting hours for our children/grandchildren, pets, hobbies) but I suppose soon enough we’ll either start the project or let go of it.
In general, I like the idea very much because the majority of us are single and yes, growing old alone is not a satisfying option.
I can’t think of any girlfriends I would want to live with, and my cousins – the only folk I can think of who share the same weird – are much older than I am. I suppose there are people I could tolerate but I’ve got to start looking for people who are obsessed with their pets and love to garden. I think we gardening, reading, cat-freaks tend to be too reclusive to form that type of friendship, though.
Planning on a mini country commune here — everyone gets their own wee private cabin w/shared public spaces. All roomies must be okay with animals (it’s MY commune and I want my dogs/cats/falcons!).
Same here, Doc – community garden, some shared spaces, but private abodes. Preferably a fairly large plot of land, with room for the beasties to roam around (fenced, of course).
Hey Musette!
Very excited to have won Friday’s giveaway 😀
I’m only 21 so I haven’t been thinking much about my future-future plans. And having just graduated from college and four years of dorm life, I’d like a little time with my own room/abode for a bit. Although my roommate and I are best friends and got along pretty prodigiously.
Although I am vegan, I like to think I’m not crazy.
Sorry, large dog eating toy on lap just posted for me! I was going to say, any roomy must like eating but stay out of my way in the kitchen. Need elbow room.
And mus
Agree with previous poster about the knick knacks. My roomies would have to have compatible decorating taste. She could have way more money than me if she likes to share. Can’t be neurotic, must have varied interests or passionate about at least one. Sense of humor a must. Must love cats.
i would like to consider it. Another element to consider is financial parity. Its pretty difficult to live with someone who either has much more money or much less than you.
Fun post! I love the Golden Girls, especially Blanche. And I love Frankie from Grace and Frankie. I just realized that even though Blanche and Frankie are very different on the surface, they are the same type of woman. They live life the way they want. I could room with either one. Living alone, including in old age, does have a strong appeal – more freedom.
I can’t see myself ever living with my friends in old age. There is only so much mess that I can put up with before I get riled. Pick up your mess or find somewhere else to live, I don’t live with unsanitary slobs. I’m not willing to put up with someone with boatloads of little nick nacks (dust collectors) everywhere, since dust seems to set off my asthma. Tons of candles don’t bother me because when there is a blackout, we need some kind of light and some kind of heat. Not too many people I know are willing to put up with my perfume collection and wearing it.
OMG, my besties and I already have it all planned out! House in the country where we can rescue dogs, live in peace and maybe have a cute, but mute, farmhand to help around the house (nudge,nudge, wink, wink). Some days it’s the only thing that gets me through, LOL!