my baby TGirl


So.  I knew this time was coming.  My TGirl has left the building.  She’s hanging out with my mom and all the dogs who need a mom – and they are fine.  Every one of them is fine.

I am not so fine.

I’ll be fine, though.  I just need to give myself a little bit of time to adjust.  It’s funny how grief sneaks up on you – and it’s so often the little things that trip you up – like pizza crusts (I don’t eat the crust and there was this weird moment when I couldn’t figure out what to do with them!). There was a beautiful, glancing light yesterday – the kind you can only see on a day close to Autumn, as we slowly start to turn inward.  I used to love the idea of us walking back to the house in that glancing light – and it was all I could do not to fall completely apart.  We’ll never experience that light together again – not on this plane, anyway.

I miss her.

But I don’t miss that she was rapidly declining.  I provided my last, best service and let her go before it became untenable.  I made it be About Her – and in the end, that’s all any of us can really do.  That, right there?  That is the last, best service.  Duty and honor, discharged.

It happened quickly (as in it was unplanned) so I didn’t get a chance to have her poke a pawnail.  Could I ask your indulgence and get the winners announced at next post?  I would like to say I’m much stronger than this post would indicate – but I would be lying.  I mostly just want to sleep.  I know there’s another predatory wackadoo out there who will need my particular brand of mom-ing but that will have to wait for a bit.  This one took a lot out of me.

I wore Beloved by Amouage.  It was definitely a choice.  I wanted something that spoke to my heart and Beloved was that perfume.  It gave me a lot of peace as I held her and stroked her and watched her take her last breaths.  Christopher Chong has a very strong affinity for dogs and while Beloved wasn’t a dog-focused scent, like some of his candles (which he created in honor of his own, late dogs), somehow the smell of it relaxed me and gave me strength.


However, I am not feeling very strong right now – mostly just want to take a nap.

She loved you guys, you know… she got such a kick out of the whole ‘pawnail’ thing.  She sends her love.  I do, too!



  • Undina says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know that we all usually survive those, but I have no idea how we do that – it’s so awful and impossible! Sending you love and all possible good vibes.

  • Eldarwen22 says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. Never gets any easier every time you lose a pet.

  • Maggiecat says:

    I’m sending love to you too! It is so hard to lose a beloved pet, and the grief takes time to cycle through.

  • Jennifer S says:

    So sorry to hear Anita. You took good care of her and I hope you’re filled with wonderful memories of your time together. Hugs and love.

  • Koyel says:

    I am so sorry, Musette. That is so hard. I’ve lost two cats in the past 2.5 years, and the second loss was totally sudden (she died alone at the hospital after a standard biopsy), and I cried every day for months. Sending you love and strength <3

  • Dina C. says:

    Dear Anita,
    I am so sorry, friend, that her time had come. Proud of you for being such a faithful steward and walking those final steps with her toward the Rainbow Bridge. Not flinching. Not letting her suffer. Your scent choice sounds like it was very well chosen. Lifting prayers of comfort for you in your time of sorrow.

  • rosarita says:

    Oh darling Ms A, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, our beloved pets just don’t live long enough. Big hugs.

  • Mocha says:

    I’m so sorry, Musette. This made me tear up. She was so sweet, and we’ll miss reading about her too. I hope you can think of her running free and happy in doggy heaven and that it helps you smile again.

  • carole says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Pets are the best. I heard a theory that pets live way less long then we do because they pack so much into every day-they live intensely, for much less long than we’d like them too. I hope in time your pain is easier. Take care of yourself.

  • Queen-Cupcake says:

    Musette, I am so sorry for your loss. I have loved and lost many pets in my life and it never gets easier. You gave The Girl the best possible life and she undoubtedly loved you. I can cry just anticipating my cat’s eventual demise–she is 15 and very healthy, but still… From one animal lover to another: you are in my heart today.

  • crikey says:

    I am so very sorry. It’s incredibly hard to say goodbye to a true love. my condolences.

  • JilS says:

    Sending you hugs, Musette. Tgirl wants you to know she’s in a good place. You took such good care of her.
    Be kind to yourself now.

  • Maya says:

    This caused me to tear up. Take good care of yourself please. Sending love.

  • Sarah says:

    My condolences. Sending love and hugs.

  • cinnamon says:

    I am so very sorry. She knew she was loved, though, and that you’d do right by her.

  • Alityke says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. The passing of a loved one is never easy. Allow yourself to grieve xxx

  • matty1649 says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your sad loss. Sending you virtual hugs XX

  • Marjo says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Shiva-woman says:

    What a big hurt. I’m so sorry for your loss. My fur babies have often been my real family. I mark the moments, the years with them. She was so lucky to have you, and you her.

  • taxi says:

    Mmm. Hugs! It’s so hard to lose a beloved furry companion. It’s ok to cry.

  • Tara C says:

    I am so sorry for your loss, it hurts so bad to say goodbye to the perfect unconditional love we have with our furbabies. She is watching over you and waiting for you at the rainbow bridge. Big hugs to you.

  • March says:

    What a wonderful, sweet girl she was (even if she could have eaten me) and what a joy in your life. I know how hard it is, and I honor you for providing that last, best service.

  • Kathleen says:

    I am very sorry for your loss Musette. May memories of love and friendship maintain and comfort you in the loss of your beloved TGirl. It is truly an honor to be with our animals through all phases of life. Letting them go peacefully is the most loving gift; they would do the same for us. Beloved perfume is a beautiful tribute for your sweet girl, a special scent memory created. The glancing light you noticed, perhaps a sign she continues to walk with you and forever in your heart. xoxo

  • Jo Ann says:

    So, so sorry. My heart breaks for you.

  • Rina says:

    I’m so sorry. I’m in the same place, but ours is scheduled for Fri. afternoon. Not sure which is worse, honestly. Not having time to plan, or knowing that the day and time is set. I’m fine one minute, a mess the next so I send love and light and take comfort that my girl will be playing with yours very soon. XOXO.

    • carole says:

      It’s the thing you have to do (I’ve had to do it too) but please look after your self. I’m sorry for what you are going through. Take care.

  • Tiffanie says:

    I’m so very sad for you, it’s so very, very hard. Thank you for sharing Tgirl and all her shenanigans and pawnails and your love for her with us.

  • Carlene says:

    I’m so sorry. It hurts so much when they go! I lost my little old girly in December, and while I hope to also some day be ready to love another little girly, I’m not there yet. We’ll know.

  • Teresa says:

    I agree with Tiara (above)…letting her go at the right time is unconditional love….hard to do but, in the end, it feels right. My heart is with you…

  • VerbenaLuvvr says:

    I’m so sorry that you lost your beloved companion. I’ve had to do this too, and like every loss, only time can soften the edges and we then have the good times to remember. Peace be with you.

  • Pam says:

    I’m crying with you, remembering my late furbaby. I’m so sorry, Musette.

  • Portia says:

    SHIT! Sorry to read this Musette.
    Feeling your pain and want to hug it away for you.
    Good job on letting her go.
    Portia xxx

  • Tiara says:

    There aren’t any words that offer the comfort you need but I hope knowing others care provides a bit. You were a good mom to her, even at the end. Making it about HER is unconditional love in its purest form.

  • Janet in California says:

    ?????? Be gentle with yourself ??????