Where Nawt’s Peace is Disturbed

To catch up on the adventures of Nawt so far, if you’re new to the story, you can go here.  This is the continuing adventures of Nawt Agin, rookie perfumer for Irrational Fruity Florals, who has been contracted, against his will, better judgment and perfuming principles, to make the celebrity scent for Voracia Tatas, who is famous for absolutely nothing.

When we last left Nawt, he had tracked down The Man, The Myth, The Legend, Every Woman’s Dream Homeslice, Jean Claude Ellena — hoping for some words of wisdom on how to make a celebrity scent and meet customer specs, but still make a good perfume.  Upon finding Dreamy JCE, he finds he speaks no English. In desperation, he asks Jean Claude to wait inside a restaurant while he runs down every person in sight to find someone who speaks French, to no avail. Off in the distance appears one super-hot woman, slinking her way towards them. As she gets closer, Nawt sees it is… Voracia.

Voracia:  Hey, Perfume Man, I know you!!!

Nawt:  (adjusting his glasses) Voracia?  Oh, so good to see you, really.

Voracia:  *squealing delightedly*  I knew it was you!  How’s my perfume coming… oh, look at that bridge, I wonder how they built that?

Nawt:  Listen, Voracia, I’d love to stay and chat, but I’m on a very urgent errand, and I need someone to do some translation.

Voracia:  (her demeanor has shifted a little as her eyes actually focus on Nawt) What language?

Nawt:  (hesitantly)  Um, French…

Voracia: Oh, I can help with that. My Farsi and Portugese are a little rusty, but French is no problem. 

Nawt:  How many languages do you speak?

Voracia: (counts on fingers) 16, I think?  Not counting island dialects like Puerto Rican and Figiian. (there is a long pause while Nawt just stares at her) Well, it was the 20 years of Latin…

Nawt:  *stares in puzzlement at Voracia, who is now looking at him with bright, intelligent, focused eyes, and her body language has changed completely to alert, but still drop-dead bombshell*  Um… okay!  Follow me.

 (they walk into the restaurant where Nawt has stowed JCE)

Nawt:  This is Jean Claude Ellena, and I need to talk to him desperately. Can you please translate?

JCE:  *Turns around, sees Voracia, claps his hands excitedly* Voracia, mon cheri! Ca fait trop longtemps. Vous m’avez manqué.  (Thanks to CarmenCanada, the French is correct, and it means “it has been too long. I have missed you terribly.”)

Voracia:  Jean Claude! Qu’une surprise!

Nawt:  You two know each other?!?!?!?

Voracia:  Oh, yes!  I’ve known Jean Claude for years.  He and my father went to school together when they were boys.  He made a perfume for me when I was a teenager called “Untamed Beauty.”  Yeah, I know, it’s a hokey name, but it fit at the time.  It is simply divine and the dearest scent I own. Even though I have probably over 1,000 bottles of perfume, it is the one I wear at least every week. It is perfection!

Nawt:  *whose jaw has hit the floor* Wha — how — you — I don’t understand at all. I need to sit down for a second.  You are not the person I met before, not even close, not even the same planet or universe of person —

JCE:  Excusi!! I am sorry for the subterfuge, I do speak English, but I get weary of this (gesturing at the cloud around his feet) and try these little ruses to see if it will dissipate.  Right this second, though, I must be on my way, I am already late for the awards ceremony.  Voracia, my pet, I had no idea you were living here, and we must spend some time together or I will just perish.  Will you both be my guests for dinner tonight?

Voracia:  Of course!  Nawt, are you free?

Nawt:  *manages to nod while still trying to keep his mouth closed*

JCE:  Perfect!  I am at the Four Seasons under the name Jean Claude Roudnitska — little inside joke there.  Please come by 7:00, and we will have much time to chat and do introductions to your friend, um….

Nawt:  *croaks* Nawwwt.

JCE:  I must be off. Until tonight!  (he bends and brings Voracia’s hand to his lips and then kisses Nawt on both cheeks)

Voracia:  Until then!

Nawt:  *staring at Voracia with eyebrows knit together*  Well?  Whenever you want to enlighten me, I’m ready.

Voracia:  *smiles brightly and takes Nawt’s hand*  Well, of course you are confused. Come, sit down, let’s have coffee, and I will explain everything.

As they take their table JCE heads out the door blowing kisses back at Voracia with his cloud still at his feet swirling, full of women and perfume bottles….

To be continued…

Original artwork by Adam Smith

  • March says:

    Okay, I have NO idea what’s going to happen — I was absolutely sure Voracia was a total moron. I’m going with the “Voracia has a double to run her errands” theory.

    • pitbull friend says:

      Yes, but if she has a double, and the double is the spaced out one who attended the perfume meeting in the first episode, how did the real Voracia recognize Nawt this time? I guess she could have seen his picture somewhere? –Ellen

      • Dusan says:

        Ellen–I’ve been listening to Tori Amos’ new album a lot lately. I love the crazy woman, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, there’s a track on the album called “You Can Bring Your Dog” which always makes me think of you 🙂 So, if I may ask, how are things with Mr. Tabby Friend? 😉
        Maria, you and I must meet some day if for no other reason than to help Patty finish the saga about V, JCE and poor Nawt. Now, I wonder who we could cast in the lead roles…

        • pitbull friend says:

          Hey, Dusan: Tori Amos is one of those people who I really should like but just haven’t caught on with. But that sure is a nice title! I don’t know about Tabby Friend. I keep thinking each date is our last, but we’ve had a half dozen dates so far. Inconclusive. Thanks for asking — wish I had something juicy to share with y’all. –Ellen

          • Dusan says:

            Ellen — I’m sorry the things are going at such a slow and “inconclusive” pace w/ Catman. Maybe he’s a tad insecure?
            Tori is just an amazing artist. If you could find time to listen to her, I’d be delighted to hear your thoughts. 🙂

        • Maria says:

          Dusan, are you suggesting we hijack the Nawt series (oops, is that Nawt Serious) from Patty? 😉 Dusan, next time I’m in Serbia or you’re in California we must get together.

          • Dusan says:

            Maria, well you know how Patty’s always griping about needing help with the characters – let’s give her a hand, shall we? BTW, I wasn’t going to kill poor Nawt off entirely. He was going to stage his death and have his sister Nivah (I’m still chuckling at the name :-j ) help him destroy his opponents (can you tell I’ve seen too many telenovelas?).
            Seria estupendo si pudieras venir aqui. De cualquier modo me encantaria conocerte, sea en California o en Serbia. Has estado alguna vez en Serbia? 🙂

    • Dusan says:

      No way Voracia has a double, she is just an accomplished actress. Assuming you’re right, though, there are two possible answers to valid points made by Ellen:
      1. Voracia debriefs her double after each session with Nawt, which is highly unlikely given the double’s memory span of a goldfish (no disrespect to goldfish)
      2. A bug/miniature camera is tactfully positioned somewhere in the region of the double’s tatas.
      And I’m sending you some shameless skank 😉

  • violetnoir says:

    Jean Claude Roudnitska…too funny! 😡

    Hugs and love!

  • Lee says:

    You total cliffhanging, ruthless tease of a writer. I feel like this is the first webenovela, and I’m addicted.

  • pitbull friend says:

    Patty, that was amazing!!! The “Untamed Beauty” was the piece de resistance! Encore, encore!!! –“Helene”

    P.S. Maria: Where do the taters come from? I mean, I’d be happy to devote my life to taters (yummm, I brought taters & kale for lunch today!), but Voracia? She is a woman of many surprises, though.

    • Maria says:

      The origin of the Taters: Well, I thought that since Voracia is such a surprising gal, the Tatas in her last name (no doubt a screen name) would turn out to be her own inside joke about her devotion to the culinary excellence of the potato. \:d/

      • pitbull friend says:

        Maria, you are SO good. When Voracia starts that school, I am CERTAIN she will hire you as an instructor at a bountiful salary!

        BTW, in spite of myself, I’ve looked at a couple of things about P. Hilton today. One of the local citizens who said he thought she belonged back in jail was a guy who does valet parking and said that, although he was going out of his way to shield her from paparazzi, she tipped him $1! Ah, yes, that’s how the rich stay that way. –Ellen

  • arhianrad says:


    ANOTHER cliffhanger!!!

    I want more Ellena! MORE JCE! MORE JCE!!! MORE JCE!!!!!!

    I am wondering if Voracia has a clone she sends on random errands…

  • Judith says:

    Très drôle! Moi, j’ai aussi étudié le latin.

  • Elle says:

    If I were Nawt, I’d be on the lookout for the four horsemen at this point. Can’t wait for next Friday!

  • Maria says:

    Is this the same Voracia Tatas of the first episodes–or was that her double? Does the real Voracia hire a look-alike to misbehave on her behalf in public as part of a meticulously crafted scheme to gain fame so as to make as much money as she can quickly so that she can then retire to running the Voracious Language School for World Understanding and Well-Cooked Taters? Who knew? 8-|

    • Patty says:

      Well-cooked taters? Okay! I swear, I’m going to get these characters to a certain point and turn them over to you and Dusan and Ellen to keep going with them. 🙂

  • carmencanada says:

    Très drôle ma chérie! Appreciate your linguistic daring, but to preserve the honour of your fictional Ellena, cn I just get a little pedantic and French? “Cet a été trop long” would be “Ca fait trop longtemps” and “I missed you” doesn’t translate as “Je vous ai manqué” (which would mean: “you missed me”) but “Vous m’avez manqué”. Yup, the French do it differently – I spend my days teaching the intricacies of the shift between the two languages to my French executives, so I understand the problem!

    • Patty says:

      Bless you for fixing my French! Which I don’t speak at all. It was too late last night to find someone to do the translation. 🙂

  • Lavanya says:

    Patty!!! you can’t stop there..I can’t wait to hear what happens next…
    (in other words..I enjoyed it and want more soooonnnn)