We’re in the middle of a typical mid-Atlantic March – hot! Cold! Snow! Rain! Allergies! Wild barometric pressure fluctuations! Which has meant I’ve curtailed all new-perfume sniffage as a potential migraine on a stick. I’ve been spritzing the old stand-by’s like Mandragore that I know are safe.
Just because I haven’t sought out new perfumes doesn’t mean they don’t seek me out, however. There I was, minding my own business, tucked up with the new issue of Allure magazine, when 16-year-old Diva came in to talk to me. I was trying to follow the conversation, but (in my heightened state of smell-awareness) I kept thinking: why do you smell like a dude? Have you been cuddling up to some boy with a bad case of Axe?
She denied it strenuously, and at some point I realized what I was smelling was the miasma of the scent-strip in the magazine on my lap. I was smelling the new Jimmy Choo fragrance.
I am not, nor have I ever been, a client of Jimmy Choo, the fancypants shoe-maker. If I had to take a stab at what Jimmy Choo (the fragrance) would smell like, I’d come up with expensive. Or, sexy (those vertiginous heels!) Or, you know, both.
Here’s the blurb from their website: Jimmy Choo Eau de Parfum expresses an aura of strength and beauty. Glamourous in attitude, confident, intelligent and with a sense of fashion and fun, the fragrance is a modern Fruity Chypre with warm, rich, woody depths. It’s a fragrance inspired by modern women. The fragrance is done by Olivier Polge, notes are “a modern chypre fruity, with green top notes, tiger orchid, sweet toffee caramel and Indonesian patchouli.”
Uh, okay. Well. The drydown is essentially man, but the top is sweeter – I’m glad I didn’t read those notes beforehand. Not sure about the sweet toffee caramel but it’s sorta like Chanel Allure, or pick some other girl-in-drag fruitchouli.
I wasn’t looking for novelty. Should I just come out and say that? They want something that isn’t going to scare the horses. Etat Libre this is not. But hey, they’ve got a few bucks (the bottle looks gorgeous), and … it should smell exclusive, right? Fancy? Sexy?
But it doesn’t. It’s just weird. I was watching Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, and we get to the line where John Cusack is saying something about hiding the candy to The Lady Chablis, and it couldn’t have been more apt – this is a drag queen of a fragrance. That sweet, gooey floral top dries down to a patch-woody base that has some serious five-o’clock shadow and a really deep voice, and makes Chanel Allure and The Lady Chablis look like high art by comparison.
I couldn’t bring myself to shuffle over to the local Saks or (heaven forbid) the Jimmy Choo boutique in my Dansko ortho-clogs, so yes, it’s true, this review is based on a scent strip. (Go ahead, call the perfume police.) I googled around and found Octavian’s review, which made me feel better about this. Not about the perfume, which I think is lame, but my reaction to it. Jimmy Choo, you could have been sexy. Or even retro-glam – how about a big white floral? But instead you smell so 2006. You didn’t have to be earth-shaking, but you could have been better.
What do you think Jimmy Choo should smell like?