Awhile back I got a pamphlet from our County Emergency Mgt group, a primer for disaster preparedness – we live in an area high in tornado and straight line wind incidents, as well as the possibility of Big Ag chemical disasters (a former chemist/fire chief neighbor said ‘forget ISIS. Worry about the drunk missing the turn outside of town and plowing into the anhydrous tanks!’) Anyhoo, that pamphlet triggered my always-present Inner Ant, and I went searching for additional info,because it wasn’t like I wasn’t already freaked-out enough, right?. Google “disaster preparedness”. Acres of stuff – who knew? And there are levels: from “I got a flashlight’ to full-scale bunkers, with MREs and enough ammo to shoot up Toledo. There are the Doomsday Preppers and their ilk – not that scary because they are so far beyond the norm. But then I came across this article! and Joe Patio is now…PREPPING! They are regular folks, with regular jobs who, nevertheless, are prepping for What May Come. Now, a lot of the ‘normal’ preppers are looking at it the way every responsible person should: forget Zombie Apocalypse – what about wildfires? Hurricane Katrina, a real, rolling, financial collapse or a ‘Contagion’-type virus outbreak? Even the preppers who live in high rises have A Plan. And every stinkin’ one of those Plans includes a Bug Out Bag (BOB) – the more prepared have BOBs in both their homes and their vehicles – ALL their vehicles. ‘Cause let’s face it – ‘regular’ people still have to go to work and there’s no guarantee a tornado, economic collapse or the Zombie Apocalypse is gonna wait for you to get home. The articles had lots of good advice but in the end it was all a bit disheartening – personally, I would much prefer to go on living in Uninteresting Times, cutting my grass and making coffee in the morning. Disaster is NOT An Adventure. Those who think they are ready for a natural disaster or global financial collapse or the Zombie Apocalypse have no freaking idea – there is no soundtrack for that sort of thing and there is no guarantee you will be the Sheriff.
This whole thing gave me hives so I decided to shift Ant’s focus a bit. Since I was still on Red Alert!!! I thought “hey! we’ve already got the Clif Bars and batteries and bandages. But! What About Beauty?” Bugging Out will be exponentially less of a drag if you have a Beauty BOB in tow. So I set myself to the Ant task of mentally assembling a Beauty BOB. In order to make it interesting, I put some parameters in place:
1. You may have to physically carry this bag and since Beauty does not trump Survival, there will be no one to mule this for you. You get to take 6 things. Total. Six. S.I.X.
2. Beauty ONLY. (Perfume = Beauty). if you don’t have antibac and bandages in your real BOB you are already toast.
3. I’ll come up with something insane for No 3 – or you can!
Scenario: I’mo have to grab that BOB and haul ass out of the house, with no idea when/if I could return. First thing on my list: CLEAN. If I have to wash up in a gas station restroom I still want to feel good So I chose the Eggwhite Soaps Tigs intro’d me to, the last time she was in Chicago (thanks, sweetie!). The smell alone will triumph over the gas station restroom – and it’s a luxe, sudsy bar that lasts a LONG time and you can use it head to toe. Beautyhabit (get the 6-pk so you have one for your spouse and your BFFFE’s BOB. Leave the rest in your bathroom – hey, you’ll be back home soon. right? RIGHT? of course you will…)
SOFT. This one was really tough for me. My heart said Amouage Gold Body Creme. Then it said Carnal Flower Body Butter…then the Ant said ‘you get 6. T, remember? And you have a face.’ So……I went with …Moisture Rich Silk Cream by Tatcha. O.M.G. this stuff is so fabulous. It’s so rich that just a little dab’ll do ya, so you don’t have to kill yourself trying to find a refill. Plus, I am NOT leaving it for some zombie to stick her rotting digits in. So there.
SMELLY! I was going to torture myself by only taking one perfume but I beat the Ant way the hell down on that one – it’s MY 6. I’ll do what I want. So I picked two. Amouage Gold extrait and Carnal Flower. I never tire of either and they’re at opposite ends of the scent spectrum, imo.
If I do get bored I’m sure I can find some Soul Curve or JLo Glow in a burned-out CVS somewhere. If the Ant had triumphed and I could take only one fragrance it would have to be my vintage Chanel No5 from the dramming bottle (don’t tell Ant, okay? But I plan to grab that little apothecary decant on the way out, anyway. And that’s just how it’s gonna be. But don’t tell her, okay? She’ll fret.). HAIR! I can do without shampoo (a hot rinse is fine) . I can do without color (cry). I cannot do without product. But this was an easy one because there is one product that can do double/triple duty on my Boo Radley-assed hair. Kiehl’s Olive Fruit Oil Conditioner (it’s the Hair Pack stuff in the jar). Ever notice how Michonne’s hair always lays tight and right, even when she is knee deep in zombie gore? She probably picked up a case of this on her way out of Atlanta. Tied it to one of those zombies she used as sled dogs (remember those? I fell in love with her, right there and then.)
LIPS! There was a toss-up between lips and eyes, then I remembered that I cannot drive without some sort of lippy, so LIPS! won. I mean, it won’t help me to have Twiggy lashes if I back the motorhome into a tree, right? In the past year or so I have found myself unable to function without Soyphisticated Candles’s Organic Lip Balm in Peppermint. I buy them in bulk and use them almost exclusively. I can’t wear lipstick without this as a base so into the Beauty BOB it goes. Of course, I’ll have a backup in my pocket. Oh, c’mon! Like you wouldn’t! Let’s face it – every stankin’ one of us is toast. I can see the Undead, shambling after us as we lope away (’cause you know we won’t be running), clinking and clanking with perfume bottles and decants in our pockets, holding up our pants that look like a loaded diaper. You know I’m right.
So…you’re haulin’ out of Dodge. What’s in your Beauty BOB?
Oooh! I meant to tell you guys! I absolutely LOVED reading all your ‘Memories, scent and sound’ comments! That all-pink house sounds terrific! And Beaman’s Gum! I can taste that right now (or better yet, I can smell it!)
Mikasminion got picked in the random poke. Gmail your ol’ evilauntieanita and I’ll get some fun out to you, pronto!