Posse – forgive my absence and overall disconnection.  It’s been a weird couple of weeks.



They say that All Dogs Go to Heaven – and I believe it.  I have to believe it because otherwise I don’t think I could manage the ‘saying goodbye’ part of having a dog.  I’ve had a dog (or two.  or three) for all my life – from my first Rottweiler, Nero (whom my father dubbed a Doberman Shepherd because back then nobody here knew anything about Rottweilers) to the intensely gratifying (but lunatic) decision to foster the huge Corsos and Presas of my later adult years.

Monsieur Jacques was one of those lunatic decisions.  He’d been bounced from his very loving home because of his enormous size and his neurological issues – they (his people) found him siezing in a ditch when he was about 4 weeks old and they thought he was a black Lab (to be fair, pretty much every black 4 week old puppy looks like a black Lab) –  he came to me as a 6wk evaluation and the rescue group pulled the inevitable Long Con… and he ended up staying here.  Two years of being with each other, daily.  He tried SO hard to be a good dog – and he was – a Very Good Dog.  He was loving, decent, enormous, loving… did I say loving?  And… all challenges aside… I grew to love him.  Very much.

Alas, his neurologicals got the better of him.  His seizure episodes were getting worse and it wasn’t fair to let him devolve into an unhappy mess (the vet thinks he might’ve had a brain tumor that was growing) – so I had to make the extremely difficult decision to release him.


Releasing a beloved dog is always difficult – but it’s even more difficult when it’s a healthy, young dog.  I held his beautiful self through to the end, feeling his strong heart stop and his spirit leave his strong, young body.  To the consternation of the young techs who don’t understand a Marine ethos, I insisted on being his pallbearer, making sure he was placed on the cart with dignity; his vet, Uncle Doctor Lynn, told them to leave me alone.  Which is why I adore that man.  He understands.

My beloved Jane has him now – and she promised to keep an eye on him.  Because now?  Now he can see – and his brain is whole.  And I have NO doubt that he is seriously OFF THE CHAIN!

And I know he will stay so, for eternity.

I wore Beloved.  I just wanted …. I dunno.  I wanted to actually feel how I felt.  As you Posse know, I usually choose Mitsy or No5 as armor.  But I felt like leaving my heart available for whatever emotions came.  Beloved, with its cashmere wrap of melancholy, let me do just that. And it hurt like knives – but I got through it.





  • SpringPansy says:

    Thinking of you, Musette, and all the love you and Monsieur Jacques gave each other.

  • Koyel says:

    I’m so sorry, Musette. I know he knew how loved he was.

  • VerbenaLuvvr says:

    Out of love we do what is needed for our pets. My sympathies in the loss of your faithful companion.

  • Eldarwen22 says:

    I went through the same thing 2 years ago with Jake. The only time a pet breaks your heart is when they leave.

  • March says:

    Oh, honey. It is the hardest, hardest thing. I teared up again reading this, I’ve read it more than once. Making a decision to have a dog includes doing your best to know when it’s time to let them go. He was loved and cared for by you and had the best life. Hugs.

  • Jennifer S says:

    With tears in my eyes and prayers in my heart…I’m so sorry Musette for the loss of your beloved M. Jacques.

  • cinnamon says:

    Musette, I am so sorry for your loss. M. Jacques was lucky to have ended up with you and from everything you have written about him he understood he was loved and cared for — and in the end you had the courage to do for him what was best. I’m one of those who believes something of those we loved and lost stays with us. So, something of him will always linger.

  • Dina C. says:

    Crying big gusty tears here, Anita. I came late in life to dog love. I just drove my granddog home to my daughter’s house after dogsitting him for the weekend. He lived his first two years in our house before she moved out, so we love him dearly. He is “my” first dog. But now I’m all in. So I feel so sad that you’ve had to make that tough decision to let Mr. Jacques go. Bless you for your kindness. Sending you big hugs.

  • rosarita says:

    That decision must have been agonizing to make. Offering my deep condolences, Ms A. Dogs don’t live long enough as it is but how great for Monsieur Jacques that he had you, your love and care. Beloved was a great choice.

  • alityke says:

    Monsieur Jacques fell on all four paws when he landed with you. You gave him the very best life. I applaud your strength & will to be there for him beyond the end. He’s lolloping round on the other side of the rainbow bridge, chatting up the cute girls, no ill health. I’m sure he waved his pawnail to you to say thank you hoomum as he trotted over x

  • Maya says:

    I finally got my emotions under control. I feel for you and with you and am very sad for Monsieur Jacques. I do not doubt that he is with Jane because I know that there is more, based on my own experiences. Please take good care of yourself.

  • Kathleen says:

    My heart aches for you, and my deepest sympathy. You made the most difficult decision out of pure love. Monsieur Jacques spent the best of his earthly time with you. Now with Jane and released from his neurological condition. Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day, unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear. Although no words can help to ease the loss you bear, just know that you are very close in thought and prayer. xoxo

  • Tara C says:

    I am so sorry Monsieur Jacques had to go on ahead. Love your Marine ethos and being strong for him all the way to the end. Semper fi and big hugs. Beloved was the perfect choice.

  • Pam says:

    Oh Musette, I am so sorry. I am crying with you now. I’ve had a few doggies in my life, and I believe they are still with me. My current one is a Great Pyrenees who has turned 12 and I hate to think ahead. So I love her every day.

  • Maggiecat says:

    My dear Musette, I know you’re grieving and there’s not much I can say beyond admiration at your love for him, and no doubt his love for you. I have no doubt dogs go to heaven and in fact deeply suspect they are angels in disguise.

  • Shivawoman says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss and am sitting here bawling. Those of us who have loved critters… sometimes it’s the shitz. A big toast to those furry-n-feathered ones who have made our lives better, our loads lighter, who have snuggled, cuddled (and snapped or barked at someone when appropriate!), and taught us how to properly love.

  • Tom says:

    Losing a pet is one of the hardest things ever. Making the decision to spare them the pain and confusion of a long illness when they can’t help themselves is even harder. I’m so sorry you had to face it. I know I couldn’t which is one reason I’ve never had a pet. I’m sending you a big hug.

  • Portia says:

    WAAAAHHHHHH! Musette, jump start my day with heartbreak?
    Losing pets is WAY worse than losing people. My heart reaches out and hugs yours.

    BELOVED! It’s been DCd here in Australia? Only available on the discounters. You might want to back up while you can.
    Portia xx