Okay, guys. I’m going to ‘fess up. I was going to try to fake my way through some really lame psuedo-perfumeish post (something about fidelity and blahblahblahGingerblahblah) but you know what? I’m going to just suck it up and tell you the truth.
I’m not really feeling it right now.
I think I have some second-stage grief going on, as well as some massive anxiety. The grief is understandable (I miss Bruno. I miss Carmine. I miss having a dog). The anxiety? I dunno. Let me just say: Everything is fine. Really. Our business is going well, my health is okay (and getting better), nobody close to me is in dire straits (and let’s face it – parts of the world are in serious turmoil but not everyone has Ebola nor are they getting bombed out of their lives – and for that I am extremely grateful)……anyway, nothing is WRONG. I’m just a bit..off. Some of it’s hormones – you know Patty’s got that weekend post “Menopause sucks” – and she’s right – it messes with you much the way puberty does. And having the 30+ years, post-puberty, doesn’t mean you’re any more prepared for the wackitude of menopause than you were for puberty. Mine is pretty benign but every now and then WACKITUDE! The rest is just little bugs, biting my psyche.
So. There. So. What am I doing about all this? Well!
1. I am not wallowing in my Maggot Broth of Memory. When I get crazy I get off the computer, I let voicemail pick up my calls (yes, even my business calls. Customers do NOT like Crazy-sounding folks)…and I go out in the garden and dig some holes or plant some seeds (I do succession plantings of dark leafy greens. I eat kilos of collards/kale/spinach/etc during the year and from May-November I can harvest those and have enough until the next planting season!). It’s fun to sow the seeds and then, a few weeks later, move the seedlings around and let them grow. I’m experimenting with a new ‘heading’ collard Because I Can. After a very arid July we were deluged so it’s now the perfect time to sow.
2. Weeding. C’mon. Like you didn’t know that! LOL! Weeding is DA BOMB! Here’s why: you look at, say, your kitchen garden. Six fence panels long x 3 panels wide. It’s a freakin’ MESS! Big early rains followed by extreme heat has caused it to become Weed City. Here’s what you do: you fix a pitcher of martinis (or margaritas. or lemonade). You put a sum of money on the planting table ($10? $100? whatever floats your boat). You ‘hire’ yourself. Get all your tools, set an alarm and Get To Work. At the end of the time you should have the garden done (mine takes about 90minutes, if I don’t get distracted. If I get distracted, I don’t get the money. Or the martinis). You pay yourself, take a shower, pour a martini and become the Lady or Lord of the Manor and admire what your ‘hired person’ did . Weird. But it works. Same with vacuuming. Doesn’t seem to work with laundry, though. Dunno why…
This is going to happen soon, as I have to rip out the vines, etc on the kitchen garden fence and clear everything for fall planting. I am looking forward to it, as Mama needs a new jar of Amouage Dia cream. And a martini.
3. Exercise (beyond the garden). I am back to walking, as much as my back allows. Walking is great therapy, releasing some endorphins and also taking you out of yourself. You cannot stay in your own Crazy if your neighbor is sharing his! Trust me. And people around here izz bonkers as hell! And they will tell you ALLL about it! Bless ’em!
4. Don’t. Borrow. Sadness. No sad music – Gladys Knight & Joni Mitchell nearly ripped my liver out! No ‘challenging’ films or TV for me. You know what I’ve been doing for stress relief? Watching the hysterical Dawn French & Co in The Vicar of Dibley! (Last Tango in Halifax is next on the list) and struggling through Will Shortz’s idea of a Fun Sunday – he and his are strange folk – and I’m enjoying getting buzzed by my hummingbirds. My table is on the flight path from the side feeder to the monarda. They zip under the umbrella, stop for a second to check me out (saying hello? saying GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE? who knows?) then on to get drunk on monarda juice.
5. Eat well. One of the simplest fixes (along with Get Some Sleep) in the Be Kind to Yourself Rulebook. But you know? It can really be tough when you’re all Ennui and everything. Put down the Oreos and pick up a peach. You’ll notice the difference. You cannot get better if you are constipated. Trust me.
6. Let Nature be the Perfume. Right now it’s hard for me to focus on perfume, what with a 100-ton press in the making and ennui in my bones. A gorgeous Gardenia standard and my Julia Child rose and the scent of Purple Wave petunias outside my office window…heavenly!
6. Find joy in Life. I recognize this for what it is and while I respect that it’s got me in its grip I also know that grip isn’t permanent. But Life is uncertain so even as I wrestle with this foster Black Dog I know I have the power to move him – he’s no Mr Chartwell – and I’m grateful for that. I can garden, walk, crossword my foster dog right the hell out – and I know that’s not the case for so many others.
7. Let It Be. You know…this is one of the simplest. and it’s one of the most difficult. We’ve gotten so we have a pill, an app, a ‘thing’ for every glitch in our emotional lives – but you know what? Life is not like that. Sometimes it’s just ‘meh’ – and that’s okay. Truly. Now, I’m not talking ‘meh’ for years – or even a whole lotta months or weeks. But Life is comprised of a lot of ups and downs and sometimes, for no apparent reason, we are down. Let it be.
So! That’s my story for this week. I am Fine. Tell me how YOU are! What’s Going On? with YOU? When/if you get like this what do you do to stay sane? How’s the weather in your neck of the woods? (one of the ennui-makin’ things is the weather. It’s been raining and grey and feels like late September. Beats a drought but I’m hoping we get some higher temps, soon. I have about 100 tomatoes that need to be all ripened-up and everything.