Before we get this party started – the winner of the T6 and Cordovan Rose samples is Natalie. Click on ‘contact us’, tell us what you won and where to send it.
Mistress March is still eating enchanted burritos. ‘Tizz I, Musette, come to torture you with a little tale:
Fracas lives in Flushing with her 94yr old mother, Lucille. One Thursday she decides to skip Canasta Night and go out ‘on the town’. Wearing a girdle that would strangle a bull and a boucle sheath she heads out in her 1983 Buick LeSabre, intending to just have a little cocktail at the neighborhood restaurant and maybe – just maybe – have a conversation with that good-looking undertaker who ‘does’ all her mom’s friends’ husbands – he, too, lives with his widowed mother and she’s seen him giving her the quiet once-over at funerals and visitations…
…and Fracas …well, Canasta’s okay…but..you know, she’s not getting one millisecond younger.
…..on the way to the restaurant she sees a motorcycle broken down on a deserted side street. It’s Mrs Flower’s granddaughter, Carnal (her momma, T. Rose, fell in with a bad crowd and left baby Carnal with her grandma). Fracas knew it was Carnal because of the bright pink dye job that, to be told, looked kind of sexy, in a young-slut kind of way. Not that Fracas would know firsthand but she’s not stupid – she reads magazines and the newspaper. She knows the world is a different place from when she was a girl.
She picks Carnal up, intending to drop her off at the nearest gas station – but it’s closed. Carnal insists on buying Fracas a drink – ‘just one’ – as a thank you for stopping to help. She directs Fracas to a club but it’s not the nice bistro Fracas was expecting – it’s a rave. But Fracas is brave and decides ‘what the heck – live a little – and it’s only one drink, right?”.
Little does she know….
…..it’s pitch-dark, with flashing lights and glo-bolos and boys and girls who look like vampires. What is she doing here? She orders a vodka tonic – it’s really hot in there. Carnal is deep in conversation with a young man wearing an eye patch and a blue baseball cap with a huge brim. He looks harmless enough and vaguely familiar, like a comic-book character or something and he smells so…’pink’, just like Carnal’s hair and sugary-sweet – she isn’t nervous when he draws her nearer to them with a sweet smile and welcoming eye. “he’s just a kid – he looks like that really cute guy from high school……” the music is so loud and the lights are so flashy and she’s so intent on remembering that she doesn’t notice when he drops a little powder into her glass.
Clinking glasses, he says “here’s to fun new friendships!” She takes a big sip – it’s got a hint of raspberry in it but it’s a young person’s club, maybe they don’t know how to make a vodka tonic – and in a few minutes the room is spinning and she feels the need to lie down ……
…..she wakes up, hours later, in her car in front of her house with her dress halfway unzipped. Fracas is confused – how did she get back home? Where is her girdle? And why is she picking bright pink hair out of her bra? And where is Carnal Flower and that strangely familiar boy?
No answers. She resolutely puts it out of her mind and goes back to work at the Flushing DMV, popping out every now and then to the bistro, to chat with the undertaker.
but still… she wonders about those Hot. Pink. Hairs. And that strangely familiar boy.
Months later her mother comes into the kitchen, fairly bursting with news: “You’ll never believe it! Margaret Flower is nearly dead with shame! First her daughter, now her granddaughter, with that bright pink hair and her snippy ways.” Fracas begs her mother to tell her the story:
“well, my dear, it seems that awhile ago, Little Miss Carnal got mixed up with one of those Joe boys – you know the Joes? From over by the tracks?” At the mention of the Joes, Fracas’ face turned beet red. Yes, she remembers now….Bobby Joe. He was the Bad Boy of Flushing High, class of 1979. Hot as the fires of hell, he had every girl at school wild for him. Fracas worshiped him from the very back of afar, no way would he ever look at her…. he went off to Vietnam, leaving a little ‘package’ with that slut Carol Coty. Carol kept the baby, named him Bobby Joe Jr….but everybody called him ‘Bazooka’ because his dad was a gunney in the Marines – he was the only sniper who could hit a moving target at 200 paces while chewing a wad of bubblegum.
“that was the boy with Carnal that night” Fracas whispered to herself. I wonder….
but her mother is nattering on….” little Miss Carnal is no better than her mother – turns out she just had a little girl – and guess who the father is? Yes! ‘Bazooka Joe’! Her grandmother is furious – do you know what they named that baby? Vamp! What kind of name is that for a little girl? Margaret Flower is just mortified.”
and then, dropping her voice to a raspy whisper she says “but that’s not the worst part!”
“uh, there’s more?” Fracas, squeaks, dreading what is coming….
“yessss!” her mother hisses…..turns out Carnal is a …you know…(at this her mother blushes even redder than Fracas)…..one of those girls who likes….you know….well…she doesn’t just like boys. AND, what’s even stranger? She likes OLDER …uh…well, ladies, I guess. Bertha Mason said Carnal’s grandmother’s sister Irene’s daughter Kelly said Carnal likes how ladies smell – like powder and white flowers? She and Bazooka like to ……uh……she said they like to do things to get some of the DNA. What is ‘DNA’? Lucille asks ” some nasty thing, I suppose.” Well anyway, I guess she and Bazooka find these women and DRUG them and…..well, I can’t say anymore – bad enough they’re not married – but this? It’s a SIN!!!
photo: new-rave-kids.jpeg from female fashion.co.uk
Vamp sample: from March. Blame her for this tawdry tale.