Bvlgari Agva Pour Homme Marine

by Tom

One of the things that happen when you’re a voracious sniffer, inveterate freebie ‘ho (there, I said it) and unable to toss crap is that you will run across a sample of something that you have no idea why or where you came to get it. DId it come in some gift with purchase?  Was it forced on you by one of the people at Sephora?  Did you have an alcoholic black-out and ask for it?  Did clever and passive-aggressive Aliens stick it between your gas and cable bill?  Hmmm.

I’m thinking that it was the last one, since I can think of no amount of alcohol that would cause me to slur a request for a sample of “marine” anything, even if the SA had abs I could grate cheese on and the melting eyes of a puppy.  Of course under those circumstances I would take said sample, so perhaps that was the reason it was sitting there when I was checking the exact date I must call in to Time Warner to give them entirely too much money for another month of exactly six channels I want to watch and about 237 that I don’t.

But I digress..

Bvlgari is not a company noted for subtlety (svbtlety?).  Marine notes are ones that are entirely dependent on subtlety.  A sure hand will result in something like L’eau Serge Lutens; crisp, clean and as refreshing as a new Frette robe and icy Perrier after a dip in the Mediterranean on a warm summer afternoon.  In the less a svre hand that water tvrns brackish, the day too hvmid and the drink’s more like a frooty Big Gvlp.

Not only is this not a great fragrance, it’s not a great reflection of Bvlgari.  Those of us (vs?) who are more of the quiet-good-taste types, as well as shall we say slightly impecunious can give a well-bred pearl-clutching shudder at the bvlgarity of the jewelry, but you can’t fault the quality of the goods.

This makes me shvdder, period.

Verdict?“>Secretions Magnfique </a> Lite.

Available at Sephora, where I am guessing I got my sample.

  • Olfac says:

    This one is not so good. But out of the many quality aquatics that are on the market, you picked one of the worst Serge Lutens ever to represent them…an insult to the category. I would have cited the original Bulgari Aqva a worthy alternative.

  • Ann says:

    Hi Tom, thanks for the fun review. One more I can cross off the list for DH to sample. BTW, I’m hoping to try Black soon; how could I have missed it all these years? :)

    • tmp00 says:

      Black is reallly nice. Plus if you buy it for DH you can filtch with abandon. I think it’s a great womens scent in the Bandit vein.

  • Flora says:

    Tom, thanks for the chvckle! I am not a Bvlgari fan for the most part, and like yov I rvn screaming from “Agva” almost anything. Now I know what to very carefvlly avoid at Nordy’s…..

  • Austenfan says:

    Loved all the u substitutions!
    I like quite a few of the older Bvlgari’s. Thé Vert, Black, Pour Femme, Omnia and even on occasion Thé Rouge and Omnia Crystalline. I have never smelled this one, and on the basis of your review, I can’t say that I am tempted.

  • pam says:

    Totally enjoyed your review. Made me laugh. So far, Black is the only one I really like from them.

  • Erin T says:

    Bravo, Tom! This was so, so funny, thank you. I actually like Bvlgari scents… well, at least their less recent stuff like Black, the first Omnia, Pour Femme and Thé Vert. But this one deserves the send up you gave it.

  • (Ms.)Christian says:

    Yov made me chortle after a rotten day! Thank yov.

    The only one I care for is Black. The “vert” one smells like insect repellent and the rest are vapid.

  • tammy says:

    bvlgarity, OMG, Tom, LOL-ing over here; this is one Bvlgari I guess I can pass on, though I like generally like their scents.