Y’all. Tom is sick. I am tired. But I am not sick. So I’m here. Hi!!!
Sooooo. It’s going to be quick and dirty because I am an exhausted, filthy mess because of My Secret. Which I will now share with you – sorta.
A lot of you know that I am involved with several Rescue orgs, right? I’m always a fan of, at the very least, making an effort to walk my talk. Bruno was a Direct Rescue (El O found him in the middle of Rte 6 and that, as they say, was that). All but 2 of my dogs have been rescues in some form or another. I throw money at my chosen rescues. I stepped up and took Chloe in when it was 911 time. I have always felt pretty smug about my ‘committment’.
And, apparently, the Universe decided to challenge that ‘commitment’ in the form of 8 newborns and their dam (I am not disclosing the Rescue at the behest of the founder – apparently folks go buck-wild over pups). One of ‘those’ 911s. Again, I leapt into the breach, feeling kinda smug about my talk being walked….after all, it was only going to be a couple of days -a week at most – then they would be out of here and I could rest my big fat butt on my big, fat laurels. Right?
Apparently that was not what the Universe had in mind. That was “our” plan …then …BOOM! like snakes in the wilderness, things changed. Instead of a hot minute it looks like these pups and their dam will be here until they are fully weaned and vaccinated.. They now have those needlelike canines so the dam is more than happy to wean them the hell off – but that means they are now looking to me to provide the chow. That icky mess of puppy mush in my kitchen. And now that they are no longer on her milk, she is no longer cleaning them. So I am ……..omg. It’s just a lot of freaking WORK! But…omg, they are so cute. And ….omg! I so want them the HELL out of my house! Smug is totally out the window! LOL!
The biggest problem?? my darling Chloe. High prey-drive. Jealous. Vengeful. Slick as a cobra. Just waiting for a chance……yikes. And she and the dam and all their teeth hate every inch of each other. The protocols I have in place rival the Biohazard scene in Outbreak, where they show the officer going through the levels. If I could’ve I would’ve put in a retinal scan that only accepted my eyeball and triple titanium locks, etc. Instead I have to make do with metal grates, bungee cords and House Arrest. The problem is, there is no actual place for these pups – there is only the front and back doors and they are now too big to be kept in the still unfinished half bath. In order to safely access the pups and their dam I have to go out the front door (making sure it’s closed ), go through the 6′ garden gate, remembering to lock it immediately after me (El O proved me right about that protocol, having a brain fart and trying to put Chloe in the yard with the pups and dam. “HEY! THE GATE’S LOCKED!!!” ‘ya think???“)……having to go around to the back of the house, remove the bamboo poles that form an X across the French doors (we are so used to going in and out of that door that it was a must – and even with that, it takes a minute to remember WHY THE DAMN POLES ARE THERE! – so if ever you wonder how people err? wonder no further )….
El O. Can’t really help, since the dam went all HELL NAW! – and bit him! Getting bitten by any dog hurts (trust me on that) – but getting bitten by a Very Large Dog really, really hurts (trust me on that, too). To be fair, she did not attack him. In fact, the story of how he got bitten is kinda funny – now. Wanna hear it? Okay – so we were on the addition, cleaning/weighing and photographing the pups. She’s in the yard, looking at us through the French doors. All seems well – they’d had a rocky start but it looked pretty promising those few days in. I said as such and asked if he was comfy with her coming in (we’d put the pups back, etc) – he said yes. So this dog walks in, goes around me to the bathroom area to check on the pups, walks past me, giving me a touch of side eye….calmly walks over to El O (who is at the far end of the room), even more calmly circles around behind him…..and even more calmly than that, BITES HIM IN THE ASS! It was so calmly done, in fact, that I didn’t even realize it until he said ‘she got me’. ‘huh?’ ‘I said, she got me’. Then the snarling, which I stopped with a verbal beat down of epic proportions. Apparently I am The One – prolly because I was the one who got her and her pups? Or maybe it’s because she recognized an even more horrible shrike than herself (nursing dams are skittish and mean but I am In Menopause and I ain’t takin’ NO shit, especially from a dog). So after a lot of ‘poor baby’ and ‘so sorry’ and butt-checking (she only nicked him – his wallet took the brunt of it) El O let her stay – but the whole meghilla is now on me. Now that she is weaning (and I have trained her to expect a Sacred Treat when I handle the pups) she is less anxious about me picking them up, though it’s still a crapshoot. And they are filthy little beasts, so I am walking around the perimeter of the house even more because laundry is on the addition – every time I handle them I have to change my clothes.
Lots of walking – I should be back to a size 8 any day now…
Weaning puppies STINK! They are usually in their own waste, puppy mush is all over the place….that puppy breath hasn’t happened yet. That’s a bit away. Right now they are just crapping, pissing, farting, squealing balls of …oh, they are such beautiful souls. But They Stink.
There was talk of looking for an Expen for them. El O said ‘squoo that’ and built them an 8’x8′ palace, complete with umbrella, a fan, a pool for later (LATER????) Mai Tais and a cabana girl (aka Me). They spend the bulk of the day out there (the poultry netting is because we have hawks – even though I’m out there 90% of the time a gal still needs to go to the bathroom and get a lemonade, y’know? Mom is in the doorway so anything that tries to get them will be full of regrets, as she eviscerates them.
I am covered in puppy mush, puppy poop, puppy piss and puppy love. I stink, too! But it’s a good kind of stink. You pick one up, sun-warmed, little heart beating a tattoo, a squeal…then you hold it close and the squeal stops and the snuggle is on…and you realize your own heart has just been snatched …by a 5-lb, stinking, squealing little pup.
Oh, well. 8 little souls….right? and with all the work I do for them they have the stones to look me right in the face…and bark! Heart-snatch, yet again. At this rate I’m going to be in ICU.
And I also smell like mud and tomato leaf, which is Not Stink.
Hey, I have some winnahs!
My What’s News winners are Jan Last & Sharon C!!! gmail yer ol’ evilauntieanita and let her know your addy!
And I was asked about Poetics of Place, which I totally blanked on – went back and had Chloe spin for two of you – Dina C and Winterlude!! Again with the gmail, okay?
Okay – gotta go and check on the babies. And then I need to take a shower. I stink!