Few things in life are more disappointing than expecting one perfect thing and getting the exact wrong thing.   Consider the gorgeous shoes above.  That’s what I was expecting, perfectly sized up to accommodate for a narrow Christian Louboutin toe box.  What I got was a pair of Dolce & Gabanna leopard print shoes with some freaky little bow on top.  I guess they were okay shoes, if leopard print shoes suited me at all, but they don’t. I’m the furthest thing from a leopard print shoe girl you can find.  So when I opened my box and saw those instead of my classy little black and red CLs, my brain almost melted down… did not compute.  How did my cute little shoes turn into hooker shoes?  A phone call later, I found out the size I thought would work best in the CLs was then gone, and I had to go down a half a size, and now I’m crossing my fingers that that size will fit. If not… bleah.  Back they’ll go while I wait and hope the cute little Rolando style eventually comes back in stock or I find a pair while I’m in Italy.

Speaking of disappointments, I have to just bitch a little about the Givenchy Incense that got a great review in Perfumes: The Guide.  I was expecting something great, and it started off great, with a floral fougerey incense mojo that felt perfect for men or women, and then it veered off into a perfectly nice men’s scent, but not terribly entertaining.  Where in the world was the “melancholy and mystery” the review promised?

My brother, the requestor of the Sam Elliott sampler pack was also supposed to report in on a few of the scents… and another disappointment -I got zip from him.  I know he’s liked everything so far that he’s sniffed, with his favorites being the Tom of Finland, Montale Black Oud, and Ormonde Jayne Ormonde Man.  Just goes to show you, good taste does run in the family.

Anyway, I have decided that I need to start wearing high heels again after a couple of decades of flats and flip-flops.  So now I wear my Jimmy Choos around the house for 15-30 minutes at a time and my Gucci FM mules for maybe 5 minutes at a time (these things kill in more ways than one).  Is this the best way to get back into high heels, or do our feet age to the point that it just doesn’t work anymore?  My feet, so far, are turning into another disappointment, which I’m hoping I can change for the better.

That teeny girl with my sister Shirley in the picture to the right, I love taking pictures of her because she could care less if you’re snapping pictures because she is so in the moment every second of her waking life.  She was born months premature and was this tiny, tiny little thing you could hold in one hand five years ago.  Two-thre years ago, she went through a bad time with her mom, and when she came back home, she was withdrawn and silent.  She has a great father and family who surrounded her with love, and the broken places healed, and the curtain of silence lifted.  Listening to her peels of laughter and her jumping into my arms with an ear-shattering ”I’ve MISSED you!!!” reminds you that life, no matter the disappointment, always finds joy.

My brother has presented me with a challenge, so I, of course, turn to all of you to see what I’ve done so far and to see if you have suggestions or additions.

Tom opened up a bar and grill recently, which is is doing an amazing business in a tiny town in Kansas called Hoxie - everyone loves his food because he’s a great cook - and he barely has time to sleep, though he is as happy as a clam,  It’s one the most fun place in the town world to go — one of those places where everyone does know your name and people talk all around the room to everyone in the restaurant instead of just across their own table.  I attribute that atmosphere to Tom’s personality, which is outgoing, brash, irreverent, and he’s one of the funniest people I’ve ever known. The logo for the bar is “Beer, Burgers and Bullshit,” and that pretty much is just the way it is. He does look a little like Sam Elliott, but don’t tell him I said that because he has a monstrous big ego that needs no further feeding and watering.  He calls me lil lil sissah (as opposed to my big sister, Shirley, who is just lil sissah), and he is generally a charming, unrepentant rogue… and he will take that as a compliment.  Of course I adore him.

Success has its problems, though. Tom would like to get rid of the Eau de Grease scent that often follows him around, and he also likes to think of himself as a stud (*shrugs*).   He wants me to put together a “Sam Elliott Sampler Pack” full of all the scents I think Sam Elliott would wear, which would then be perfect for him.. I want it to be a wide variety of types, like some musk, leather, smoke, etc. This is what I’ve got so far, please let me know if you think one of these doesn’t work or if it needs something that I’m just not thinking of:

• Serge Lutens Musc Koublai Khan - it’s pretty likely he will sniff this and say something about it smelling like his pair after he’s been working all day (the language would be much more frank and graphic than my delicate version), but I think if he waits 30 minutes, he may find himself liking it - or not, but I have to be there when he tries it.
• CB Musk Reinvention - I’m iffy on this one. It will either be a big hit or a big miss, but I still think he should try it just so I can get a read on what his skank tolerance is.  Since I grew up with him and worked on the farm with him and he rubbed his sweaty armpit on my head, I’m thinking his skank tolerance has to be high.
• Etat Tom of Finland - I just think this is great smoky leather scent. Since his name is Tom, he’ll like that, too, plays into his ego to wear a scent with his name on it.
• Annick Goutal Eau de Fier - This may be uncomfortably close to the smoky bar and grill smell.
• Knize Ten - Great, classic leather, plenty rugged
• Caron Yatagan - why not?
• Helmut Lang Cuiron - iffy on this one. It’s a little less rugged, but could work great for his more refined moments, if he had any.
• Ormonde Jayne Ormonde Man - for special occasions, if he ever gets an evening out or just feel, well, um beautiful for the night, in a very manly way, of course.
• Parfums de Nicolai New York - because it is subtle and beautiful and perfect.
• Le Labo Patchouli 24 - sorry, every guy on my list gets this to try. It’s mandatory, they may hate it, but I don’t care, they have to sniff it.
• Hermessence Vetiver Tonka — again, always on any guy sampler list because I think it’s elegant and addictive.
• Hermessence Poivre Samarcande - great peppery scent
• Montale Black Oud — Needed an oud in here for him to try and see if he likes it, might as well start with the killer.
• Elternhaus kowtowingtoeveryreligiontothepointthatitsoffensive thing or Mark Buxton 03 from Biehl - Despite the goofiness of the Elternhaus, I think it’s a great incense, as is the MB03 from Biehl.  Both Mark Buxton, who I really ought to marry.  Does anyone knows if he plays on my side of the playground?
• Cdg Incense — can’t make up my mind on this. Thinking no on Avignon and Kyoto and leaning towards Zagorsk for the woody elements, which will cover a woody scent as well

Then I have a bunch of follow-on scents, depending on what he liks here. So…. the thoughts?

It’s peak allergy season, and I’ve responded by wearing tried and true fragrances for a few days, because bad allergies put me at the razor edge of migraine. I’ve got tons of samples calling out to me (thanks Kelly and Maria!), but we’re going to be a little random today.

1) Have I shared with you my best bonehead eBay perfume-buying stories? The first was the amazing deal I got on German eBay on a bottle of Floris Summer Limes. I paid something like $3.50. It turns out I’d bought a copy of a Summer Limes advertisement. Heh. Then, on French eBay, I bought a vintage purse spray (I think it was Rochas Femme) which, had I run the French through the translator, I would have discovered was … how you say … “empty.” The French word for empty was clearly on there. More recently I snagged a 3.4 of L’Artisan Mure et Musc, and was feeling pretty smug until I realized it’s the Cologne, which I didn’t even know existed, an aromatic-herbal variant with citrus and basil. That description did not make my heart beat faster with desire. So I did something for the first time in 5+ years of bidding on eBay – I emailed the seller, explained to her why I was an idiot (she’d had another regular bottle of Mure I’d lost out on, along with a bunch of other L’Artisans) and asked if she’d consider substituting something else from the inventory or possibly letting me off the hook, since there had been a lot of bids. She graciously relisted it, for which I thanked her. And now … having not learned from any of this … I have (I think) purchased a bottle of a wildly obscure fragrance from some wildly obscure website that is either actually a European alternate to eBay, or a scam. I guess we’ll find out, won’t we? I used PayPal, so I think the damage will be mostly to my ego plus the cost of the bottle.

Okay, your turn! Any lame stories you’d like to share from your bidding/swaps? Drunk while sniping? Added an extra zero to your bid? Bought the men’s instead of the ladies’? Come on, I can’t be the only idiot on the internet.

We’re now moving onto two non-perfume topics. For those of you who don’t give a hoot about handbags or makeup, please follow the link here to the project now happening on Memory and Desire, in which various perfumers (Andy Tauer, Vero Kern, Christophe Laudamiel, Yosh Han and others) have been asked to describe a fragrance based on Ezra Pound’s 14-word poem, In a Station of The Metro. Don’t miss the extensive footnotes. You don’t have to understand/appreciate Pound to marvel at the concept, and I have very much enjoyed the various interpretations of the poem.

1) I went to this consignment store I love and bought a bunch of stuff. They get interesting clothes and I end up taking fashion risks picking through the fora and flauna, because the great thing about a rust-colored kimono-sleeve wrap sweater at $16 is, if you decide six months later it was a huge mistake, so what? Mistakes get recycled back at the same store. Anyhoo, I am not the bag snob, and I bought what I thought was some used/vintage brown faux-gator pocketbook, bigger than my usual size, but the price was right, and every now and again a big bag is useful. My sister-in-law Kate informed me it’s a fake Hermes Birkin. I’m weirdly embarrassed. No disrespect to anyone reading this, but I’m not a faux-bag kind of gal. Genuine, oui. Off-brand, fine. Vintage, yes. Ugly, sure. (Ask Kate about my pumpkin and metallic gold number.) But if I can’t afford the real deal — new or used — I don’t want to fake it. OTOH, while I don’t want to support the third-world knockoff industry, I bought it used, and recycling is the thing I love about used. So. What do you all think? Should I just get over myself already and use the bag?

2) And finally, a long tedious question about foundation for you makeup junkies, I need help. I could never figure out why all those crazy people on MUA talked endlessly about their fruitless search for the foundation Holy Grail — until I tried to buy a foundation.

Two years ago I wore tinted sunscreen (or tinted moisturizing sunscreen) and that was that. Then one day in a moment of boredom I tried Chanel Vitalumiere and I was hooked on the way it toned down the pink in my skin, evened things out subtly (it’s pretty light) and gave me a lovely glow, although I can’t imagine this on oily skin. I wear Limpide (nude) which I think in the US is the lightest shade of their fairly limited color palette. It looks nice on me, but because it’s yellowish I can wind up looking sallow if I don’t blend it carefully. In general, though, it’s the right idea. The easiest thing to do would be to replace my almost-empty bottle, and maybe it’s the Gemini in me, but I feel like there should be at least one other good match in existence, one that was just a hair less yellow than the Chanel, so I don’t have the occasional sallow day.

What I want is a light, sheer-to-medium liquid formula to tone down my natural pink color. I don’t care about sunscreen because I wear it over sunscreen, both my dermatologists being of the opinion that, unless you really cake your foundation on and spend most of your time indoors, foundation sunscreen alone is not enough. My skin is dry and sensitive (I use retinols) so I would prefer a minimum of Age-Defying Extras which are potentially irritating, although not necessarily so. Finish-wise, my personal preference is non-matte; while I appreciate the need for a matte finish for women with oily-combination skin, on me it looks mask-like and settles into fine lines.

Shade-wise I am pale but not extremely so – I’m at the pale end of lines with limited colors, like Vitalumiere, but not anywhere near the palest of extensive foundation lines in Estee Lauder or Lancome. While Vitalumiere Limpide is a slightly yellow but good match for me; their other pale one (Ivory?) is in fact almost exactly me but in being so is maybe too pink, I can’t decide. I don’t think subtly adjusting my skin tone on my face using sheer foundation is unreasonable. I didn’t find the right match in Estee, but the SA wasn’t into it. As I type this I am wearing Lancome Clair 20 from their Renergie line on one side of my face, and I-50N from Color Ideal on the other. (Lots of raves about Teint Idole on MUA but it’s discontined.) I like Lancome and wear a lot of their makeup. The Renergie is better because it’s dewier, the other tends to sit up on my face more, if that makes sense. The Clair 20 is close … but I still think it’s a hair too pink (orange?)

If you’ve read this far, you must have some opinion about foundation. Given what I’ve told you (and I think I’ve tried 10 or 15 foundations from various lines), any recommendations, either in terms of lines or how I better communicate what I’m looking for in makeup-speak? Because one more SA slathering me with Pink Bisque is going to break my spirit. Bonus points to anyone who wants to try to explain “cool,” “neutral” and “warm” to me, and whether those terms are consistent across the lines.

As promised, y’all get to participate in my eyelash extension session from Thursday.

Background — I am fair complected, blonde hair, and my eyelashes are almost blonde as well. Not blonde enough that they stand out a little, but just enough that they fade right into my eyeline, so nothing frames my eyes.  Compound that with having lashes to curl down below the line of the eye.  For me to even appear to have eyes with a nice little eyelash fringy frame, it requires about three coats of mascara, much curling, some conditioner, and even then… did I mention my eyelashes are really fine?  Yes, mascara does not like to stick, so it starts peeling off midway through the day.  Disheartening.  I actually have pretty great eyes other than that -  it’s one of my favorite features.  The lack of eyelashes without slathering on a lot of chemical goo suuuuucks. 

 For some idea of what my lashes look like, go here and look at the before and after pictures eight down from the top.  Not me, but that’s pretty close to my befores and afters.  I would take snaps, but I’ve had acute bronchitis all week, and even with pretty lashes, I am not looking very spiffy yet.  BTW, my doc did concoct me a killer phenergan/codeine cough syrup that is knocking me out a little at night so I’m getting just a tidge of sleep– blessedly.  I thought I was going to have to cancel my appointment this morning or give it to my sister (she was gleeful) because of my nonstop coughing, but my Lung-shushing Elixir worked its magic, and I made it through the two hours without hacking my lungs up.

I had heard about eyelash extensions from my hair stylist since they do it at her salon, thought it sounded pretty nifty, but just never seriously considered doing it until recently.  Two reasons finally made me fork over the $250 to get them done – 1) with my fair complexion, mascaras just wind up looking harsh on my mildly aging face, and 2) I really pretty much hate wearing mascara, always have and wind up going without most of the time and looking like I have no eyes. 

Lisa went over the process, what to expect, how long it would take, we decided to do a mix of black and brown lashes because I was afraid all black may be too harsh, but I wanted enough color that they would pop up.  She got me all settled down on her table, put some cooling doohickeys under my eyes, some tape to pull my eyelids up a little, and my eyes stayed closed the entire time.  She went back and forth from eye to eye putting on one lash at a time.  It’s a tedious process, and it will take a couple of hours for a full set (you can’t do your bottom lashes, nothing to grab on to.  How full/long/thick you can go depends on your natural lashes.  They have to have enough structure to support the extension.  So if you have really thin, fine lashes, don’t expect to get glam lashes. 

Just having someone working on your eye like that can be irritating. My eyes are a little sensitive to begin with, and they are still sick, so while they aren’t all red and irritated now, they do feel a bit mishish - getting better as the day goes on.

They are perfect, not too much, not over the top like false eyelashes can be, you can’t tell they are extensions; my eyes get a nice frame that they deserve, no mascara necessary. The upkeep?  Well, you have to go get a refill once every three weeks, which runs 50-65 normally, depending on how many lashes you want added back in.

It is a spendy procedure, and for people with dark lashes or no aversion to mascara, I wouldn’t recommend it just on the cost factor. If you have fine lashes, hard to see, and you hate mascara or it doesn’t stick to your lashes long and your budget can handle it, I think it’s a great way  to look great right out of bed in the morning.

Next time… I’m thinking maybe a little color, like a dark eggplant or navy blue, which is softer on the eyes.

Chandler Burr has trashed the new release Chloe in his reviews - in writing  and in person - so when it showed up as a sample in a Sak’s order, I thought… well, let’s give it a whirl and see if I agree or not. The little sniff I had before was on paper, and that tells me next to nothing.  Notes of peony, lychée, freesia, rose, magnolia, lily of the valley, amber and cedar wood.  Peony is a note I adore in everything, so I should be pre-disposed to liking this.  It goes on like a floral dud.  Seems big and then just bursts, scatters into nothing very interesting at all.  There’s almost the smell of bug spray in there.  Must be a synthetic note that’s just off in my nose.  But with that, and with the proviso that a note may be coloring the whole thing for me, this is awful.  It’s mushy with no definition, just a big ole floral soup.  Gah.

Now, why do we have the Vanity picture?  Well, I treated myself today to the first in a series of 3-5 IPL photofacials.  I used to be out in the sun a lot when I was a kid, either working on the farm or later just sunbathing trying to get as dark a tan as my very fair, English skin could manage.  Over the years, capillaries broke, there was a lot of underlying sun damage on my face, which is kinda cute when you’re young.  As I now am within spitting distance of that major age milestone, the ruddiness on my cheeks/nose was just bugging me.  I kept putting off doing the IPL (intense pulsed light) because it is costy and unnecessary, and it really doesn’t add anything to my life or my worth or well-being… except, well, I wanted to be able to once again run around without any foundation on my face and not feel/look like the ruddy washwoman fresh from the steamy suds. 

Listen, if you have rosacea or broken capillaries or acne scars or just a really uneven skin tone that makes you feel not as fresh-faced as you would like or that you always have to have your face on before you exit the house… go.now.do.IPL. Save your pennies, take out a second mortgage on your house, just do it.  With one treatment, even with the little pinkness the first day, my complexion looks clear as a bell, fresh, youthful.   I can’t even imagine what 2-4 more treatments will do, but I absolutely will be able to not even bother putting on foundation -  just throw on some eyeshadow and mascara and be done with it.  

What is the treatment like? It’s a little annoying.  You get all trussed up on your cot, they put on goggles, then she just pulses your skin with the laser.  It feels like a little bit of a rubber band snapping your skin.   The first few minutes are annoying, but then you get used to it.  When they are going over the more sensitive areas around your nose, cheeks, with the most damage, then it can get really annoying, but it doesn’t take long.  The forehead is the weirdest, because even with the goggles, you get the bright red light somewhere in your optical area - a strange sensation.  Takes about 60 minutes from start to finish.

Am I vain?  Not really.  And just a little.  Yes, those two opposites can live in perfect tension.  Nothing in me wants to be young again, I’m just not ready to be old.

How much vanity can a woman live with once she gets to a certain age, and how much aging does she have to put up with so she doesn’t become a cartoon character of herself?  This goes for men, too, because I know more and more men are doing cosmetic procedures.  How do we know when we’ve gone too far?

Haven’t done one of these in a while, just a general stuff I love, and it’s not always perfume!

Cle de Peau Correcteur Visage - I have never found a concealor that does what it is supposed to do, it gets too cakey in my creases under my eyes, winds up making me look more tired, but the CdeP is great. I had the makeup chick put it on me in the store when I’d had about three hours of sleep (this seems to be the new norm for sleep), and, voila, I was still dog-tired, but I didn’t look like it, and it took all the ruddy out of my cheeks too. Great stuff! Greatly priced as well, pretty much obscene, but, you know, beauty knows no price if it wipes out your minor imperfections — major wrinklage. Available at any snooty department store in your neighborhood or that same guy from Japan that sells the Shiseido perfumes has some.

Amazing Race - It’s a new race, yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the reality show I adore. All the rest are posers.

Chi Silk Infusion - you put this stuff on your hair after you wash it, and it turns your hair to silk, and I mean that literally, just smooth and shiny and amazing. I love this. I have thick, somewhat coarse hair. Not rough, but just thick. I put this on, and I get the silky hair of my dreams. Between this and Kerastase shampoo, my hair pretty much looks like it is 17 again, though the rest of me isn’t matching so much. My son has even started borrowing this and is about ready to steal it. He has the same thick, coarse hair that loses its shine easily, and this just smooths out his hair and makes it super-shiny.

That Spring is Coming - I know it’s not quite time yet, and Colorado has its two snowiest months to go through yet, but spring is coming, it’s almost here, I can feel it. I love the winter, but it is always wonderful as it gives way to new life.

And today Lent begins. My heartfelt prayer for a reflective, fruitful Lenten season. Ash Wednesday always feels like the Dead Day, the time when winter gathers and asks us to be quiet and turn inward, stripping our lives to the bare minimum so we can see ourselves more clearly.

That, and I once again discover how much I detest fish.